Hola, amigas, amigos. This is my first story on this site, and I've been out of practice for a awhile so, it might not be as great as it could be...
((EDIT: I went back through this FF and I realized it would be funnier if it had better spelling and wasn't as confusing.))
Harry potter and the half blood Cheeto
Harry packs his trunk... "yay! Hogwarts! Wooo!"
Dumbledore picks up Harry takes him to slughorn's house where he tricks Harry into using his boyish charm on slughorn to make him a Hogwarts teacher. Then, takes him to Ron's house where they proceed to make out- I MEAN UH HAVE A SERIOUS CONVERSATION... IN THE SHED... ALONE.
Next morning.
Harry is rudely awaken by Ron and his extreme spaz-ness.
Ron pulls the curtains open
Harry twitches and continues his dream about Neville,... "Oh Neville, how I love your social awkwardness... TAKE ME, WIZARD MAN!"
Ron, upon hearing his friend's sleeping fantasy, pulls down his pants and jumps the dolphin to Harry's sleep talk.
Just when Harry was saying, "Yes, put that wand in me arse Neville!" Hermione walked into the room.
Hermione...
Pulls down her skirt...
Later on they go downstairs to find A French Phlegm and a puddle of goo – I mean bill Weasley in her arms. And Mrs. Weasley making breakfast.
Harry: Can we skip ahead in the story?
Pixy: eh, sure
ON HOGWARTS TRAIN
Harry goes to slughorn's place on the train with Hermione, Ginny, Ron, Neville, Obama, and, What the heck, Ronald McDonald.
Ron screams "HEY! He stole me name!" and murders Ronald McDonald
Everyone cheers and throws big macs at the clown's dead body.
After slughorn's meeting invisible Harry follows a unsuspecting Slytherin... to find his true love, ...Draco Malfoy~!
Harry hides on luggage shelf
Draco is supper smart ferret boy and knows Harry's there but for some reason doesn't say anything till he's alone later when he breaks Harry's perfectly sculpted nose.
Harry screams, "AAA! MY BOYISH CHARM! WHY MY LOVE, WHY?... I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!"
Draco laughs like a school girl "heeeheheehehe!" then, dances like a ballerina down the train corridor.
Harry, because he's under a immobilizing curse, entertains himself by counting the numerous trash and such on the floor of the compartment... He notices a cheeto, dirty and alone.
He suddenly felt a strange attachment to the cheeto, like he was a long lost brother, like it was destiny that they meet...
he tried his hardest to send a subliminal message to the dirt incrusted snack food that went something like this: " here cheeto cheeto cheeto! Come on, lift the curse off Harry... that's it good cheeto!"
The cheeto flinched. Then EPICALLY flung itself at Harry's shoulder with a oddly shrill cry of, "AAAAAEEEHFFFFDDDGGG!" and then plopped noiselessly to the ground. Harry felt the curse lift off him and proceeded to his feet.
He picked up the cheeto and took it off the train with him.
IN THE GREAT HALL OF GREATNESS. SO LIKE great!
Hermione shrieks, "Harry! Where have you been!" Then turns into a screaming squid.
Harry smiles at her and says "I made friends with this Cheeto. He will help me with life's mysteries. And defeating that Moldywort dude man! and now make me a tuna sandwich?"
Cheeto sticks out it's tongue
The next day
"So cheeto... you need a name. you shall be,…. RON!" Harry announced dramatically.
Ron explodes into a rage of fury, punching Harry in the penis "NO THAT'S MY NAME!"
Harry collapses on the floor "oh right….. how bout….. Jiminy cheeto. We can call you Jim for short!"
the cheeto jumps up and bites Harry's face off.
Harry flails his arms around, " FUCKING BLOODY HELL. I just got that replaced! FINE! WE WON'T CALL YOU JIM."
Cheeto gives his face back
Harry ponders a name for his cheese puff friend, while securing his face back to his skull. "How bout... Harry! I like that name….oh wait I know someone with that name…..someone close…who though?"
Everyone rolls their eyes, and Obama slaps Harry in the face.
Hermione, still a squid, says "You're Hairy, Harry!"
Harry flails around on the floor "OH YEAH? NO WAAAAYYYY"
Hermione rolls her squid eyes, "how bout we name him … Cheese?"
Cheeto screams, "EEEE!" and bounces up and down with joy
Harry stops flailing "Cheese it is."
Suddenly Voldemort, or, Moldywort, Appears in a cloud of smoke, wearing a itsy bitsy tiny weenie yellow polka-dot bikini.
Everyone GASPS, PANICS, AND RUUUUUUUUNSSS!
Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Cheese hide in a broom closet
Moldywort Opens the closet door, "HA HAHA! Now I've got you! weeeeeee!" does victory dance, causing everyone to shield their eyes from his bikini clad bod.
Cheese Dives heroically out of Harry's palm onto Moldywort's neck and bites the enemy with all his might, rescueing everyone from the awful sight.
Everyone is showered with Moldywort's disgusting, sugary, rainbow blood. But Not distracted by this Hermione grabs Ron and Harry's arms and pulls them out of the closet to safety.
Harry realizes they must leave his cheeto friend behind "CHEEEEEEESE! NOOOOOOO!"
Cheese in his squeaky voice screams back, "MOMMY!- CoUgH I MEAN, HARRRRRRY!"
They turn the corner to find Draco practicing his ballet moves.
Draco Pirouettes, "twist and turn! step step spin!" He collapses dramatically, then spins on his knees, then flaps his arms like a bird, on his tippy toes.
Harry is hypnotized... "Draco looks so nice today..."
Draco stops danceing "You messed me up! now Moldywort won't get any entertainment. THANKS ARSE FACE!"
Harry cries dramatically "!"
Hermione slaps Harry(etta) "GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF MAN!"
Snape comes around the corner, and points his...wand... in a random direction "APPLE KEDAVER!" a small white stream flails and fizzles through the floor like acid "...wait no that's not it... its..."
Draco whips out his... wand... from his tutu. "APPLE FRITTER! no...not it either..."
Hermione screams in an manly voice, "AVADA KaDaVrA!"
It hits Snape, but he doesn't die, he's simply turned into an adorable kitten. Hermione giggles with delight "OMG IT'S SO CUUUUTEE
The kitten mews, only it's in Snape's voice.
Hermione turns to Malfoy "Ok... Malfoy you have to choose one of two choices... you can either DIE, Or you can live by joining us..."
Harry coughs, giving Hermione a desperate look
Hermione says, "Oh, and you have to marry Harry."
First, Draco projectile vomits, but then seems to ponder this. "I have always loved Harry's dance moves. OK i'll marry him!"
Ron looks over at Harry, confused. "Harry... when have you danced for Draco?..."
At the wedding ceremony:
Preist from The princess bride's voice booms over the audience: MAWAGE. MAWAGE (marriage) IS WHAT BWINGS (brings)US TOGEFARRR (together) TODAAAAW. (today)
OK, so I'll finish this Fany Ficy when I have more to add.. I can tell you this...Ron Will get a LUCKY RED BUTTON!