LIZ
This is the longest summer of my life.
It's been two months since Tess shot off into the sky and we are all finally regaining our equilibrium.
Compared to the past two years of my life, this summer has been completely mundane. Michael, Maria and I work long hours at the Crashdown. Max and Isabel come by sometimes and sit in their old booth. There is an emptiness where Alex used to be.
It's almost as if things have gone back to the way they were before I was shot. Max pretends he's not staring at me. I pretend not to notice that he's staring.
I can't breath when he's around. When he's not around I can't breath.
Maria always makes me take his order. She encourages me to smile, to go talk to him. She thinks because it worked out for her and Michael it'll work out for us.
Michael stayed for Maria. She believes in love now, because he stayed. Maria and Michael are together now. In spite of everything that's happened, they've found happiness. Maria and I used to hang out after work when Alex was alive. Now she hangs out with Michael.
I hate myself for being jealous of him, but I am. I feel like I've been demoted from best friend to second string.
Now I hang out with Kyle. Out of everyone he took Tess's betrayal the worst. He loved her. He thinks what happened to Alex is his fault, like he was ever a match for Tess. I've explained to him that if it's anyone's fault it's probably mine but he doesn't believe me.
We play violent video games together. It's cathartic for both of us. We talk about running away to Mexico. He tries to teach me about Buddhism. I tell him I don't believe in God anymore. He tells me my nihilistic viewpoint is bad for my health.
Sometimes I go out with Sean. He picks me up in the alley under my balcony. We go for long drives. We eat late night pizza. He takes me to the movies and sneaks me booze.
I like Sean because he doesn't expect a lot from me. He's just happy I'm there. He knows that deep down I'm still in love with Max, that it will always be Max. And yet he seems utterly unperturbed by it. He makes me laugh. He's kind of cute. Also, he buys me vodka.
I'm spending a good amount of my summer drinking. I'm thinking of it as a new skill I'm cultivating. I never liked alcohol before; never saw the appeal of losing control. Now oblivion is the only thing that makes sense.
When I'm drunk all the guilt and regret go away and I become blissfully numb. It's like magic. I'll miss it when summer is over and I have to go back to school for senior year. Fledgling alcoholics probably don't make honor roll. Nobody knows about it except for Sean. Who would have guessed Perfect Lizzie Parker had a dark side?
MAX
I'm standing in my kitchen at ten pm on a Friday night getting choked up over a bowl of strawberries.
Let me back up here.
I was doing homework for summer school, but I couldn't concentrate and went downstairs to the kitchen to get something to eat. I'm in summer school because my college counselor told my parents it was the only way to salvage my GPA.
It sucks but it's not like I have anything better to do this summer. No evil aliens have come to attack us. The FBI seems to have lost interest without Pierce. I don't even have a girlfriend.
I hang out with Michael and Maria. I feel like a third wheel but Maria always insists I come with them. I think she feels sorry for me.
The person I spend the most time with is Isabel. She decided to take a year off and go to college with the rest of us after we finish high school. I drag her to the Crashdown and she has the grace not to act embarrassed to be seen with her little brother. She flips through fashion magazines while I do my homework. When I'm not staring at Liz, that is. Which brings me back to the strawberries.
They were sitting in a colander next to the sink. I still can't look at strawberries without thinking of her, her hair, her skin. How she even tasted like them.
I smell the damn strawberries and close my eyes. Images of Liz flash through my mind. Liz in her cute teal uniform that she hates. Liz's dark hair in a ponytail swishing between her shoulder blades. Liz staring through me like I don't exist.
"What are you doing?"
I jump, knocking over the strawberries. "Jesus, Isabel."
"Sorry." She says, in that tone that lets me know she's not really sorry, but she walks over to help me clean up anyways.
"Fun night, huh?" She jokes and I smile wanly back at her.
"Actually... I was thinking about going over to talk to Liz."
Isabel's eyebrows shoot way up. "Why?"
That's exactly I said, when Maria asked me to talk to her last night. It was after hours at the Crashdown. She and Michael were closing and I was there because honestly, I had nothing better to do.
Liz was out with Sean. Everyone thinks I don't know that they're dating but I do. Maria insists that they're just friends but I know better.
"I need you to do something for me." Maria announced, sliding into my booth. I nodded, flipping a page in my textbook. I took a sip of my Cherry Coke and waited for her to elaborate.
"I need you to talk to Liz."
I choked, coughed and looked at her, completely bewildered.
"Why?"
"I'm worried about her."
"So? You talk to her."
"Max!" She glared at me. "I'm serious."
"So am I. Besides, Liz hates me."
Maria's gaze softened slightly. "She doesn't hate you. She's...just still getting over everything."
"If you're the one worried about her why do I have to tell her?"
"Because!" She exclaimed impatiently. "I tried. She won't listen to anything I say. She just stares at me. She says she's fine but she's obviously not."
"If she won't talk to you there's no way she'll talk to me."
"But... You're Max. You've always been able to get through to her. It's worth a shot."
"I don't know Maria..."
"Max, please? For me? I don't think she's eating." She whispered. She looked worried. "She still loves you, you know."
