Author's Note: This is for you dear Nonnie, who gave this prompt to me two weeks ago and has waited ever so patiently for me to write this. I am so so so sorry that it has taken me so long but I hope you like it.
Disclaimer: Nothing but the plot bunnies in my head are mine.
"What the hell do you want Raven?!" Wick was flabbergasted. This wasn't the first time that they had fought like this. They did knock down drag outs all too frequently, and their friends were well acquainted with what to do, but this was different. He wasn't able to verbally articulate it at the moment but something told him that in this moment this fight was different.
"What are you going on about now Wick?" Raven huffed crossing her arms indignantly as she leaned against the work bench. "I thought we were 'discussing' the new drawings for the hydroponics system for agro." Her frustration giving way in her tone as she rubbed and the bridge of her nose trying to relieve the tension she knew would be building. Raven knew what this was really about. Wick had let it go after they came back from Hell, as it was commonly referred to, eight months ago. She had felt the change and the shift and they both had helped each other heal. He had been an amazing friend and an amazing lover when they both needed a reminder that Mount Weather was in the past. Their short duration there still haunted them but they noticed it wasn't so bad if they spent it side by side.
Raven had felt the change a few weeks ago, something that felt like a pull and a tug to let herself drop those final walls and let Wick in completely. Just as she would build up the courage images of Finn would flash in her head and she would shut down, unable to forget how her lifelong friend and lover and given her up in just ten short days. It still stung and there was a small part of her that still resented Clarke for everything that had happened. However, she would remember that Clarke was completely ignorant of the fact that she existed and her anger would return to Finn. The anger was less outright as Raven tended to internalize most things. It was like opening an old would or prodding a healing bruise, you don't know why you do it, but you do. Still she hadn't wanted to deal with this, she hadn't want to face this because all she had been dreaming about these past few nights were Finn and she hadn't been able to find comfort in even Wick's arms. She felt like she was betraying him by thinking and dreaming of a past lover and so had tried to maneuver around the topic as much as she could. On most days Wick wouldn't even bother bringing it up, but she had noticed a change in him.
"And here I thought we were talking about us. I thought we were trying to figure out what we wanted to be." His hands flew up in the air while he walked around too agitated to stay in the same spot. "But I guess I didn't read the signs right. I enjoy being with you Raven but you leave me hanging! I want more than just this!" He gestured between them. Trying to describe whatever their current relationship was.
"You smug bastard!" Raven hadn't slept moderately well in over a week and between her exhaustion and wanted to drop the issue completely she lashed out at him. "And you think I don't want the same things?" she roared back insulted that he would suggest such a thing.
"I don't know what the hell you want!" He flung his arm and knocked his coffee cup over spilling the contents over the conception drawings. "Shit!" He swore under his breath before searching for a towel. Raven picked up the nearest one and flung it at him with a little more force than necessary.
"You would if you listened to me!" She retorted, it wasn't completely true, even in the slightest, he listened to her all the time and without him she'd probably be locked in the air chamber because she'd lost her mind.
"You're a pain in the ass, you know that?!" He looked her straight on, knowing that her last comment wasn't at all true. "You pull me close and then shut down and shut me out. I can't tell if you want me to stay or go." His voice had returned to normal somewhere along the way and now came out exasperated more than anything. He walked towards her coming to stand a foot in front of her, still giving her room to move if she wanted to. She didn't. "Raven," he nearly broke as he spoke her name. "I want to be with you, wholly and completely and honestly, I love you. I do." He looked up into her face trying to gauge her reactions. "And I'm willing to be with you in whatever way you want me, but I need to know what that capacity is. We spend the night with each other and sometimes it feels like you're there and other times if feels like you're up in space again." He trailed his fingers along hers, linking them lightly and letting them hang in between the two of them.
"Wick, I just, it's still hard for me." She let his hands fall and tried not to notice how his shoulders sagged in defeat. "There are things that still haunt me…."Her voice trailed, more memories of Finn flooded her.
"Why won't you talk about them?" His voice was soft, trying to be comforting and welcoming all at the same time. It was then that Raven had made her choice, in truth she had made it a long time ago but now was only just realizing it.
"Follow me?" She asked, as she headed towards the door hoping that her memory was as good as she could remember. She doubted it and so kept walking hearing the tell tale signs of Wick's steps behind her until she found Clarke and Bellamy.
"Has anyone brought back the pod I came down in yet?" She was speaking more to Clarke than Bellamy while Wick and he exchanged a silent conversation.
