Chapter 1

It's damp and cold in the basement but I don't care, at least I've got some privacy down here. I'm sitting in the corner with my legs bent so I can lean my sketch book against my knees. Desi is not in a good mood tonight, my only aim is to stay as far away from him as possible. I've been hiding out in the basement for an hour, I could get away with spending another hour here without him noticing. I don't think he realises this isn't even a punishment for me anymore, it's a relief. At least when I'm down here I can be alone, I don't need to worry about what anyone is thinking or feeling, I can just exist.

I close my eyes and remember back to when I'd first been sent to live with Desi, I was 10 years old. In the beginning he was actually kinda sweet, sometimes I could almost forget I was in foster care. By the time I turned 14 I looked at him as a dad, I'd grown to love him, and I thought he loved me. Why would he have kept me for so many years if he didn't love me?

But something had changed in him over the last year, he wasn't the same man anymore. He'd become so harsh, so completely empty, but I would never admit how much that change had hurt me. I'd tried a few times to talk to him about it, but it never ended well, so I just stopped asking. I thought maybe it had something to do with his job at the men's prison, it had to be pretty stressful, but he never said anything. So I learnt how to avoid him, it didn't always work, but it served me well most days.

'Alex!'

I shudder as soon as I hear his voice, I'm not ready to deal with his moods yet. I would gladly sit in the basement all night and draw, maybe write.

I walk back up the stairs and into the main house, clutching the sketch book against my chest, lately it's the only thing that makes me feel sort of okay. I walk through the house until I find him sitting at the kitchen table. He looks agitated, but still in control.

I'm constantly told how tall I am for a 15 year old kid, but I've nothing on Desi, he's a beast of a man. He still towers over me, he probably always will, and lately he always looks angry. Sometimes I still tell myself that he loves me, that he's just going through a rough patch.

Yeah right, a 12 month rough patch...

I watch him sitting at the table, staring at me. He'd stopped shaving a while ago and had grown a wild beard, it made him look even more intimidating.

"What are you doing?"

I keep my voice low, but force myself to look him in the eye, "Drawing."

"When will you get it through your thick head that drawing isn't going to get you anywhere?"

Don't let him push you around, stand up for yourself!

"You used to like my drawings."

He pushes his chair back and stands up straight with his shoulders out, "When you were a kid Alex, it's time to grow up now. Or do you want to end up like your mother?"

Well, that was a low blow. I know my mother has never been perfect, I know she's the whole reason I ended up in foster care, but I still can't stop myself from loving her.

"Answer me, do you want to end up like your mother?"

Desi keeps his voice low, but it's still laced with anger.

I don't bother responding, and turn around to go hide in my bedroom upstairs. It's an old creaky house but it's still better than anything I've lived in before. These days it just feels lonelier, maybe a bit darker, dustier.

I'm not surprised when I feel his hand grip hard on my shoulder once I reach the bottom of the stairs. I know exactly what's coming.

Fuck, just get it over with, I don't even care anymore.

Desi forces me to turn around and puts his hands on my shoulders, always trying to intimidate, always trying to control.

I look up into his eyes and part of me wants him to lash out, I want him to hit me, "What?" I don't have the energy for anger, but I hate how defeated I sound.

"I asked you a question Alex," he's daring me to push him over the edge.

I exhale slowly. I know what I should probably do right now, but hey, that's never been my style. I mean, fuck, just look at my parents. Neither of them could pull it together enough to keep me. But like I said, I miss my mother every day, even if she fucked up. Diane is still my mother, and I still have good memories of her, I will never let Desi destroy that.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I want."

He grabs my arm and squeezes hard as he pulls me back towards the basement, which is almost a relief. He opens the door and pushes me inside, making me drop the sketch book down the stairs. He slams the door behind me, and I hear a key turn.

Another night in the fucking basement, great.

I'm more than familiar with this particular punishment, being locked down here overnight. Even though sometimes I want him to, Desi isn't the type of person to just lash out uncontrollably, he always has a plan, always thinks he's teaching me a lesson. Or maybe treating me like shit makes him feel better, who knows.

