A - sappy - RenoxYuffie one-shot dedicated fully to Lunamet. Hugs Jh00 rock! (Yes, I know I ought to be working on Truth or Dare and Through Red Eyes. x.x Just so you people out there know, I HAVEN'T ABANDONED IT! Yet, at least... so thanks for all your patience:))

...Oh, by the way, the timeline is all wacked up, but don't mind me. ;

"To see the world in a grain of sand

And heaven in a wild flower

To hold infinity in the palm of your hand

And eternity in an hour."

-William Blake

(Key:

Text: Thoughts

Text: Memories

(Text): A/N)

Not Anymore

That was it. That was IT. He'd heard enough '...'s to drive any sane human being mad. Gripping his left hand into a fist, he slammed it onto the table in front of him, gathering the attention of the two other occupants in the room. Reno got up, the chair clattering behind him, but he couldn't care less. He glared at Rude and Elena, his amber-hued eyes (were they amber? Well now they are! xD) shifting from the blonde's soft brown ones to the bald man's sunglasses, in which he could see his own face with its rare solemn expression.

"Damnit, why do you people have to be so quiet!" Reno yelled, his voice free of the usual semi-drowsy slur. His co-workers noticed how clear his eyes were, not hazy and hollow like it normally was; after-effects of excessive alcohol intake. Rude raised an eyebrow. Elena and Reno were the two of four Turks that did all the talking, and neither of them really minded if the other half was quiet as they are unless there was business to be discussed. It was true that Elena had been even more reserved than Rude since Tseng's death, but why would Reno start to care about it now?

"Shut it Reno! Not everyone is a jackass like you that can stay unaffected by their... friend's death..."

Elena bit her lip as she sought for a word to describe their relation, and blinked rapidly to free her eyes of the tears that blurred her vision. A cold glare from the redhead silenced Elena and she just pushed her chair back away from Reno and the table and crossed her legs, eyes flashing dangerously from beneath the curtain of blonde hair that shadowed her inclined head.

Rude stood up, stopping Reno from saying anything else, and Elena turned her head slightly towards her other co-worker's direction. "The intention of this meeting is to decide our course of action, Reno. Don't get distracted."

Reno turned, his back faced towards both of them. "...I can't do this... I'm gonna go get drunk." And he exited.

Rude started after him, but Elena stopped him, a hand in front of his chest like a mother preventing her child from a collision. "He won't get drunk," she said, lowering her hand and sweeping her bangs away from her eyes.

The other Turk crossed his arms, as a way to inquire how she was sure of this. Elena glanced at him briefly before taking to examining her fingernails. "Haven't you noticed?"

"That he seems to be consuming a lot less alcohol since our leader died? Certainly."

"Exactly, Rude. And I know Reno's not that much of an ungrateful asshole-at least not towards... not towards Tseng..." She turned away just slightly so that he wouldn't notice the faint glimmer in her eye. But he did anyway.

A minute passed, leisurely, slowly, as if it had eternity to spare when really it had only its sixty seconds to exist. Elena apparently found her left thumbnail unusually interesting and noone could really see what Rude was looking at, but his gaze was inclined downwards and both seemed to be in deep thought, of what one could only guess. At some point Rude just got up and left, and after what seemed like a lightyear squeezed into an hour, Elena let out a quiet, quavery sigh, and cried. It just wasn't the same. Without him, it just wasn't.

-----

He was stupid. He always had been, he knew that from the start, but the knowledge this time fell on his head like a sack of wet bricks. Like a headache in the morning after a night of drinking that you can't remember what happened afterwards. Like a furious Elena when she punched you for trying to be uncharacteristically cheerful after Tseng died. No matter how you compare it, Reno couldn't believe his stupidity when he found himself sitting alone at the Turtle's Paradise, staring at a mug of beer. Of course. He'd deprived himself of alcohol ever since he'd been informed, and the first place that'd come to his mind when he decided to drink... was the pub in Wutai. What a surprise.

Nice going, Reno, He smirked at himself staring, dumbfounded, at the frothing beverage. Like I need reminding...

