A/N: This is inspired by Ed Sheeran's song of the same title. The lyrics of the song are at the end. I kept thinking of Janeway and Chakotay whenever I heard the song, and decided to write it as an AU version. I don't have a specific time period that this is set along the voyage, though definitely after Tom and B'Elanna get together. I tried to include just about every element in the song, mostly in order, though for the story to flow correctly as the formation of a relationship, some of it had to come slightly out of order from the song. Hope you enjoy!
It was a strange evening.
Well, not strange, exactly. Strange in its normalcy. Voyager was on a planet that so closely resembled Earth a few members of the crew were overheard talking about how nice it might be to just stay there.
Chakotay chose to ignore the remarks. He was fairly certain no one actually intended to, and if he told the captain it would probably just upset her. Besides, he couldn't deny how nice it was being surrounded by a field of grass, with forest surrounding the edge of the field, and breathing air that smelled very like the nature preserves he'd liked to visit near the Academy.
This world held no sentient life, and the crew were finally enjoying some much-needed shore leave without anyone shooting at them or trying to steal their body parts or any other crazy Delta quadrant things they might come across. The general consensus had been to celebrate by camping out. Not everyone intended to actually sleep in the tents, but it was nice being all around the campfire together, laughing, picnicking, roasting anything that seemed like it might cook well on a stick, and dancing.
Yes, dancing. That may not be your usual campfire activity, but Tom Paris had set up a system to play music from numerous eras and cultures, from Tchaikovsky to the Beetles to the Purple Nacelles to T'Poh'Cho. Tuvok had protested the use of Vulcan music, but had been overruled.
"It is not intended for dancing to," he said, somehow keeping his characteristically flat voice and simultaneously making it sound like dancing was the worst epithet imaginable. "Vulcan music is intended to enrich the mind in various ways. This particular style stimulates-"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure it does," Tom had replied, spinning B'Elanna away from him and back in. "But it's also got a nice swing to it!"
"It is a fine rhythm," Chakotay had added from where he was dancing sans partner.
The captain sat calmly in a portable chair near the other non-dancers, calmly placing herself on the same relaxed level as the rest of her crew, yet somehow appearing to preside over the whole event. She had smiled sympathetically at Tuvok. "Does it conflict with any personally held beliefs? If so I'll tell Tom to remove it from the available songs."
"No, captain," Tuvok had admitted. "I simply do not like seeing things used contrary to their original intent."
She laughed softly at that. "Tuvok, old friend, if we never used things contrary to original intent, that ship orbiting this planet wouldn't have made it this far."
Tuvok quirked one eyebrow thoughtfully. "There is something to be said for flexibility," he acquiesced, and they left it at that.
Chakotay had overheard this entire conversation. Even though he was dancing, he was primarily doing it as close to his captain as he could. In case she needed him, he told himself. He knew it wasn't true, but it was easier than admitting-even to himself-how much he loved to be near her.
Tom, in addition to setting up the sound system, was also the self-proclaimed MC. Every time a new song came on he called out who should dance to it or how. "Ladies' choice!" "Gentlemen's choice!" "Non-binary choice!" "Dance with someone you haven't danced with yet this evening!" "Change partners three times during this song!"
Everyone was laughing, whether dancing or not, following directions or not. Tom was paying attention to who wasn't following directions, too. Somewhere around the 8th song's instructions, he called out, "Hey, everyone, looks like Chakotay's the only one who's obeyed orders for every dance!" Everyone laughed good-naturedly at their own tendency to stray from following directions. "Let's see how long he can keep it up!"
Then it got really crazy. "Dance on one foot for the entire song!" "Dance back-to-back with your partner!" "Do an extra-special move in the middle of this song!" "Take your shoes off for this dance!"
"B'Elanna, don't think I don't see you whispering ideas to him!" Chakotay shouted. Everyone laughed again, a few still trying to keep up, most having pulled back to the sidelines to watch this bizarre competition Tom and Chakotay seemed to have going on.
The dance-barefoot song ended, and a slow song came on. A few remaining dancers paired off, a few couples joined the dance, a few left, and a few individuals decided to slow-dance on their own. In the midst of the shuffle of changeover, Tom shouted out, "Ask a superior officer to dance!" He smiled at B'Elanna and winked.
