Oh, man! Don't be too harsh on me!! But, honestly, I enjoyed writing this WAY too much for my own good. Remember! This has no plot whatsoever; so don't break your brains trying to figure out what the hell is happening.

This fic was written in answer to a challenge I proposed in Blissful Ignorance. Click the following link for more info on the challenge:

*http:*//blissfulignorance.com/*phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=3836* (Remove the [*]'s from the address).


Candies Won't Ever Be the Same
By Andrea Sinisterra
Humor
G
Standard Disclaimers Apply

***

"Oh, come one!"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"For me?"

"No."

"For Hilde?"

"No."

"For Pagan?"

"No."

"For... Duo?"

"No!"

"For a candy bar!!!"

Heero glared at his wife. "Hm."

"Fine!" She huffed, "candy doesn't work with you. Maybe, I should resort to more... drastic measures!" Relena lifted her hand, waving it a little in front of his face.

Heero snorted, "please, don't make me laugh. As if you could beat me-Ow-ow-OW-Hey!-OW-Stop i-OW!! OKAY! Okay, okay!! Jeez, girl! OW! Stop it!!"

Relena smiled triumphantly, pleased with herself, "now, I don't want us to run late, so I'll be getting everyone ready. We're leaving in an hour. Don't take too long."

Heero mumbled at the 'thing' on the bed. He let out a tired breath, resigned.

* * *

Hilde cocked her head to the side, deep in thought. And truthfully, she was thinking really, really hard, but, as much as she wracked her brains, she couldn't guess what the HECK was that supposed to be. "Uh, an ugly, disfigured green balloon?"

Duo's arms fell to his sides, "no!" He lifted them up again, a huge grin pasted on his face, even though she couldn't see it.

Hilde's frowned deepened, "Umm, you look like a really sick Barney."

His arms fell again, his voice muffled under the carton and cotton, "Hilde! But, umm, you're pretty close."

"He's a big, huge, awesome DINOSAUR!!! YOU GO DAD!!!"

Duo growled impressively, making little Sean Maxwell giggle, and run out of the room, Dinosaur Duo hot on track, "I'll get'ya , little one!!"

Hilde frowned to herself, shaking her head, and then disappearing into her bathroom, "a dinosaur?"

* * *

"What in the world is this supposed to be?"

Relena blinked at Trowa. That was, perhaps, the most he had ever said to anyone in one breath, "uh, it was the only thing I could find. Sorry, but, I went yesterday, and they seemed to have run out of costumes, so, uh, well, that was the only one left."

"I can imagine why."

Catherine laughed, while she exchanged a glance with Relena. "What did Heero say about his costume?"

Relena groaned, slapping a hand to her forehead, "Oh, don't even mention it. Don't want to go there."

Trowa looked at Catherine with a pleading look, "Cathy, please--"

"No, nah-ah." She closed the door after Relena left grumbling to herself about men and their nonsense about thighs. "I will have none of it. You will wear that costume. Every year they make something different, everyone together. This year won't be the exception. You will wear that thing, and I want you out there dressed in the next twenty minutes."

Catherine slammed the door behind her, pleased with herself, and snickered when she heard Trowa's wail from the other side,

"But I don't wanna be Peter Pan!!!"

* * *

"Tell me again why 'exactly' am I doing this." Wufei mumbled from under a massive weight of metal.

"Because," Sally smiled, helping him adjust the costume, "it's a beautiful night, you are a wonderful boyfriend, because Relena asked you to come, because 'I' want to, and because you love me too much to deny me anything."

He snorted, but remained quiet. "It's too heavy." He complained after a while.

Sally smiled, "Oh, you poor, poor thing."

"You're mocking me. I do not like that."

She laughed. But she stopped abruptly when he stumbled and fell. The worst thing: he couldn't pick himself up. "Wufei, stop it, and stand up."

"I can't." He growled, the metal from his suit clanking as he moved, "it's too heavy."

* * *

Relena stood frozen for what seemed like an hour, staring at her costume that was not her costume, but that she thought had 'been' her costume, lying on the bed. "Oh, god."

Heero came out of the bathroom, cursing fluently while rubbing his hands up and down his thighs, trying to accommodate the spandex.

"Oh. God."

But, Heero could not say he felt sorry. No, not a bit.

* * *

Duo laughed so hard, he almost cracked in half.

Yes, he did.

Quatre glared too much, his eyes almost popped out of their sockets.

Yes, they almost did.

