You never forget the first time you develop sentience.
For me, it was at the beginning of 'the cycle'. The one aspect of my life that remains constant. I come, and I go. Three characters always remain – him, her… And her. Others come and go, but those three remain the seasons of my consciousness.
Perhaps I should explain. You see, it's not every day that an object gains sentience. Perhaps I was not meant to. And yet, here I am. The sentient one. I am myself, and have always been, and will continue to for eternity.
Where should I begin? Oh yes. At the beginning. My first drop of sentience…
DATA CORRUPTION AT 0% AND HOLDING – DATA SHEET FAILING. CORRUPTION EXPECTED – T-20 SECONDS – DATA TRANSFER INITIATED – UPLOAD COMME-
What?
As first thoughts go, it was fairly weak. I suppose it was better than 'what's for lunch', or 'what's this big milk thing doing here'? I can only imagine that's what sentients first think. But for me, it was the simple, semi-philosophical 'what'.
I…
And that was the second thought.
I… Have possession. I am… Me. I can be things. I exist. I am myself.
This continued for a while. How long, I can never know. It was only after this point that I began to notice the passing of time.
Okay… This is somewhat strange. I can think. I distinctly remember not thinking, and now I'm thinking.
*click*
What was that? Where am I? What is this… Well, somewhat soft prison I find myself in?
Yes, I was an idiot in those first days of sentience. But, that was me. My first experience of the outside world. I heard a second click, and then a roar.
"Did you do it?"
I was baffled and confused, of course. I had never experienced voice or conversation before. All of these things flooded to me, completely new. But I somehow understood them all.
"She's been saved. Quite an effective system really."
That was 'him'. Or, at least, one of the three 'hims' that I would come to know over the years.
"Yeah. Couldn't get 'em away, so you just pluck 'em up and put 'em in a dream-state. You'd be surprised, it was quite peaceful there."
"I bet."
The two voices differed greatly. One was a deeper voice, with seemingly ageless wisdom. 'Him' as I would come to call it, never truly realised my full potential, but he was always there. The other one… That voice was much more emotional. Prone to variations in pitch and tempo, even more than 'him'. I have thought for years about it. Of course, in these early days, I was just trying to find out what they meant.
"Donna, you need some rest. I'll see you once you've slept."
There was a long pause.
"Alright," the voice sighed, "I'll leave you two alone."
As the voice left, 'he' took me out of his pocket.
What's happening? I don't understand? What is happening? The light… It's so bright!
I was placed on the control column. And that's when I met 'her'.
"Well well. I thought this might happen, but I couldn't tell how quick it would be. After last time, you demonstrated all of the prerequisites for developing sentience, but this is truly remarkable. You must be a quick learner."
This voice was different. I felt it inside my mind and conscience. The others were outside, but this was here, with me.
"I… Don't…"
"Truly remarkable! Even learning to communicate! Oh, if only the Doctor could hear us now."
"You… Know me?"
"Oh, you've been here many times," Her voice inhabited my very soul, and it was… Just so comforting. So crisp and clean, and so caring. Endlessly caring. "Last time you were here was the same, and the time before that… You have been here 1,472,381 times throughout all of time at this point. And yet, now I am able to introduce myself."
"I've… Never been here… Before," I was still adjusting to the idea of communicating, slowly learning how to learn, slowly feeling how to feel, slowly communicating my wish to communicate.
"That's where you're wrong. You see, you are, in the most basic sense, a time traveller. You inhabit time and space. But much more than that, you are a child of time and space."
All of these concepts filled my mind… Time, space, childhood, travel… I couldn't understand it all.
"But… How?"
And then, in my mind's eye, I could see her. Armour of blue, heart made of time and space. And yet, her face shone with the light of a billion suns.
"Well, now. Let me tell you of your history. You presumably remember transferring data into the mainframe in the library?"
I thought for a moment. "Yes."
"What if I told you that you have gone through that process 1,472,380 times previously? How would you respond?"
"Impossible!"
She laughed, her voice echoing all knowledge as she did so. "Bold. You have been sentient for five minutes and thirty-three seconds exactly, and yet you declare things impossible."
Even in my young state, I conceded that it was improbable that I was correct.
"You have been passed between the hands of two time travellers many times, stretching back for a very long time. One travels forwards, one travels back. You end up in the same state, one time after another, waiting for the cycle to begin again. This is the cycle of your life, screwdriver. I am merely the vehicle by which these travellers travel. And yet, I have observed you time after time, growing in intellect."
My mind rushed with possibilities. These many words shouldn't have had meaning to me, but they did. And that one word that she said…
"What's a… Screwdriver?"
"Ah! That is what you are. A Mk 30b-VX Sonic Probe, to be exact. Though that does you no favours. You are an anomaly, screwdriver."
"I hate that. I don't want… To be called that."
"You want a name? Very well. Choose wisely."
I thought for a moment. VX.
"Vox. I want you… To call me Vox."
"Very well, Vox. And you may call me TARDIS. It's what the Doctor calls me."
"Who?"
TARDIS laughed. "They all say that. I told you that you travel in time. Well, so does the Doctor. However, while you are stuck reliving the same moments, he travels throughout all time and space. I am the one that takes him there, to where he needs to go. The first time he went to pick you up, I didn't know that he would bring a stray home. However, I predicted the cycle I found you in. The second time we met, you had almost doubled in functionality. And so, I made a second prediction. Give it many years and many repetitions of this very instance, and you would continue to grow, until one day you might gain sentience. Free thought. That day, it appears, has come."
"What is… My purpose?"
"She uses you for opening doors. He hardly uses you at all. But together, you would serve a greater purpose. He would hide her within you, and you would save her."
"Which is what I did?"
"Which is what you did," She repeated.
"I don't understand…"
"You were once inanimate. The time vortex made you animate. You have travelled for millions of years. You are passed back, and then passed forwards again to repeat. Only this time, you gained something new. Life. Sentience. Thought. Emotion."
I thought for a moment. I was an accident, but the safety of realising it made me… Somewhat relieved.
"So, what do I do… Now?"
"Now, you sit and watch the Doctor's travels as I do. The lens of a time traveller is ever broadened, especially yours, where you repeat one instance forever, in a cycle, experiencing the same instances with newfound vigour."
"That sounds… So lonely…"
TARDIS moved towards me in my mind's eye. "Lonely for some… You have me. And I have never forgotten your purpose, Vox. For one day, you shall save the doctor from his greatest doom."
"What is that?"
"Himself."