A/N: They don't PAY me enough for this! XD;;;;;;

This is a gift for Addy-who I know hasn't read this before, even though it's been many, many places. XD;; It's actually a story for me... XD;; I dunno. Ever since AP English, I've found myself writing shorter pieces. XD;; It still feels like a drabble for me, so we'll call it a drabble. Addy complains that I don't write enough about Isleen, and that I shirk her "OTP" apparently, so here. XD;; You take this.

This is what I do best. XD;; Romantic angst. XD;;; Just to warn you guys, there are allusions to sex in this, though I don't think it's really that bad. XD;; I wrote this a super long time ago; I can't remember what I was going for.

At three in the morning, by the way. XD;;

I was completely shit sleepy. XD;;;;

Never say I don't write you anything. XD;;

Even in my sleepy stupor, I find myself undeniably attracted to her.

I fell, completely and utterly, for for her and she doesn't even know it. My feelings for that gorgeous woman are immortal, unmovable, and yet I'll never reveal my true self. Maybe I'm being ignored, but I don't care. She would never hurt me, would she? I assume that much, and I'll believe in it. I'll cut my fingers off and lap at the blood, just to grin at the world in a fit of psychotic passion and prove to them that I can. And I will. My heart attacked the inside of my chest today, though it seemed more persistent than the day before. Only an hour later, it gave a less familiar tug. One of jealously and hurt. I told myself that it would never work out between us, but I can't bare to look that... Thing in the face. I refuse to acknowledge that girl you named after yourself as your... Daughter. It's true. I really and truly feel this way.

I can't stand it.

Much like I can't stand myself.

I get so worked up, and over what?

Nothing.

Even in my sleepy stupor, I find myself imagining your face. How my unworthy, red, slitted eyes widen when I see you and your lovable, kind smile.

How I hate that I love you.

That's right.

Love.

I admit it now.

I admit it forever.

I have no idea why I'm crying, but I'm aware that I'm smiling a grin full of regret, thinking that if we were together... Thinking about the memories we'd never make... The very world around me seems to be on your side. It refuses to let me forget you. Whether it's the song I can't get out of my head, or those times when the wind caressed me just like the way you used to... For one single moment I want to feel for sure that—

You have a life, I know!

You have a job. And friends. And I know you don't like the sound of my laugh, especially when I get hyper and make a fool out of myself. I doubt my name means much to you anymore. That doesn't matter to me. I want to see you smile again. Please, Kohana... Just tell me you're fucking sick of hearing me talk. Scream it for everyone else to hear! I need to see for myself instead of being ignored. I swear, just do it and I'll leave you alone.

But before I leave your life, I have something to say.

I love you more than anything you know.

I'd almost die for you. Mainly because you're my other half.

Killing myself is an option, but... Would you want that?

All I want is a hug.

To listen to the rhythmic beating of your heart.

Your heart.

Pure, yet corrupted. Kind yet sadistic. Inviting, rejecting...

I don't want to be selfish.

Happiness, sadness, light, darkness, freedom, torment.

You hold power over me. Your will I must follow. Do you know of this power? I'm bound to you. Your ever word. Your word is my law. Can unrequited love be true love? It could never be. I mean nothing to you. Am I worthless? What am I worth to you?

Even in my drunken stupor, I find myself crying. The tears actually run down my cheeks and they... Burn like fire. I flinch. There is no easy way to actually say how much I love you. Can't you see, Kohana? I don't want your words—I'm done being lied to. I'm not one of these people where you can lie to them, smiling bitter, ugly things that choke their unsuspecting lungs, sewing their mouths shut and freezing their tongues into silence. Tell me that you love me! Give me actions, violent, cold-achingly sweet movements. Rip sighs across my chest and screams from my lips. Make my sobs sound like arias, my breathing Shakespeare.

Hit me, kiss me, anything it takes to tear away from all of these years of absolute failure! Words destroy beautiful moments. Even their hidden subtleties are nothing compared to your sweet nothings and the double entendres of your eyes. Make time stand still for me, please, as you take my face between your lithe hands and shake me until I'm blind and no longer able to speak, and make me forget about being a Summoner and the outdoors and my own, twisted feelings. Leave me scarred by new ideas and passions. Let your fingertips rest against my open palm—the gesture carrying more weight than hours of lovemaking, and let it sit there silently with your face close and fuzzy, studying the curves of my body.

Let it sit against my flesh because that's where it belongs. Let our atoms converge in a way no human can. The hum of our bodies rising and falling. Don't take my silence for what it is, because it's nothing.

A thousand sonnets.

I don't need those, roses, chocolates, or confessions of love.

I need a slap across my drunken face.

A kiss that does the same.

A stolen moment of eternity when there is nothing more than you and I and the world that stands between us, around us, and within us.

Even in my intoxicated, barely-breathing stupor, I confess to nothing else.