The smell of grass is the only thing that I recognize at first, as my closed eyes shut off my vision. That, and the smell of apples to my left. Then the soft grass under me becomes another welcomed sense. Plus the taste of butterscotch candy. The light breeze ruffles my hair and the smell of fresh apples gets even stronger. Soon I can't breathe without that smell enveloping me and it's comforting to say the least. I can feel a smile tugging at the sides of my lips as I turned my head to my left, eyes still closed, sense of hearing still shut off. Slowly and cautiously I open my eyes. My smile widens as I see the boy beside my. Dark hair, green eyes, and pale skin. His features are so similar to my own yet still completely different. His lips are thinner than mine. Plus the scar above his eyebrow is another way to tell us apart. He opens his eyes suddenly and grins at me. We stare at each other for a few moments, taking in each others youthful faces and bodies, before he speaks.
"Lyn you're staring at me again." He says calmly. I grin at him and then turn to look up the sky. I am slowly beginning to recognize where I am. Our favorite place. A small clearing in the woods near our grandfather's house that only we knew about. Though it wasn't as pretty as our second favorite place (a cave under a secret waterfall by our grandmother's house), it was more peaceful, less noisy, and the view of the sky was breathtaking if you lied down. Which is what we always did. We just lay there, with our heads resting parallel to each other and our bodies in opposite directions. His toes pointed south while mine pointed north. That's how we liked it. So close to each other, but completely different at the same time.
I smiled as I felt his eyes on me.
"You're staring at me Drew" I say with a giggle. I can feel him smile from my left.
"Well it's decided than. We are both too gorgeous not to stare at." He says, sounding more like he was stating a fact than an opinion. I giggled and turned to face him again.
"You cocky, cocky little boy!" I say as I give him a poke in the chest. He grins and puffs out his chest.
"Well, we didn't get the most attractive twins in town title for nothing." He says with pride. I laugh as I roll over onto my stomach.
"Drew we are the only twins in town." I remind him. He smiles sheepishly as he rolls over himself.
"Still," he says as he shakes the grass out of his raven colored locks. "That's pretty darn impressive if you ask me."
"I didn't." I say as I stick my tongue out at him. He grins widely, showing off his missing premolar, before sticking his tongue out at me. He is so proud of the lost tooth. As if he read my thoughts he begins to grope the gap with his tongue. "When are you gunna lose a tooth Lyn?"
"Don't worry about me Mr. Cockypants!" I say as I roll my eyes. "I'll lose one eventually. My teeth are just saying their goodbyes to each other. Yours on the other hand couldn't wait to get rid of that tooth. He was probably cocky like you. Or maybe he kept asking them when they were gunna come out and they got so annoyed with him that they just shoved him out, like pop!" I giggled and he laughed with me.
"I doubt that Lyn! Teeth can't talk you silly, silly girl!" he grinned as he laughed. Suddenly he stopped laughing and his smile slowly faded. He tilted his head up to look at the crystal blue sky as his expressions changed. He looked to be fighting with himself and I wanted to help him, but I knew trying to rush his thought process would only make it harder. "Lyn?" he whispered as he looked down to my eyes.
"Yeah?" I say as I pull handfuls of grass out of our clearing. I fidget when I'm nervous and his sudden mood change made me nervous.
"You were born first right?" I nodded and he continued. "But I walked first. Then you talked first, but I lost my tooth first. What if…" he trailed off as he stared at the grass in front of us.
"What if what?" I whisper. My nervousness turned to fear. Drew hardly worried. He was always the one to laugh it off with a joke and a big grin. So when he did worry, I had to worry too.
He dug a hole in the ground with his finger. I waited patiently and watched as he fidgeted. Just like me. He looked up with tears in his eyes and I could feel my own welling up though I had no idea what we were talking about. "What if I…or you, you know…" he trailed off as he wiped the dirt off his fingers. He took a deep breath and looked at me. "What if one of us…dies first?"
My jaw drops as his words set in.
"I…I never thought about that…" I whisper. He looks even more worried as he makes a deeper hole.
"I mean, I don't remember really but I bet when you were born first I was really scared and lonely… and worried you'd never come back! You're my sister and we were together for…for…how long Lyn?" he asked as he glanced up at me.
"Nine months and twelve days." I say quietly. Drew refused to read the baby making book cause he didn't want to think of Mama and Fred that way.
"Nine months! That's like…a year! We were together for nine months and then you were just gone! Imagine how it will be when we're like two-hundred Lyn! I don't think I could take it if you leave me Lyn. You're not just my sister you're my best friend! I mean," he wrinkled his nose in disgust. "All the guys at our school are stupid. They only believe what there Mamas tell them and we both no that Mamas aren't always right. Just look at
ours!" I flinched at that. I tried not to really think of Mama. Sometimes I'd have to think of her but never for long.
