Love's Limitless
It had started so innocently, and she couldn't begin to understand how it had gone so far. But it had, and here they were, in bed together. The woman sat up, running her hands through her damp hair. She shook slightly with a shaky breath. She felt like a filthy old woman. How could she have done such a horrible thing? He was basically a child; only a few years older than he had been the night he came to her with the news of her dead lover. Sniffling, she fought to hold back the tears threatening to leave her.
"Kurenai?"
She froze at the sound of his sleep-filled and concerned voice. It only served to make her feel all the more worse. Hearing him yawn, she closed her eyes tightly. There was no pretending that this hadn't happened.
Tapering off with his yawn, Shikamaru sat up slowly, stretching with a content grunt as his back popped. He knitted his brow and reached out, touching her bare shoulder. Kurenai felt her throat close up with one hitched gasp. Shikamaru clearly paid it no mind, or else he missed it. Leaning forward, he studied her profile, hidden mostly by her dark hair. Sighing, he furrowed his brow. "Are you okay?" he asked, squeezing her shoulder slightly. When she didn't answer him, he let go of her shoulder and looked over to the window, face knowing and serious. "What's wrong?"
"Everything," Kurenai finally managed. Hearing her own voice crack made her wince.
"Everything," Shikamaru repeated, closing his eyes. "What's 'everything'?"
Her heart clenched, and she bit the inside of her lip. The tears had finally over flowed and were trailing down her cheek. She quickly began to wipe them away before he could see them. Apparently, she was too late.
"Don't do that," Shikamaru all but whined, leaning forward. He reached out and held her wrist, bringing it away from her face and gently forcing her to face him. She fought against him for only a second, finally giving into his warm embrace. Stroking her back, Shikamaru cradled her in his lap, leaning back against the headboard. "Are you going to tell me why you're so upset?" he probed hesitantly.
She shook her head against him, one hand pressed palm down against his naked chest and the other covering her mouth as she began to cry. She felt so foolish. And suddenly, as his hand dropped to her hip, ceasing the comforting strokes to her back, she felt too exposed. And she was sitting on top of him, and…he was too exposed. Too young. "Shikamaru," she whispered, stopping her tears and swallowing the ball in her throat. "I…"
He wasn't called a genius only for his high IQ, because Shikamaru's reaction to her sudden labored breathing and squirming was more than she could say she had expected from a young man his age. Most seventeen year old boys, saying that they even caught on, would likely have thought her behavior ridiculous. They'd already slept together, why was she acting shy now? But not Shikamaru. Moving his hand quickly away from her hip, the young Nara let go of her completely, allowing her to sit back away from him. His eyes fell on her flushed face and he sighed again, looking down at his boxers near the nightstand. Kurenai quickly took the opportunity to cover herself with one of the three sheets. She could smell the sake scent strongly on her lilac fabric, and it made her bite down on her tongue. Had she been such a fool that she had gotten him drunk? Illegally, and then proceeded to…Obviously, she noted, as he slipped on his boxer and stood from the bed, she had.
"You can, um," Shikamaru cleared his throat and stood at the window with his arms crossed, his eyes appearing hurt, "go ahead and get dressed. I'll just go clean up." She nodded, looking down at the stained bed sheets as he left the room, stepping across the hallway. She looked up when she heard the water begin its running in the shower. She'd hurt him. She could tell. Putting her shaking hand up to her mouth, she let a sob escape her. She held her face as she wept, feeling sorry for both herself and Shikamaru. The poor boy, what would he think of her once his mind was cleared? Would he still spend so much time around her house, doting on her son? If she had ruined the relationship between all of them, Kurenai thought that she would just die inside. Her three year old son wouldn't be able to stand that, he loved Shikamaru so much. She loved him too, but not…not like this. Or maybe she did feel something, but principles stood against her. He was, or had once been, Asuma's student. He was seventeen while she was thirty one. She could be arrested for this!
"What have I done?" she asked herself in-between sobs.
