A/N: Decided to try my hand at some angst! Only took me three days to write, so please forgive any shitness. Like all my fics, this work is dedicated to my wonderful best friend, TalkElsannaToMe!
Please note, the Rachel in this story is NOT in any way connected to the Rachel in Unconditionally, and its sequel Because You Loved Me. Think of it as a different universe.
TW: Darker themes later on including those of depression, self-harm, and suicide.
"Oh, that movie is fantastic!" Rachel enthused, as the credits rolled.
"It's one of my favourites," Elsa replied. "I am glad you enjoyed it! What did you think of it, Anna?"
Elsa's redheaded friend frowned thoughtfully. "I liked it too," she said simply.
"Good!"
The three girls chatted for the next few hours while the early hours of the morning wore on. Anna had fallen asleep on the couch, and Elsa and Rachel were cuddled up on the loveseat underneath a warm blanket, still talking.
"How long is it since we've known each other, Rach?"
"Oh, about two years, now! Why do you ask?"
"Just something I've been thinking about. I've known people close to twenty years and I don't feel nearly as close to them as I do to you. You're my best friend."
"Awh, Elsie!" Rachel smiled widely, and kissed Elsa lightly on the tip of the nose. "I feel the same way! You're my best friend too."
"I'm glad," Elsa cooed, resting her head on Rachel's shoulder.
"Hey, Els? Can I talk to you about something?"
"Anything, honey, you know that."
"It's kind of...awkward. Promise me you won't freak out?"
"I promise," Elsa assured.
"Do you remember last summer? When you...came out?"
"Of course, Rachel."
"Well...oh jeez...I don't know how to say this…"
"Take your time."
Rachel took a deep breath. "I'm...I'm the same way…"
Elsa blinked. "You're a lesbian?"
Rachel slowly nodded. "I am."
Elsa said nothing, only drew Rachel into a tight hug.
"So…"
"Oh, Rach, I'm so proud of you! This must've been really hard to admit!"
"It was. But that's not all…"
"Oh?"
Rachel nodded. "No. I've...um...had my eye on...someone for quite a while now…"
Elsa gasped. "You have? Who is she?"
Rachel balked. "I...no. I've said too much!"
Elsa shook her best friend's shoulders gently. "Come on, Rach! You can tell me! I promise, on pain of death, cross my heart and all that, I won't laugh, or judge, or tell anyone. It'll be our secret."
"You sure?"
"I'm sure."
Rachel sighed. "Well...it's…oh, I don't know!"
"Come on, Rach…"
"It's you!"
Elsa's jaw dropped, and she stared into her best friend's eyes, unbelieving. "Wait...what?"
"I...really like you, Els...more than a friend should."
Elsa's heart fluttered, and she gazed into Rachel's beautiful eyes. Suddenly, she saw her best friend in a whole new light. Her mind raced at an unbelievable pace as various scenarios presented themselves.
"So…" Rachel began, "what do you think?"
What did she think? She was flattered, embarrassed, and scared. She always knew Rachel was beautiful, though she never considered the possibility of a relationship with her best friend. Isn't it always said that friends shouldn't date? That's what Elsa had always heard. But the more she considered it, to her utmost surprise, the more she realised that there was no one more perfect for her than her best friend. But she was scared.
She took a deep breath. "I...I think...I'm not sure how I feel…"
Rachel's face fell. "Oh. Okay. I should've known, so silly of me…"
"No, no, that's not what I'm saying, sweetheart! I'm scared. What if we do this, and it doesn't work?"
Rachel sighed. "I think our relationship can survive that. You will always be my best friend."
Elsa smiled. "I am glad to hear that, my dear."
"So...you want this?"
Elsa nodded slowly. "I think I do…"
Rachel's jaw dropped. "Oh my god! Really? Holy fucking shit, Elsa, I never knew, I mean, oh my God, this is...holy crap I-"
"Oh shut up," Elsa breathed, and cut her off with a kiss. Her entire body tensed as their lips contacted, sparks shooting through her mind. Rachel moaned into the kiss, and her tongue grazed Elsa's lips. She granted her entry, and their tongues swirled together, making Elsa's heartbeat race.
At last, they parted, and Elsa felt a pang at the loss of contact. "Oh yes...I want this…"
"Elsa…" Rachel whispered, cupping her face, and leaned back down to kiss her tenderly. Elsa's hands tentatively slid up the sides of Rachel's body, and paused at the sides of her breasts. Breaking the kiss, Rachel nodded.
Elsa cupped her new girlfriend's breasts carefully, squeezing them gently through the fabric. Rachel giggled softly, the sound music in Elsa's ears.