"Mama's not that bad." I say quietly. Drew gives me that look and just like that, I know I'm kidding myself. Mama really is that bad.
"How many six year olds do you know that know how to use a stove, Lyn? Who know how to do laundry, go grocery shopping, and park a car when their Mama leaves it on the street again? We can't even see over the wheel Lyn! Plus we've already started on the bills! We're just learning math! Thank god for the calculator…" Drew says with a roll of his eyes. Suddenly I get one of those flashes of anger I get some times. My face gets all red and I feel like I'm gunna punch something. I clench my jaw and let Drew have it.
"Cut it out Drew!" I say as I give him a punch in the arm. He looks shocked but then he just looks hurt. But I don't stop my rant. I don't punch him again though. "Mama is going through a really tough time! Daddy's not here and aunt May left! All the ladies on the block are calling her pathetic. We're the only ones on her side since Daddy's up in heaven! Don't you start turning on her too!" I say angrily as I let out a huff. Drew looks guilty before giving me a hug. He's squishing me and burying his head in my hair but I don't push him away.
"I'm sorry Lyn. You've been working the hardest. You always work the hardest." He says into my hair and I relax slightly through my anger. Sighing I give him a light squeeze.
"You're my brother and I love you. But you really got to stop picking on Ma! She's trying her best!" I say quietly. Drew suddenly pulls away and looks as angry as I did.
"She's not trying at all! Sure she brought a guy home but we both know we hate Fred! Plus that kid she's having is going to have his sweaty nose and egg breath. Lyn, I know you're going to hate me for saying this but I don't like Mama anymore. I love her. But I don't like her. I'm only there because of you! But now that you're going to fancy Hollywood …I want you to be happy Lyn! More than anything but to be honestly don't think I could survive without you. I really, really can't…" he says as he sniffs. He's not crying but it won't take long before he does.
I stare at him for a moment before I get up and walk to the edge of the clearing that is lined with tall, thick trees. I go into our back pack and search until I find what I'm looking for. Pulling it out I walk back to Drew and sit crossed legged in front of him. I rest the large ring on my palm and show it to Drew. He stares at it and reaches for it but I pull it out of his reach. He stares at me, looking hurt for a moment before I loudly clear my throat.
"I, Lyn, promise to love and always love my lovely brother Drew, no matter what happens or how cocky he gets. I promise this under the sky of this very special place in front of Drew's very eyes. If death shall due us part then I, Lyn, promise to wait for my brother on the other side, faithfully watching over him and using my super angel ghost powers to kick anyone who messes with him off the face of the earth. If my lovely brother is the first to go, then I shall poison myself with Mama's tuna casserole, without sneaking any into the trash." Drew gasped slightly. Even I was surprised. Mama's casserole was deadly. "Till then I will love and care for him as any sister should do. I, Lyn, promise to come back from this fancy smancy Hollywood talent school with a whole lot of brains in acting and singing and stuff so we can run off to LA and make it big! " I paused, not knowing how to end this little speech. Finally I just shrugged. "In God's name, amen."
I grinned as I carefully slipped the ring on Drew's finger. It was way too big for him but that was what I expected. It had Chinese, or maybe Japanese, lettering around it in black as well as a dragon circling it. It was pretty and I wanted it but Drew was more important. He stared at it before looking at me with a curios glint to his eyes.
"I found it in the frog pond around Judith's foot. She wasn't happy I took it but I think she would be happy I gave it to you. She likes you better anyways." I say with a shrug.
He stares at it for another moment before reaching into his pocket. He pulls out a pretty ring with a big sparkly flower on it. The flower is made with lots of little diamonds and is very, very expensive. I know this because I was there when Grandpa gave it to Drew. Grandpa said that Drew would need this when he found a woman he wanted to marry. He also said the he hoped Drew wouldn't screw it up like he did with Grandma. It's a well known fact that when Grandma and Grandpa broke up she threw the ring at his head and then broke his fishing rode. Would you believe he was more upset about the fishing rode?
"Grandma's ring…" I whispered as I stared at it. Drew grinned proudly at me and opened his mouth to start but I cut him off. "I can't take that." I say with a shake of my head. "Grandpa said to give it to the woman you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Then Mama said it was ridiculous for him to give it to you cause you were six years old and wouldn't be getting married for a long, long time and that it was better for him to let her sell it. Then Grandpa said you were never too young to fall in love and that she better get her mind off getting any of his money-"
"Lyn, you're talking too much!" he says as he grinned. "Besides I want to spend the rest of my life with you!" he grinned mischievously. "Though you are no where close to a woman. Are you even sure you're a girl?"