She had me hooked now, and she knew it. "Did she tell you that?"
"Girlfriend please, she didn't have to. I can sense these things."
"What would I even say to her?"
"Just.. Tell her we miss her. That we're worried about her."
"Ok." I said uncertainly.
"Look," Maria said, leaning in towards me. "She's a wreck, Max. I think she feels like... she lost all of us, you know? Don't tell her I said this, but she's practically a zombie. I have to carry her through morning shifts; she's always hungover."
"What?" I stare at Maria. What is she talking about? Liz doesn't drink.
"My idiot cousin gets it for her. She doesn't know I know."
"So you want me to do an intervention."
"Definitely don't tell her I said that! Just think about it."
So I have been. Thinking about it. I figure, how bad could it get? How could things be worse than they are now, with this horrible silence between us?
I explain this to Isabel.
"You should tell her you love her." She advises me.
"That's not what this is really about, Iz."
"I know. But..." Her voice suddenly sounds thick, like she's trying not to cry. " You should tell her anyway. You don't want to... regret..."
"I know." I say quickly, covering her hand with mine. My heart breaks a little for my sister.
She sniffs a little and gives me that brilliant Isabel smile. "Good luck." She says, patting my arm gently.
"Yeah. Thanks." Given how things are between Liz and I right now, I'm going to need a lot more than luck.
An hour later I'm standing on her balcony. Her light is on; I can see her moving around her room. She's wearing a white tank top that highlights her tan and tiny denim shorts.
I wonder if she was with Sean tonight. I wonder if they're having sex. I think about Sean's hands on her exposed thighs. I feel nauseous.
Stop it, I tell myself. Focus. I take a deep breath and walk to her window. I knock.
Liz jumps and whirls around to face the window. She stares at me, like she's not sure I'm really here. For one horrible second I think she's going to leave me standing out here but then she shrugs and walks to the window and unlocks it.
I open the window and climb into her room. She's standing in the middle of it, swaying a little. She tilts her head. " What are you doing here Max?"
"Um... I kind of wanted to talk to you."
"About?"
"You, actually."
She stares at me. She's giving me this weird blank look that's making me feel totally uncomfortable.
"Liz? Are you ok?"
"I'm fine Max. Ah...Why exactly do we need to talk about me?"
Here goes nothing.
"Well, Maria-I mean us-we're all... We're worried about you."
She laughs, once, a harsh sound from the back of her throat.
"Really." She says disbelievingly.
"We never see you. You don't do things with us anymore." I point out.
"I'm working a lot." She shoots back.
"I know. But... Nobody knows what's going on with you lately. Maria misses you."
Liz rolls her eyes, like I'm already boring her. "She sees me every day at the Crash."
"She says you won't talk to her."
"She doesn't want to talk to me." She says petulantly. "She wants to talk to Michael." Neither of us misses the note of bitterness in her voice.
"Liz." I say softly. I take a few steps towards her.
She backs up and trips over herself, catching herself on the wall. "Whoops." She giggles softly.
I am suddenly reminded of what Maria told me. I look at Liz, with her messy hair and her glazed eyes and her flushed cheeks. Shit. Shit shit shit.
"Liz, please. Tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing's wrong Max." She widens her eyes, gives me her best innocent face.
"Come on. Just talk to me."
"Like you even care." She mutters, twisting away so I can't see her face.
Ouch. "Of course I care." I say gently. "I'll always care about you"
She looks at me suspiciously through slitted eyes and doesn't say anything.
"Look, I know things are messed up between us right now." Might as well say it. The tension between us is uncomfortably thick. "But if you weren't ok..or if you needed something, I'd want to know."
She works her jaw, like she's thinking something over. "So you just want to know if I'm ok? I'm ok! Ok?" She flails her arms around a little. "Don't I look ok?"
She doesn't, actually, but I can't tell her that. I decide to play one of my best cards. "Maria says you're not eating."
She blinks. She wasn't expecting that. "She said that?"
"Is it true?"
"Maybe. I don't know." She shrugs and crosses her arms.
"Ok." I say. I'm not surprised she's acting like this. She's as stubborn as I am.
"Have you thought about talking to someone about that?" I try not to sound as worried as I really am.
She leans her head against the doorframe of her bathroom. "Talk to who Max? Like a therapist?"
"Sure. If it'll make you feel better." I walk a little closer to her. She's practically in the bathroom by now; she can't run much farther from me.
She looks at me for a long, long time and then she shakes her head disbelievingly at me. She looks at me like I'm a stupid little boy. "You know I can't do that Max."
Great. Way to help Max. You've accomplished nothing.
"Are you trying to get rid of me?" She suddenly glares at me.
"What? Why the hell would you ask me that?" How drunk is she?
"Don't you know what would happen to me if I talked to a therapist? If I told someone what really happened?" She's yelling now. This isn't good.
"If I said my alien ex-boyfriend's former wife murdered my best friend they'd lock me up in a fucking heartbeat!" She explodes.
She must be really drunk. She never says fuck. I feel like a moron.
"I'm sorry." I apologize. "I didn't think of that."
