So! I'm back! And having read some of the ME fanfics just on a whim, I decided to get back on the saddle, though now a little older and a little more mature and with a bit more wisdom. This story will feature all characters except Kasumi, Zaeed, and Javik. (Didn't download those characters, thus have no idea about them and am not going to include them, at least for now. Could still change over time. The power of the edit!) So, enjoy!

Chapter 1: Reflections in Limbo

Just after the Crucible activates

The explosions had faded away, with silence taking its place. No longer were the sounds of ships tearing apart, no more mechanical roars of the Reapers. Nothing filled Shepard's ears as he lay on the floor that he only assumed was the top of the Presidium on the Citadel. He was aware of where he was and what he had done, but nothing more. He knew he had fired at the arming mechanism of the Crucible, activating it. He remembered the explosion that seemed to envelop him, his body seeming to ignite with the Crucible. He remembered what the Catalyst had told him. He only had two choices: Either destroy the Reapers, as well as all synthetic life in the galaxy, or control them. He never could've chosen control, even if it was the better choice.

It was a hard choice for him to make, even though it meant the end, once and for all. He could never control the Reapers. It was what the Illusive Man wanted. Had Shepard chosen control, it would've only confirmed that the Illusive Man was still, in a sense, controlling him, like he made Shepard shoot Anderson. Anderson…Shepard cringed inwardly at the thought. He knew it wasn't his fault, but he still pulled the trigger, firing the shot that killed the man Shepard now knew as his mentor and teacher. His mind now started to recall everyone he ever knew, everyone close to him, who was no longer alive. His unit on Akuze, Corporal Toombs, Kaiden Alenko, Mordin Solus, Thane Krios, Legion…He saw their images as he fired at the mechanism. As if they were all saying, we're waiting for you. We'll see you soon.

Was he dead now? Shepard couldn't move, couldn't feel anything. He was still aware, but nothing else seemed to be there for him. He tried to move, but nothing seemed to respond. He tried to breathe, but he couldn't hear his breath. Silence seemed to echo through him as he continued to lay there. His mind now started to drift on those still on the Normandy, wherever it was. He remembered Harbinger firing on his squad. He had Garrus and Ashley, the two most loyal soldiers he had ever known and fought with, running with him to the beam that led to the Citadel. He remembered both of them getting wounded by Harbinger's fire and he had the Normandy pick them up. He felt his heart ache as he watched them go up the ramp, Ash being supported by Garrus. He saw the pain in her eyes as he stepped back and said his parting words, ones he had said several times before.

Take care, Ash.

He remembered how he had once felt about her. While their relationship was regrettably short, he remembered the good that had been there. He remembered first meeting her on Eden Prime. Everything changed that day, especially for him. He recalled how he had been before that day, what kind of a hard-ass he was. He always had been sharp-tongued to everyone, ever since his life in the streets when he was a kid. Arrogant, renegade; He always felt he had to make himself feared to be respected. When he and Kaiden ran into Ash on Eden Prime, he had yelled at her for leaving her squad behind to die from the geth. Then…then he encountered the beacon. The Prothean beacon. He recalled seeing Ashley suddenly being dragged to it. He grabbed and shoved her back to Kaiden, then got caught in whatever it was. Force field? Tractor beam? He didn't know what it was, but it branded in to his brain those images, those visions. And everything changed for him. He felt like there was more to fight for than just his respect. There was much more at stake. From that moment on, and especially when he became Spectre, he vowed that he wouldn't be the man he used to be anymore.

That included his relationship with Ash. He forgave her for what happened with the beacon, telling her it was nothing she could've prepared for. He knew that she was stung by how he had talked with her at the colony and he tried to make up for it. He was glad that she forgave him and then, things changed for both of them. The talks they had between missions, the funny awkward moments, such as hearing in on Ash's sister talking about how "cute" Shepard was, even the simple small talk about religion or their respective military careers. It all seemed to just work for them, all the way to their night together on the way to Ilos. And then…then the Collectors attacked. He remembered sending her to head the evacuations. He hadn't planned on dying, nobody can really plan an unexpected death, and when he found out she was on Horizon when he awoke 2 years later, he still had hope for both of them. She even gave him a close, intimate hug when they reunited after he halted the Collectors kidnapping the colony. But then, it all changed. Ashley, his first dear love, the woman he cared the most for, broke it up with him. He knew the reasons, him working with Cerberus, being dead all those years, but it hurt him. He had wanted to try to work it out with Ash, but she seemed to want no part of it. He still remembered her parting words. "Good bye, Shepard. Just…be careful."