For the next hour they passionately made out; Elsa's hands had made their way underneath Rachel's top and were gently caressing her breasts. They both knew they didn't want to rush; after all, they had the rest of their lives together.
Finally, when Elsa's jaw was beyond aching, and her lips were bruised, they parted. She removed her hands from the warm safety of Rachel's large breasts; gooseflesh forming on contact with the cool air of the room. She shivered, and Rachel shot her a warm smile.
"So, what does this mean for us, hmm?"
Elsa frowned, considering. "Normally, two people date, don't they? But...I want us to be for each other. I want you to be my girlfriend, my...lover."
Rachel smiled widely, and kissed her tenderly on the lips. "Okay, lover, ready for bed?"
Elsa raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, not like that!" Rachel added hastily. "I mean, I assume you don't want to do...that, yet?"
"I want to do it, Rachel, more than anything, and soon. But not tonight. Let's wait until we're both alone, we can have a nice romantic dinner, and I'll take you back home, and we...we can finally…y'know."
Rachel smiled. "I know. Come on then, my darling girl. Let's get to bed."
The two girls silently crept to the bedroom, leaving Anna gently snoring on the couch. Once inside, they removed their pants and got into bed; Rachel curling up into Elsa's tender embrace. They kissed for a few more moments, before they both felt the waves of tiredness wash over them. SIghing contentedly, Elsa nuzzled her face into Rachel's neck, and fell asleep.
The next morning, Elsa awoke with the sun. Stretching luxuriously, the memories of the previous night flooded through her brain. Smiling like an idiot, she kissed Rachel on the ear.
"Good morning, snowflake," she cooed, but there was no response from her blonde lover. Smiling, she left Rachel to enjoy her slumber, and got out of bed.
Anna was already awake, sitting on the couch, her eyes transfixed to the television, munching on a bowl of cereal.
"Hey, Anna," Elsa greeted.
"Hm," Anna grunted, not looking away from the TV.
"Can you turn that off for a second? I have something to tell you."
"Sorry Els," Anna said, muting the TV. "What's on your mind?"
Elsa sat, and took a deep breath. "Well, I may as well just come right out and say it. Me and Rachel are...um...together."
Anna blinked. "You're what?"
"We're together. As in...dating?"
Anna shrieked. "You are! What? I...I had no idea that Rachel was...you know...gay?"
"Neither did I! All these feelings just came flooding to the surface last night."
"You guys bang?"
"Anna!" Elsa gasped. "No, we most certainly did not!"
"Struck out, huh?"
"Fuck you," Elsa laughed, throwing a pillow at Anna playfully.
Anna batted the pillow away. "I need to hear her side of the story now!" She turned to face the bedroom. "Hey, Rach!" she bellowed. "Wake up, you lazy bitch!"
"Anna! Good Lord, let me wake her! No need to scare the shit out of her!" Laughing, Elsa rose and walked through to the bedroom. Rachel was still asleep, in the same position as Elsa had left her. She knelt at her bedside, and kissed her lightly.
"Good morning, sunshine, time to get up sleepyhead."
Rachel did not stir, so Elsa shook her shoulder slightly. "Rach? Awh, you must be tired, but it's time to get up!" There was still no response from her girlfriend.
"Wow, Rach, you're out of it!" She shook her harder, but still she did not stir.
"Rachel…? Wake up!"
Rachel didn't budge, and Elsa felt worry rise in her chest. At that moment, Anna walked through the door.
"She asleep?"
"Very asleep," Elsa replied, her voice quavering. "In fact, I can't seem to wake her up. Rachel!" she shouted, shaking her as hard as she could. Rachel rolled onto her back from the force, but still she did not wake.
"I'm worried now, Anna, what the fuck is happening?"
"Elsa…" Anna whispered, staring at Rachel's face.
"I mean, it's not normal for someone to sleep this heavily is it?" Elsa continued to ramble, not hearing Anna's voice.
"Elsa!" Anna finally grabbed Elsa's attention, and when she looked at the redhead's face, her heart stopped. Tears were streaming down her face, and she held Rachel's wrist in her arm. "Look," she whispered, pointing.
Elsa looked at her girlfriend's beautiful face. She was facing the ceiling, her features calm, almost serene, but with one problem.
Her eyes were open.
"What…" Elsa murmured. She looked at Anna, and then to her hand grasping Rachel's slender wrist. The pieces of the ghastly puzzle began to fall into place, and as they did so, her heart broke.
"She's dead, Elsa."
"And this is how you found her?"
It was half an hour later. Paramedics and police officers were swarming the apartment. One officer in particular, a pencil-thin woman in her late thirties, was insensitively grilling Elsa and Anna.
"And what were you doing at the time of death?"
