10
Prologue
I don't know why I even bothered dealing with the outside world today. These past few days have been the most difficult in my life; emotionally exhausting and yet somehow liberating. I think I had secretly hoped for this time to come, though not in the manner in which it did. I thought that my recent freedom would bring me peace; a new chapter. Instead I drudge through my daily routine as though nothing has changed. Life is difficult when you are trying to find the bright side of a tragedy. My life remains the same unending cycle to begin again the next day. Here I am, surrounded by people but feeling more alone than ever. Yes, it seems nothing has changed.
Mr. Monotone's voice is only a quiet hum in the background. My dull surroundings fade slowly to black. Without warning recent memories flood my mind. The memories I have been struggling so hard to put behind me. Murky, fuzzy images punctuated by fear and pain; the visions of myself, black and blue in the mirror, the lifeless quality of his eyes. The imagery play over and over again until they escalate into a crimson frenzy. The guilt is too much. It forces me down. I feel myself falling, slipping.
I return to reality just as my elbow starts to slide; the book I was resting on now teetering on the edge of my desk. In one swift move I save myself and the book from colliding with the floor. My eyes immediately scan the room to see if anyone is paying attention to me. No one ever pays attention to me, so I don't know why I worry. As I survey the room, the knot in my throat begins to unwind. Until my eyes return her stare. I was used to seeing disbelief in people's eyes after they caught a glimpse of my little "quirks". The look in her eyes is different, though. In her eyes I saw questions, but no doubt.
She was different from the others. I noticed that from the beginning. I had tried to talk to her once, but all I managed to mumble was a quiet "hello" which she returned with only a quick smile. She seemed to avoid me, and everyone else for that matter. I was used to being avoided. I was used to not fitting in…anywhere. Something told me that the same was true for her. She was anything but ordinary. I don't think I could pick just one word to describe her. Calling her beautiful would be a gross understatement. When she entered the room all eyes affixed to her, yet she seemed annoyed by the obvious attention. At least the attention that she received was in admiration rather than curiosity.
I was only a fleeting interest to others. Once they stuck their label on me, I never passed through their thoughts again. In many ways I liked it that way. It kept me invisible, which made life easier in several ways except one. The only dialogue I have is the internal kind, and that gets old after a while.
The dull hum was coming to an end as people began shuffling in their seats. I could feel her eyes still on me. I began to gather my things, unsure of what would come next. I had an odd feeling that now I would get my conversation. She would have questions, and I had no idea how to answer them. The truth? That was too much for anyone to swallow.
Chapter 1
Many months have passed since the Volturi's last visit, and I felt like the only one who feared their return. I believed that for the first time in their whole existence, the Volturi felt they might have met their match in a foe. If they returned, it would either be to acquire or annihilate; both prospects being equally as abhorrent. I knew out of everyone in my family, I would have the biggest target on my head. So I made it my mission to secretly prepare myself for what might come. However, as I was beginning to find out, it was nearly impossible to keep secrets in the Cullen household.
To sustain ourselves, we only had to hunt every two weeks. I however, still a newborn, seemed to require weekly feedings. At least once a month on our hunting missions, I would hunt without Edward. On these days, Jasper taught me the basic skills of fighting. I always anticipated our practices with enthusiasm laced with a touch of trepidation. I felt my added "newborn strength" waning. Jasper realized this as well, and he seemed to drive me to my limits in every way imaginable. He started our lessons teaching me how to defend myself by showing me all the openings in my defense. My stone body ached from being constantly on edge.
"You have to be aware of your stance, Bella. You must be prepared to move in any direction. Try standing on the balls of your feet with your knees slightly bent." he instructed. I lowered my stance, shifting my weight forward, prepared to dodge the inevitable blow that was coming. In a fraction of a second he was behind me. I could hear him. I quickly side-stepped to my left, hoping to evade him. Instead of hitting me square in my back, Jasper rammed into my shoulder knocking me forward. I quickly recovered and was back in my defensive stance.
"Better," he began, "but you must plan your moves. Had you made your side-step a fraction of a second sooner before my attack, I would have missed you completely. But you gave me time to adjust. Let's try again."
I nodded. I took in a deep breath to clear my mind. Self-doubt was creeping in on me, and I knew I had to force it away or it would defeat me. I closed my eyes and focused only on what I heard. My keen eyes picked up every flicker of motion, which was sometimes more of a distraction than an aid. Instead I focused on the sounds; every leaf crackle, the gentle sway of the trees in the wind. Returning to my defensive stance, I waited. I could hear him circling me, coming closer then retreating to test me. I remained composed. By the sound of the leaves under his feet, I knew he was advancing for his true attack. His moves were always calm and calculated. I held my position. Jasper let out a short breath just before his attack. This was my cue. Instead of side-stepping like I had done previously, I dropped to the ground and rolled forward, passing right underneath him as he leaped toward me. I turned around. My eyes shot open as I came to stand right behind him. I had him. I let out a squeal of excitement as I reached out to hug him. Bad idea. My short-lived satisfaction soon turned to pain as I was launched through the air landing on the rocky bed of a stream ten yard away.