Reno groaned and suddenly started to hit his head repeatedly on the wooden table, ignoring the pain that racked through his brain that craved for alcohol and cigarettes. He vaguely felt the gaze of everyone in the room, but screw that. He image of the table that barely registered itself in his consciousness grew distorted as tears welled in his eyes. And fate just had to make him sit at the same table. The same table as the last time he came here.

"To Reno... to the Turks... Cheers!"

No... I... don't want to remember...

"We're off duty... don't bother us."

But...

"Reno! Rude! Are we just going to sit here?"

We never had to worry about being hurt back then...

"D'oh! Whatever! I'm going!"

...At least not this kind of 'hurt'...

Tseng... why did you leave?

He could recall so clearly the first time he walked into the Turk's section of the Shinra building, the nervous little wreck he was, the stupid teenager of sixteen that'd made the severe mistake of choosing to work as a Turk-just to be above the Plate. Reno, an orphaned kid in the slums of Sector Seven, his pale skin and untidy long hair marking him as one who'd been in the slums for too long. The brand-new navy suit felt somewhat too crisp and uncomfortable, and the hard, polished floor he felt under new leather shoes felt too hard and slippery compared to the crumbly gravel paths that lay under Midgar. The workers, SOLDIERs, and Turks all in uniform seemed too buisness-like and uptight and made him feel out-of-place; including his new superiors, Rude and Tseng. Especially Tseng.

Despite Tseng's tendancy to lecture and scold Reno, Reno took a liking to the Wutaian man once he got used to his new surroundings. He was there to watch out for him, and he taught him more than any of the stupid, unpractically long books in the enormous Shinra library anyway. He was like a father-or an older brother, more like, to Reno who'd never known family. He found it hard to describe their relations. The Turks had a strange bond that isn't seen in SOLDIERS or any other division of the Shinra military. Not brotherhood, it was more laid-back than that, and friendship wasn't exactly the term either. Whatever it was, Reno liked it. They were there when they needed each other, and they weren't when the didn't need each other. It was the complicated simplicity that Reno had grown accustomed to over the years, and it was what he missed most when Elena arrived.

Elena... well... she was a girl, that was one. She made the rest of the Turks feel uncomfortable, and she would just go on and on yapping about something, not noticing it. Reno seriously thought she didn't notice anything except for his incredibly messy office, sloppy appearance, and Tseng. Everyone knew she was head-over-heels for the stoic Turk leader, and yet she still bothered to deny it. Frankly, she annoyed him. No, pissed him off. But he didn't say anything. It was an unspoken rule that kept their peace... a rule females just couldn't understand.

It was finally on that day when Sephiroth killed Tseng that she was speechless. Any other time Reno would have fallen on his knees and thanked Holy for it, but in the unique circumstances he felt the change so... unwelcome and alien. He supposed it was his own ignorance, or the want to be ignorant that he had been being even more cheerful than himself and Elena combined. Unbeknownst to his co-workers, he'd been hurt by his leader's passing as much as Elena or Rude, and because of it, he wanted to continue on as if nothing had happened. Even if he knew that numbing the pain temporarily wasn't worth feeling it later a hundred times worse. But he was stupid... so stupid...

Reno only faintly felt the table breaking under his skull before he smiled and passed out.

"Mister? Oi, mister!"

A maid shook him awake, a throbbing headache scattering stars in front of his eyes reminding him of the large lump on his forehead. Reno shook his head in an attempt to clear his vision but as a result only amplified the pain and he fell back into the soft futon of the inn, groaning softly.

"Are you alright?" The maid, who'd looked relieved that she made sure he was still living, chuckled as she put a hand on her hip, shaking her head.

"Uggghhhhhh..." Reno buried his head between the cool white sheets, trying to avoid the maid's voice as it resonated through his skull and made it feel like it was vibrating.

She raised an eyebrow and let out an amused sort of snort. "Heh. Anyway, stay here all you want. Your stay's for free."

THAT caught his attention. He looked up bleakly, a confused expression on his face.

The maid laughed. "I know, surprised me too. You know, you being a... you know... and all." Seeing that the confused look didn't fade, she smirked. "Lady Yuffie. Godo told her that you were here and she told him to let you stay for free."

Reno sat up, ignoring the screaming headache pleading against it. "What? Who?"