"I was sleeping!" Elsa wailed. Anna held her close, gently rubbing her shoulder.
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yes! What else would I be doing?"
"Well -"
"Maris!" An officer barked at the thin woman from the door. "You're needed on the radio."
Maris huffed and stalked out, sighing haughtily. The other officer approached the two girls, smiling comfortingly. "You'll have to forgive her. She's new on the force, and a little overzealous. My name is Tanith." She extended her hand, and Elsa took it shakily.
"It...it's okay…" she said in a small voice.
"Come, sit," Tanith offered. "We don't need anything from you. It's obvious that she passed away from natural causes. What's going to happen now is she'll be taken to the hospital where a coroner will examine her and determine a cause of death. Now, for the important part. Are you okay?"
"N...no!" Elsa cried.
"I'm sorry," Tanith said sincerely. "What a stupid question to ask of me. Is this your sister?" she asked, glancing at Anna.
"N...no…"
"I'm just a friend," Anna said. "A good friend of them both."
"I see," Tanith smiled. "You're a good person, being here for her. Will you continue to do so?"
"Of course!"
"Good! Now, Elsa," Tanith took Elsa's hands in her own. "Do you understand everything I've told you?"
Elsa nodded dumbly.
"You'll hear from the coroner in a few days, and he will issue her parents with a death certificate. Which reminds me, have either one of you called them?"
"No," Anna replied.
"Good Lord. Would you like me to take care of it?"
"I think that would be best, yes," Anna said. "I don't think I can face them, and Elsa certainly isn't in any condition to do so."
"I understand. Once we're done here, you can go, alright?"
"Alright," Elsa . "I...do you think I could...say goodbye?"
Tanith smiled sadly. "Of course."
Elsa rose, and Tanith followed her. They entered the bedroom, but Elsa kept her eyes averted from the bed.
"Clear out, everyone," Tanith ordered, and the two paramedics hastily left. "I'll be right outside."
"Thank you," Elsa replied, and Tanith left, leaving her alone with Rachel. No, leaving her alone. Rachel was gone now.
Elsa approached the bed, and slowly let her gaze fall upon her beloved. Thankfully, her eyes were closed now; the vision of her lying there earlier with her eyes open would haunt her forever.
"Hi, snowflake," Elsa began. She gave a little laugh, though there was no humour in it, she was just trying to convince herself she was still alive, to feel something other than the deadening numbness that engulfed her. "I...I know we didn't get much of a chance to...explore things, to take things further, but that's okay. I'm so thankful for what we had. We'll be together again, one day, I promise you that." She took a deep breath, and thought about finishing, but she had a final thing to say.
"Rachel...there's something else. Something I can't not say. I love you. I love you so fucking much, more than life itself. Why did you have to leave me!" she almost screamed. Gasping, she recomposed herself, tears stinging her eyes. "God, I'm so sorry! Listen to me, shouting at the woman I love. The woman...I love! God, it sounds so surreal to say that...but I'm in love with you, and I always will be, for the rest of my life." Tears were streaming down her face now, but she didn't care. "I guess this is it, then." She leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. "Goodbye, my snowflake. Wait for me."
Sobbing heavily, Elsa fled from the room and into Anna's arms. She embraced the blonde warmly, cooing softly in her ear.
"Alright guys," Tanith motioned to the paramedics, who re-entered the room. Elsa looked up just in time to see them carrying her out in a bodybag, and quickly buried her head back into Anna's shoulder.
"Don't look, honey, you don't need to see this," Anna murmured, stroking Elsa's back.
"She...she's gone, Anna…"
"No, honey. She'll always be with you, right here, in your heart."
"So," Lilith began, "after all we've talked about, how do you feel?"
Elsa glared at her therapist. It had been two weeks since her beloved's death, and every day felt worse than the last. Lilith had told her that she should perhaps be making some progress by now, but where was that written? Rachel was her love, her life, who was she to say that she should be over it?
"Still the same," Elsa replied curtly. "She's still dead. I'm still here, she's not."
"I understand precisely what you're going through, Elsa. To lose someone this young, especially to something as insidious as a stroke...it's a terrible thing. Still, you need to start dealing with these emotions, Elsa," she urged, "otherwise you'll -"
"Why!" Elsa demanded. "What have I got to live for, now that she's gone?"
"Elsa-"
"Nothing! I've got nothing to live for!"
"This is troubling, Elsa," Lilith said. "Have you spoken to your mother since?"
Elsa rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right. We haven't spoken in two years, not since I moved out. Don't want anything to do with that harpy."
Lilith sighed. "Still, Elsa, she's your mother. She loves you, and she will want to know."
"I'll think about it."