Jasper was at my side in a moment. "Bella, I'm so sorry, I-I didn't mean to…it's just that …"
"I know, I know, you acted on instinct to protect yourself. The same thing you're trying to teach me to do. It's ok Jasper, I'm fine." And in all reality, I was fine. The impact of my landing had sent a shudder of unnerving vibration through my body. So rocks could feel pain, I mused.
"I think that our lesson is over for today." Jasper looked displeased.
"I'm sorry Jasper. I'll try to do better next time." I stammered.
His demeanor suddenly changed and he managed a smile. "No Bella, you did wonderful. So well that your last move took me off guard. I still feel so terrible."
"Well you put those thoughts out of your head. I don't want Edward finding out about our little training sessions. That's a lecture I don't want to have."
"I know why you're doing this Bella. You want to be prepared for anything that comes your way. I understand and respect that. You know that we all fear the Volturi's return." He raised an eyebrow to gauge my reaction and then continued. "Alice is keeping an eye on the Voturi's actions. Carlisle is staying in contact with all our friends; the ones in South America especially. We will be prepared for whatever comes our way." He put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Besides, Edward knows about our practices and he's not upset."
"Wh-what? He knows?" Why he had not mentioned anything to me?
"What do you think he's doing on the days that we hunt? Edward, Jacob, and the rest of the wolves are running through drills just like we are. No one's taking chances." He paused, in thought."You can blame me for keeping all of this a secret, Bella. I asked Edward not to mention it to you. I noticed that you seemed to put so much effort into the little time that we have in our training. Secrecy has a tendency to make you more alert, constantly looking over your shoulder. "He shot me an apologetic look.
It took me a short moment to process the realization. "I understand. In some ways I'm relieved to know that I'm not the only one worrying about… them. I guess I should have known that there was no hope keeping a secret for long in this family." I chuckled. "So now that everything is out in the open, let's go see how Edward's training session is going."
"But Bella, we haven't hunted yet. You should…."
"I'll be fine, Jasper. I'm well in control of myself. I'm not all that thirsty anyways. There is an elk no more than 100 yards away and I'm not the least bit interested." I know that Jasper's concern was for the safety of the humans on the reservation rather than my appetite. Well I guess his concern was my appetite. He was still wary of my ability to control the lust for human blood. There were only a handful of humans that I had come into close contact with that were not my friends or family. I could never live with myself if I hurt anyone I loved. I knew that Jasper had come to see that much at least. But a stranger was different, someone that I had no connection with, like the hiker in the woods on my first night as a vampire. I shudder to think of what would have happened to him had I not been able to just run away. Still, that was months ago, and I knew that I was in much better control of myself…as long as no one was bleeding.
My dim memory drifted back to my birthday almost two years ago, when a tiny paper cut almost permanently altered the course of my life. Who was I fooling; it nearly halted my life in its tracks. For those months that Edward was gone, I was dead inside; save for that tiny spark that Jacob had ignited in me.
I could have never imagined the way the circumstances of the last year could have panned out. My life was a paradox. I was willingly thrust into marriage and motherhood all the while coming to grips with my new life as a vampire. I expected that many of my relationships would change after my transformation, and that some would cease to exist. Amazingly, I was able to hold onto everyone that I loved in some fashion. I was able to still have my father in my life. That, in and of itself, was amazing. This was made even more wonderful by the fact that he is able to know Renesmee.
I had thought that my choice to become a vampire would mean losing Jacob forever. But instead I got to keep him too. What I had hoped for him came true the night my daughter was born; he imprinted. At first I was furious, downright livid. I thought of all the choices that had been taken away from her. I thought of the experiences that she would miss. First love… first heartache.
She would only miss the bad parts; the pain of uncertainty. Never would she taste the anguish that I endured for a few short months of my life without Edward. I began to grasp that her life would not be so unlike mine. She would have her Jacob as I have my Edward. He would be her protector, her friend, and …more when she was ready. He was the only person who would ever be good enough for her.
Jasper and I now ran across the Quileute lands. There were no longer any boundaries we need worry about crossing. The treaty had evolved into a friendship built on trust and faith. We now worked together to protect Forks. The Quileute lands were breathtaking. Brilliant green moss covered every tree trunk and cast a lush blanket on the earth. The forest was dense, the trees stretching up to create a canopy of darkness, shielding our skin from the sun. I was still faster than Jasper. It had not been a year since my transformation, and I could feel the subtle changes in my abilities. It seemed I became more agile, while losing a fraction of my speed and strength. My eyes were no longer a brilliant red anymore. They had faded into a ruddy amber color, but still far from acceptable for human standards. We were almost to the clearing, and I could hear the growls and grunts of the wolves. I could also smell Edward's sweet scent. For a moment, the atmosphere went tense before they realized that the approaching vampires were not enemies.
"Bella?" I heard Edward question before I came into the clearing. "I thought you were…hunting." He said.
"Sure you did, just as I thought you were spending a quiet day with Nessie." I retorted with a smirk. "So where is our daughter?"