It hurt, badly. He remembered going back to his cabin on the Normandy, and angrily slamming the picture he had of her flat on the desk. Dammit, Ash, he thought to himself. It stung, like nothing he had ever felt before. Even though she sent him an apology later, he knew he couldn't be with her anymore. It was over between them. He had seen it before in her, how her mood could turn on a dime. Sweet, caring, poetry-quoting girl one moment, angry sharp-tongued woman soldier the next. As stable as he was, Shepard knew then it couldn't last between them. That sting still hurt him some months later when he visited her in the hospital, Huerta Memorial. He still cared for her, though, even visiting her when she had been unconscious. Seeing her get nearly killed by that Cerberus synthetic, Eva Core, it nearly broke him. Even though there was nothing romantic between them anymore, he still loved her, as a close friend and comrade. He tried to make things a bit better for them by getting her a book, the complete collection of Tennyson, one he knew she would enjoy. The conversation, though, that brought back the pain of her breaking up with him.

Hang on. You walked away on Horizon, not me. It was pretty clear you were done with me.

I was hurt and angry!

I needed a connection with you and you shut me out…

That conversation was hard for him. He didn't want things to end this way between them, especially later when he nearly had to shoot her during Udina's attempted coup. Would he have really pulled the trigger on her? He didn't know. And he was glad he didn't have to find out. It all ended well between them and he was happy for that. The talks they had on the Normandy, by the café in the Presidium. He thought fondly of those, being able to work things out with his former lover. He didn't want things to have ended the way it had been back on Horizon. He was glad it worked out between them, even when Ash had been skeptical.

A lot has happened, Ash, but I'd like to work this out.

I'm surprised.

Why?

Miranda Lawson? Ring a bell?

MIRANDA…Shepard's thoughts froze at that. He knew Miranda was out there, thinking about him, and now his heart hurt like he never knew it could. He knew he had done something he had never done with her. He promised her that he would come back. He had never made a promise with Miranda, mostly because they were both never in a situation where they could, even back before the suicide mission.

He initially had never intended anything with Miranda. He remembered the first time he really met her. Sure, he remembered her trying to calm him down when he woke up too early in the Lazarus facility, but later, when Shepard, Jacob, and Wilson were at the door to the evacuation shuttle, he really met her face to face for the first time. It was not exactly a simple meeting either. He remembered her simply shooting Wilson for betraying them, showing no emotion at all in what she did. It struck him, having read some of the Cerberus data logs before running into her. He remembered one of Wilson saying that Miranda was an "ice queen," and that was accurate enough for Shepard. Even when he tried to converse with her after meeting the Illusive Man for the first time, she was still a cold person.

It changed some when they boarded the Normandy SR2. She even opened up some to tell him about herself, though she still seemed to have a bit of an icy attitude about it. It's only fair. I spent the last 2 years learning everything there is to know about you. The more he talked to her, though, the more Shepard started to feel pity for Miranda. Hearing how she was not born, but "created" by her father, so as to create a dynasty, it was something he couldn't wrap his mind around. A man creating a daughter to make his own name for himself? And then, when he helped her save her "twin," Oriana, he had only done it as a favor for saving him. He was surprised when he heard how Oriana was much younger than Miranda, but she explained everything, how her father created a new daughter to replace Miranda. He remembered distinctly what she said to him, with pain in her eyes and distain in her voice.

I wasn't the first one he made; I was only the first one he kept….I wasn't a daughter to him, I was…I don't know what I was.

It was then that Shepard knew that Miranda was really a tortured soul, with really nothing but her work with Cerberus. He learned more about her, how she was basically deprived of a normal childhood, forced by her father to live up to his gaudy expectations. He felt a new connection with her, having had to make it on the streets of Vancouver in his youth. He remembered making her go speak to her sister for the first time. He had done it for her, to finally meet and have a relationship with Oriana. He never had a family of his own, and damn if he was going to let anyone else refuse themselves something he himself never had. He was glad he did it, especially when he talked to Miranda about it afterward. Seeing her smile and talk fondly about her sister, it warmed Shepard to see her like that.