"Good. Now, I want to bump your visits up to three times a week."
"Must we?" Elsa sighed.
"I think that would be for the best, yes. Unfortunately, we're out of time. See you Monday?"
"Fine, fine," Elsa agreed.
"When is her funeral, remind me?"
"Tomorrow."
Lilith nodded sadly. "Hang in there, Elsa."
Elsa nodded, and left. As soon as she was out of the room, Anna embraced her warmly, kissing her on the cheek.
"How did it go?"
"Same old shit, Anna," Elsa deadpanned. "Nothing new."
"If you're not getting anywhere with Lilith," Anna said, "maybe it's time to find a new therapist?"
Elsa shook her head. "No, Anna, it's not her, she's great, it's just-"
"Yes?"
"She was my whole life, Anna. And now she's dead. What have I got to live for now?"
"Don't scare me like that, Elsa."
Elsa smiled ruefully. "You know, that's just what Lilith said."
"She said that?"
"Well, she said that it was 'troubling', yes."
Anna frowned. "She has a point, Elsa. The way you're speaking, it sounds like you don't really want to live anymore."
"I don't, Anna."
Anna stopped, and turned to face Elsa. Grasping her by the shoulders, she stared into her cerulean eyes. "Elsa, I want you to listen to me very carefully. Yes, Rachel is gone. Yes, I know you don't see the point of living any more. But I want you to promise me that you're not going to do anything...stupid, you hear me?"
Elsa nodded. "I hear you. Don't worry, Anna. Whatever I end up doing, it won't be for the wrong reasons." She turned and stalked off, leaving Anna standing in the middle of the corridor.
"Whoa, Elsa, wait up," Anna panted, jogging to catch up with Elsa as she reached the car. Elsa cocked her head at the redhead but said nothing. Anna unlocked the car and the two girls got in.
"Well then," Elsa said, "what now?"
"To Gretchen's house," Anna replied.
Elsa sighed. Every time she had to visit Rachel's mother since her death, she dreaded it. In a way, she was thankful; it was an almost welcome distraction from the soul-crushing numbness the extreme grief had brought her. She and Gretchen had always been very close; she thought of her as a second mother.
Anna pulled up the long gravel driveway and stopped outside Gretchen's house. Elsa had always admired it; it was a towering structure, three storeys high. It even had two little minarets adorning the roof.
The two girls approached the door, and as they were about to knock, it swung open. Gretchen, a tall, imposing woman, with blonde hair and glasses, greeted them.
"Elsa, darling!" she wailed, sweeping Elsa up in her arms. Elsa gratefully returned the hug, burying her head in Gretchen's shoulder. "How are you?"
"Well, you know, bearing up," Elsa replied, oddly cheerfully. Anna frowned, her new mood was a departure from the Elsa of the last two weeks.
"Hello, Ms. Ashburn," Anna greeted pleasantly, giving Gretchen a quick hug. "And how are you?
"Oh, well, you know, terrible," Gretchen replied, giving a short, sharp laugh. "But I'm hanging in there, not much more I can do really. Please come in, I need to discuss the final arrangements for the fune- uh...the...you know, thing tomorrow.
Elsa nodded and followed Gretchen down the hallway. She led them into the living room and offered them a seat. Elsa graciously accepted; she had not realised just how exhausted she was. At that moment, the doorbell rang, startling the two girls. Laughing, Gretchen leaped up and went to answer it.
"Ah, Mrs. Sternin, how good to see you again, please come in."
"Oh, please, call me Lily!" the woman replied
"Hey Mom!" Anna shouted through from the living room.
"Hi, darling," Lily replied. "Elsa, sweetheart, how are you?"
"I'm...I don't know how I am, honestly."
"You seem...better, though!"
Elsa grimaced. "I wouldn't say that."
Gretchen sighed, and invited Lily to sit. "So," she began, "you all know the...funeral is tomorrow." She took a deep breath. "If everyone could meet here tomorrow at eleven…"
Elsa leaned back in her seat as Gretchen's voice swept over her, not paying attention to a word she was saying. Her mind focused on her Rachel, her love she would never see again, never hold again, never kiss again…
Before she knew it, she was weeping openly, and she felt Anna's warm arms wrapping her up in a comforting embrace.
"Oh, sweeite," Anna cooed, "everything is going to be all right! You'll see!"
"No, it's not!" Elsa wailed. "It's not all right! She's fucking gone, Anna!" Elsa dissolved into tears, burying her face in Anna's shirt. The two girls sat there for the rest of the night, cradling each other on Gretchen's couch, both in dire need of the other's comfort.
"Elsa! Elsa, wake up!"