"She's with Emily and Claire. I hope you're not upset."
"Why should I be upset? Me, the only person who's thoughts you can't hear and I still can't keep any secrets from you." The corner of my mouth turned up in a smirk. Edward's matching smile soon appeared, and the training session picked right back up, with two more participants. We were done after a few hours and returned to the reservation.
My beautiful Renesmee. She grew lovelier by the second. Her long copper curls hung to her waist framing the delicate features of her angelic face, so like her fathers. Her skin was ivory with a touch of blush. Her brown, knowing eyes framed by long lashes. Though she was merely eleven months she now appeared to be a six-year-old. Compared to others her "age" her body was slender with lean muscles and a delicate bone structure.
I still made some attempts at normalcy for Renesmee's sake. A month ago I decided to enroll her in private ballet lessons. This made her quite adept at ballet. Her instructor had gone through three weeks worth of lessons in a single session. She was pirouetting on her first day. With an aunt like Alice to look up to though, it was no wonder.
Renesmee was a quick study in everything she tried her hand at. The first time she sat down at the piano she played the lullaby Edward composed for her in its entirety. Edward's jaw hung open, his eyes blank. Renesmee, thinking that she made a mistake, replayed her memory for Edward. Finally able to speak, Edward mumbled "It was perfect." It was not long before they began composing music together; one creating the harmony while the other melded together the melody.
As horrible as it was, a little piece of me felt jealous. I had no special thing that I was good at to share with my daughter. The closest thing I could grasp at was my failed attempt at ballet as a child. I now watched my beautiful daughter float across the floor with the ease and grace that came so naturally to her. Her dance instructor called Renesmee her "prized pupil" and stated that she had a talent that she had never seen before. I had come to expect no less from my daughter. My heart beamed at the praise she received, but the lessons would have to come to an end. Renesmee knew this as well. On our way out of the ballet studio, her teacher pulled me aside, handing me a pamphlet.
"As much as I hate to admit this, I've taught her all that I can," she let out an abbreviated laugh, and then her tone turned serious. "This school is the best there is in over 500 miles. Your daughter is truly gifted; please don't let it go to waste."
When we were in the Volvo, Renesmee turned to me.
"I'm not going back am I?" she stated. I gave her an apologetic look as I struggled for the words to make it seem right. "I'm not upset, Mommy, I understand." Then her warm little hand clutched mine, and if tears could fall from my eyes they would have. I wished that I could give her a normal life where things didn't have to be so strained. Just as I discovered more and more advantages to my new life, I also uncovered the limitations. For instance, Edward and I could not be seen within Fork's city limits as we were supposed to be attending college at Dartmouth. Edward used the house in New Hampshire as merely a forwarding address. It seemed a high price to keep up the lie. Unfortunately lies were a part of our everyday lives; elaborate ones.
Renee bought me a web cam last Christmas. After stalling for two months claiming that it was probably buried under some ginormous pile of schoolwork, she threatened to send me a new one. Miraculously I found it that weekend. Now, every Tuesday night I spend an hour in Alice's bathroom getting made "human" again. After a layer of fleshy base, glossy lips, blush, and the seemingly-never-ending supply of brown contacts…'tah dah, I was human. Even with the façade, Renee still noticed something strange. Either my cheeks were too rosy, or my skin too pale or too …something. "Something isn't right about you, Bella", she said.
"Mom, I'm a newly-wed college student eating at odd hours, sleeping at odd hours, not knowing up from down anymore. Give me a break!" I was getting better at the lying, but my mother was always too perceptive, which is what made our relationship difficult to maintain. She would ask the questions that Charlie wouldn't, and she would demand answers.
"Your right, I'm sorry. It's just been so long since I've seen you. I feel like I'm starting to forget what you really look like." Rene's frown made me feel lower than the scum on the bottom of a shoe, but I recovered quickly. I had to for her sake.
"You're looking at me right now mom."
"I know, I know. But it's not the same, Bella. I miss you."
"I know, I miss you too."
That's usually how the conversations ended; awkwardly.
As much as I want to see Renee, I know that I can't without putting her, and us, in danger. Lucky for me, she went back to work as a Kindergarten teacher last fall, so she doesn't bug me as much about visiting. Though now that its summer and she is out of school, I had to lie and tell her that I was taking grueling summer courses to dispel her plans.
Charlie had started asking more questions about us too. One night he dared me to eat a piece of steak. I agreed both to appease him and for my own curiosity. Luckily for me it was medium rare, so I did get some benefit out of it. I had to excuse myself to the restroom to cough it back up. That was not pleasant.
I felt like I was hurting the ones that I loved by lying to them while being too selfish to let them go. The lies made life easier for everyone involved, but that fact didn't seem to make it any easier. Renesmee never seemed to mind though. She viewed the world through different eyes. She could find the joy in the most dismal of circumstances.
I had a lot to learn from my daughter.
My entire life had conditioned me to expect the worse in all circumstances. I had come to believe that was true. Living my new life, I was beginning to see otherwise. Sure, there were some struggles, but for once, I felt that I was finally getting my little piece of my Heaven. I had a wonderful family, some bound by blood, but all bound by love.
