Little Secrets
Summary: Post-Kryptonite. Kurt's been supplementing the lack of fun he gets in the Warblers by sneaking into the gym and letting loose in all the ways he'd get yelled at in practice. Blaine gets a bit of a reality check when he decides to tail him.
Kurt wasn't going to lie, he felt like the mother of all secret agents at that very moment but instead of carrying file folders of top secret info on his enemies and a gun, he held an iPod dock in one hand and his laptop case in the other. The halls were dark and unlike in the housing buildings, not a single room had lights shining out from underneath the doors. Sneaking through the dorms had been nerve-wracking due to the sheer amount of people he needed to avoid, but the trek through the academic buildings that would lead to the field that would eventually get him to the gym were even more terrifying for the opposite reason.
The monitors and security were lax in the dorms. If he got caught out here, he was screwed.
Kurt had this perfected to an art by now and he resisted the urge to hum the theme to James Bond as he made his way silently down the halls, slipping through the one door that he knew didn't lock properly and had no cameras observing it, moving until he reached the doors to the gym with a sigh of relief. He cracked one open and slid inside, flipping on the lights and blinking like an owl as all the darkness was eradicated.
The second the door shut, however, Kurt visibly relaxed, plugging in the stereo and popping in a cd. An up-tempo instrumental began to play and Kurt began to stretch, his stint in the Cheerios and his dedication to keeping his body limber and in-tune making the movements loose and easy, made even easier by the fact that he was in a pair of pajama pants and a fitted t-shirt instead of any of his uniforms or normal clothing. Satisfied, the boy opened his bag and took out his laptop, opening it and signing into skype.
Almost instantly, Mercedes' face appeared in the window, Tina hanging over her shoulder.
"Hey, darlin', you ready to rock?" Tina crowed eagerly, dodging the swats directed at her by Mercedes and practically bouncing on her feet.
"Would you back it up, girl? I want to at least say hello first," the other girl snapped good naturedly, before leaning closer and smiling. "Hey there, boy. How're you doing?"
"I'm doing…kind of better, actually," Kurt answered honestly after a brief mental debate of whether to give the easy answer or not, "It's still a little rough, but I think I'll live. That and this beats either sleeping or sulking by myself any day of the week. I've gotten way too good at the whole sneaking around thing."
"Well, don't talk about it, you'll jinx it!" Mercedes told him, eyes crinkling up as her smile widened, "You ready to go? It took everything I had to get my parents to let me have a friend over on a weeknight and if weren't for the fact that we could go floating out to sea in a monsoon before anyone in my family got woken up by anything, this would never be happening."
"I do appreciate this. I've missed singing with you guys…so much. It's just not the same. It's Tina's turn to pick tonight, right?"
"Yeah, it's why she's so pumped—"
"I can speak for myself!" Tina protested, once again draping herself over Mercedes' shoulder to get her entire face in the window. The other rolled her eyes but didn't bother protesting; it'd do no good to get all feisty, and Kurt was smiling more and more ever since they'd started up their Skype sing-offs and that more than anything mellowed her out. "I wanna do Little Secrets by Passion Pit! It's fun and danceable and perfectly suitable for a couple of sexy divas and an Asian vampire queen."
As one, Kurt and Mercedes snorted, but nevertheless began to set up the music, Mercedes fiddling with her itunes playlists and Kurt exiting the view of the webcam to set up the dock he'd brought, attaching his mp3 player and finding the right track.
"You ready?" he called out, receiving a thumbs up from the two girls.
"On three, boo!" Mercedes replied, and Kurt hovered his finger over the 'play' button. "One, two, three!" With the ease of people who'd probably done way too much of this, they hit the buttons at the exact same time, and the opening notes began to play in perfect sync. Kurt beamed, using the long intro as a perfect opportunity to adjust the view of his computer and distance himself so that more of his face could be seen in the camera.
"When I came down, the sun poured into me. I shook 'em up, the walls came crumbling—" Kurt sang out, hips unconsciously moving to the music. He could hear Mercedes and Tina on perfect pitch right with him and he lost his thoughts to the music, unconsciously combining some of the choreography from New Directions with his cheerleading routines, leading to moves that would never in a thousand years be permitted in any sort of performance with the Warblers. He could already feel his spirits rising and he didn't feel alone at all.