Elsa grunted as Anna shook her awake. Still groggy from her terrible night's sleep, she rose from the bed, grumbling discontentedly. Anna was already dressed in her funeral clothes, an elegant jet black dress, the edges lined with lace. It contrasted exquisitely with her vivid red hair; in fact, despite the circumstances, Anna looked extraordinarily beautiful.
"Time to get dressed, Elsie," Anna whispered. "We're leaving for the funeral soon."
Elsa's heart plummeted, a lump forming in her throat. "Okay," she mumbled, rising from the bed. She stretched, feeling her back crack in several places, and she shivered as the cool air washed over her bare shoulders. She looked around, frowning.
"Have you seen my dress, Anna?"
"Oh! It's downstairs, I think Gretchen wanted to iron it or something. Be right back!" Anna left the room, leaving Elsa alone. She moved to stand in front of the full-length mirror, and examined her reflection. Dark circles bordered her eyes, and she was taking on a definite gaunt appearance. Grief will do that, Elsa thought to herself. A draught swept through the room, and Elsa shivered again. She was wearing nothing but a sheer nightgown, and she could feel her skin crawl as goosebumps erupted all over her body. Rubbing her arms for warmth, she searched around for something she could wear under the dress. Finally settling on yesterday's t-shirt, she removed the nightgown, and stood naked in the cold room. Her nipples stood out from her breasts, and she shivered even more as she reached for the t-shirt.
"Hey, I've found your - oops!"
Elsa whirled around. Anna had returned to the room, holding her dress. She yelped and covered her chest with her arms, but it was too late. Anna had seen everything.
"Anna!"
"Shit, Els, I'm so sorry! I didn't think you'd be naked when I got back! Good Lord, you must be freezing!"
"Yes, I was looking for my t-shirt! Thought I'd wear it under the dress, looks like it's going to be a cold day."
Anna nodded, smiling, and turned her back. Elsa quickly whipped on her t-shirt and some underwear, before giving Anna the all-clear.
They spent the next ten minutes wrestling Elsa into the tight-fitting dress, and applying her makeup. When they were finished, Elsa looked a little more like an actual human being, and less like a skeleton, though she certainly didn't feel like it.
"Come on, Elsie," Anna said gently, taking Elsa's arm. She led her down the stairs to where Gretchen and Lily were waiting, who were also dressed in black. It was evident that Gretchen had been crying; her mascara was streaked, and Lily was holding her close. Elsa was about to speak when there was a knock on the door. A tall man greeted them, dressed in a top hat and tails, holding a cane. On the driveway was a jet black limousine, and, to Elsa's dismay, the hearse. She stopped in her tracks when she laid eyes on it, and began to shake.
"T-that's her, Anna…"
"I know, dear," Anna murmured, kissing her on the cheek. "Come on, now, I got you." She led Elsa to the limousine and they got in, all the while Elsa was intently staring at the ground.
The drive to the church was uneventful and mercilessly quick, and before she knew it, she was sitting next to Anna on the hard, unforgiving pew, staring at Rachel's casket behind the altar. Pure, raw emotion welled up inside her and she dissolved into tears, burying her face in her hands. She was only vaguely aware of the minister's voice, and of Anna's arms around her shoulders. She tried to stifle her sobs, but to no avail, and after a while she found she didn't care. Objectively she knew that Rachel was dead, but there had always been a tiny part of her that expected her to walk through the door and give her a big kiss. But now, at the funeral, with her beloved sealed in a cold, barren box, she finally knew that she was gone for good. Elsa wailed in despair as the minister droned on; the grief felt as fresh as the day she discovered her beloved dead. No more kisses for her.
It was a while before she realised that Gretchen had stood and was delivering the eulogy. Elsa looked up, embarrassed that she hadn't been paying attention.
"Rachel was a wonderful girl, as I'm sure you all know," Gretchen was saying. "Her time came far too soon, especially considering how she...died." She took a deep breath and collected herself. Elsa understood, she couldn't even fathom speaking the words 'Rachel' and 'death' in the same sentence.
"In that way, she was the unluckiest girl in the world. But I prefer to think of the positives. Her best friend, Elsa, was a wonderful addition to her life. In fact, in her final hours, Elsa and Rachel became more than friends. I know that she loved her more than anyone else in the universe, and my daughter was in fact the luckiest girl in the world."
"So, how was the funeral?"
Two days had passed, and Elsa was sitting in Lilith's office once again. She clasped her hands across her knees awkwardly, and fixed her gaze on a hideous statuette behind her psychiatrist's shoulder.
"It was...well…"
"I understand, Elsa. Have you thought any more about what we discussed on Friday?"
"Yes I have, though I still don't feel any different."
Lilith frowned. "Describe to me how you feel, right now."