Chakotay hesitated for only a moment, then walked over to the captain. He knew he had to ask this right away or he'd lose his nerve. He held his hand out to her. "Will you dance with me, captain?"
Her hand lifted toward him slightly, almost involuntarily, but hovered only barely above her leg where it had been resting. "Chakotay, we've-you know the-"
He smiled. "I'm only asking for one dance. To save my reputation, you know. You're my only superior officer. I can't let Tom win this one."
She smiled and extended her hand toward him further, almost offering it rather than taking his own proffered hand. "Don't you want to put your shoes back on, at least?"
"Nah. No time." He took her hand in his and led her to the grassy area that was serving as a dance floor. Only when they got there did he realize that along the way, she'd deftly kicked her own shoes off along the way. Good thing they'd been wearing civvies. No way would her Starfleet-issue boots have come off that easily.
They turned to face one another, bare toes to bare toes, hands still clasped. He touched his other hand to her waist and she rested hers lightly on his shoulder.
"It's been a long time since I've done this, Commander," she whispered. "I'm not sure I'll remember how."
"It's easy," he replied. "Just dive right in and follow my lead." He swayed slightly, took a couple experimental steps back and forth to get the feel for each other's style, and then they were off, eyes locked on each other as they danced, twirled, and glided around the grass.
"I didn't expect this," Chakotay whispered.
"What, that I'd say yes, or that we'd be good at it?"
"That you would so easily follow my lead. I expected you to fight me on it, at least for a second."
She lowered her eyes for just a moment, then flicked them back to his, determination and humor trying to mask the other expression he'd almost read there. "Well, it's not often any of us get to relax this much. I guess it's possible to get the captain to stop being a captain for a moment after all, huh?"
"You never stop being the captain, Kathryn." She looked almost hurt by this comment and he quickly added, "It's part of you like so much else is part of you. The past several years you just haven't been able to let other parts come to the surface as easily, except . . . once." Except on New Earth. They both knew that was what he was going to say, but by unspoken agreement they never mentioned their sojourn there. "You're more sometimes, different sometimes, but never less."
As he turned her in slightly more complicated steps, in his peripheral awareness he realized that everyone else had cleared the middle of the floor, and even if they were still dancing they were doing it only on the edges, giving the captain and her first officer center stage. But he didn't turn to look at any of them. Right now he only had eyes for the captain. No, for Kathryn.
She was apparently also aware of the cleared floor, and said softly, "They're all staring."
"That's because we're good at this," he teased.
She broke their gaze for only the second time of their entire dance, suddenly looking embarrassed. "I wasn't prepared for this. If I'd known I'd be in the spotlight I would have worn something nicer, maybe fixed my hair a bit. I'm a mess."
Chakotay didn't break his gaze at all, but whispered his response, barely moving his lips, not wanting anyone else to even know he'd spoken.
"You look perfect tonight."
It came out so softly he wasn't even sure if she heard him until he saw her blush more furiously but regain his gaze with wonder in her eyes.
The music was winding down just then, so they finished the dance with a flourish, bowed to their audience's applause, and the captain returned to her chair, both hands up to ward off the clamor for an encore. A Klingon song came on next and Tom shouted out, "Dance this one like you're swinging a bat'leth!" And Chakotay expertly rose to the occasion, but the astute observer might have noticed that he was glancing a little more than usual toward the captain. The even more astute observer might have noticed that her face appeared to be glowing just a little more than could reasonably be explained away by firelight and the exertion of a single dance.
Yes, this was a strange evening.
=/\=
Kathryn stepped nervously up to the holodeck doors. Then turned and started to walk away. She stopped, looked up at the ceiling, pressed the tip of her fingers to the bridge of her nose, then turned and approached the doors once more.
She shouldn't be nervous. She had been on the holodeck with him plenty of times before.
But never like this. They hadn't expressly said it, but they both knew this wasn't just two friends sharing holodeck time. And this most certainly wasn't anything involving a captain and her first officer.
This was a date.