I try to shake the whole thing off and slowly drag my feet towards the dark corner where I was sitting not even ten minutes before. It's too dark to keep sketching, so I grab the blanket I hid behind a stack of old bricks a few months back and try to get comfortable on the floor. A small part of me still wishes Diane would come knocking on the door one day, wanting me back, all of that good stuff. I never let her mind linger on that dream for too long. The most likely reality was that I'd be stuck with Desi until I turned 18, then I'll run away, fade into the background. That was it, nothing is planned beyond that. Just get away from Desi, then life would have to get better.

0-0-0-0-0

Everything about my family looks so perfect from the outside. We're wealthy, live in a good neighbourhood, me and my brothers go to private school. The facade is too perfect, especially when compared to the reality.

I turned 16 less than a month ago, now I'm sitting with an officer from the Department of Human Services, holding a tissue against the cut on my cheek. The darker part of my personality is glad the facade has been shattered, no more pretending, no more fake smiles, being able to show my sadness freely will be a relief. But I'm also scared, for the first time ever I've got nowhere to go.

The officer finally gets off the phone and gives me a pity smile, I suppose I should get used to it.

"Piper, you know I can't let you go home after what happened."

I keep my eyes focused on the floor, "I know."

"I've been able to get you a place to stay with one of our long term carers, I can drop you off there now."

I know she's trying her hardest, that I should be really fucking grateful that she's found me a place to stay at the absolute last minute, but I'm not sure I care.

"There's another girl that lives there, I'm sure you can borrow some clothes from her for tonight."

I stand up slowly and drag my body out of the office and into the cold, preparing myself to spend my first night in a stranger's home.

0-0-0-0-0

I've almost convinced myself I'm comfortable lying on the concrete floor when I hear the door open, and Desi's voice booming through the basement.

"Get up here!"

I groan, not wanting to move. Even if I really am cold and uncomfortable, I don't care, I ignore him.

It's not long before I hear heavy footsteps coming down the basement stairs and towards me, then I feel a boot in my side trying to force me to get up.

Even when he's was pissed off, his deep voice stays in control.

"Get the fuck up, and get into your room."

But I can't resist pushing him further, and keep ignoring him. It's one of the only things I still have control of, and I'm not ready to let that go.

He eventually leans down and pulls me up by one arm, shoving me towards the basement stairs. I manage to keep my balance and walk up into the main house.

Desi never lets me out of the basement once he's decided I deserve to spend the night down there, but I can't be bothered talking to him about it. I go to my bedroom and close the door, still clutching onto my sketchbook.

0-0-0-0-0

I sit quietly in the back seat of the officer's car, whose name I learn is Irene. It takes me a moment to realise the car has stopped, that I've reached my temporary home.

I follow Irene towards the house, which manages to feel sad and overwhelming at the same time. It isn't much longer before the front door opens and I see a ridiculously huge man smiling at Irene. His red checkered shirt and jeans have a warmth about them, but I'm still trying to take in his sheer size and bushy beard. I can't process anything as Irene leads me into the house and does the formal introductions.

"Piper, this is Desi. He's been working with us for a long time."

I give him my best fake smile, which is harder than usual with the stinging pain in my cheek.

"Hi Piper, you've got a room here as long as you need."

I thank him and keep up the fake smile as I hear Irene's voice again.

"Desi's actually got another girl living here that's about your age. Where is Alex?"

"Alex has been with me for a long time, she's a good kid underneath all that attitude. She's in her room, but I highly doubt she's asleep yet."

I'm almost surprised when I hear my own voice cutting through the cold air, "How long has she lived with you?"

Desi starts scratching his beard while he adds up the years, "Hmmm, it's been about five years, it's hard to keep track."

His voice is deep, almost gravelly. He doesn't seem unkind on first impression, but I have grown to have a natural mistrust for most people.

"You can stay in Alex's room tonight, I'll get the spare room ready for you tomorrow so you've got your own space."

"Thanks," I'm suddenly very nervous at the idea of sharing a room with a stranger, but it's better than the alternative.

