A New Field of Study
Disclaimer: I do not own Team Fortress 2.
It started off like any other day in 2Fort, where Dell Conagher, simply known as the Engineer, was building his sentry nest. He had just finished building the nest to prevent the opponent team, also known as BLU, from capturing the intelligence. It had taken him a minute or two for Dell to fully secure the courtyard near one of the spawn rooms. While waiting for naïve players to wander to the courtyard, Engineer decided to play on his guitar, killing time. He eventually got too bored to supervise his nest and decided to head out to the battlements.
Once he headed out to the battlements, the Scout had attacked him out of nowhere with his Scattergun, killing him within two shots. As Dell was waiting to respawn, the Scout was shooting at his sentry, lowering its health to almost nothing. After respawning, Dell repaired his buildings and luckily for him, he respawned near his nest. Dell decided to search for the Scout again, this time he was hiding out in the base near the courtyard. While tucked in the corner, the Scout watched Engineer walk past him, then starts shooting at him before reaching the courtyard. This shot happened to be a critical hit, which killed Dell instantly.
Again, Dell waited to respawn as he watched Scout take a chunk of his teleporters' health, destroying the exit and entrance. Once Dell had respawned, he decided to check the base again for that pesky Scout. Once again, Scout snuck up behind him before he could even get the chance to attack him. Scout finished him off yet again, only this time, a small jingle chimed, which implied his domination over the deceased Engineer.
"Here's a schematic for ya, my ass!" Scout gloated as he tea-bagged Dell.
The Scout proceeded to destroy his buildings, which he did in quick succession.
"I broke your stupid crap, moron!" Scout shouted as he ran off to collect the intelligence.
By the end of the day, Dell had lost so much, which infuriated him immensely. He started to do some investigating into Scout's physiological and psychological weaknesses to counter attack that pesky bastard. He asked the Spy for some assistance, which he was more than happy to do so. With help from Spy, Dell started building a robot that was specifically programmed to kick Scout's ass, which was his weakness.
During construction, Dell had repeated faced errors on booting the robot and it was easily destroyed by a single pistol bullet, even from afar. It was several years before Dell passed on his life's work of kicking the Scout's ass to his children. They were more than happy to seek retribution on the quick footed delinquent. They had not gotten any closer in developing a robot much like their father however, which they decided to dedicate a new field of study to, entirely to the Conaghers to come.
It had been centuries since Dell's death and they had finally constructed a fully function robot. It was nicknamed "The Tin Soldier." It looked very similar to Jane Doe, who was the Soldier that Dell had worked with centuries ago. He has adopted the same mannerisms, personality, weapons and strategies as the deceased veteran. They had programmed him to help Dell beat that damned hooligan and to think he was a human who thought he was a robot. That part of the code interested Dell's descendents the most, and they started up the Tin Soldier with the button located on his head.
"Beep beep boop." The Tin Soldier beeped as it booted up.
The scientists started up their time machine and set it to the time when Dell set up his sentry nest. They had given a brief description on the mission, involving Scout's ass, along with his photo and a rocket launcher, shotgun and pickaxe, which was nicknamed "The Escape Plan" before sending it back in time. They entered the Tin Soldier through the time machine and watched their life's work pass through the time portal, with its box head, with cups for eyes and a coat hanger on top, shoe box shoes and dryer hoses for arms. The Tin Soldier had finally reached the time period as set by the scientists.
The Tin Soldier ironically scouted the Scout before the Engineer left his nest. The Tin Soldier launched his rocket at the Scout, lowering his health significantly. Dell, shot at the Scout shortly after, killing him and thanking the Tin Soldier for the assistance.
The Scout was pissed from the performance because of that Soldier. The Scout swapped out his Scattergun for the Force-A-Nature with the Sandman and Mad Milk. He was fully prepared to take on that tin savage with all his might. Little did he know, the robotic patriot was standing outside of the spawn. As soon as Scout exited the spawn, the Tin Soldier crocketed him, blowing him up instantly.
"You've got to be kidding me?!" Scout shouted as he lost his temper.
Scout switched to using his Baby Face's Blaster, Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol and Boston Basher. Scout ran outside of the spawn, searching for the Soldier. He searched around most of the map, with the exception of the entirety of the RED base. As Scout headed into the courtyard, Soldier blasted him with a rocket, which sent him flying into the sentry's line of sight. It proceeded to shoot Scout with the bullets and rockets shortly after. The Tin Soldier landed a domination shortly after the Scout's death and initiated his speech.
"Scientists in the future have studied your ass for centuries! And sent me back in time to kick it!" the robotic soldier hollered as he rocket jumped onto Scout's dead body.
The Tin Soldier proceeded to tea-bag the Scout's body, which was in pieces from the sentry's rockets. The cheery Dell laughed in content and then instructed the robotic simpleton to capture the intelligence for him for the remainder of the day.
The Scout was extremely disgruntled from the events of being humiliated and decided to quit (or in our case, disconnect from the server). Seeing the Scout leave cheered both the Tin Soldier and the Engineer. Dell, having left to do, left the Tin Soldier to do as he pleased as his genius had succeeded that day. The Tin Soldier quickly faded away from existence, after having completed his mission for that day, which did seem like a waste of intellect, time and money. In Dell's case, anything that keeps a pesky Scout away is well worth the research and development.
A/N: This wasn't as hilarious as I anticipated, though it was heavily based on two domination lines that worked very well together and a bit of spoofing with my brother. The Scout domination line with the Tin Soldier domination line was simply too much to pass off. Also, the new field of study was worth it just to make the line sound completely worth it. I hope that you readers enjoyed this spoof fan fiction that everyone who's probably played Team Fortress 2 has thought of at one point. Until then, beep boop, maggots.