He was singing something that he enjoyed with two people that he loved and who loved him back.
He could hear each of their voices mingle with his, distinct and soaring and perfect and it was wonderful to do this. They were all soloists but still sharing it and knowing that he was being heard made him so light.
"Let this be our little secret, no one needs to know that we're feeling higher and higher and higher!"
Screw the step-and-sway that he'd fallen into recently. Kurt was spinning, jumping, kicking, doing huge who-even-knows-what with his arms and shaking his hips however he goddamned pleased (Take that, Wes) and everything disappeared. There was space, wonderful empty space that he could do whatever he wanted in.
A break between lyrics and Kurt slipped into an easy back handspring before settling right back into the music just in time to start singing again.
Thank you, Coach Sylvester, no thanks for the master cleanse.
"Oh have you ever felt so goddamned strong? How come it takes some people so damned long?" He accentuated the lyric with a sweeping gesture towards the ceiling, dancing close enough to the camera to get a look at his friends. They both had huge smiles and were right with him, bright and happy. Playfully, Tina turned around and shook her butt at the camera, startling Kurt enough that he stopped singing long enough to burst out laughing, doubling over. Satisfied, Tina winked and did a spin before grabbing Mercedes' hands, grabbing her up out of her seat and looping her around in an undignified circle.
"Watch the basin drain as your life lines wane and you can't explain as your friends complain you've caused all this pain and you proudly shame your whole family's name!" Kurt's voice echoed throughout the gym and he wasn't even bothering to control his volume anymore, losing himself totally to the music and to the fact that he was having fun with it again. "Let this be our little secret, no one needs to know we're feeling higher and higher and higher! But I feel alive and I feel it in me, up and up and keep on coming, higher and higher and higher!"
When the music died, Kurt found himself standing in the middle of the room, farther away than he'd begun. He was breathing heavily and he could feel sweat drip down his brow and down his neck (gross) but he didn't bother to wipe it just yet, relishing the few seconds of silence that always came after something amazing. Finally, he sauntered back to the computer, flopping onto the cool floor and beaming at the camera.
"That was so much fun!" he exclaimed, not even bothering to try and curb his enthusiasm. There was no point, he knew his face was probably red with exertion and he could feel the devil working in his hair and who really cared after something like that?
"I know, right?" Mercedes gushed right back at him, eyes alit. "So doing that again, and soon—" she cut herself, jolting in the direction of her door. "Crap. Someone actually woke up. I'll talk to you tomorrow! For now, self preservation wins. Good night!"
"Night, 'Cedes. Good night, Tina."
The connection was cut and Kurt got to his feet again, stretching aimlessly.
There was a muffled cough, and Kurt froze. Finally, he dared to look, and there he was.
Blaine was leaning up against the wall right by the door with his arms crossed, clad in his pajamas and holy crap his hair was all kinds of curly when it was left alone and it was adorable, an unreadable look on his face. All of Kurt's newly gained color drained right out of his face and he subconsciously stepped back, running over how willing he'd be to bolt out of here and leave his stuff to the wolves or how good his chances were of getting past Blaine. Not very, to either.
He knew Blaine, liked Blaine more than he was willing to admit to anyone other than Mercedes and sometimes not even her, but he hadn't been able to trust him with this.
Not like there was a choice in the matter now.
"Er…hi," he finally said, voice shamefully small and Kurt shoved away the tendril of real fear that told him that the game was up, that it was all over and that if he lost this, he really wouldn't know what to do.
"Hi," Blaine replied with that strange look still on his face, walking over to approach Kurt. The taller boy literally had to dig his heels in to not make a run for it.
Silence for a long while, then, finally,
"That was amazing. How did I not know that you could sing like that?" Blaine asked, sounding…was that impressed?
"I thought you all kind of knew," Kurt replied after a long while, tilting his head, "I mean, you've all heard me sing. And you all heard my solo audition."