Hilde grinned so widely; her cheeks were about to spasm.

Yes, any minute, now.

Wufei groaned so hard, but he would have liked people to pay him more attention.

Yes, his back hurt too damn much.

"What!?" Quatre snapped defensively, "can't you tell!?"

But everyone, except for Wufei, kept laughing.

"Oh, man!" Duo's laughter quieted down a bit, but his breathing was harsh, "a jester!!"

Hilde snapped from laughing to glaring in a millisecond. "A jester!? Duo, you really are--"

"Now, babe, there's no need--"

"STUPID!!!"

Quatre rubbed the back of his neck, sighing in exasperation. "I am not a jester. I'm a candy man."

"A candy man? I thought you were a mime! A colorful one!"

"I think he looks more like a jester than a mime..." Wufei said, mindlessly rubbing his back.

"HA! But, can't you see!? I have candies!!!!" Quatre laughed insanely, carrying a little basket of candies in his hands, "candies!! Hahahaha..!!!"

* * *

"This is not how it's supposed to go! We were supposed to have matching costumes!!"

Heero frowned, then smiled. "Okay, this means, I can wear--"

Relena stood, and hurried to his side, pointing a finger to his head, "you will wear that costume!"

"But, I thought you said--"

"No." She said, struggling into her two-piece Halloween costume. "We- I will dress quickly, because we're late."

Heero frowned at her shiny dress, "Um, how exactly do you intend to walk in that 'thing'?"

"I can manage."

* * *

"You two did it on purpose!!" Trowa raged, as he and Catherine left their rooms, in search of the others.

Catherine feigned surprise, "how dare you? Of course we didn't. This just happened to be a coincidence."

He let out a sarcastic laugh, "uh-huh, it was just mere coincidence that the *only* costume left was Peter Pan..."

"Well, I didn't rent that stupid costume. Besides, I've always wanted to be Tinkerbell. So there."

(HEY! Tinkerbell IS a fairy!! So I'm not cheating!)
* * *

Back in the foyer... I don't remember where exactly, but humor me...

"I am not a Jester!!"

But again, Quatre went ignored, while the rest continued to laugh.

"This is useless. I'll go, and I'm taking my candies with me!!"

The laughter died somewhat at the giggling and screaming coming from the hall. Finally, a winged angel, and a caped hero emerged, stopping in front of Duo.

Ilana Yuy frowned at Duo, cocking her head to the side.

Sean beamed at her, hopping from one foot to the other, "he's a powerful one!!"

Ilana continued to frown, "he looks... like a really fake Barney."

Wufei snorted, "He looks like an alien."

Ilana nodded, smiling widely, "yup, a huge alien plushy!!" She laughed, attaching her arms around Barney's--err-- Duo's legs.

Duo sweat dropped. "An alien plushy?" He grumbled, "I don't know what's better: that, or Barney."

"Leave them! They're MINE!! My candies! Mine, and only mine!!"

Ilana twirled, showing off her beautiful white gown, "I'm an Ice Princess."

"You look beautiful." Heero said softly, from where he stood at the base of the staircase.

"Oh, man!" Duo cracked, coughing, and then laughing again, "oh, man!"

"Save it, Maxwell."

"My candies!! They're all mine!! MWAHAHAHAHAAA!!"

"Please, don't tell me you're-- Oh, man!"

Heero stepped aside, helping Relena as she bobbed up and down, hopping her way to a chair.

"Everyone shut up. Not a single word." She cursed softly, and then continued her mumbling.

A mumbled voice rambled on, followed by hissing sounds, "it's not fair. And don't you tell me this was 'just' a mere coincidence!" They stopped dead on their tracks.

"No one shall take you, my candies!! I shall keep you save. Away from dirty hands, and I shall conquer the world!! That's right, my sweets, everything will be just fine!!" *BONK*

Wufei, for once, looked sheepish. "I've had enough." Giving Quatre's candy cane to Sean, "here you go, make sure to hide it somewhere he won't find it." Sean nodded.

Sally, clad in her fluffy pink gown pecked the little kid on the cheek.

"Okay!" Ilana clapped her hands together, "time for some trick or treating!!"

And with that, a hissing Tinkerbell dragged the whining Peter Pan; an alien plushy with a jester hung over its shoulder grumbled its way out of the house, almost stomping over the whining Peter Pan; and while the damsel in distress dragged her clanking knight in shining armor across the threshold, the couple-less Romeo dodged the whipping tail of the Mermaid Relena Yuy.



The END!!