"Yeah." She says softly. She doesn't look mad anymore. She just looks sad. My hands itch to touch her face. Stop it, I tell them. Stop it.
"You could talk to me." I suggest.
She lifts an eyebrow and gives me the tiniest fraction of a smile. "You want to be my therapist, Max?"
I smile back at her. " That's probably not a good idea. But we could talk... You know, like friends." My heart is pounding. This is longest I've been alone in a room with Liz since the night before Alex's funeral.
She looks me straight in the eyes and then suddenly she audibly gasps and wraps her arms around herself. "I'm sorry Max. I can't talk to you about this." She looks down at her feet.
"Why not? We used to talk about everything." I don't understand why she's trying so hard to avoid telling me. It must be bad. Really bad. Liz was always comfortable playing the martyr.
" I just can't, ok? " She winces, like it's physically hurting her to talk about this.
"Yeah, ok." I run a hand through my hair and sigh. At least I tried. We managed to have a conversation that was mildly civil. For us, that's progress.
I look back at Liz and she is staring at me again. Her eyes go up to my hair, down to my lips and chest then back up again. "What?" I whisper. Why is she looking at me like this?
Her eyes soften. "Nothing." She bites her lip. "You look good." She giggles and leans her face in towards me. "You want to make out?"
What the fuck? Did she say that out loud?
"Omigod!" Liz shrieks and claps her hands to her mouth. "I can't believe I said that! I'm so sorry!" She starts to giggle again. "The look" she gasps "on your face." She is cracking herself up, doubled over at the waist. "Oh Max." She laughs, falling onto the floor.
Screw it. I get on the floor with her. Liz leans her shoulder against mine and laughs and laughs.
Finally she whispers , "Max?".
"Yeah?" I turn to face her and realize instantly that something is wrong. She's shaking and breathing really hard, like she can't catch her breath.
"Max?" Her voice quavers. She closes her eyes and tears start slipping down her face.
Jesus. "Okay." I say to Liz, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. " Lets go lie down." I try to pull her up but she is like dead weight. I sigh and pick her up and carry her to her bed. She weighs nothing. Maria was right; she can't be eating much.
As soon as I put Liz down she curls up into the fetal position. Her hand clutch her chest and she gasps, like she can't get any air. I have no idea what to do. I've never seen Liz lose control like this.
I sit next to her on the bed. I'm wondering if this is something that just has to run its course when her hand wraps around my arm.
"Max." She half sobs. "I can't breathe."
"If you can talk , you can breathe. " I remind her gently, taking the opportunity to wrap a few fingers around her wrist and feel her pulse. Of course it's through the roof.
"No!" Her grips tightens on my arm and suddenly our connection flares to life. I am almost physically knocked over by the waves of panic rolling off her. She's terrified.
I learn over and brush some of her hair out of her face. "I think you're having a panic attack." I say gently.
She nods, clutching my arm like a life line.
"Come sit here." I pat the space between my legs.
She doesn't move.
"Hey." I say, feigning indignation. "I healed you from being shot. I think I can handle this."
Liz swallows and crawls over to me. I settle her between my legs and lean her back against my chest. "Take deep, slow breaths." I instruct. "You're okay. I'm right here. Just breath."
She shakes and gasps and slowly, slowly she starts to calm down. "That's good. That's really good." I say softly. I resist the urge to trace the outline of her shoulder blades with my fingers.
Liz doesn't say anything. Her body feels limp against me. I grab her wrists and gently spin her around to face me. I don't want to say what I'm about to say, but I know she needs to hear it.
"Liz." I look her in the eye and take a deep breath. " Alex wouldn't want this for you."
Her eyes go round and she suddenly collapses at the waist. I have to catch her by her shoulders. She squeezes her eyes shut and scrubs her face with her hands.
"I know." Liz says hoarsely. "I know." She sits straight up and looks at me. "I don't want to talk anymore. I want to sleep."
I nod. She looks completely exhausted. I move to get up but she puts her hand over mine.
"Wait." Liz says. She's speaking so softly I can barely hear her. "Will you stay?"
My eyes instinctively go to her door and like she's reading my mind she says "Its fine, my parents are in Albuquerque for some restaurant conference"
"Ok." I say. "Yeah, sure."
"Thanks." Liz whispers. She gets up and suddenly bends over, pulling off her shorts. I am confronted by the image of her ass clad only in a lacy black thong. I think I'm having a heart attack. The girl I've loved since third grade is standing in front of me half naked, showing me more of herself than I ever saw those six perfect weeks we dated sophomore year.
She has to be screwing with me. Or she's so drunk she doesn't care. She brushes by me on the way to the bathroom and smirks at me. Ok, she's definitely screwing with me.
I take a deep breath. Mud, I tell myself. Think about mud. It's doesn't work. I, Max Evans, former king of an entire goddamn planet, am brought to my knees by the sight of my ex-girlfriend and teenage fantasy in a thong.
Liz comes back to bed and crawls under the covers. I switch off her lamp and get in next to her.
"Night Max." She mumbles against her pillow.
"Night Liz." I reply.
I remind myself to thank Maria profusely for making me do this, and promptly fall asleep.