We arrived home in an hour and a half; unlike Edward I kept the speedometer within 20 miles per hour of the speed limit while in town. When I pulled into the garage, I found a shiny black Volvo; a perfect mate to Edward's which I was now driving.
A tumult of emotion welled up in me. He was quite taken aback when I came barreling through the door practically leaping into his arms.
"You're not mad?" he asked, still perplexed as he knew I usually despised gifts. Especially those with a high price tag. "You read my mind. Not that I don't love my Ferrari, but it attracts too much attention, and I felt bad about borrowing your Volvo all the time and…"He put one finger up to my lips, "All you had to do was ask, my love." He said with a chuckle.
Jacob's rabbit was in the driveway. I was sure that he wanted to find out how Renesmee's class went. He was always interested in every aspect of her life. Nothing seemed boring to him.
Jacob was currently taking summer classes in an attempt to catch up on the school that he had missed last semester. He had been studying for his finals this week and hadn't had as much free time to spend with Renesmee.
He stood on the porch of the Cullen's house.
"Hey Nessie, how was your dance class?"
"It was great, Miss Duveau said I graduated."
"Well I think that calls for a celebration." Jake said. "How 'bout a ride through the forest? It's a clear night with a full moon. What'd you say Bella?"
"Can I mommy?" Renesmee asked, a bright smile lighting up her face. The line of people vying to spend time with my daughter seemed never ending. With her growth being as rapid as it was, I felt robbed over the smallest amount of time I couldn't spend with her.
"Don't keep her out too late Jake, and be careful."
"Yes mother," was Jake's snide reply. He and Nessie both laughed. Yes, I was the over-protective mother of a half-vampire half-human child who's favorite playmate was a werewolf. Typical mom.
Inside the house Edward was sitting at the piano, working on a piece he and Renesmee had started. I could hear Esme and Carlisle sifting through paperwork in the office. Alice was perched on the end of the couch next to Jasper. Rosalie and Emmet were away on their umpteenth honeymoon.
Edward patted the piano bench beside him; gesturing for me to sit.
"We are writing this one for you." He said, his fingers lighting softly on the keys. A beautifully intricate melody unfolded. If my heart could swell, it would. This was love, more love than any person deserved. I couldn't take my eyes off of him as he played, the music filling my ears then fading away.
"It's not done yet."
"It's wonderful." I said, my voice trembling with emotion. He kissed my cheek as if to catch a falling tear. My hand found his resting against my face. I took it and lead him outside. Knowing Jake, it would be a few hours until he brought Renesmee home.
Chapter 2
I decided it was about time that I actually go to college, rather than just pretending. Edward was immediately thrilled about my decision, going on about how I would love Dartmouth and how beautiful New Hampshire was in the fall.
"Not Dartmouth, Edward, Alaska. I'm going along with my original plan, and I have several reasons why Alaska is a better decision than Dartmouth." A funny picture always came into my head when I thought of the word "Dartmouth". I saw young men, all in matching coats, khakis and penny loafers, perched on an ornate fireplace smoking pipes and drinking brandy. I definitely did not fit into this picture, though I could see Edward quite easily fitting in. I looked up to realize that Edward was waiting to hear my reasons.
"Well, now that Jacob is graduating he will be able to go with us. I don't see Jacob fitting in at Dartmouth and I doubt that Billy or the packs will want him that far away. In his wolf form, I bet he will still be able to communicate with Sam and the others. Also, I don't want to go too far from home, away from Charlie, and away from our family. I can't ask everyone to uproot themselves for my 'far-fetched dreams of a college education'. Besides, the Denali clan will be right around the corner, and Alaska's weather will be perfect for us. And I hate lyi…"
"Bella, you've made your point, and quite well I might add. Of course I am thrilled that you want to go to college, and I'm sure I can find some courses to interest me in Alaska. I know that you don't like lying to people, even though you are getting better at it." He said with my favorite smile. "It sounds to me like you've thought of everything. I'll start making phone calls on Monday; we probably have three weeks or so before the semester begins. I hope they will accept a few late registrations." He said with a wink.
"If there is anyone that can 'talk' them into it, it's you."
"Have you talked to Jacob about this? Should I have him enrolled as well?"
"Um, well…no, not the college part. We've talked about moving, and I know he'll follow Nessie to the moon and back so…" Just then my phone vibrated in my pocket, I immediately brought it to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Bella, explain to me why I am standing outside your house and there are no signs of life inside?" I could hear the rain pounding down in the background, but it was not loud enough to drown out the steal in my mother's voice.
"Uh, well…that's because I'm in Forks, Mom. Semester break." I said with a nervous chuckle. "What are you doing in New Hampshire? You didn't tell me…"
"Because I knew if I told you I was planning a trip to come and visit. You would come up with yet another excuse as to why I couldn't. AND I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT, BELLA. And right now, I'm sick, and tired, and soaking wet!" Anger was clearly there in her voice, anger and defeat. The disappointment of my mother made my shoulder's slump with its weight. I had to fix this.