Ever since that just-because-it's-a-lovely-planet shore leave party a couple months earlier, they'd redoubled their tendency to spend time together. They found excuse after excuse to spend holodeck time together, playing Velocity or introducing one another to various other activities. They had been finding more and more excuses to visit each other's quarters, with conversations that lasted far longer into the night than they should on those rare nights that sleep might otherwise have been possible. Throughout it all, she'd been trying to find a way to express to him that she thought maybe they could take their relationship further after all, without directly stating that. She could stand up and tell an enemy exactly what she thought, but telling this man, her first officer, her most trusted confidant, and her best friend, that she was willing to give romance a try after all? That was much harder for some reason.
So she'd been relieved when their plan for this particular holodeck visit seemed to take that course on its own. She'd suggested spending some off-duty time together on the holodeck. He'd suggested a picnic. She'd casually mentioned that a nice wine or champagne could round out good picnic fare nicely. He'd teasingly reminded her that last time they were at a picnic together they'd danced in front of the entire crew. She's coyly added that maybe they could try that again at this picnic, sans audience. He'd agreed that that might be nice and added that he'd better dress to that intent. She'd smiled and said she fully intended to dress to that intent. And they'd both given each other such significant looks that there could be no doubt in either of their minds that this was, in fact, a date.
Hmm. Maybe it hadn't taken the course on its own after all. It seemed there may have been nudged that direction from both sides.
She had worn her regular civvies from her room, a duffle bag slung over her shoulder like she was off the the holodeck for some Velocity. But when she stopped in the holodeck changing rooms and exchanged her grey shirt and black pants, it wasn't for exercise clothes, but to a dress like nothing anyone on the ship had ever seen her wearing. Even the light, summery dresses she'd worn when they were on New Earth weren't like this one-dark blue, barely knee-length, off-the-shoulder sheer sleeves, gathered at one side, and a just slightly pointed swooping neckline that gave only the barest suggestive hint of a cleavage. She added a necklace and earrings, and pinned just a small section of her hair to one side, letting most of it hang free. The final touch was to step into some strappy heels and she was ready to go. After quickly stowing her duffle in a locker, she had approached the door to Holodeck 2, where she now found herself hovering in indecision.
With a deep, steadying breath, she made her decision and entered.
Chakotay stood by a tree, at the corner of a red-and-white-checked picnic blanket, as Kathryn stepped into the holodeck. She was a vision. He'd never known she had a dress like that-or any dress at all, really. Had she replicated it just for this occasion? He glanced down at his own khaki pants and casual-dressy shirt. Should he have dressed up more?
She stepped up to him cautiously, and then, just as she nearly reached him, caught a heel in the ground and nearly fell into him. He reached his hands out and they caught each other's forearms to steady her. She raised those lovely eyes to his. Neither made so much as a twitch to let go of the other. Her eyes were full of mirth as her mouth twitched in her characteristic dry-humored smile, and she said, "I suppose I should've skipped the heels."
"You could have," he said, "but I think I like this entrance better. Anyway, the only reason to skip any part of this outfit is that it's more than I deserve. You look perfect."
They gazed at each other another moment before moving to the blanket to sit and eat.
As they sat down on the blanket, she took a deep inhale toward the picnic basket. "Mm, that smells good. What did you make?"
He smiled. "Not your typical picnic fare. Roast chicken, scalloped potatoes, side salad, and dessert . . . dessert is a surprise."
"It looks amazing, but I'll confess, I'm not sure how to eat it without making an absolute mess."
He calmly surveyed the length of her body, sitting on one hip with her legs curled to the side, offending shoes next to her and bare toes softly pointed. "Well, we can't have that. Computer, add a low table under the picnic blanket, 30 cm tall."
They watched as the picnic blanket rose with a table under it, then Chakotay started placing the replicated feast on the table.
They ate and chatted happily, reveling in each other's company, laughing easily as they could only make each other do.
Last came dessert. Carefully watching Kathryn for her reaction, he lifted two plates from the basket, and pulled the covers off the tops slowly to reveal-
"Caramel brownies! You-" She stopped speaking, fingertips over her mouth, looking like she might cry.
"Kathryn?" He furrowed his brow in concern.
"No, I'm alright," she said quickly. "Just . . . I mentioned them once so long ago. I can't believe you remembered."
