Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter (but if I did, I'd be so rich - ... uh... I mean happy.)

I Never Said I was Sorry

Hi.

My name is Draco Malfoy.

Some people tend to hate me because of my cold, arrogant, rude, selfish behavior. I should apologize. I guess this is sort of an informal apology. Just don't go telling Potter. I have a reputation to protect, after all.

I'm not too good at this. I do this type of thing very often. I never really saw a reason too. When I was younger, I was very alone. My father left often, not because of any family problems, but he had work to attend to. Sure he was a Death Eater, but he taught me many of the things I know today, and he sheltered me for most of my life. I owe him at least that much. My mother was not much to improve the situation. She was never so very affectionate. She provided for me the way any caring mother would, but she wasn't exactly the type of woman to kiss your elbow when you fell.

And so I grew in the footsteps of my cold predecessors. If nothing else, they taught me something day in and day out. Outside of family, you are more or less alone in this world. Your friends will leave you one day, and then where will you be? Alone.

I never had many friends. There was something very different about me that tended to scare the other children. All I had was Crabbe and Goyle, but they're more like mindless slaves when I think about it. Poor fools. That reminds me, I suppose I'll have to cast an intelligence spell on them when I'm done with this nonsense. Don't tell Potter about that either.

I often cheat and suck up. Sorry.

I steal a lot, too. Though, this time I might have stolen too much. Which is why I'm doing this crazy thing. I swear if you tell Potter I'll perform an Unforgivable on you. I know Crucio, so don't tempt me.

I knew he wanted that teacher's aid position for the Defense Against the Dark Arts. He didn't know that I wanted, but perhaps not as badly. The thought had crossed my mind so many times, it started to become fuzzy when I wanted it and when I didn't. So when I finally won it, I rejoiced.

But I didn't forget how much he wanted it too. Well, ok, I didn't really know. I had a small inkling and made the jump to reach a conclusion. In any case, I was right. (See, Father? I told you Divination wasn't completely worthless. Sorry, random tangent.) In any case, I talked to him about it. And he insisted that it was ok. And I thanked him with the bottom of my heart.

So now here I am, not enjoying this position to the extent that he could have. He would have reveled in it, worshiped it, and worked it to the best of its abilities. I've wasted it completely, and now I can't get out.

I've asked those closest to me what to do. I get 20 different answers. Not that I don't appreciate, contrary to popular belief. But... it's not exactly helpful.

Sorry. I'm too critical at times. You'd think I was someone's mother. Er. Father. I am one with my gender, I am one with my gender. I am masculine. I have testosterone, damn it. Sorry. Another random tangent.

So here I am, lying through my teeth that I can handle this responsibility, while my friends know the entire truth: that I am a weak quitter. Worst is that he-who-I-stole-this-position-from knows too.

And I can't do anything to fix the pain he's been through. He's already moved on with life.

So here I am, Great Draco Malfoy. Ok, not so great. I messed up. Actually I messed up since the day I was born. But this isn't a pity session, so I won't go into that. Well... too late, but I'll stop here or else I'll really get going.

To keep things short, I'm sorry, my friend. I'm sorry, dear Harry.

Damn. I guess you'll have to tell Potter then, won't you? No Crucius curse for me today, then... damn.

Now where are Crabbe and Goyle...? Crabbe... Goyle...? I have a spell to cast on you – uh... I mean... I have cupcakes!