Elsa considered for a moment. "Nothing...and I don't mean that I don't not feel anything. It's more of a...weight pressing down on me, you know? I can't feel anything else. Before the funeral, I was in tears every day, but now I just feel burned out."
Lilith nodded. "You're depressed. A lot of people who are depressed don't know it, because they don't feel sad, but more they feel nothing. You've lost an important part of your life, Elsa, it's only natural."
Elsa frowned thoughtfully. An important part, indeed. Rachel was more than important to her. She was her. She was her entire reason for existence. Before Rachel, Elsa had been just trudging through life, day in, day out. But when she met the blonde goddess, even though they didn't realise their feelings for each other until much later, she brought her excitement. Every day seemed...more. And then, on that fateful night, when they surrendered to each other, Elsa's mind conjured up an image of their future together. They would have got married, had children, and grown old together. But, when she died, Elsa's future died with her.
Elsa felt oddly at peace, now. She had finally come to terms with everything, although she didn't feel by any means happier. Lilith's voice droned on, and before she knew it, their hour was up. She found herself standing, shaking Lilith's hand and leaving the office.
Anna smiled as she left, and followed her down the corridor. "How did it go?"
"Very well, Anna."
Anna frowned. "It did? You hated the last one."
Elsa shrugged. "I realised a few things about...everything."
"That's good! Ready to head back?"
"Sure." They walked to Anna's car and drove back to Rachel's former home. They had both been staying there for the past few weeks; Rachel's mother was certainly in need of the company.
Gretchen greeted her warmly at the porch, embracing her briefly. "Hello, Elsa honey, how was it?"
"Fine, Gretchen, thanks."
"Anything you'd like to do for the rest of the day?"
"I...I think I'm going to take a bath, if that's okay with you. I need to relax"
Gretchen laughed. "Of course, honey! See you in a bit."
"Goodbye, Gretchen"
Gretchen frowned. "Goodbye? I'm not going anywhere, silly!"
Elsa smiled genuinely for the first time in weeks. "Of course not. My mistake."
Sighing, Elsa shut off the tap, the bath brimming with steaming hot water. She added a generous handful of salts, causing the water to fizz gently. Crossing the room, she turned off the lights, leaving the room only illuminated by the four candles perched on the tub.
She pulled her t-shirt over her head and removed her jeans, leaving her stood there only in her underwear. She stood in front of the large mirror and slowly removed her bra and panties, examining her naked body closely. Her fingers traced over her full breasts and ran down across her smooth stomach. Satisfied with her appearance, Elsa walked over to the bathtub and got in. The warmth penetrated deep into her body, and she let out a content sigh, laying her head back, enjoying the scent of the bubbles.
After several minutes, she reached for the washcloth, and began the slow process of cleaning every inch of her body. She began at her feet, making sure to get in between her toes, and then worked her way up her long, pale legs. Elsa had always loved her legs, she always thought they looked fantastic in shorts. So she washed those too, and finally reached her stomach, her least favourite part. Objectively, there was nothing wrong with it, but she never liked it. She did however like her breasts; many a night she had wasted away playing with them. She actually managed a giggle as she thought back to one such evening.
Taking the loofah, she concentrated on washing her back, relishing in the feeling of the coarse material scrubbing her skin. After she made sure she had done the job thoroughly, she set the loofah aside, and leaned over the side of the bath to retrieve the item she took from Rachel's former room.
Twirling the craft knife in her fingers, she leaned back in the tub fully, and examined her forearms. The pale skin stood out vividly in the dark room, laced with blue veins. She began to breathe heavily, fear rising in her chest. She was grateful for it; she hadn't felt anything but numbness for such a long time, the fear came as a welcome respite. Taking the knife, she placed the blade against her wrist, and closed her eyes. She could immediately see Rachel's beautiful face. She took a deep breath.
"I hope you waited for me, my love."
Elsa dug the knife into her wrist. White hot pain lanced up her arm, and she gasped. It felt...oddly satisfying, finally she could feel something! Bright red blood gushed from the wound and streaked down her arm, staining the water crimson. She cut down the length of her inner forearm, and before she knew it, the water was a deep, dark red.
She was already beginning to feel lightheaded, so, mustering all her remaining powers of concentration, she repeated the procedure on her right arm. Oddly enough, she didn't really feel the pain anymore, and as she dropped the knife over the edge, she slipped further down into the bathtub.
This won't take long, she thought to herself, as her vision grew blurry. You better have waited, after all of this. We'll be together again soon…"
She was seconds away, she knew it, but she wasn't in the slightest bit afraid. She was going to see her love soon.
She was going home.
