An OC popped up in my head today, this would be her background and I've NO clue if I'll ever use her but I felt like posting this.
There once was a girl named Elaine; she was lonely, isolated, jaded, and felt hated once not too long ago. Over her short life she had had many friends, many best friends in fact. Now I know most people only have one or two through their whole childhood, but not Elaine. She had quite a few, and each left her, hurt her, betrayed her, or some mix of those. She moved to a new town, one that was giant compared to her small hometown. Elaine was sad to leave her father's side of the extended family behind in the town, but elated at the chance for new experience's and friends. As a child she was prim, proper, smart, and a little to sensitive, she was also to forgiving. Her heart would hurt and she would be changed drastically because of her nature to care, protect, and forgive. And so Elaine grew up, making friends getting hurt, finding a select few to trust and love, she'd eventually feel safe and let the guards drop only to lose or be betrayed by that same person. It happened over and over, why you may ask, why would that happen to her, was it a string of bad luck, poor choice in friends, or even just natural drifting away as the friends grew? Well that's what she though the first time around, before the bullying got bad she figured it was just growing pains. Sadly for her that changed, the bullies got worse, the friends fewer, her trust shattered by the adults and the children at her schools, only worsening as time went on. She hid, she hid in music, in art, in reading and writing, and she hid in the woods, in her room, in any quiet place she could find. Elaine hid parts of her, her mind she hid behind 'normal' speech for her age, trying to copy the other kids. Her heart she hid in her writing and singing, and her wounds she hid in her soul and mind. The physical pains healed, the memories didn't. She got worse and worse, never telling a soul or showing them her art or poetry, she tried to hold it all in and cry only when she could play it off as for a physical hurt. People thought she was a wimp but really she cried, not for the new bruise, but for the hurt inside her heart. Elaine when asked why everyone she got close to eventually hurt her or ran away didn't blame them, didn't think it was luck or circumstance; no Elaine blamed herself.
If you asked her today she'd still say "I don't know why, but it always happens, I always wondered, and still do, what did I do to make them go"
Elaine spent a few years in middle school alone, nose in a book, only three people who she really thought of as true friends. She spent it avoiding her tormentor, and close attachment to her newer friends, while the longest lasting friend she'd ever had was cruel to her. Elaine forgave the girl no matter what, just happy to have someone to forgive. Eventually even that girl left, though this was a turning point for Elaine, she, not the other was the one that decided to go. The 'friend' had pushed her to far and all the pent up anger burst out of Elaine. Still, her longest lasting friend was no longer her friend. To make it worse the other girl refused to accept it and after getting revenge on Elaine tried to get back to being best friends again, expecting to snap her fingers and have her way. Elaine didn't let her.
After that Elaine had a choice, stay in the same school track as the kids shed grown up dealing with, been bullied by, or go to a private school. She chose to stay, to face her demons and show them her true self, not the meek but violent book worm everyone was mean to, but the precocious, feisty, independent, and proud girl she always was inside. She moved on made new friends, found people to REALLY care for her just as much she does them, they helped her heal slowly, she still keeps them a bit distanced but they know why she does and don't mind a bit. She got a new best friend too a cute young woman named Angie who's two years younger than Elaine. They've been friends for two years now, but these past 6 months Angie has drifted away, when Elaine tries to talk to her Angie keeps it short, she quit all the clubs the two shared and stopped sitting with their lunch group. She even told another group of friends how the one nickname she dislikes is the one most commonly used for her by Elaine. Now it's the present day, and Elaine thinks back on all of this, the only thoughts emerging are 'its happening again, I'm terrified, I'm losing my best friend again' and the strongest one she has...
'what did I do to chase her away? What did I do?'
And that's the story of poor Elaine who loves to much and loves in vain I hope you never feel like her and if you do…
Remember someone loves you.