No more than ten minutes could had passed as Kurenai got dressed and made her way into the kitchen for a glass of cold water and pain medication. It was as she took her first sip that she heard the shower turn off, followed shortly by the sound of the clothes hamper. She turned to face the sink, setting the glass of water down with nervous features. The sound of footsteps coming her way caused her heart to race. She couldn't face Shikamaru! Wringing her hands, Kurenai took a deep breath. Forcing herself to stop fidgeting, she placed both hands on the cold counter top, bracing herself.
Shikamaru was in the dinning room; she heard his steps stop near the archway. She knew he was watching her, and for all her worth, she couldn't make herself speak. Apparently, Shikamaru sensed this, because he was the one to break the silence, saying, "I don't think it's going to do any tricks, you know."
Caught off guard, Kurenai scrunched her brow. "What?" she asked, confused and still shaky.
"The sink," Shikamaru told her, a kind smile to his voice. "You're watching it like you're waiting to see something amazing."
"Oh," she breathed a shaky chuckle. He was always the one to try and lighten the mood. It usually worked, but Kurenai knew that today was different. The terms were different, and he knew that, which was why he was giving off such a tense and uncomfortable vibe. She could only imagine how tense and awkward she must seem. "I was just getting a drink…" Turning around, her eyes fell on everything but the young man before her. "Are you done with the shower?"
He crossed his arms, leaning on the archway frame. "Yeah," he said, trying to make her meet his eyes. It wasn't working. He sighed. "Kurenai, I think we need to—"
"Don't," she whispered, cutting him off with a raised hand. She shook her head. "Shikamaru…I—need some time to get myself together." Her tone of voice was still shaky, but she was managing to hold it together to a certain degree. Stepping past him, she could practically feel the pain rolling off of him. She'd definitely hurt him. He was young; love was something he'd never truly experienced, and Kurenai hated herself for what she'd done, stealing what small amount of innocence he'd had left. Now that she had taken a cold drink of water and started to think things through, she could remember the details of their night. It was hazy, due to the alcohol, but there was no denying exactly what had gone on. Her face tinged pink as she glanced back at him, quickly averting her eyes when he furrowed his brow at her. She let go of the wall, walking at a normal speed now, and turned into the bathroom.
Letting out a heavy breath, she shut the door behind her and looked over to the shower. Her lip trembled. Was it so bad that she had enjoyed it? Was it so wrong of her? Was it really? What she'd felt? What she still felt? Was it really so wrong?
Knowing the answer, she shook herself. Of course it was, he was practically a child still yet. Whether he thought it was wrong was a different story, and in there laid the problem.
Unbuttoning her top, she tossed it into the hamper. She stepped closer to the shower and slid off her shorts, stepping inside. As she turned on the water, gasping at the coldness before the heat kicked in, Kurenai decided that what Shikamaru had been about to say was right; they really did need to sit down and talk. Though, she wasn't sure if she could handle it this morning. Maybe after she'd taken the shower she would be able to think a bit more clearly. Nodding to herself, she began scrubbing her scalp. The suds inched their way down her neck, trailing a thick line of white foam down her back. Too sore and queasy from both her nerves and the hangover, Kurenai reached around her neck and gathered a handful of suds to wash her arms, stomach, and chest with. She gently scrubbed her stomach first, but felt a pang in her chest as heat flooded her face. She shook her head sternly at the memory that haunted her.
She bit her lip. "How am I supposed to talk to him when I won't even be able to look him in the face?" she asked herself. "I'll only start thinking about…" Keeping herself from trembling she hurried to finish her shower. Normally she would enjoy a hot shower, but not now, not when just running her hands over her sticky flesh reminded her of the previous night. She wasn't sure why her mind was being so perverse; perhaps it was because last night had been the first night she had been intimate with a man since Asuma. Taking a deep breath, she bent slightly to wash her legs. Her hand trailed over her calf; over the jagged scar left from one of her recent missions; across her faintly arched knee; up her thigh. She could remember, though she tried not too, how unsure of himself that Shikamaru had been. How his hand had shaken when he had massaged her thigh.
Kurenai let go of her leg and placed her hands against the wall, rinsing herself quickly. Now wasn't the time for this. How was she supposed to get herself together when she couldn't even control her own thoughts? Cursing herself, she rinsed the soap from her body and hair, and stepped out of the shower. Grabbing a towel from atop the rack above her sink, she wrapped it around her and stepped out onto the rug.
