War of the Condiments
Disclaimer: Own nothing except an Ipod, a PS2, and the plot. I do not own the characters, and I promise to put them back after we're done playing Rock Band.
Author Notes: I write pretty suspenseful stuff, usually, and figured I'd spice my style up a bit by writing a humor fic. I do not like what comic continuity is doing to some of the characters right now, so you can put this in a timeframe before Blockbuster is killed by Tarantula or anytime before that when Nightwing is still in Bludhaven. Otherwise, the characters will be out of continuity. I really like getting reviews, so please, as they say, Hit Me with Your Best Shot!
"Tim! Pass me the burgers, will ya?"
"Sure, Dick. Only I don't have them because they've been confiscated!"
"Who-? Oh, CASS has them! Unhand those meat patties, foul She-Bat!"
Grinning, the blue-eyed White Knight brandished his meat tongs at the dark creature who dared steal his precious patties. The thief shook her head and crossed her arms in defiance, refusing to surrender her loot to the valiant White Knight. Keeping the meat in her clutches, the She-Bat demanded,
"Want Mustard!"
Unprepared for such a statement, the Mighty Nightwing was struck silent. Luckily the faithful young Robin knew much about the Batgirl's nature and came to his comrade's aid.
"Um, Cass? Dick has to cook the meat before we can put the condiments on it."
"KNOW that, stupid!"
"Then why-?"
"Dick FORGET about bringing mustard OUTSIDE!! Actually, he FORGET to BUY mustard at store!"
Tim Drake scratched his head. "We didn't buy mustard because we agreed that ketchup is so much better."
"Even worse! He forget ON PURPOSE!!"
The lithe form of Cassandra Cain tensed in rage as she glared at the subject of her aggression. Although she had sworn never to kill again, she was dangerously close to breaking that vow. To Cassandra, who rarely had the luxury of having a hamburger, having the right condiments was crucial. To not have MUSTARD was unacceptable, but to purposely avoid buying mustard was a downright insult. To insult Cassandra Cain was considered suicidal. Looking directly at the guilty Grayson, Cass growled threateningly,
"Get mustard. NOW. Or I KILL!!"
The Former Boy Wonder gulped and shrugged, then said in a small voice, "Ok, Cass. I'll call Impulse and he can bring mustard in no time."
The words had barely escaped his lips when there was a 'WOOSH!!' a blur, and mustard suddenly appeared on the condiment table. Dick looked at Tim, who shrugged and peeled off his mask, which he had put on when he contacted Bart. "I guess great minds really do think alike." he chuckled/
The two Birds looked at the She-Bat and Dick held out his hand for the meat Cass still hoarded. She gave it back with satisfaction, then sat on the ground. Her eyes never left Dick as he and Tim cooked the burgers. Cass knew from his body language that Nightwing was a bit shaken. She grinned. Served him right. Ketchup was for hotdogs and french fries. For burgers you need mustard!
END
Well? How was that? A little trivia, I HATE MUSTARD!! I prefer mayonaise! I thought it would be funny if I wrote on something I DON'T like, and this is the result I ended up with. Tell me what you think! Should I stay in the humor realm, or should I continue to write Suspensefics? I don't know, maybe YOU can help me decide!