"Not like that, I haven't!" the other boy exclaimed, "Your audition was wonderful, but this was so free. You looked so happy and free and I've never, ever seen you sing like that. Not in practice."
"It's a little hard to be free when you're a ukulele in the back," Kurt muttered with no small amount of bitterness, "This was for fun, though. Fun and therapy."
"How long have you been sneaking out here? It was way harder to tail you than it'd have been if this was the first time. And who was the girl singing with you and Mercedes?"
This was ridiculous, Kurt thought to himself, sinking to the floor and gesturing for Blaine to join him.
"I refuse to partake in an interrogation while standing, especially after all the blood just drained down to my feet," he quipped, brushing his wrecked hair out of his face, wondering how out of shape he was that he was already sweating, "But to answer your question, that was Tina. I've been coming here at night since about a week after arriving here. I've always had some sleeping issues, especially when I'm stressed, so coming here for a few hours of singing and dancing helped calm me down enough to sleep. I've got a couple of questions for you."
"…yes?"
"How'd you get the idea to follow me, and what are you going to do about this?" Kurt stared defiantly at his friend, who raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"First one's easy. I was studying for French and you know how much I suck at it, so I was going to ask you a few questions."
Kurt thought about asking whether or not he'd considered the fact that two in the morning wasn't even a remotely good time to go asking people homework questions, especially if you tied in the fact that if he were anyone else, he'd have likely been asleep, but decided against it in favor of raising a single brow.
"So I was walking up to your room but then you left. And then I got kind of curious as to what you were doing and—"
"Followed me here," Kurt finished crisply, tilting his head.
"Yeah, pretty much," Blaine replied, smiling sheepishly.
Don't you dare get all floaty and squishy just because he's adorable, Kurt snarled to himself, He could totally turn you in. The thought made him rather sick.
"…what do you think should be done about it? I mean, I'm not really a resident monitor or anything, not like Wes anyway, so it's not like I'm obligated to report you for being out of bounds after curfew. And you've done a good enough job of covering your tracks if I'm the first person to find out. Honestly, I'm more worried about the fact that you haven't really been sleeping and you haven't told anyone about it. Boarding's a new experience, being out of place is pretty normal."
Kurt didn't really have the heart to tell Blaine that his discomfort had little to do with being homesick, but his face must have shown more guilt than he'd wanted to because the curly-haired boy's face fell as he watched him.
"…it's not though, is it?" he asked eventually, "Being here isn't the issue, is it? You're not happy, otherwise you wouldn't have to come here to sing." The pieces were sliding into place as if making up for lost time and Kurt cringed, "Is it something that I did?"
Ouch.
What Kurt liked to call his Oh My God The Guilt It Burns twinge twisted with a vengeance in his stomach, and suddenly, his hands found their way to Blaine's shoulders and he leaned forward, eyes wide and shaking his head furiously.
"No. No, no, no, no!" Blaine's eyes traveled from where Kurt gripped his shoulders then back up to the other boy's face, "It's really not you at all. In a lot of ways, you help. It's just hard to get used to." Releasing his friend, Kurt scrambled to his feet, beginning to pace back and forth. "The bullying was bad, and I'm safer here and I know that, but everyone in my glee club back home were my friends. Family. I mean, we were family half the time because we were always involved in some sort of drama and hating each other, but still. And here it's like…no one's who they seem to be at first. Rachel Berry might be a self-centered pain in the ass and Noah Puckerman might be a callous manwhore and Finn Hudson doesn't know which way's up, but you know it from the get-go. You're so kind and fun and ridiculously goofy and I have so much fun with you, but then we're in practice and it's always been the good part of the day and then it's like I don't know who you are anymore. And then it stresses me out because I want it to be fun but it's always the same. I can be serious, I can. I really can," Kurt continued, steamrolling over anything Blaine might have opened his mouth to say, "And I'm serious about singing. Always have been, and learning a new style of singing is really valuable. But…" he trailed off.
Halfway through his rant, Blaine had looked like he'd wanted to say something, but hadn't had the chance until Kurt finally quieted.
"Level with me, Kurt. Have you thought about quitting the Warblers?"
Kurt stared down at him as if he'd just been slapped, and the shorted boy backpedaled.