"Mom… we'll fly you here, I'll make this right. I'm so sorry. If I had known…" She was right, I would have made an excuse if I had known her plans. "We'll find the next flight we can to get you here. How many days do you have?" I cringed at my own words, I was promising things I couldn't do, and not because I didn't want to, because it wasn't safe.
"I have till next Saturday, so the whole week. Call me back with the flight information. I need to call a cab to get to the airport." She hung up abruptly, probably to avoid me trying to talk her out of it. I knew if I simply didn't call her back, she would max out her credit cards on plane tickets to get here. Not all of my stubbornness came from Charlie. My mother was usually too fickle to get fixated on one thing too long. Except when that thing was a mystery to her, she couldn't help but to solve it. Right now I was her mystery.
"What have I gotten us into, Edward? I'd rather face the Volturi again at this point then face my own mother." I held my head in my hands, my mind running over thousands of possibilities; none of which seemed worthwhile.
"We will think of something, Bella. Don't worry. Alice might get to play beautician for a whole week now." He tried to lighten my mood, but it wasn't working.
"And Renesmee? How will we explain her. She looks too much like us, my mother won't accept that lie for a minute."
"Jacob might have to take her while your mother is in town, to avoid having to lie in the first place."
"Great, a week without my daughter. I feel like I have so little time with her as it is, Edward. She changes so much every day."
"Let's not worry about that right now. I'll look up the flight information. I'm sure with at least one connection and booking things this late, it will be a long while before your mother gets here."
Just then, Renesmee came in from the forest with Jacob. Her lips a little deeper crimson with her recent hunt. In a blur I was beside her, scooping her up into my arms in a tight hug.
"I love you too Mommy, what's wrong?"
"You're growing up too quick, that's what's wrong."
"Let's go running, mommy. I want to show you a new place that Jacob showed me today." I glanced back to Edward for approval. He waved us away with a smile.
We were out the door in an instant. Renesmee was much faster than any human, but not as fast as a vampire. I let her lead me through the woods, listening to the sounds of her delicate footfalls and the slight elevation in her thrumming heartbeat. She grasped my hand, replaying the day's earlier events when she and Jacob had come running down this very path. It seemed like a game of catch; Jacob would gently butt his nose on her back when he got close enough. The game of catch ended in a clearing, not too unlike my meadow, though more overgrown. Jacob collapsed in what seemed like feigned exhaustion. A wolfy harrumph escaping him as his rust-colored coat met the earth. Renesmee actually did seem tired, and fit herself alongside Jacob's form, nestling into his fur.
Now, illuminated only by the light of the moon, Renesmee's meadow seemed more dream than real. The moon gave the vegetation a bluish hue lined in silver. The trees above formed a blanket with scattered holes where indigo shown through amidst the twinkling of stars. Without a thought, I lay down on the soft grass. Renesmee lay down along side me.
"Thank you for showing me your meadow, Renesmee. It's magical." I whispered in her ear. Her breathing grew steady as she drifted off to sleep. We lay there for what must have been an hour, gingerly running my fingers through her curls and tracing the contours of her angelic face. All seemed right in the world at that moment. I was thankful for my enhanced memory, for these are among the moments I would treasure for eternity.
Reality set in later as I laid my sleeping daughter in her bed.
"Her flight will arrive tomorrow evening at 9:30pm. You and I will go pick her up, and she can stay in the cottage. We can sleep in my old room. We will have to put some things away so that the cottage has a less "lived in" effect. Renesmee can sleep in Emmett and Rosalie's room. I'm sure they won't mind. Jacob will have to keep Nessie during the day. I wish there were another way."
"So we have sleeping arrangements covered, but how will I explain…me. I can't make myself warm, and soft to her. Sure with makeup and contacts the façade is a little more believable." I was at a loss.
"You will have to keep your distance. Speaking of which, we should hunt tonight, it will make it…easier when Renee is around."
As much as I wanted to argue the point with him, I knew he was right. There was a rather large guard dog outside the cottage watching over Nessie while we hunted. The rest of the night, we thought nothing of tomorrow.
Dawn crept into the windows of our home, casting a shimmering brilliance onto the walls as the light reflected off of our bodies. Normally, I would continue to lie perfectly contented with Edward while basking in his light. Today was not normal though. And of all the days in Forks why did today have to be sunny! My breath escaped in an exasperated sigh. Edward's warm fingertips stroked the small of my back, calming me. "Everything will work out." He assured me.
We were up and dressed in only a minute. Edward began removing some of our things from the cottage. Renesmee's room was a strange mixture of child and adult. There were stuffed animals on her bed, while the bookshelves were filled with books that could be considered anything but children's stories. Removing Renesmee's things from her room seemed wrong. It didn't sit well with me, even knowing that it was necessary. As my perfect angel lay in her bed asleep, we removed her clothes from her drawers and closet and placed them in a box in the back of our closet. On top of that box was a smaller one filled with her pictures and artwork.