"Lady Yuffie. You don't know her?" The maid seemed bewildered. "The hyper girl? Lord Godo's daughter? The one with the shuriken and short black hair?"

It hit him. The girl he had unintentionally rescured from the bastard Don Corneo. Why would she...? Dazed, he stood up in a trancelike state. Looking back at the maid, he said in a rush, "Ihavetogo," and turned back before he could see her stunned look.

---

Reno sighed, and exhaled a stream of white smoke, feeling it pass through his lips. A cigarette between two fingers, gazing at the ruby sunset beyond the Da Chao statues, Reno smiled faintly. He was sitting on the roof of ones of the Wutai homes, whose he really didn't care... as long as he knew nothing would bother him to break that tranquil moment. Noone would-

"Yo! Turk!"

Yep, noone would-

"I'm talking to you, buster!"

Noone worth taking note of would-

"ARE YOUR EARS DETATCHED FROM YOUR HEAD? HEL-LO?"

Bother him. Right.

"What do you want?" Reno snapped, glaring at the young ninja who was on the ground with mild annoyance.

"'What do you want'? You ungrateful little-"

"Do you enjoy having my fist in your teeth? 'Cause you seem like it," He said in a chilling tone. Yuffie narrowed her eyes; Reno's threats had never actually sounded threatening before, mainly due to the way he always slurred his speech, but now... he sounded too sober to sound like Reno. But he was being every bit the jackass she'd fought on numerous occasions.

"Gawd. I saved your ass from being beat up by my dad, and this is the thanks I get, eh? The world sure isn't fair," Yuffie sniffed mockingly, but Reno just remained silent and he disignited his cigarette on the red roof-tile.

Isn't fair... like you know what isn't fair...

Reno gritted his teeth and leapt down from the roof, landing in front of Yuffie, looking at her down his nose. The girl seemed unfazed, and she looked at him straight in the eye, which proved to be rather difficult as the Turk was at least a head and shoulders taller than she was.

The young shinobi smirked. Now he seemed like someone she recognized.

...or so she thought until he turned around. She blinked. This, again, wasn't like the Reno she remembered; the one who would pick a fight with anyone-especially when drunk. But he didn't even seem drunk anymore. And he was actually thinking. Now THAT was new.

"I don't feel like dealing with you. Go away." He took a few steps before Yuffie regained her composure.

"Whaddayamean, 'don't feel like dealing with you'? Don't you owe me at least a 'Thank you'?"

Reno just ignored her and kept on walking. "Fine!" She shouted, crossing her arms. "See if I care again!"

I never asked you to care... The redhead thought, rather confused. Why had the ninja helped him, when he knew he had been a bastard to her before? Either she pitied him, or... No, he didn't quite dare to ponder the other possibility. He, after all, was a Turk, and Turks were never bound to emotional commitment. It caused too much hurt later.

He realized with a pang that he'd never considered that with Tseng. Or Rude. Or Elena even.

He stopped dead in his tracks. Is avoiding any personal commitment the only way not to feel like this? Reno felt warm beads of liquid rolling down his cheeks. You can't lose anything you never had... that's true. But is the pain of losing something worth the happiness when you possess it?

He glanced around, and saw a woman with long black hair laughing as she walked with her son in her arms.

Like... family...?

He shook his head, and the tears stopped falling.

Cut it, Reno. You're acting like a sentimental freak. Turks can't be that way, they get torn up later. Rude told ya that aeons ago.

Reno felt horrified as he started to hear himself arguing with himself.

You're not a Turk anymore.

You're just looking for an excuse to be an asshole, Reno. You're not a Turk anymore. You don't have to be what you've once despised.

How can I not be what I am?

It's what you've made yourself into. You've manipulated yourself to avoid being hurt. But you don't have to be afraid of being hurt. Shinra's dead.

You're not a Turk anymore.

And those words repeated themselves. Over and over. Five words that betrayed everything Reno believed since he was sixteen. But the fragile, uncertain part of him that had wanted to curl up and cry all these years, they put a question into his mind that suddenly made him feel lonely and insecure.

If I'm not a Turk... what am I?

---

"Reno? Reno?"