I laughed though I felt like crying or throwing up. We would be in so much trouble if Mama found out about this.
"Okay" he says as he takes a deep breath. "Here I go. I, Drew, promise you, Lyn, that I will always love you. Forever and eternity. Always. There's no changing that. If I die without you I will wait for you loyally and faithfully and…you know. A long time if it takes a long time. Anyways if you die first I will run across Mr. Carlson's lawn." I gasped and he nodded. Mr. Carlson was the meanest man in the world. He had a chainsaw and a dog named Bruce. Bruce ate kids for breakfast and chewed on there bones for lunch. For diner he ate sneakers and bicycles. "I know. Its suicide but I'd do it for you Lyn. That's how much a love you, my twin sister. I promise that I'll always be loving you and thinking about you no matter how far we are apart. If anyone tries to mess with you I'll come running." He let out a sigh and grinned. "In God's name, amen."
He slipped the ring on my finger and I watched it sparkle. I grinned at him before kissing him on the cheek.
"How lucky I am to have a brother like you." I say as I smile at him. He blushes and gives me a sheepish grin.
"Very, very lucky!" he says as he puffs out his chest. I giggled as I fell onto the soft grass.
"Now there's the cocky, cocky brother I know and love!" I say as I look up into the blue sky. Soon I see his grinning face looming over me. "I do love you Andrew Caleb West."
"I love you too, Jadelyn Emilia West." He says with his gapped grin.
And before I know it my visions blurring. His lips are moving but the words don't reach my ears. I can no longer taste the butterscotch hard candy sticking to the inside of my cheek. And there goes the sweet smell of apples. Before I know it I, Jade West, wake up. Sixteen years old not six. I had that dream again. How many times has the memory replayed itself? I can't remember the last time I had a dream that wasn't similar. Sighing I straighten up ignoring the cold, flowered ring (of my now dead grandmother) biting into the skin of my collarbone and my protesting limbs that are cramped from sleeping upright. I rub my eyes with the sleeve of my sweater and lick the salty tears from my lips. I hate crying so I don't know why I always wake up with tears streaking my face. It's not fair.
My life's not fair.
I slowly get up from my position against my apartment door. Ignoring the jabs of pain through my body, I walk to the room I didn't have the energy to crawl to last night. One glance at my own reflection and I wish I had just stayed against the door. Bloodshot eyes, smeared makeup, and dried up tear trails. I'm a mess on legs.
I slowly walk to the small washroom of my apartment, taking my time with washing my face and brushing my teeth. Once that's done I walk back to my room. Slowly apply dark, depressing makeup and then some more, just for fun. I finally smear on some black lipstick cause I know it's going to be one of those days that it all becomes too much. This way, the chance of someone speaking to me is slim. The chances of me even speaking today are slimmer. Because, as I said, it's just one of those days you know is going to be bad from the moment you open your eyes. Or in my case, the moment you close them.
Sighing I pull a black hoodie over my head. I pair those with some black jeans and can just feel the horrible, unfriendly vibe I'm giving off. Good. I ruffle my hair and waslk oput of the room. My elbow accidently knocks over a shoebox and, as it tumbles down to the ground, paper scatters across my carpet. Not just any papers. Photographs, newspapers, letters- anything and everything to remind me who I am, what I've done, and why I don't deserve the little that I have. Headlines and words flash across my vision but only I few off them register. It's like the world slows as my eyes look over words like,
I miss you Lyn
And faces that just scream,
We're happy. All we need is each other
I fall to my knees as I see the newspaper clip that so ironically lands at my feet.
June 8th 2008
Andrew Caleb West found dead in Milton Academy boys dorm. Police have confirmed this tragic incident as suicide. We are all devastated to say goodbye to other half of Milton's most attractive twins and give are blessings to Jadelyn on her journey to fame.
Before I know it I'm crying. I don't even know when they started but the tears turn into sobs. I can't see anything but the blurred face of my brother in a black and white newspaper and every breath I take, ends up coming out as his name. And for the fourteenth time this week, I end up curled into a ball on the floor of my room, sobbing till it hurts and whispering my mantra. It's a simple two sentences.
"I'm sorry Drew. I'm so, so sorry." Io say this till the words don't make sense. Frankly I'm still hoping the Big Guy upstairs will decide I've suffered enough and bring my life back to me. Because Drew was my life. I only wanted to become and actress to make a better life for us. I don't even like acting.
But I'm to have to face the truth. Life is cruel,
And the world hates me.
was that depressing? sorry...but thats the way it was supposed to be! please reveiw! and tell me if you want me to continue or this will just be a oneshot explaining Jade a bit...please tell me of any spelling mistakes!