I make no claims to the Legend of Zelda.
Somewhere just outside Hyrule there was a tent. It was opulent beyond all belief, made of silk and satin and threads of woven gold. Its walls towered to the height of a tree; one could place an entire house that would be considered large even for a family of four underneath the tent and not come close to filling it up.
The inside of the tent was covered in lush carpets and overflowing in a sea of embroidered pillows. Hookahs and decanters thrust out from that sea like proud cliffs. Oil lanterns, bird cages and strings of beads hung from the distant ceiling.
In the very center, taking up the largest pillow of all, was a man of enormous girth. His long mustache and longer hair mingled in a well-groomed symphony of blue; his clothes were etched in runes and draped in jewels. His small, pig-like eyes held a feeling of deep entitlement and an even deeper desire to see the world bow to his will. He was not a nice man.
What he was was Emperor Itac, a ruler of a far-off land by virtue of his political acumen, his cruelty, and his sheer determination. And what he held was a box of intricately carved ivory, inscribed with a protective seal. With a tremor of effort, Itac forced the box open. Violet smoke billowed from it, coalescing into two figures.
"Hello, my Oracles," Itac smiled through his teeth, rotted with age and sweets. "Which of you shall tell me the truth today and which of you shall lie?"
"I am Parad, the Oracle of Things Looked At From A Certain Perspective. I will always speak the truth," answered the figure in the gold-and-silver costume.
"I am Dux, the Oracle of Things Looked At From A Different Perspective. I have never told you a lie," answered the figure in the silver-and-gold costume.
"We'll see about that. Last month I asked you, as I do so frequently, what was the greatest threat to my empire. Now I ask you the same question again."
"As I told you so I will continue to tell you: your empire is a creation of your own blind ambition and it shall be undone by your own incompetence and paranoia," said Parad.
"I speak as I have spoken before: your empire is a mighty state and it shall be brought down by a hero from Hyrule," said Dux.
"And so I have determined that this time it was Parad who lied and Dux who spoke the truth. And so here we stand, outside of Hyrule's borders. Here to stop the hero who aims to bring down my empire. Now: what is that hero like?"
"He means no harm to you or to anyone else. He is a gentle soul who longs only for peace. His greatest weapon is friendship."
"He is a warrior who fights without fatigue, strikes without hesitation, and kills without remorse. When the time comes, he will destroy you with nary a thought."
"I see. What is the warrior's name?"
"Some call him Grasshopper."
"He is known by some as Don Geron."
"Tell me the truth!"
"Some have called him Mikau."
"Some refer to him as Hero of Time."
The Emperor ground his teeth but then relaxed and chuckled.
"I see, I see. A clever adversary. He hides behind masks."
The oracles twitched; they had quite a lot to say about masks, but they weren't asked a question and so they did not respond.
"What are his powers, then? Answer me, my oracles."
"His strength lies in the force of his arms. His sword and bow have brought down countless hundreds of enemies."
"His strength lies in magic and the blessings of the Goddesses. With their help even the greatest of monsters fell before him."
"No help then. Well, no matter. Even without preparation my henchmen can bring him down. But a few other questions, first. Is he strong?"
"He has no more strength than a normal child."
"He has broken rocks with his bare hands and lifted giant obelisks."
"Is he wise?"
"He has played into the hands of his enemies and acted foolishly multiple times."
"He has a keen and capable mind and knows precisely how to turn his enemies' strengths against them and to take the greatest advantage of their weaknesses."
"Is he courageous?"
"He has no fear."
"He will never back down."
"Well, now. A straight answer. How very refreshing. One last thing: how shall I find this hero?"
"You will know him by his archery. Find the greatest archer in Hyrule and you will find the one who can send an arrow right through your eye."
"You will know him by his music. Find the one who calls forth the most beautiful tunes and you will know the one you've chosen as your opponent."
"I suppose I have it in me to kill an archer and a musician. Return."
The oracles dissolved back into smoke and went back inside the box. Emperor Itac wondered how they felt about the box. He didn't care enough to ask.
Instead he pulled a golden bell with a tongue of diamond from one of his many pockets and rang it once.
A tall man with very dark hair appeared before him.
Iak rang the bell twice.
A woman, all angles and draped cloth appeared before him.
Iak rang the bell thrice.
A short man built like a block of stone appeared before him.
Iak rang the bell four times.
An old, stooped man appeared before him.
"Prang. Oasa. Vehl. Erliol. I have brought the four of you here with me because you are the most loyal of my henchmen and the most powerful ones as well. The four of you have served me since I was nothing but a country noble. You have followed me to the Imperial court and you have now followed me here. Now I bring a new task before you and that task is nothing less than saving the Empire itself, along with my own glorious person. You will listen to what I learned from my oracles and judge for yourself how to separate the truth of what they said from the falsehoods. You will then hunt down the hero from Hyrule and end his threat to my rule."
And the four henchmen nodded. They would do as they were told.
But when they stepped outside they looked at each other and knew they would not work together. For in all the years they worked for Itac, they had never agreed on anything. And so they drew lots to see who would have the first attempt to hunt the hero down.
The winning lot was drawn by Prang. Prang the Weaponsmaster. Prang the warrior. Prang the conqueror. Never before had their land created a killer as ruthless or as efficient as Prang who could run faster than a horse and lift more than an ox and fight with more ferocity than a mother bear protecting her cubs.
"Tomorrow you shall see how things are done," he promised to the others.
And the four of them watched the sun set.