I wrote this fanfiction. And then my computer crashed. AND I LOST IT.

I am so pissed.

But I'm going to try to rewrite it anyways. It won't be as good as the first version, but…

I can't even find the quote I used as the quote prompt. DAMN. It was something along the lines of:

"Love does not hurt. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Envy hurts. Love is the one thing that does not."

I can remember the last time someone told me they loved me, and they meant it.

It was a week before my fourth birthday. My mom, who had come over for piano lessons, knelt down and gave me a big hug, telling me she loved me.

And when she died a week later, my father decided to drop the act of pretending to love his bastard child. All the caring and affection went over to Bianchi, his true daughter.

And I hated him for it.

Even the person I viewed as a mentor didn't care. He always pushed me away so he would have more times to spend with his "sisters".

Bastard.

When I went to Japan, I was expecting to be rejected again by the youngest candidate for the Vongola Tenth. It wouldn't be a surprise.

What was a surprise was that he accepted me into the Family with a smile.

I developed my first real crush that day.

It didn't surprise me that I was gay, not in the slightest; after all the shit that I had gone through with my false mother and my sister, it wasn't a surprise that I wasn't attracted to girls.

I spent as much time as I could around the one person who had accepted me. I tossed and turned at night, my head filled with images of Tsuna's smiling face. I had to spend a great deal of time hiding erections that appeared whenever Tsuna laughed.

I wanted to kiss those smiling lips so badly. But I didn't want to be rejected again by the person I had come to love. After all, he was straight. He had a huge crush on Sasagawa. So I merely smiled and stayed by his side, and left our couplings to my late night fantasies.

When Yamamoto befriended Tsuna, I felt a rage of jealousy. The baseball player could bring smiles to Tsuna's face much more easily that I could, and I was pissed. Why wouldn't he smile like that for me?

And as time went on, in order to spend time with Tsuna, I had to spend time with Yamamoto too.

I didn't enjoy it, but I did enjoy the time with Tsuna.

And when we arrived home from that horrible fight with Daemon, I walked in on something I wish I never had.

I burst out of Tsuna's house, my legs barely able to keep me upright. I ran, not knowing where I was going, flashes of that moment filling my vision, the memory burned into my mind forever.

A flash of blue hair.

Heterochromatic eyes.

Lips meeting Tsuna's.

And when they pulled apart, Tsuna's smile.

Mukuro had taken Tsuna's heart. That arrogant jackass had stolen the man I had quietly loved for years.

It broke me.

A pair of strong arms caught me when I almost fell into a random house. I looked up to mumble thank you, only to freeze in place.

Yamamoto's face met mine, his brow furrowed in concern.

I was so heartbroken, I couldn't even think straight. Grateful to see a familiar face, I threw myself into his arms, gripping his body tightly.

Yamamoto obliged the hug, but I could tell he was wondering what had happened to make me this upset.

"Gokudera…"

I sobbed into his shirt. He awkwardly managed to pick me up bridal style to bring me into the house, away from the questioning eyes of passerby.

He sat down on the couch and tried to put me down, but I clung to him. I felt so weak and exposed. If I were in my normal mindset, I would never do this.

I managed to gasp out what I had seen.

And Yamamoto pulled me tighter into his body, rubbing calloused hands soothingly over my back.

I cried for hours. After I finally started calming down, he looked at me with those amber eyes.

An emotion I couldn't place was burning in them.

"Gokudera, I can understand what you're going through. Loving someone who doesn't love you back, but still being there for them no matter what. And then seeing their heart stolen by another. It tore me apart too. It still tears me apart, especially when I see that person suffering."

"What the hell do you know, any girl would dump their boyfriend to date you, stupid popular baseball jock." I hiccupped, the sobs dying but still not completely gone.

Yamamoto laughed, but it wasn't his usual one. This one was sad, almost bitter.

"I never said it was a girl, did I."

I froze at that. Yamamoto, the most popular boy with girls in the entire school, was gay?

He leaned in closer to me, pressing his forehead against mine. I was too much in shock to move.

"I'm sorry, I feel like I'm taking advantage, but…"

His voice softened until it had entirely disappeared, and his lips were pressed firmly against mine.

It was my first kiss, and I couldn't move. My first kiss was being taken by the idiotic Rain Guardian?

But as the seconds passed, my eyes slid shut. I pressed my lips hesitantly back. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I had imagined for so long doing this with Tsuna, but now I couldn't get a certain baseball player out of my head.

The heat that spread through my body left tingles all over my skin. My heart was beating rapidly, and every point his body was touching mine burned with a feverish heat.

We parted, and I felt the heat in my cheeks.

I had enjoyed it.

Yamamoto's eyes shadowed as he pulled back.

"I'm sorry. I took advantage. I shouldn't have done that, regardless of how much I wanted it."

He set me down and started walking out of the room.

"You can spend the night; I don't want you spending tonight alone."

I watched as he walked out of the living room, curled up into myself, my fingers brushing my lips softly.

I still loved Tsuna; the pain in my heart made that obvious.

But maybe, maybe, something had just happened with Yamamoto too.

This one will be multi-chapter. It's just something random I wanted to do, experimenting with the (implied) fact that Gokudera definitely loved Tsuna first.