"Good morning, Mommy." She said under heavy lashes while doing a 'kitty-cat stretch'. "What are you doing?"
I sat down on the foot of her bed while she sat up. "We are going to have a guest arriving tonight, Nessie. She will be sleeping here, so we are moving a few things so that she will have more room. As soon as she leaves your room will be back to normal, I promise."
"Where will I sleep?"
"In Aunt Rose's room, and Daddy and I will be just down the hall from you."
"Can I meet her? …Grandma? Is she like Grandpa?" Nothing ever seemed to slip past Renesmee. She always saw everything too clearly. What she didn't see, Jacob simply told her; one of the side effects of imprinting.
"I wish you could meet her, angel. I do. She is like Grandpa in many ways, but very different from him in many more. She sees and hears too much. If she could meet you I know she would love you." As if that was any conciliation.
"Does she see and hear things like Daddy or Aunt Alice?" I thought about her question for a long while. I knew my mother could not foresee the future, and she was no mind reader at least not in the literal sense. Though, she always seemed to have some type of ESP when it came to figuring me out.
"Renee is…perceptive. She digs much deeper than the surface of things. She will see that I am…different, and she will worry. If she sees you well…I don't know what she will do." That was the best answer I could give her.
Just then, Alice tapped lightly on the front door.
"I saw that someone would need my assistance today." She called from the front room.
"Do you think this will work, Alice? Have you seen that this will work?" Edward asked her just as Renesmee and I joined them in the front room.
"Do you doubt my abilities, dear brother?" She joked, prancing around him to come and stand beside me.
"No, it would just be nice to know what you've seen so far. To tell if this is really worth all the trouble or if we should just make a run for it." Edward replied. Well so much for me depending on Edward's positive attitude to reassure me.
"Oh, I was talking about my abilities in cosmetology. I guarantee that she will look human. Rene will at least accept that at face value. And I've already seen the solution Carlisle has come up with to avoid too much contact. It's brilliant!"
"Perfect. Well, let's get started."
"Really, Bella, must I dress you every morning?" Alice grasped my wrist and hauled me to the closet.
"I'll let you get away with the jeans today, but the t-shit has got to go." She pulled out a cotton long-sleeved shirt. I was surprised by the simplicity of her choice. The shirt was a solid light lavender v-neck, with long bell sleeves. I slipped it on without argument.
"You will see the reasoning behind my wardrobe choice when we go see Carlisle." She said as if defending her fashion statement with practicality. I was just thankful that I still wearing jeans.
We all walked together to the Cullen house.
"Normally I would use fiberglass, but all I had here was plaster, Bella." Carlisle began as I entered his office where he was arranging his materials. I was getting a cast. I rolled my eyes at the cliché. This fit my clumsy human self perfectly. My mom would buy it hook, line, and sinker.
"It will take some time for the cast to set. You will have to hold perfectly still. Are you sure you can handle that?" Carlisle asked with a smirk.
"I'm sure I'll be just fine." Once my cast was set, Carlisle cut it off. I eyed him, puzzled.
"Well I thought you would want to take it off at night." He replaced the cast on my left arm and wrapped it with ace bandages. The cast covered my arm from two inches below the shoulder all the way to my fingers; holding my elbow bent at a 115° angle. The purpose of my bell sleeves was now clear; Alice was a clever one. On my right hand he affixed a brace he said was commonly used for carpal tunnel syndrome. My use was purely to avoid hugs.
Carlisle suggested that I wear the cast and splint for an hour or so to get used to the restriction of movement. With the slightest bit of pressure or twitch of a muscle, the cast could be ripped apart. The metal support in my brace could be broken just as easily. I endured the discomforts of my accoutrements while being subjected to Alice's makeover. She took her time today. Two hours later the results her amazing. Looking in the mirror I felt like I was looking at my former self, minus my amber eyes of course. Even without the cast and splint, I looked more fragile; breakable.
"Alice, you are remarkable." She beamed over the praise.
The rest of the day I spent with Renesmee. We played chess, read poetry to each other, and then she put on a ballet show for the whole family. At seven, Jacob came to pick her up for the night. He would bring her back at 10pm to sleep the rest of the night in Rose and Emmett's room. The window was left open to second story room for an undetected entrance and exit. I was sure that Rosalie would be furious when she came home to smell that Jacob had been in her room. It will be interesting to see her reaction.
Chapter 3
On the way to the airport, Edward and I went over our "story" of what had happened over the last year. We had to leave no holes or discrepancies to our story.
"How are you planning on explaining your…injuries?" Edward asked, eyebrow raised.
"Easy, a packing accident. A heavy box fell on top me. I tried to catch it and 'snap' broken arm and sprained wrist. That will fit in with our moving to Alaska, and the less than lived-in condition of the house in Massachusetts." I explained, quiet happy with the thoroughness and detail in my story.
"See, I told you that you are getting better at this." He replied, gloating.
"Better at lying? Just the talent I was hoping to develop." I replied dryly.