"I didn't say you should or that I wanted you to! I'm asking if you'd thought about it." Hazel eyes met that unusual combination of blue and green and grey, and finally, slowly, Kurt inclined his head.
"I have, actually. A few times, when I've walked out that door and realize that I haven't really had any fun that day. But in the end, it won't happen. I don't quit, and I sure as hell won't give up the chance to sing with people, even if I feel a little bit disposable sometimes. So I come here instead and do all the stuff I'm not allowed to do in uniform with people who probably won't ever see this place from anything other than a webcam." Kurt went quiet, shifting slightly on the balls of his feet, "It keeps the disappointment low."
Blaine was watching him now as if he'd been hit, but Kurt refused to take back his words.
"I didn't know you felt that strongly," he finally admitted, before standing. Watching Kurt pace was almost as stressful as doing it himself.
"Look. I like you a lot. It hasn't been a long time, but you're already a really good friend to me, and Jeff and Nick are awesome and David and Thad are fun and Wes could be halfway enjoyable if someone clobbered him on the head with his gavel-" Blaine suppressed a snicker at that, "But so much of the time, it's like we're different colors of clay. We're all vocalists, we're all performers. But I'm not the same kind and I don't really fit well. And even when you crush us together, it doesn't mix."
Absently, Kurt twirled in place, extending his arms and letting himself flow.
"Why didn't you tell me anything like this, if we're such good friends?"
And there was the touch of bitterness on Blaine's end, and Kurt met his eyes with sincerity, reaching out and touching his shoulder before pulling away.
"Because it'd only hurt you if I did. You love the Warblers and I'd never ever take that away from you. You work well with the group and I could never begrudge you for that and be resentful because I know how important it is. And I need the same thing."
But I don't know if I can get it the way you do, went unspoken.
"I'm gonna come with you sometimes," Blaine said suddenly, catching a startled look from Kurt.
"What?"
"When you come here and sing by yourself. If you're not singing with your friends or wanting to be alone, I'm going to come with you. Even if I did go and tell someone –I won't, by the way, especially since now this incriminates me too but never mind that- I know that you'd find another place because you're amazing and determined like that, but I don't want you to. If this makes you happy and makes it easier on you, I could never sell you out. Besides, you've got some crazy awesome moves that I could totally try to learn if you're willing to take on a student. Dunno how good I'd be, but I try hard. Counts for something, right?" Blaine waggled his eyebrows and Kurt found himself laughing, half in shock and half in pure, unadulterated relief.
"I don't know, you're kind of a clod," he commented, voice light and playful, "I don't know if you can do it. You might need a lot of lessons." Eyes alight in a way that Blaine hadn't seen in weeks, Kurt balanced himself and stretched a leg over his head, standing steady on the other like an egret. The other boy's eyes went comically wide.
"Yeah okay, I am incapable of doing that," he stumbled out and Kurt let himself relax, laughing harder than before.
"Don't worry, my lessons start out easy. If I can teach Finn a move or two –with the assistance of Mike but really, who's counting?-, I'm pretty sure I can work with you."
Was that a purr? was the last thing flashing through Blaine's head before Kurt's face went smug and he did something inexplicably distracting with his hips, finishing it off with a heartbreakingly cheery smile and a companionable shoulder bump before grabbing Blaine by the hands and belting out with something that had to originally be by Adam Lambert.
Blaine grinned.
The next day in practice, right in the middle off a very serious business rendition of She Is Love, Blaine jokingly swiveled his hips and did a wide-armed spin right in front of everyone, knocking off a pile of papers and throwing off everyone's step-and-sway.
The glint of steel that promised pain and death in Wes' eyes was worth it to see Kurt beam at him before burying his face in his arm to muffle his laughter.
AN: And there you have it. I love Blaine and I love the stories where all the Warblers are actually really laid-back and fun and I do think that they're genuinely friendly with one another, but let's face it, canon kind of totally says that they're pretty much crazy uptight and by the book, and there it is. Once again, I'd love a review if you liked this, and I usually try to reply to any question or things addressed specifically, be it praise or constructive criticism.