He still hadn't expected falling in love with her. That had been the farthest on his mind, until he talked to her again. He remembered hearing her about how she didn't have what he had, as she put it. That fire that makes someone want to follow you through Hell itself. When she tried to humble herself by saying that she couldn't take credit for what she had been given by her father, only her own mistakes, he finally had to blurt it out.

I can't admire your body or your mind?

He had meant it, but it was that moment that he started to feel something with her. They continued their flirting, but just as it seemed to peak, Miranda stopped, clearly, as he saw it, flustered by the situation. Hearing her stutter, trying to cover up any possible romantic feelings, it made him smile, even as he heard her say as he left her cabin, Stop smiling, dammit! He knew it then. There was something special between them. Why, he wasn't sure of that. Was it because he felt for her, having felt a kinship with her, given they both came from hard backgrounds? Did he feel that she needed someone special in her life? He recalled a conversation once with Jacob, after helping him find his long lost father, where Jacob seemed to hint that he and Miranda had a relationship once. Jacob had said something about how Miranda, "deserves a better man."

Whatever it was, the next time Shepard talked to Miranda, he knew that he couldn't hide his feelings about her. He knew she felt the same and he saw her try to cover it up again, saying how dangerous the mission was and how unlikely they were going to survive the Omega-4 relay. She finally gave in though, and he knew she couldn't deny her own feelings anymore, yet she seemed helpless about it.

What idiotic bunch of hormones thought that now was a great time for love?

Who said anything about love? I'm just trying to get you into bed.

You ass…

He remembered that smile of hers when she said that. He knew she did have feelings for him then. Then, when they had their time in the engine room, on the way to the Omega-4, he still thought fondly of it. Regardless of where it had taken place, he felt like something had filled him inside, like something had been found that he never had been looking for before then. If he had any reservations about being with Miranda, it disappeared when he invited Liara to the Normandy to visit, and she brought it up.

When I first met her, she was so cold; Completely focused on her duties.

I don't think she's lightened up that much.

She has. You have no idea how much you've changed her…

When he had invited her to his cabin afterwards, sharing wine with her, snuggling close on the bed, he knew he had made the right choice with her. Seeing her face as she pressed her body to his, eyes closed, smiling contently, he knew…He could never be without her again. And when he was, as he put it, relieved of duty afterwards, grounded and held in the detention level at Vancouver, he still kept thinking of her, what she may have been doing, where she could be, and if she still was thinking of him. After the Reapers attacked and he got the message from her to meet at the Citadel, he felt his heart jolt with excitement and anticipation. Seeing her again, it made him feel at ease, if only temporary. The rest of his nervousness left when she asked him about them.

Shepard, am I still part of your plan? It's been so long, I wasn't sure where we stood.

Miranda, things are never going to be easy for us, but I'll always want you in my life.

He remembered her smile at that and he could tell that every fiber of her being wanted to hug him as tightly as possible and kiss him as long as she could. However, because they were in public at the Citadel loading dock, she just gave him a kiss on the cheek, but he knew it meant more than that. It made him even happier when she said that she said that it had been hard for her to be away from him. However, any chance of her joining him on the Normandy disappeared when she told him that she had to deal with trying to find Oriana, who had gone missing. He wished to help her, though she insisted that she had to handle it herself, and it bothered him slightly, not being able to help her or have her by his side fighting again. It worried him even more when he went to Sanctuary much later and found she was there, as well as that cold bastard, Kai Leng. He had warned her about him, and when he saw that security footage of her being attacked by him…

Shepard knew it. He couldn't bear to lose her, not that way. He remembered rushing to her as fast as he could, through whatever Reaper forces were in his way. After finding her, and also having to deal with her bastard father, Shepard was more than relieved to find her alive. Battered, bloody, but alive. He stayed stoic inside, but he knew that he could've lost her, and if he had…he didn't know how he would've handled it. He never had heartbreak. He had felt pain of loss before, when he lost comrades, when he lost Ashley, but losing Miranda, after how he felt about her? He couldn't bear to think of it. And yet…here he was, about to lose her for good.