I feel Irene put a hand on my shoulder, "Why don't we take you upstairs and get you settled in."

I nod and follow the two adults up the old creaky stairs. Desi knocks on the first door at the top of the stairs, "Alex, can you open up?"

All I hear is a muffled and angry sounding voice float into the hallway, "Fuck off!"

Desi takes a deep breath and turns to Irene with an apologetic smile, "Sorry, you know what she can be like."

He doesn't ask for permission this time and opens the bedroom door, revealing a young girl sitting on a single bed, legs crossed, a completely blank look on her face.

"Alex, this is Piper, she'll be staying with us for a while."

I felt the anxiety stabbing me in the chest until I lock eyes with the other girl, Alex. She doesn't look angry, just tired, her voice sounding just as exhausted as she looks.

"Hi Piper."

"Hi."

Irene looks to Alex, they obviously know each other.

"How's it going Alex?"

"Fine," Alex deadpans.

Desi steps into the room, inviting me to follow him, "Piper will bunk with you tonight Alex, we'll get her settled into her own room tomorrow."

His tone is normal enough, but I can't help but notice the way he stares at Alex, who nods but stays silent.

I sit down on the only other bed in the room as Irene and Desi turn to leave.

"Me and Desi need to talk through a few details, but I'll call you tomorrow, okay Piper?"

"Thanks Irene."

I manage to force out one more smile before the bedroom door closes, and I realise I'm alone with the other girl. I take the opportunity to look at her properly as she stands up next to her bed. She's tall, thin, and pale, with long dark hair that seems to go everywhere. A pair of black glasses frame her face, against a black tank top and grey sweat pants.

"What happened to your face?"

"Huh?"

"Your cheek, you okay?"

It takes my mind a moment to catch up and realise what Alex is talking about. I move my fingers to the cut on my face that had finally stopped bleeding, forcing myself to remember how it got there.

"Oh, yeah..."

"It's okay, you don't need to say anything."

It's weird, we spend a few moments just looking at each other, before I work up the courage to speak again.

"So you've lived here for a while?"

Alex's expression drops as soon as I ask that question.

"Yeah, since I was 10, I'm 15 now. How old are you?"

"16, something tells me I might be staying here for a while. What's Desi like?"

Alex shrugs, I feel like she's holding back, but I figure I've got no right to press her for information.

"It's better than being homeless."

We sit in silence again for a few moments, with Alex breaking the silence this time.

"You wanna borrow something to sleep in?"

I look down at my jeans and shirt, and obvious lack of any luggage, "Yeah, if you don't mind?"

Alex finally cracks a smile and walks towards the small chest of drawers in the corner of the room, and for the first time all day I let myself start to relax. I grab the grey t-shirt and shorts from Alex, who walks back to her bed and turns around to give me some privacy.

0-0-0-0-0

I feel sorry for the girl standing across from me. I know what it's like to have your life turned upside down and end up in the system. Whatever happened for Piper to end up here, it wasn't good. I can see the hesitation in all of Piper's movements, all I want to do is put her at ease. I turn around and face the wall until Piper lets me know she's done changing.

I go back to sitting on my bed, just looking at the other girl, waiting for her to say something.

"I'm so tired, but I don't think I can sleep."

Now that's a problem I can definitely identify with, "Do you read much? I've got a few books, nothing fancy but it helps me relax when I'm trying to sleep."

I get this unfamiliar feeling inside, excitement? Whatever it is, I don't even wait for her to answer before grabbing a book from my small bedside table and handing it to my new room mate.

"Mrs Dalloway?"

We both laugh, "Trust me, it's worth it."

"I'll take your word for it," Piper gives me one last smile before getting under the covers and opening the book.

A/N

Hey folks, welcome to my new story! I feel there's quite a lot I want to say in this one, so should be an interesting ride. As usual for me, this is totally AU, and this version of Diane will be very different from what we usually see. I'm also really looking forward to getting into Desi's character. Future chapters will most likely be longer, given the content I have in mind. I'm super curious to hear your feedback, so as always please review.

Cheers.