She picked up another, smaller towel and began drying her hair, when she suddenly heard the distinct sound of padding feet just on the outside of the wall. Oh god, her son was on his way into the house! Choji must have brought him back from their stay near the carnival!
Rushing to dress herself, Kurenai felt her fresh tank top and pants (always kept in the wrack of clean laundry in the bathroom-laundry room)) cling to her damp skin. The doorbell rang.
"Oh no," she hissed, trying to plug in the hair drier. She couldn't very well let them see her with soaking wet hair, because if Choji were to put two and two together… The ringing stopped, and so did Kurenai's heart, when she heard Shikamaru answer the door. Of course he would, and Choji might think nothing of it, seeing as Shikamaru was over at the house most of the time doing favors for Kurenai anyway, but…Frantically, she dried her hair until it was only damp. Good enough. She left the towels lay on the floor and shut the door loudly as she fled the bathroom. She halted in the archway, her eyes wide and she was panting as she tried to pull herself together. For the first time since waking, Kurenai looked over to the young man she had slept with. He was bent down looking over something as her son excitedly explained that he had won it playing "Pop the Balloon".
"Oh, hey, Kurenai!" Choji called over to her, smiling. His yellow t-shirt was stained with cotton-candy smears; small hand prints. Her son was so messy, he must have clung to Choji without cleaning his hands. "He just couldn't wait to show Shikamaru here what he'd won," he commented, looking back down at the three year old and chuckling.
Shikamaru was smiling from the corner of his mouth, a cigarette hanging unlit over his lip. "It's awful big, though, don't you think?" he asked the boy. "It's not going to fit on your bed."
Giggling, Kurenai's son hugged the bear tightly, the lower half of the stuffed doll dragging the floor. It was three times his size. "Nu huh, I won it for my mommy," he said, shaking his head. His small, childish voice and use of words caused Choji's eyes to crinkle and Shikamaru to snort. His large brown eyes flung up and over to his mother as she began walking over with her arms crossed. "Mommy, look!"
"Yeah," she said with a smile as he hopped over to her. "How'd you mange to win something this big?" She picked the stuffed animal up and looked it over chuckling. "You must be quite the shot with those darts, huh?"
Smiling widely, the boy puffed out his small chest. "Shikamaru teached me to throw them!"
Laughing nervously at the widening of Kurenai's eyes at the mention of teaching her young son to throw sharp things, Shikamaru rubbed the back of his neck and stood to his feet beside of Choji. "Well," he began, "I taught you to throw Velcro darts. Don't give your mom a reason to kill me, Kazan."
"Sorry," the boy said, chewing the inside of his lip and squinting one eyes shut, smiling.
Kurenai smiled and ruffled her son's hair. She sat the bear down beside of her in the recliner and sighed heavily. Patting Kazan's back, she urged him to wash his hands free of the cotton candy and go change clothes. Nodding his head, he trotted down the hallway.
Choji must have sensed that something was off, because he cleared his throat, knitting his brow and looking to Shikamaru. "You guys…uh…okay? Is something wrong?" he asked, glancing between them.
Kurenai felt her heart jump, beating out of her chest at being put on the spot. In truth, she'd, of course, not gotten over her nerves and wariness of the morning; she was only faking it while she had guests, and while her son was home. Wetting her lips and trying not to wring her hands, she opened her mouth to try and speak, fearful of her own voice. Thankfully, Shikamaru, calm on the exterior even though Kurenai knew otherwise, spoke for her. He crossed his arms, cutting her off, saying, "No. Why?" Raising his brows quickly as if sudden insight had come to him, he said, "Oh! Eh, Kurenai's a slave driver, that's what's wrong."
Choji scrunched his face, laughing as Kurenai knitted her own brow. "Huh?" Akimichi chirped. "Why, what'd you have him doing this time?" he asked, looking to Kurenai.
"Hn." Shikamaru pulled his lighter from his pocket and paused to light up. Taking a drag, he bit the cancer stick between his teeth and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "I guess fixing her siding isn't enough, now she has me fixing the water works." Flicking his thumb her way in a gesture of pointing the blame, Shikamaru gave Kurenai a look that went unnoticed by Choji. It relieved Kurenai to know that he was trying to calm the situation for her. He shrugged, looking back to Choji. He arched a brow as Choji shook his head.
