Twisted, a free! - iwatobi swim club fanfic

A/N) Holy crap this is dark! I have never written anything so dark and angst filled before. I mean, I wanted to try something new to kind of test the waters, but this got really dark really fast. I don't even know what to think about myself right now.

Warnings: This contains an unhealthy amount of twisted thoughts about relationships, and borderline possessive like feelings. It also contains character death by suicide. Strong hints at MakoNagi (yaoi.) And is just an all around very dark fic that I still can't believe I wrote! What am I doing with my life?

I don't own Free! Thank God for that!

Water. I always knew that water was always going to be important in my life. Water was my friend. The only one who truly, ever understood me. I didn't have to tell water anything, water just always seemed to know. The waves of the ocean, seemed to respond to my moods. The lapping of the soft ripples in a regular pool, seemed to know each way my body needed to be caressed. This water in my tub, seemed to know how fast to take my life away from me.

Yes…I was going to kill myself, and water is going to help me. Why? I have one word for you, Makoto.

I have always been a very introverted person. I am very stoic, and borderline personality disorder. Makoto is my childhood friend, and he always seemed to get me. He would make sure I went to school, and kept me out of trouble. (Trouble being trying to strip every time I saw water.) I think, that maybe, I was in love with Makoto too. I wouldn't tell him though. Makoto always just got me, so maybe he already knew. Makoto seemed to return my affection, and seemed happy with the way we were.

But I was wrong.

Makoto didn't care for me, as much as I could show to him. He was in love with someone else. Somebody who seemed to slip under my radar, and weasel in close to, what I assumed, was already mine to begin with.

Nagisa.

Don't get me wrong. Nagisa is my friend. Another friend from my childhood. We hadn't seen Nagisa in years, and he showed up during our second year. All grown up. If you could call his height all grown up. I didn't notice how the two of them got closer over time. Makoto was still coming to see me. Hanging out with me, and my friend. But that damn Nagisa came between us, and what was mine! That blonde hair, pink eyes, and sweet smile was just an act. Inside, there was a cunning little bastard man stealer. That's when I realized that maybe, water wasn't everything. That was such a silly thought.

It all started one day after swim practice. Makoto hadn't pulled me out of the pool as usual. He let me stay in and relax. I realized that wasn't like Makoto, so I willed my body out of the pool. When I walked in to the locker room, my eyes widened. Makoto was holding Nagisa in his arms. The tiny blonde had his legs wrapped around the tall boy's waist, and was moaning while Makoto was gripping his ass. I let out an audible gasp, and Makoto almost dropped the blonde to the floor.

"H-Haru-chan." Makoto said.

There was water pouring out of my eyes. I didn't know I could make water. But it was rapidly pouring down my face, and I didn't understand why. My chest suddenly felt tight, and my mouth was dry. Even if I wanted to speak, I couldn't. Makoto was talking, but honestly I couldn't hear him. Nagisa was standing there blushing heavily, but I didn't care what he was doing.

"Haru…do you even hear me?" Makoto asked.

Why did he have to ask? Didn't he just get me? What has happened here? What was going on?

Utter betrayal. That was what was going on.

"I wanted to tell you Haru, but I didn't know how. Me and Nagisa, well, we are together now." Makoto said.

For reasons I didn't know, it felt like someone decided to stab me right in my heart. But I just nodded my head, and kept on going. This odd sensation kept washing over me, as the days went on. Seeing them happy, laugh, or holding hands, just made me feel something. I think it was jealousy, or maybe it was homicidal. I was angry that they had kept this such a secret. They were my friends! How could they do this to me? Well, I thought Nagisa was my friend. He turned out to be a heart crushing man stealer. All that talk about starting a swim club, and swimming together, was a bunch of bull. He wanted to worm his way into Makoto's heart. Right under my water loving nose.

Day after day. Makoto came to see me less and less. It got to the point where I would only see my two "so called" friends at swim meetings. Even Kou had seen the tension between all of us, but decided to stay out of it. Leave problems at the gate, this was time for swimming. Water was still there for me. Dancing across my body, and making me feel calmer.

That's how it came down to this. Sitting in the bathtub at home. Going over everything, and how this awful pain wouldn't go away. Water poured down my cheeks at night, and didn't stop until I fell unconscious. This awful guilt for not being happy for my friend. I just couldn't express it outwardly. The words just wouldn't come out. I began to sink farther into myself. Becoming more introverted than I usually am. The only thing keeping me from going insane are my own thoughts, and maybe mackerel. Mackerel was a small glimmer of happiness. My thoughts weren't always the best place for me to be though. My thoughts were traitorous. The water looked so beautiful tonight. Wouldn't it be great to just lay in it, and not worry about any consequences. You know, that whole drowning issue. To just lay in it. Would drowning really be that bad? It would be a beautiful death, surrounded by the only thing that ever cared for me. Surrounded, by the only thing that was truly always there for me. So I allowed myself to sink down

Farther…

And lay there, completely encased in the water as blue as my own eyes. I thought for only a little longer. I wondered if Makoto would find me. Would he be worried about me? Would he break in to my house, and find a beautiful scene of my death by water. Would he feel guilty? I allowed myself to breathe. Almost wishing that I was a mermaid of some kind, and could actually benefit from this. I wasn't. I could feel the water pooling into my lungs. But it didn't hurt. Actually, I started to feel less and less. This is exactly what I wanted. To not feel, to not hurt. I felt sleepy, maybe I could just close my eyes. I let out a content sigh.

Those were just the bubbles of Haru's last breathe.

Makoto walked into Haru's unlocked house. How weird, Haru always locked his door. Maybe he came back inside for something. He looked around and couldn't find Haru anywhere. "Haru must have gotten in the bath." he said to himself. He knocked on the door "Haru-chan! You ready for school?" He didn't hear a sound. Not even the water moving around. "I'm walking in, now!" He said opening the door. Haru was submerged in the water. He walked over, and saw Haru's closed eyes. Haru wasn't moving, he actually looked kind of swollen. Makoto swallowed the lump in his throat, and touched the water. It felt like ice. He quickly pulled out his phone, and dialed emergency services. But when they arrived, it was already too late. Haru had been dead for hours.

And Makoto cried. He cried for his friend, and for his idiocy. He should have known this would happen. Haru died the way he lived, lonely and in the water.

As an extra note I don't support suicide in any way! No matter how introverted you are, or how bad things seem suicide is never the answer. It is a forever thing. There are no extra lives. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There are people who can help you! Talk to someone! Anyone. Taking your life is never a good idea. And I know it seems kind of hypocritical, writing a fic about suicide and urging people not to do it. But stuff like this happens all the time. I just want people to know they aren't alone. Everyone entertains horrible thoughts, the thing is, is to not give into them.