Another way to happiness
Chapter One
Pain. That was all she felt. Pain in her chest, pain in her head. Pain everywhere.
It felt like someone shot an arrow right through her beating heart and it all felt so real. It wasn't a dream and it didn't feel like one but she wanted it to be one. She wanted this nightmare to end. End fast, end right now.
But it didn't because it wasn't a dream. It wasn't a memory, it was something that was happening right at this moment.
She looked at her blonde locks, her smile across her face, her arms up in happiness as she considered the information she had just heard from the girl.
"We're engaged." She had said, "We're engaged and we will marry in two days."
Her words weren't clear in Regina's had but they didn't have to be. Regina knew that this will eventually come if she wouldn't make her move… and she didn't. The truth about her feelings never left her mouth, were never said out loud to the blonde.
She was too scared of a reaction or maybe even no reaction. She was scared of rejection, scared that she would lose her best friend.
She's never felt this way before. She had been scared sometimes, obviously but nothing has ever been this bad before.
And now here it was, the engagement between her best friend and the pirate. The rejection she'd been waiting for, the rejection that happened without even telling her the truth.
Her bones felt numb and her head hurt.
She told her something like: "I am happy for you." And "He's a lucky man, Miss Swan."
Then she ran off. Her heart beating hard in her chest, her breathing unsteady and her hands shaking.
'Miss Swan', always a thing of self-defence mechanism. She hadn't said her name like that in years and the name slipping through her lips had sounded weird, a name she wasn't used to saying anymore.
Her mind was like a cart race, going crazy. She didn't know what to do and the only thing she could think of was away. Away from this town, away from its people, away… from Emma.
She couldn't face the blonde anymore, not now, not ever again, she thought.
She was sad, she felt humiliated but also the feeling of anger, anger at herself, anger at the pirate, anger at Emma creeped his way through Regina's mind.
Her body with all her clothes on landed on her soft bed, her head on its pillow. She felt like crying but her tears had already been wasted too many times.
Her hand ran through her dark, brown hair. Her breathing steadying itself slowly.
A soft, sad sigh came through her lips. The thought of just driving away, leaving everything behind, not disappearing.
She woke with the same thought in her mind. Going abroad, renting a flat, living there for a few months to clear her mind, cleaning her messed up life, getting these feelings she had for years out of the system.
"Do you really need to leave?" Her son had asked after she had told him that she wanted to explore the world, clear her mind from the life in Storybrooke.
"I have to, Henry." She had said, "I need time. A lot of time."
"Is… Is this about Emma marrying Hook?" he had asked curiously.
She hadn't answered him, just stood up straight, not daring to look at him.
"Mom? You… you should tell her."
"I can't okay?" her tone dripping from sadness and anger, tears creeped their way into her eyes, one or two rolling down her cheeks.
Her breath hitched as two strong arms hugged her tightly.
Her tears came running down her cheeks like waterfalls. She couldn't take it anymore. The pain came rushing down at her all at once.
"I don't know what to do." She stammered in between her cries.
"Everything's gonna be okay, Mom." He whispered, "And whatever decision you'll make, I will support you, okay?"
He had said, lifting her chin, locking their eyes, "I love you, Mom."
"I love you, too, Henry." She had said.
Now she was standing in front of her door. The white front door with a silver doorknob on its left. Her door, Emma's door.
She wanted to tell her but her chest ached more with every step she took towards the big house.
It took her a lot of overcoming to ring on that door but eventually she did. Her fingers pressing against the ice cold button.
After some time, the door opened and a drunk, filthy, smelly pirate stood in the doorframe.
"The Queen herself, what a picture." He said.
"Is Emma there?" she asked, ignoring his comment.
"Yes, but she's upstairs, rather busy." He said, pointing at his clothes and realized he was only wearing a bathrobe. She didn't even dare to imagine what they'd been doing upstairs.
"Maybe she could come down for a second?" She asked.
He rolled his eyes, yelling the blonde's name.
After a while, she heard footsteps and short after saw the blonde walking out of the house. She was dressed in a light gown, her hair in a messy bun, barefoot.
"Regina?" she asked, "What is it?"
Her tone seemed harsh. Maybe she was angry at her for interrupting her session with the pirate or the fact that she basically run off after Emma told her what will happen.
"Can… Can we talk?" she said, glancing at Hook, "In private?"
Emma told him she will be upstairs in a bit and that he should just wait.
"So, what so you want to talk about?" her tone not missing its harshness again.
"I'm leaving town." She just blurt out.
Emma's facial expression changed to a worrying look, "What?" she whispered.
"I will leave town, today, actually." She repeated, her heart racing in her chest and it felt like it would pop out.
"You'll miss…" she started but Regina interrupted her, "the wedding, yes."
"Why?" Emma asked in confusion, stepping closer to Regina.
"I want to explore the world, Emma. I just combined myself with the darkness again and all those years I've spent with rage and anger. I've wasted my childhood. I don't even know who I really am." It wasn't a lie but it wasn't nearly half of the truth.
"And… you decide that one day before my big day?" Emma nearly sobbed.
"I'm sorry, Emma." She apologized, "I…I, I just need time."
She sighed, hugged the blonde quickly, a hug that couldn't even be returned. She turned, "Goodbye, Miss Swan!"
"Wait… Regina!" Emma tried to reach out but with a flick of the brunette's hand, she disappeared in a cloud of purple smoke.
She appeared in front of her car, her stuff already shoved into it.
She took a long breath, in and out. She opened the front door of her car. Her gaze felt upon her mansion, her home? She didn't even know what to call home anymore but the street in front of her will maybe tell her one day.
She sat into the car, turning it on with a flick of her hand. She pressed her foot against the gas pedal and drove towards the red town line.
Her gaze was focussing on the street in front of her but her mind was thinking about Emma's last words.
She felt guilty of just leaving Henry, her family: Emma and she'd call it selfish but it was a way forward. A way of forgetting her deepest feelings for her son's other mother.
She remembered how she had shown up at her doorstep, telling her she was Henry's birth mother.
She hated her for being what she was but she never actually hated the blonde for being herself and she had loved their fighting, the tension between them but then she realized that she loved it so much because she loved the person behind all of it.
The blonde with her green eyes, with her perfect lips, her perfect blonde locks that were always shining in the sun light.
Her breath hitched as she crossed the town line, her magic leaving her body, a part of herself leaving her body.
But she smiled, even after what she had just done but maybe this was an answer. An answer to her problems, running away?
Probably not but it felt like a solution at this moment and that was all Regina had needed.