"Okay, then," the pudgy shinobi said, shaking his head still. "I was wondering why she still had soap on her shoulder."
Blushing slightly, Kurenai glanced down at her shoulder. Sure enough, she had been in such a rush that she had left white suds between her neck and shoulder. Sighing, she wiped them away. "You wouldn't believe the trouble I had to go through this morning," she lied. "The water turned ice cold and cloudy halfway through my shower."
"And she thinks I'm a handy man, I guess," Shikamaru droned, calm as ever. It amazed Kurenai that he acted as though everything was fine. Perhaps she had indeed underestimated him.
Grinning, Choji stuffed one hand into his own pocket and pulled out a wad of unused tickets. He stepped over to Kurenai and handed them to her. "They're good until next Fall," he said, dropping his arm back to his side. "I promised to take him again for his birthday, so hang on to 'em. It's pretty expensive at that place."
"I can imagine," she said, putting them into her own pocket.
Turning back to the door, Choji said that he should be going. "Tell the munchkin I said goodbye," he said. "I'll see you guys." Waving, he closed the door behind him.
Kurenai let out a very loud and long sigh of relief, holding her stomach and forehead. "My god," she whispered, "they weren't supposed to come back until tomorrow!"
Shikamaru cast a quick look down the hall just as the door to Kazan's room closed with a loud slam. There was silence as they both waited for the footsteps. Soon enough, the boy came darting through the hallway, coming to a swift stop in front of Shikamaru's feet. He grinned up, eyes shinning. Shikamaru winked at him, and the boy's smile widened. Trying for his worth to wink back, Kazan gave up and turned to speak to his mother. His brow knitted. "Mommy, you okay?" he asked, overly dramatic as always.
Letting go of her forehead, Kurenai, gained some control and cleared her throat. "Oh, mommy's fine," she said, looking up to Shikamaru, now with less of a wince. "I'm just not feeling well, that's all." She took a deep breath as her son looked unconvinced and looked back up to his father figure. She motioned her eyes to the door, knowing that Shikamaru would understand her reasoning for asking him to leave as well as the simple hints she was giving. "Shikamaru," she began kindly, "why don't we talk about what you brought up later? Is that okay?"
Kazan made a loud protest, obviously not missing the exchange. Kids were never to be underestimated when it came to understanding, no matter how young, Kurenai knew. "No! I want him to eat breakfast with us!" he whined. "Why can't he stay?"
Removing his hands from his pockets, Shikamaru said, "I can't stay anyway." It was a lie, because Kurenai could tell he wanted nothing but to stay and talk; however, he too knew that it was out of the question with the boy home.
"Why not?" Kazan whined. "We can play checkers afterwords!"
A smile broke across Shikamaru's face and he scooped the boy up. "That's a tempting offer, but…I can't," he told him. "Next time?"
Looking defeated, Kazan pressed his dark skinned hand against Shikamaru's forehead, making him close one eye and knit his brow. "Okay," he sighed. "Promise?"
"Yeah, yeah." Putting him back down, Shikamaru flicked his small brow softly, teasing, making the boy giggle. "Well," he looked up at Kurenai, his eyes a mix of softness, confusion, and slight hurt (though the latter was mostly masked), "I'll see you two later. And we'll talk." The last of it was not a suggestion. Promising again to eat and play checkers next time, he turned and made his way over to the door, waving over his shoulder as he closed the door and left.
Kurenai closed her eyes as the door clicked closed, listening as her son wobbled into the kitchen, still pouting as he asked for pancakes. The footsteps and sense of chakra grew further away as the feeling of all of her emotions began to crash onto her. Taking a deep breath, Kurenai felt as if the weight of the world had fallen on her shoulders, and yet, again, she asked herself: Was it really so wrong?
Note:
I know it's a total crack pairing, but I just had to write it. ::prepares to be stoned::
And I know her son's name will most likely (times 100) not be Kazan, but we'll go with it for now, okay? Review?
Also this used to be posted on my old account, 18doses. I am moving all of my finished fics to this current account. Sorry to all those who had faved this story on the old account.