He smiled then. "Of course I remembered. And," he added, leaning in conspiritorially, "these aren't replicated. Many of the ingredients are, despite Neelix's insistence that I should make them with leola root." They both chuckled. "But I baked them myself. And, because I know my cooking can't actually compare to having your mom's caramel brownies anyway, I included a little variation."
"Variation?"
"Try it."
She took a big bit and her eyes lit up. "Mocha!"
He grinned at her excitement. "I hoped you'd like that."
"Oh, I do!" Between bites, she fixed him in an inquisitive gaze that he recognized as part of her analytical brain trying to understand something. Immediately after swallowing her last bite, she revealed her thoughts. "Chakotay-where is this going?"
Her forthrightness about a "this" neither of them had actually acknowledged in words yet caught him off-guard for a second. But only a second. He knew this woman, knew her quite thoroughly, and was rather adept at rolling with her punches.
So instead of answering directly, he surprised her back by rising up onto his knees, reaching out, and taking her hand in his. "Dance with me, Kathryn?"
Her eyebrows rose, but then she smiled. She didn't rise, though. "I don't think I can dance on this terrain in these shoes."
He smiled too. "So don't." He assumed she expected him to order up a new holodeck location, but instead he reached his free hand behind him to his feet and pulled his own shoes off. "Dance barefoot. Just like our first dance together. Please?"
She smiled and nodded, and together they rose to their feet.
"Computer, play slow, romantic dance music, no words, softly," Chakotay ordered, and led Kathryn to a slightly flatter spot in the grass.
This time there was no hesitation or test-sway. They came together and immediately started spinning around the dance floor as though it were the most natural thing to them.
As they moved, he started speaking softly.
"You know, I was just thinking about when I first saw you on that viewscreen . . . when you first beamed me to the bridge, then jumped between me and Tom instead of letting me attack." He smirked at her. "I always knew there was someone out there waiting for me, I just never knew the someone waiting for me would be someone literally trying to capture me."
She smiled. "It feels like a lifetime ago. Like completely different people. We were just children then compared to who the Delta quadrant has made us grow into."
He gave her a little twirl under his arm, then pulled her back to him, their bodies a little closer than before. "When I'm with you, I'm still just a kid."
He heard her breath catch, and looked deep into her eyes, moving forward with his answer to the question she'd asked earlier. "Kathryn, you are the strongest person I've ever known. You are my strength. We share everything-hopes, dreams, fears. You carry all my secrets. Where this goes is . . . well, it's almost entirely up to you, because I know where I want it to go but I won't try to force you into anything."
She gave just the barest hint of a smile, slightly nervous but not pushing him away this time. Not anymore. "And where do you want this to go?"
He inhaled sharply, not so much in shock but as though composing himself to prevent taking it everywhere he wanted it to go, all at once. "We share everything . . . except what most matters. I would love if this eventually led to sharing . . . quarters. Sharing a home." The circles they were turning in were getting smaller and slower, with precious little consideration for the tempo of the music. "You carry my secrets. I offer my love for you to carry as well. And . . . one day, maybe you'll carry . . . more." They had stopped moving by now, but still stood with their bodies pressed together, still lost in one another's eyes, his head bent low and hers stretched toward his so their faces were mere inches apart.
"More?"
He had no doubt she knew exactly what he meant, but clearly she wanted him to say it. "Maybe one day you'll carry . . . my children. Our children." He could hardly believe he'd dared express that wish, and hastily started adding caveats. "If you want. One day. Like I said, I won't force you into anything. Just, you asked where I wanted this to go and-"
"Chakotay."
"Yes?"
"Shut up." Then she sealed her mouth over his, slowly and sensually enforcing her command to great effect.
=/\=
Kathryn sat in her command chair trying hard not to look nervous. She and Chakotay had agreed, after months of sneaking around, that it was time to tell the crew about their relationship. They were going to make a shipwide announcement from the bridge, just as soon as Chakotay got there. Where was he, anyway?
"Chakotay to Janeway."
She slapped her comm and quickly said, "Commander, you're late."
"Yes, I know. I think you should start the announcement without me."