"Elsa was a joy to this world, a true blessing…"
Anna sat in between her mother and Gretchen, in exactly the same spot where she had sat through Rachel's funeral. Except this time it was Elsa's.
Elsa was gone. Gone for good.
Hot tears streamed down her face as the minister droned on. God, he is terrible, Anna thought bitterly. No respect, nothing personal, nothing. Probably a fucking script. On the other side of the aisle, Anna spotted who she presumed to be Elsa's parents. The blonde rarely spoke of her parents, and from what she could tell it was for good reason. Nevertheless, the middle-aged couple were clearly heartbroken.
Finally, mercifully, the minister had finished his tedious dirge. Fresh tears welled up in Anna's eyes, and she buried her face in her hands, feeling her mother's arms wrap around her comfortingly. At that moment, a sad, emotional song began to play, no doubt at the request of Elsa's parents.
I pray you'll be my eyes
And watch her where she goes…
Elsa's coffin was lifted and carried down the aisle, on its way to be buried beside her beloved. The congregation began to file out slowly, following Elsa's body out of the church.
And help her to be wise
Help me to let go…
They made their way to a freshly dug grave, right next to Rachel's. Anna tried to read the epitaph as best she could, though she could barely make it out through the amount of tears welling in her eyes. Blinking rapidly, the headstone came into focus.
Here lies Rachel Ashburn
1995 - 2015
Friend, confidant, lover
You will be forever missed.
Anna returned her focus to Elsa's burial. She had already been lowered into the ground, and the minister was busy saying his words. This time, thankfully, he didn't sound half bad. A few moments later, when he was finished, the attendants began to fill in the grave. Anna cried fresh tears as her casket gradually became obscured by the dirt. She felt a warm hand on her shoulder.
"I'm fine, mom…"
"I am not your mother," a gruff voice replied.
Anna whirled around. There stood a tall, stern-looking man, accompanied by an equally tall blonde woman. The woman had a streak of black in her fringe, which Anna thought looked oddly striking.
"Tristan Winters," the man greeted, extending his hand. "This is my wife, Imelda."
"Oh, hi, nice to meet you," Anna replied. "Anna Sternin."
"We already know, dear," Imelda smiled.
"You do?"
"Of course, honey, Elsa told us all about you before she...well, you know." Imelda dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief. "After Rachel's untimely death, we...we slowly began to rebuild our relationship."
"You did? That's wonderful!"
"Yes, dear, we're both very thankful!"
"I...I can't do this, Mrs. Winters!" Anna babbled. "I've lost the only friends I've ever had, in the span of a month!"
Imelda placed an arm around Anna's shoulders and led her away from the graveside. "I know, honey. But everything is going to be all right, you'll see."
An hour later, they had all gathered at Gretchen's house for a small, private wake. Anna and Imelda sat together on the loveseat, each holding a glass of wine. Tristan and Gretchen sat on the sofa, and Lily had her own chair in front of the television.
"I loved them both," Anna weeped. "They were...the best people I knew…"
"I thought I'd lost everything when my husband died," Gretchen lamented, "and now my Rachel is gone too…"
An air of utter despair settled upon the morose group. Each member was silently crying, wiping away the tears, punctuated by the occasional sniff.
"I have an idea," Lily piped up. "Let's have a toast, and instead of this sadness, lets all discuss how great they were! Hmm? We have plenty of time for mourning, let's make tonight a celebration of their lives. What do you say?"
Tristan nodded. "I like the sound of that."
Imelda raised her glass. "To my daughter, Elsa."
"And to my daughter, Rachel," Gretchen echoed, raising her own glass.
"May they rest in peace," Lily added.
"And love each other, forever and ever," Anna finished.
The clinking of glasses filled the room, and the group's spirits were lifted, albeit by a tiny amount. And Anna knew, somewhere, somehow, that her two best girls were finally together at last.
Cold earth was pressing against her cheek. Disoriented, she opened her eyes, straining against the bright light. She was outside, the smell the of dry leaves and dirt invading her nostrils.
Slowly, the girl stood, and allowed her eyes to adjust. She was standing in a forest, and for some reason, it reminded her of the scenery of one of her favourite games. Before she had a chance to look around, she spotted a figure off in the distance. Overcome by an irresistible urge to follow it, she took off, her feet pounding against the soft ground.
"Wait!"
The figure stopped, and turned, but it was still obscured by a thin veil of mist surrounding it. The girl's heart pounded as she ran, oddly not of exertion, but rather of the anticipation of what she would find.
"Hold up!"
The figure began to walk towards her, and she could see that it had blonde hair. She almost seemed to recognise it. She stopped dead, and when the figure emerged from the mist, she almost fell to her knees.