He felt his emotions well up. He had done something he'd never done with Miranda before. He had made a promise to her. He had never promised her anything. When she promised him to not die from the Collectors, he had wanted to promise her, but having just experienced death first hand, he couldn't bring himself to do it. He remembered the look on her face, one of almost breaking down.

Just don't die. You promise me, dammit!

It doesn't work that way. We could all be dead this time tomorrow.

He didn't mean to lower her hopes, he was just being honest. Afterward, having survived the "Suicide Mission," it became kind of an in-joke between them, to never make any promises to one another. It continued when he told her to be careful several times when trying to find her sister, and then again on Sanctuary, when she asked the same for him. So, when he talked to her one last time, from Earth, just before making the push to the beam to the Citadel, he felt he had changed his luck when they said their parting words.

Finish this, Shepard, and find me.

I will…I promise.

Shepard knew better. He didn't exactly believe in luck, but…it almost seemed he jinxed himself when he said that. And now, here he was, on the brink of death, or dead, he wasn't sure, and all he could think about now was how she might be somewhere, alive, and wondering where he was, if he kept this promise that he himself knew he could never keep. Why did he promise her? Did he still have hope that he could somehow make it back to her? That it will all become a happy ending? He knew better. And now? He wasn't going to come back to her, was he?

Was he really dead, though? He subconsciously thought of why he had been thinking all this. If he was dead, he wouldn't be remembering all that he just recalled. He remembered when he first died. It was nothing like this. But, he couldn't move, couldn't feel anything, and hear anything, not even his breathing, which wasn't there. Maybe…maybe he just had to try…

Suddenly, he gave a sharp gasp and he felt the air fill his lungs, as well as the awareness of his body lying back, along with the pain that came with it. It was almost searing, but he was so weak now, that all it could do was stopping his breath short. He wanted to scream out, something to maybe alleviate what felt like white hot heat coursing through him. His eyes slowly opened and he could see debris partially covering him, obscuring part of his vision. He could now feel the pistol still in his right hand, as well as the feel of his armor, what was left of it, almost seemingly fused to his body.

He was…alive. But, how was this possible? He remembered the reflections that he had made, but how long had he been thinking of them? How much time had passed? Suddenly, he heard static and garbled messages in his ear. His earpiece was still working. Was one of the Alliance ships still nearby? One that could save him? Shepard almost felt like he was giving himself false hopes, that he was already as good as dead. No, he thought, if there's any chance that I can survive, to see my crew again, to see Miranda…

He tried to move his right arm, feeling the pistol slide from his grip as he let it go. The pain was almost overwhelming, trying its hardest to hold him back. But Miranda…The thought of seeing her gave him fresh adrenaline, enough to get him to raise his arm, through the debris that covered him, and press his finger to the transmit button. He tried to speak, but his voice seemed weak. Too weak to be heard, he thought. But he had to try…

"A-anyone?...Is…Is anyone there? This…this is…this is Commander…Commander…"

At that moment…

The Alliance frigate SSV Dunkirk sat idle near what was left of the Citadel and the Crucible weapon attached to it. The Citadel looked badly damaged from what was seen from the observation window, but was still largely intact, easily salvageable. From his command post, Captain Jon Patrick stared at the galaxy map in front of him. It was completely blank, with no indication of any other Alliance ships or any ships for that matter. The Dunkirk had been part of Admiral Mikalovich's fleet, protecting the Crucible, and it helped its cruisers defend the super-weapon. It survived a grazing shot from one of the Reapers, but it had its FTL drive fried because of it, so that when the rest of the combined fleets, what were left of them, left for the rendezvous point when the Crucible fired, the Dunkirk couldn't leave. Captain Patrick was relieved that the ship was still intact and okay, though now they were, more or less, adrift above Earth. Their engines still worked, though without a working FTL drive, and all indications showing that the Charon Relay was down, there was nothing else that could be done, except to wait for…well, anything.

"Sir, we're still trying to get the drive patched up, but it's a slow process. I'm sorry, but I can only work on this so fast," The chief engineer's words broadcasted to Captain Patrick in the CIC.