"What? I can't-" She was suddenly very aware of everyone on the bridge listening closely to the conversation, even though they were all trying not to look like it. "I believe this announcement really requires both of the two most senior officers. At the same time."
She could almost hear the smile in his voice as he said, "Oh, I'm sure you'll manage. And I can fairly well guarantee that I'll arrive on the bridge very soon after you begin."
She pursed her lips. "Well, then, commander, perhaps I should wait just another minute, if you're that close."
"Oh no, I can equally well assure you that I will be interminably delayed if that's the case, Kathryn." She stiffened at his use of her name, hoping that, to all the eavesdroppers, it sounded like "captain" instead. What was he playing at?
"Very well, commander, if you insist."
"Oh, I very much do. Chakotay out."
Kathryn stood uneasily and strode to the front of the bridge, turning to face them all. She noted along the way that she was fidgeting with her hands in front of her, and quickly clasped them behind her back, decided that might look too formal, and forced them to relax at her sides. "Um, Ensign Kim, please open a shipwide channel."
"Yes, ma'am." He reached to do so, then hesitated for a moment as he looked at his screen.
"Is there a problem, ensign?"
"Uh, no, ma'am. Channel open."
"Attention, all hands. This is Captain Janeway speaking." For some reason, Harry almost laughed at that, but Janeway chose to ignore him. "Commander Chakotay and I have an announcement for you all, but it seems he's been delayed so I'm telling you on my own." She took a deep breath. "For the past several months, the commander and I have-"
The turbolift doors opened, and Chakotay entered, carrying a bouquet of roses. "-been leading up to this very moment," he finished smoothly as he crossed the bridge to her.
Kathryn's eyes widened. What was he playing at? She supposed giving her red roses in front of the entire bridge crew might be something of a hint at their relationship, and word would probably spread to everyone else.
He continued, eyes locked on her face, content to ignore everyone around them. "Because, against all odds, over the years this woman has come to hold everything I am in her strong little hands. Her heart is all I own and she holds my entire future in her eyes."
Her breath caught and suddenly she was also content to ignore everyone around them as she gazed into his own eyes. Then his head started sinking toward the floor. She followed with her eyes, realizing he was kneeling down. Her fingertips flew to her lips, just as they had when he gave her the caramel brownie. This time, though, her eyes didn't just mist up, but filled and overflowed. Great. The captain, standing in front of the entire bridge, with tears streaming down her face.
"So, kneeling before you, not as your first officer, but as a man so deeply in love, a man who one day was angrily beamed onto a bridge looking for a fight and instead met an angel in person who helped him replace that anger with peace beyond compare, I ask you: Kathryn Janeway, will you marry me?"
Through the blur of her tears she saw the glint of a ring in his hand. She paused just a moment, then bent forward and kissed him hard, tugging on his hands to haul him to his feet, the bouquet of roses falling to the deck, forgotten. Everyone on the bridge cheered, and presumably everyone else on the ship as well.
He finally pulled back. "So is that a yes?"
"Yes that's a yes!"
He grinned and slid the ring onto her slender finger.
They stood at the front of the bridge, hardly hearing the whoops and cries of congratulations emanating from around them. "We should have done a visual announcement," she murmured.
"I sent a message directly to Harry's station to that end," he whispered back. "Every screen on the ship has been showing this."
She laughed. "I don't deserve you."
He laughed too. "That's probably true, but not the way you mean." He bent to kiss her cheek, then whispered in her ear, "I don't deserve this at all. But together we're-"
"Perfect?"
He smiled down at her. "Perfectly perfect."
Inspiration song:
Perfect
By Ed Sheeran
I found a love for me
Darling, just dive right in and follow my lead
Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet
Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me
'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love
Not knowing what it was
I will not give you up this time
But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own
And in your eyes you're holding mine
Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight
Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know
She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home
I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets
To carry love, to carry children of our own
We are still kids, but we're so in love
Fighting against all odds
I know we'll be alright this time
Darling, just hold my hand
Be my girl, I'll be your man
I see my future in your eyes
Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
When you saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful
I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight
Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
Barefoot in the grass, listening to our favorite song
I have faith in what I see
Now I know I have met an angel in person
And she looks perfect, no I don't deserve this
You look perfect tonight