"I know that you don't like this. But it gets easier, and easier to accept. It is just a necessity to our lives." He paused for a long while, deep in thought. "Did you know that Alice is …jealous of you?" I could hear the question in his voice. He was questioning why he was telling me this.
"Jealous? How?" I was at a loss for a reason.
"You are the only one out of us who has been able to maintain any contact with your human life. Once we were all changed, our lives were uprooted completely. Alice never knew her family, not even in her human life. She would never say anything out loud, but she thinks about it. She wonders what her family was like; what all of our families were like. She wonders if there would have been a way to still keep contact with any of them after we were changed. She never had that thought until she saw that you were able to have a relationship with Charlie."
He was right, I had been thinking of all the negatives without the proper perspective. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett; they all left their families behind when they became a vampire; a choice that was made for them. How could I worry over how to make a relationship with my mother work? My main focus should be that I was still able to have a relationship with her at all. I should be thankful for that alone, no matter how strained and difficult it was. I felt Edward's gaze on me. He was clearly regretting telling me.
"Forget I told you that. It wasn't right of me to say something that was never intended to be heard."
I smiled. "No Edward, you're right. I see it now. I still get to have a relationship with my mother. That fact alone is amazing. I shouldn't worry about the intricacies of that relationship, but just be happy that I have it." He squeezed my hand. The lights of the airport lit up the foggy night. I tried my best to push aside my worries. Some of them were just preposterous. What if my skin looked too ashen under the airport's lighting? Then there were all the things I had to remember: walk like a human, talk like a human, blink, shift my weight, breathe, or if I couldn't breathe at least raise my shoulders up and down to fake it.
I popped my contacts in before we got out of the car. I inhaled the night air fully; tasting it, knowing that it would be uncomfortable not breathing around my mother. It would take time to acclimate myself to her scent enough to tune it out to some degree; just as I had done with Charlie.
The scent of human blood overwhelmed my senses when we first set foot in the airport. I had only been in areas crowded with humans on two occasions. On both of those occasions my family surrounded me, ready to restrain me if it became too much. I clenched tightly around Edward's arm, pausing at the threshold. The burning in my throat screamed at me to satiate my thirst, but I had to deny my urge. Focusing on my goal, I stopped breathing. Unfortunately, this now made it impossible for me to talk. I buried my face into the crook at the base of Edward's jaw, hoping that his sweet intoxicating scent would be enough to mask the smell of blood. It didn't mask it, but made it a bit more tolerable.
"Let's get my mom and get out of this place as soon as possible." I whispered in rushed gasps.
Edward cringed, "I didn't think about the crowd." I held my breath once more, still clutching tightly to Edward. I tested my resolve and took small breaths here and there to see if the burning would subside. It did, but only minutely. We finally arrived at my mother's gate just as the passengers were exiting the plane. She was the third person out of the terminal. The sight of her brought a broad range of emotion. I clung tighter to Edward, leaning into him for support. I could feel my eyebrows pull together and the corners of my eye's lift, but no tears fell. Regaining myself, I remembered the part I must play; fragile human. I raised my casted and splinted arms in apology as my mother approached. She stopped and shook her head with a little laugh. She hugged Edward first, and turned to look at me.
"You've changed Bella." Her look was disapproving. "Your hair is so long, and you look…thinner. That illness took its toll on you."
Relief. "Yeah, near-death will do that to you." I joked.
She gingerly grabbed my shoulders, "You need to take better care of yourself." She turned to Edward "You better take care of her. You know that was part of your vows." He laughed and nodded his head. She didn't shy away from the cold, stone-like feel of my skin. Strangely, the burning in my throat now seemed more tolerable. I knew I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize this.
She sat in the backseat on the way back from the airport. The entire drive home was filled with discussion. I explained my "injuries" to her, which led to us discussing my change in schools. I confessed that I simply couldn't cut it at Dartmouth and thought that Alaska would be more my speed. Thank goodness she didn't ask me what my major was, because I had no answer for that question. She seemed to accept our stories over the events of the last year without issue. In truth they flowed with seamless ease, giving her no reason for doubt. Maybe my worries were for nothing. Maybe it would be just as it was with Charlie. She would accept what she was told in exchange for getting to be with me. I hoped it would be that simple.
When we got home it was difficult prying her away from Esme to show her the cottage. With flashlights in hand, we lead her down the short trail. Rene gasped when she saw the cottage in the night.
"How long has this been here?" She asked, her voice distant.
"We are assuming for about a hundred years or more. Esme found it and began renovations." Edward answered.
We passed through the threshold and the look in Renee's eyes were like a kid in a candy store. She ran her fingers along the mantle, the antique furnishings, and the soft bed linens in total awe.
"There are two rooms; this one that we are in now and a smaller one off to the left." He gestured to Renesmee's room. "If you value your sleep past dawn, I would suggest the smaller room."
"Is this a child's room?" Renee asked. I winced. Edward was quick to answer.
"Yes, Esme and Carlisle have many visitors, some with children. She thought it appropriate to have at least one room that might appeal to a child. The closet is just through these doors. I'm certain you will find that there is plenty of room. My sister Alice made sure that the designs accommodated for it." I smiled for a brief moment over Alice's 'necessities'. I knew that Edward had meant to lighten my mood with his comment.
