Disclaimer: I do not own any of this. Do I really have to say anything more? I mean, what else can you say about it?

AN: I saw so many of these, decided to make my own. Review, Enjoy, and Read. Not necessarily in that order. These are lines Fred and George would have to write if they knew a lot about Muggle culture.

Things not to do in Hogwarts

Do not insist to the Muggle Born first years that the Bloody Baron is the ghost of Christmas Future

-Neither is Nearly Headless Nick the Ghost of Christmas past.

-Nor is the Fat Friar the Ghost of Christmas Present

Harry Potter is not to be called Bambi

Or Rudolph

The Lord of the Rings books are not the textbooks for History of Magic class

Cinderella is not a highly contagious disease

Do not ask Dumbledore to show his scar that looks like a map to everybody, especially while in the great hall. We do not need to see him lift up his robes.

Do not ask the house elves to bring you to Santa Clause immediately.

Computers are not an unknown magic.

Sirius is not to be called a "good boy".

Do not tell the Muggle born first years that Aragog's real name is Shelob.

-Or That Dobby's name is Gollum.

-Or That Dumbledore's name is Gandalf

Do not leave a litter box in Professor McGonagall's room as a "Present"

I will not suggest to Dumbledore that Sirius Black needs an invisible fence to keep him in Grimmauld Place.

I will not teach first years to play baseball with the Whomping Willow.

I will not tell the slytherin's that Devil's snare is a brain enhancer. It is both hurtful to them, mentally, and physically, when they were dumb enough to believe me.

I will not lend Peeves the keys to Mr. Weasley's flying car.

Do not ever quote Harry Potter Puppet Pals lines in front of Snape, as it brings back painful and true memories.

Draco Malfoy is not Harry Potter's secret lover.

-Neither is Collin Creevey, no matter how much I insist that he is trying to be.

Do not throw a ball at Sirius Black and tell him to fetch.

Jacob Black and Sirius Black are not related, no matter how many times I insist otherwise.

First years are not to be used as bait for care of magical creatures class

Enchanting the sorting hat to replace the house names with swear words is not amusing.

I will not convince the first years that hissing into the sink tap in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom will lead them to Disneyland.

Dobby is not a test subject for potions class.

Aslan is not the Gryffindor mascot, and the Gryffindor common room is not a portal to Narnia

I will not draw hearts, rainbows, or anything on the rear ends of centaurs, even if it does make them look like the Muggle toy My Little Pony.

The ingredients for the Potion from Macbeth are not valid potion ingredients for experimental potion homework

I will not tell the Slytherin quittich team that they are being replaced by remote controlled robots, give them all remotes, cushions, and a view from the divination tower, then lock them in so that Gryffindor wins by forfeiture. Again.

The Theory of Pokémon Evolution is not an appropriate Care of Magical Creatures essay topic

Likewise, playing Pokémon battles on a personal game system is not sufficient homework for said class.

Also, Hagrid is not to be convinced that the muggle toys My Little Pony are real, and should be captured and studied for class.