"Rachel!" she screamed, and ran forwards to hug the girl tightly. She pressed their lips together in a passionate kiss, to which Rachel responded eagerly.
"Hello, Elsa," Rachel responded simply. "It's good to see you."
"I'll say!" Elsa babbled, kissing Rachel's face excitedly. "What's going on? You're-"
"Dead, I know," Rachel replied, stifling a giggle. "So are you, it seems."
"Yes," Elsa said, examining her forearms, which were oddly unmarked. "I took my own life. I couldn't bear being without you."
"I know you did, darling," Rachel responded. "I was watching you just before. But why? Why give up on life? I would have waited for you! I seem to remember you asking me that."
"I...I couldn't do it, Rachel, I couldn't survive without you. P...please don't be mad…"
"Oh, darling," Rachel cooed, kissing her lightly. "I could never be mad at you."
"So what is this place?" Elsa asked, looking around.
"I'm not entirely sure," Rachel replied. "Looks quite familiar, though, doesn't it?"
"It does!"
"What I find most interesting, however, is this." Rachel led Elsa over to a small pool between two trees. Elsa gazed into its depths and gasped. Inside, she could see an image of her own corpse lying in the bathtub, wrists slashed open and staining the water red.
"That's horrible!" Elsa wailed. "I feel so selfish now, leaving...me like that for someone to find!"
"I watched you do it," Rachel said, "not two minutes before you turned up. That was horrible."
"I'm sorry, Rachel."
"It's okay," Rachel said, leading Elsa over to a similar pool. This one, however, showed Elsa and Lilith in the office, midway through their last session together.
"I don't understand," Elsa said, frowning. "If the other pool showed what's happening now, then how-?"
"They can show you the past, too. It's not entirely controllable, each pool only shows you a set scene, and I don't think it will show you anything too far back. If we go this way," Rachel led Elsa off to the right, past the original pool, "we can see the future. Again, nothing too far forward. Here, look."
Elsa complied, and gazed into the pool. It showed a view of Anna's bedroom, which was empty. At that precise moment, Anna, all dressed in black, came hurtling into the room and flung herself onto the bed, sobbing.
"Poor Anna," Elsa remarked. "I wish there was something we could do to help."
As if on cue, a solid mist began to form around the two girls. Panicking, Elsa scrambled back, but the mist had a grip on her. Overpowering her strength, it pushed the two women into the pool. They fell through a whirl of colour, flashes of light disorienting them, until they found themselves at the foot of Anna's bed.
"Anna!"
Anna leaped up, turning to face the girls, and her jaw dropped. "Elsa! Rachel! Oh my fucking god, what on Earth? Am I dreaming?"
"No, Anna, you're not. We're here, or, at least I think we are."
Anna frowned. "What does that mean?"
"I'm not entirely sure," Rachel admitted. "I think...we're ghosts? Or spirits? Whatever we are, we're still dead."
Anna slumped back into her pillows, a lone tear sliding down her face.
"We came to say goodbye, Anna," Elsa said, "and to make sure you're okay."
"I'm okay. Or rather, I will be. But you!" Anna's face was suddenly angry, and she was almost shouting. "Why did you kill yourself? Why did you leave us?"
"I couldn't be without her," Elsa said sadly.
"Don't be mad at her," Rachel added.
"I'm not," Anna said, backing down. "I'm just upset. If I loved anyone even half as much as you two love each other, I...well, I understand."
"That's good," Elsa smiled.
"You're fading, Elsa," Anna observed. "You're not leaving again, are you?"
"It looks that way, Anna," Rachel replied. "I'm so sorry. Look after mom, will you?"
"Of course. You're nearly gone, now…" Anna's voice had grown very faint, and her room was gradually being replaced with the white mist.
"Goodbye, Anna…"
The mist enveloped them once more, and immediately they found themselves back in the forest. Elsa looked back into the pool to see Anna still sitting up on the bed where they left her, before she rose and sped out of the room.
Elsa turned to her lover. "Well then...what now?"
"You know, I'm not entirely sure," Rachel replied.
"Hmm. That way?" Elsa said, pointing.
"Seems as good a place to start as any. We've got a lot to catch up on!"
"And just what does that mean?" Elsa said with mock indignation, lightly slapping Rachel's shoulder.
"I meant talking!" Rachel replied, grinning devilishly. "But that too, yes. I mean, we've got the rest of...well...forever."
"Eternity," Elsa whispered, taking Rachel's hands in her own and kissing her passionately. They broke apart, and, hand in hand, walked off into the distance.
Fin
A/N: Well there we have it. My first attempt at an angsty fic. Little bit of supernatural shit there at the end too! Hope you all enjoyed it!