"No, they couldn't. It weighs too much and we have nothing strong enough to haul it. Why?" Clarke was trying to put the pieces together.
"I just am trying to explain some things. Mind if we borrow your map so we can find our way?" Raven hadn't really wanted to bring Clarke or Bellamy into this but maybe it was needed, maybe there needed to be absolution all the way around.
"Well Bell and I were going to head out that way and see if we could carry anything. I was just about to come get you…." Clarke paused not quite finishing her sentence. "Or would you rather we not intrude?" Clarke glanced between Raven and Wick watching as Wick just shrugged his shoulders, clearly not at all sure of what was happening.
"I don't think it'd be a problem if you came with, it might be better, more protection in case of a trap or some such nonsense." Raven waved her hand dismissively but Clarke could tell this was important. Grabbing their gear for them tent, Clarke and Bellamy fell in step next to the other two.
No one was sure if Clarke and Raven started walking faster or if Bellamy and Wick started walking slower but somehow it came to pass that there was a solid distance for private conversation between them.
"What's this all about?" Clarke asked genuinely concerned for her friends. Raven was usually more talkative than this.
"I'm trying to explain something to him and I'm not sure how." Raven shrugged, knowing that Clarke would understand.
"You're trying to explain coming down to Earth and Finn." Clarke nodded her head as she spoke having spoken to Bellamy about this just the night before.
"Exactly. How did you know?" Raven curiously inquired.
"I've been watching you and Wick a lot lately and have been wondering if you had explained why it would be so hard for you to get into a relationship after that." Clarke shrugged her shoulders seeming to understand all too well what Raven was thinking.
They passed the rest of the short walk in silence as they followed the map that others had drawn for them. Finally, they found the pod that Raven had travelled down in and Clarke stood back while Raven ventured forward letting her fingers trace over the metal with a sense of pride. Bellamy stayed by her side as Wick followed to where Raven was.
Little conversation passed between either couple as something struck home for them. Finally after a short time Wick began to put the pieces together.
"What was his name?" Wick speaks quietly trying not to disturb the odd peace that had settled around them.
"Finn, and he watched out for me as long as I could remember." At this point he stayed quiet, letting her talk at her own pace. "He helped me survive after my mother died. He was my best and closest friend on the Arc. He helped me study for my Zero-G test and was there for me when I passed it. He was my lover, my boyfriend, but he was so much more than that. And then he got sent down here and everything changed." He noticed how her voice changed, hardened almost as if to keep her emotions at bay.
"In ten days he fell in love and slept with someone else." She stated matter-of-factly. "Then after that, well, you know, he went crazy and killed eighteen people. When he died I lost a part of my world and now, all this time later, I still feel like I haven't found it yet." She paused looking at him with truth in her eyes. "I don't want you to be just a replacement for what I lost Wick. I don't want to reduce you to that but honestly after losing so much I don't know if I can trust not to lose you too."
It seemed to Bellamy and Clarke that they stared at each other for quite some time, though in reality it was less than a minute, but as that minute passed things feel into place for Wick and Raven. They came to an understanding and Wick couldn't help the smile that broke over his face and warmed Raven.
"So here's what we do, I'll keep being a smug bastard and you keep being a pain in the ass. We fight, we make up, but we work at it. We talk about it. And every day I'll remind you that I will do everything in my power not to break that trust." He stood in front of her now, gently holding her face in his hands as he glowed at her.
"Okay, I think I can do that. And I'll remind you that you won't lose me because I know that's what you have nightmares about." She wrapped her arms around his waist resting her back against the cool metal while she brought him closer to her, nearly brushing her hips against his.
"Sounds like a deal, grease monkey." He whispered in the air between them before kissing her. Most of the time their kisses were fast, more about emotion and a need of a reminder of reality than anything else but the flavor of this kiss was different. Raven quite enjoyed the new sensation of this type of kiss. She allowed it to be slow and smooth for a few moments before biting his lip and letting it speed up.
After that it wasn't such an issue. There were still bad days where fears and walls where drawn up high but there wasn't as much resistance to them now. Wick would find a way in when he knew Raven was ready, knowing when to push her and when to leave her be. She always found a way to remind him that she wasn't porcelain and that she was real. They strived hard to work through things day-by-day.
They still fought but there was something else to it, a commitment to always talk about things between them. They shared their fears in the heart of the night when sleep wouldn't come; they spoke of things in the darkness, shared things that slowly made their way into the light.
"That's what we do." He would remind her, "It's just what we do."