"I understand, Walder, but I need this done ASAP. Until we establish communication with any part of the Alliance, we need to get this fixed. If anything goes wrong and we need to flee, we're sitting ducks here."

"Yes, sir. I'm doing my best. Will give you an update when I can," With that, the transmission ended and Patrick gave a hopeless sigh. He didn't like having to sit here, alone among the wreckage of dead Reapers and decimated starships. He knew there were dead people out there, hundreds, if not thousands, and it was unsettling for him. Suddenly, his specialist's words broke his thoughts.

"Captain, I just picked up a transmission from the Citadel."

Patrick froze, "What? How is that possible? Who is it?"

"I don't know, sir. The signal is weak, but it is coming from the Citadel, though not a part I'm familiar with. Here, listen…" The signal came in, and it seemed full of static. From the mass of debris, maybe? Patrick couldn't confirm that, but what he heard next made his eyes widen.

"A-Anyone?...Is…-ere anyone? This i…-ommander…Command-…-epard…"

"It…it can't be…" Patrick stared up where the speaker had broadcast the message. Was it really him? Was he really hearing this voice? He quickly opened a link to his pilot, "Worm! Get a lock on that signal and head for it, right away!"

"Aye-aye, Captain. Signal's pretty weak, but got a lock. Will be there in 5-10 minutes."

Patrick nodded and opened a new link to his other officers, "Genner, Franklin, Galvin, meet me in the shuttle bay. Prep for search and rescue!" As he hurried to the bay himself, Patrick couldn't help but feel some sense of hope. If it was true, that he was alive…

10 minutes later

The Dunkirk's shuttle settled near the platform where the signal came from. Initial scans showed no life forms and with the amount of debris present, nothing could indicate that there was anyone alive. Still, Patrick had heard the radio transmission, and even though he should've stayed back on board his ship, he had to know for certain it was who he hoped it was. Lt. Galvin scanned the area with his omni-tool and raised an eyebrow.

"Atmosphere stats are 78% nitrogen, 20% oxygen, sir. AKA, air."

Patrick nodded and slowly stepped out of the shuttle, looking around. It was completely silent, with two separate platforms with some type of machinery attached to it, one of which looked completely destroyed. The firing mechanism for the Crucible, perhaps? Patrick nodded to his fellow officers, and walked forward, simply taking in the surrounding area more as the officers started searching through the debris. Patrick walked to the other mechanism that was undamaged. He noticed two small pillars, almost the size of old-style bollards that he remembered from old pictures of shopping malls, designed to stop vehicles from driving through the front doors. There was a handle on each pillar, and Patrick slowly put his hands on them. He almost felt a subtle jolt when he touched them and pondered the purpose of the handles. Before he could think of it anymore, Lt. Galvin's shout broke his thoughts.

"Captain! We have something!" The lieutenant's shout came from the other platform across the way from where Patrick was. He quickly turned and walked briskly through the debris, even though some of it was soiling his uniform. It seemed trivial compared to what had been going on as Patrick met with Galvin, who was kneeling next to a particular pile, a dirty and battered pistol in his hand.

"This was sitting here, sir. There may be someone under this pile," the young officer started to dig through the debris, Patrick quickly helping him. As they lifted one particularly heavy piece off, Patrick's eyes widened at what he saw. There, lying on the floor was a man, but not just any man. His armor was mostly torn to shreds, the face barely recognizable with cuts, blood, and the like. However, the scar on the left side of the forehead took away any doubts.

"I'll be goddamned," the captain said with complete awe and amazement, "It is him…" He knelt to the prone and apparently lifeless body, and was startled when he heard a raspy breath come from the body.

"My god, he's still alive!" Even though it wasn't his authority, Galvin's officer instincts kicked in as he turned on the radio on his omni-tool, "Genner, Franklin, get a stretcher here, on the double! And have the doctor ready, right away!"

Oooo boy, was this a trip to write! Still have some rough edges, but was surprised I got over 9 pages in with just over 5 hours total work.

Definitely need you, the readers, to help me improve this story, at least some. I already have an idea of the tone of this story, and I'm not going to really go overboard with sunshine and roses and all that jazz. Otherwise, enjoy and give me feedback!

Chapter 2 preview: The Normandy crew is alive, but where are they? And, can Shepard be saved?