"I think I will stay in the front room. I'm sure that the forest is breathtaking at dawn. I won't mind waking up a little early to see it." She turned to me. "Bella, if you sleep in though, would you come and get me when you wake up? I don't want to miss out on any of my time with you." Her words seemed more a warning then a request. I nodded. My mind already began running through the days to come. How was I to fill the time all the while trying to hide what I was?
"Goodnight Renee." Edward said, his words returning me to reality.
"G-goodnight Mom."
"Goodnight you too. Get some rest and I'll see you bright and early in the morning." I stifled a groan. No, this wouldn't be simple. At least Charlie only came in small doses.
As soon as we were out of sight from the cottage, Edward scooped me up into his arms and we flew through the forest to the Cullen's house. We entered his second-story window in a single leap, landing silently on the floor. He sat me gently on the oversized king bed that still sat in the center of his room. He was on the bed in one swift motion, his face only an inch away from mine, gazing intently into my eyes. The proximity of him erased all of my thoughts momentarily. All that existed was his scent, his breath on my face, and his golden eyes melting me to the core. His lips met mine with a fire. He kissed me deeply, electricity shooting out from my fingertips and down to my toes. I had only a brief moment of clarity, and grasping at that I pulled away from him placing one finger on his waiting lips.
"Renesmee." Together we were at Rose's doorway in an instant just in time to see Jacob gingerly laying Renesmee down in bed.
"Night, Jacob." She mumbled sleepily, curling onto her side nestling herself into Rose and Emmet's satin bedding. I nodded my thanks to Jacob and tucked Renesmee into bed, kissing her lightly on the forehead. Edward kissed her cheek, brushing a stray curl behind her ear. She smiled while she slept, perfectly contended. I knelt down by the bed and placed her hand on my cheek to see her dreams. They were always so colorful. She sat in a lush rainforest, a blue bird with orange plumes perched on her finger. She laughed as if the bird had told her a joke. I laid her hand gently on the bed, then said goodnight to Jacob. He would be back to pick her up at eight in the morning. The rest of the night was ours to do what we chose. We chose to do a little reminiscing on Edward's gold bed.
A light knock on the door startled me.
"Alice." I mumbled under my breath. I had a split second thought to just open the door in the nude to let her know that she was interrupting. Instead, I scooped up the bed sheet on my way to open the door.
"The sun isn't even up yet Alice." I hissed. She glanced past me and her eyes narrowed. I turned to see what disturbed her. Edward lounged on the bed, hands locked behind his head, wearing only a roguish smile on his face and a carefully placed pillow.
"It's not like I didn't know what you two were doing without this blatant display!" She said, disgusted. "I waited as long as I could, but I didn't think that Bella would want her mother seeing her in her current state." She crossed her arms over her chest and turned to face me.
"The sun will be up in less than an hour. I thought it best that you be ready just in case your mother decided to snoop around a bit." Of course she was right. I would hope that my mother would respect my "sleep" and not come to wake me too early. However, I definitely didn't want her to find me wrapped only in a sheet and looking all vampire-y. I grabbed my cast and splint from off the floor where they were carelessly tossed last night and followed Alice to her over-sized bathroom. Just like yesterday, the results of her work were astounding. Thirty minutes after dawn, I was human again; in appearance at least. Alice dressed me in some khakis, and a long sleeved blue shirt with a tight-fitting knit vest.
"Perfect." She exclaimed after giving me a look-over. Edward was dressed and by my side, "Nessie is awake, I thought you would like some time with her before Jacob leaves."
We were to the room just to see her sit up in bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
"Good morning, Mommy and Daddy, "she smiled, "when will Jake be here?"
"Soon, sweetie." I replied as I kissed her on her forehead, taking in her unique scent. "I miss you when you're away." I confessed.
"I miss you too, Mommy. It's fun with Jacob on the reservation though. We went swimming yesterday!" I smiled at her excitement; at least this time away was enjoyable for one of us.
"You tell Jake to be very careful, Nessie." Edward said, "You tell him that I put you in charge." He said with a smirk.
"Oh really" Jake replied from down below. He landed with something less than grace on the second story. He turned to me, "Your mom is out wandering in the woods, Bella. She didn't look lost, but you might want to go find her soon. Wouldn't want any wolves giving her a heart attack." His tone was joking, but his words made my eyes bug.
"Time to go." I replied, scooping Renesmee up into a swinging hug. "Stay safe you two."
"Yes mother", they replied in unison, as if rehearsed. After Edward said his goodbyes, a moment later, they were gone. I took Edwards hand and lead him at a fast, human pace down the stairs and out the back door.
"Let's find my mother before she finds trouble." I insisted. She proved easy to find, I could smell her as soon as we were outside. There was another smell in the woods today, one that was familiar, but I didn't recognize it.
"Vampire" Edward replied to my unspoken question. "A stranger." It took all I had in me to maintain a human pace to reach my mother.