For those who don't recognize the title, it's The Dreaming Tree by Dave Matthew's Band.
A/N: I'm trying something a little different here. While this is a songfic in some ways, it's going to be a series of chapters based on one song, simply because the song for these purposes creates a very complex story. It will change times within the xxxHolic timeframe and points of view. It may be confusing, but that is my intention. It is meant to occur sometime after Rou. This is just the beginning. Please tell me what you think!
The Dreaming Tree: Prologue
Blackness. It's all there was. Some dark suspension between the worlds – the only thing he was sure of. A place he had only seen once before. Something held him, he didn't know what, and constrained him there in the darkness. He remembered now, of his own confusion the first time he'd seen this, but from the other side…which could only mean one thing. As soon as he realized, as if on cue, whatever it was suddenly wrapped itself tightly around his chest, constricting around the already doomed being, as if to squeeze life from it all the faster.
"No…NO! It's too soon! Why?..." He gasped for air. Sweat poured down his brow about his thin frames mingling with the tears of pain, frustration, and confusion of what was happening. He had worked to become the best representation of the magical shopkeeper, sacrificing freedom, life, love, and friendship in the process…and for everything to come to this…NO! It was unacceptable! But it was undeniable - his slowly disintegrating existence was disappearing every second. He racked his brain in his blind rage, fighting against the hopelessness and despair that fought with what was left of his consciousness…
"Why did things have to be this way?" He thought furiously in his mind. Why, when his intentions had been so pure, when he had given absolutely everything he had worth bargaining for to achieve this power to help others unselfishly…everything.
His freedom. Ever since the last Witch of Time and Space left this position for him, he had taken the responsibility upon his shoulders, simply because he had wanted answers. Answers to why Yuuko knew the things she did. Answers to why she had disappeared so suddenly. And more importantly, answers about her in general, and why he had ended up loving her so much. After all, if the last hadn't been true he wouldn't be here in this predicament now, would he. And as for the second, well, he had his answer now.
His life. He had become immortal when he became the shopkeeper, yet the same contract held him within the shop, and he was unable ever to leave. While it had seemed a small token to keep Yuuko's memory alive, in his later years he had grown to regret this. It only became apparent to him when he returned from his dreams where he had the freedom to go wherever he wished. Waking was always a harsh reality.
His love. For long years he loved Himawari, fawning over her every adorable detail, being grateful always simply to be around her…like her namesake, always brightening the room with her lovely smile. His admiration had been true and always he had cared deeply for her, even if he had made a spectacle of himself.
But even that was doomed to fail. Whether she had felt the same love he had or not, when he assumed the position they could never see each other, except for on his birthday – and all hope was lost.
Even so, there was someone who had never left his side. Someone who had a wish, but would never say much more than "what's for dinner tonight?" Like oil and water, fire and ice, cats and dogs…you name it. The comparisons held. But no matter how much they got on each other's nerves, he would never stop protecting him. And only in his later years when his fire for Himawari had died down (along with his immaturity) had he begun to realize why. It had taken him so long to realize it, but with other's help he was finally able to see. And realized the feelings he kept within himself
…and how he felt remorse now, now of all times in the world! And regret, that in his pride and arrogance that he had never allowed himself..t...to…the thoughts would barely come anymore, his mind was too full of everything, and the pain of constricted feelings, or was that the darkness… overwhelming him, everything felt heavy, he could feel his power draining with every second…and how he wished, now, with every fiber of his being that it didn't have be this way! He would give everything, anything! For just another chance! He had been young…he had been foolish, right to the end! True to his name…hitsuzen loves a cruel joke, doesn't it, he thought bitterly to himself.
No one was here to save him this time.
There was nothing anyone could do.
The darkness was inside him now, the thickness of the air, the tightness in chest, and with the last drop of power all but gone…
There was nothing.
Now, barely a whisper of an existence…
He had in his last remnants of power and consciousness, one thought. The only thing he could do. Please, hitsuzen, if he could just have this! Something he had wished Yuuko would have done: construct a place for those who had loved her to revisit her memory, something he had only read about in books before…
The Dreaming Tree.