He swatted away the offending intruder. How dare they interrupt his blissful sleep?

"HEY! Wake, up, damnit!"

Still he refused to open his eyes. He'd been up half the night drinking, and he was sure he'd hit his head again somewhere...

"I SAID WAKE UP SLEEPY!"

This time he managed to crack an eyelid open with unfathomable effort, a bloodshot eyeball swiveling in its socket to gaze drearily at a certain black-haired girl, none other than our beloved Yuffie.

"Whadoyuwan?" He croaked out, his tongue dry and his throat raw. He sat up, and for the second time in two mornings, he was greeted with a pounding headache-this one more familiar, caused by heavy drinking rather than direct impact on the head. He swayed on the spot, and Yuffie, as an instinct, dragged him back, only to blush furiously realizing that he wasn't wearing a shirt.

To her relief, Reno seemed too befuddled to notice. She threw him his old uniform (no tie, as usual) that lay discarded on the floor, and he let the garments cover his face as he fell slowly back to sle-

"DON'T YOU DARE FALL ASLEEP AGAIN!"

Or not.

"Here," Yuffie grumbled, taking the uniform away again and thrusting a towel and two bottles in his face. "At least try to look like something resembling a human being."

He realized that the long locks of his fiery hair, free of their entrapment, was in a disarray of knots and crimson tangles, and there was a cut in his lip coated with dried blood. He felt a number of bruises on his legs and arms, and he could see an ugly purple one on his shoulder - how he acquired the injuries, he had no clue.

"Hurry up! The water's gonna get cold!" The girl huffed, indicating to the shower then turning away and closing her eyes.

"Why did you... ughhhh..." Reno moaned, feeling sharp pain piercing his legs as he attempted to stand up, "help me... again?"

"Would you have preferred to be beaten up?" Yuffie replied curtly, putting her hands on her hips but not turning around.

"No, seriously. Why?" Reno tried his best to ignore the splitting pain that rushed through his temple, and he turned the ninja around to face him.

"I told you I-" She stopped mid-sentence as her face was lifted upwards so that they met eye to eye.

Neither of them spoke for just a moment, strangely aware of the little distance between them. Reno rolled his eyes and let go of his hold on Yuffie, and he turned around while slipping the shirt and jacket of the uniform on himself. "I don't need your pity, if that's what you've been giving me these two days." He informed her coldly, stopping just to adjust the cuffs on his shirt.

Like I have any pride left to be scarred... He thought bitterly. He was no longer a Turk, he didn't belong anywhere... and the only people he ever thought close to himself... they weren't Turks either, there was nothing to hold them together.

He turned around and parted his lips to say something, but didn't quite get it out of his mouth before he felt something come in contact with his face.

"Pity?" Yuffie exploded, while Reno was on the floor, taken aback, a hand on the cheek she'd slapped. "Why do you have to turn away from anyone that shows you the least bit of humanity? I mean, what was that when Elena thanked you for helping her? I mean, 'pity'. God!"

"Get to the point, damnit," he said crossly. He'd gotten up and was brushing off whatever had bothered to get on his jacket. "If there is a point, that is."

He was about to leave again when she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him full on the mouth.

He froze. Completely. Taking that to her advantage, she slightly deepened the kiss, but not enough to give him a reason to draw back. Slowly breaking the contact between them, Yuffie took half a step backwards, looking at Reno apologetically but with a trace of desire in her eyes.

"That's my point, okay? I know you think I'm just an overly hyper kid, but I actually have feelings. Fuck it, don't look at me like that!" She shouted, as Reno looked at her with a sympathetic expression, if he was capable of such an emotion.

I'm... not a Turk anymore...? He drew in a breath that he'd denied himself for the entire time she had been kissing him.

You don't have to deprive yourself of emotions. You can be what you want to be. Feel what you want to feel.

"Are you even listenin to me?" The black-haired girl cried, hysteria mixed into her quavering voice. He looked at her, his face blank but in his brownish orbs an unnamable expression, something akin to sorrow.

"Yuffie..." He spoke softly, looking at her with those sad eyes. "I'm... sorry."

END

Yeah I know, kind of an abrupt ending. BUT I might write a sequel. :D So... please review! Or else. -Glare-