Series: Real Life
Episode: 1 - Premiere
Timeline: Between Bad Timing and the Peacekeeper Wars
Disclaimer: The familiar stuff so doesn't belong to me. Nope, it all belongs to Henson and the creators of Farscape. Trust me, I don't get a penny from this, only the satisfaction of having written something that others like to read (or so I hope).
Ramblings: The series you're about to read can be blamed on two people, neither of them are me:1: imloco2. Once upon a time she wrote The truth is out there. That's what gave me the idea for this series. Since I wasn't writing at that time, I put out a challenge back then. There was interest, but none of the writers started it.
2: goblin. She wrote a fic called Normal a few months before I began this series. In that fic was a line that made me remember the challenge I'd put out months before. I was already a writer then, so I decided to take it upon myself to get this thing going.

"You sure 'bout this, Dot?"

The slightly Asian-looking woman nodded. "Yeah, I checked the math three times. The readings change a little every day, but only for an hour or so. They're back to normal now." She shrugged. "Even so, the differences are so minimal they couldn't possibly interfere with the experiment."

Joan looked thoughtfully at her best friend, which they had been ever since, well, before middle school really. If Dot said things were fine, Joan was sure she had put a lot of thought and calculation into it before giving the okay. "Right, so we're still on for tomorrow?"

Dorothy shrugged again. "I don't see why not. If we detect the irregularities again tomorrow, we could just postpone it for an hour or so, until they get back to normal, just to be safe. But I still think we could perform the experiment, regardless of the deviations." She glanced sideways at her friend. "You're nervous, aren't you?"

Joan smiled slightly. "Terrified's more like it."

"Why? We've run countless simulations and even tested it on several occasions."

"Yeah, but simulations aren't the real thing. The tests were just basic operations, nothing similar to the scale we're gonna do it on tomorrow." Joan shook her head. "I'm just scared it'll all go pear-shaped tomorrow, making us look like a couple of dreamers."

"Oh, come on, Joan. We've prepared for this for years. Besides, even if something were to go wrong, that wouldn't necessarily mean we're wrong about this hypothesis. It just means we made an error somewhere along the line and need to figure it out."

"Yeah, but it'll go wrong on national television. What am I saying? It'll be broadcast around the globe, for crying out loud!"

"I admit I'd be a lot happier if your mother hadn't arranged the world press to be present for this experiment."

"Mom just wanted the world to see her daughter is just as smart as she is."

"I'd say even smarter."

Joan and Dot turned around.

"Jean," Dorothy acknowledged the presence of Joan's mother.

"Mom, I could never be smarter than you."

Jean smiled. "Oh, yes, you could. No, strike that: you are." She held up a newspaper. "You've seen this?"

Joan took the newspaper from her to read the headline displayed prominently on the front page and snorted at the sub-title 'How Joan R. CrandonWill Surpass Her Mother'. "Well, that's kinda premature, isn't it? We haven't even proven it can be done on any large scale."

Jean shook her head. "Why do you keep pretending you're not better than me?"

"Oh, come on, Mom, you know as well as I do that coming up with an idea doesn't mean squat in this field."

"You've tested it already. Not a simulation, but a real test."

"Yeah, it worked for a whole yard. Woohoo!"

"Everything ever invented started with a small-scale test before ever trying to get a working prototype."

Joan sighed. "Yeah, yeah. But did you have to invite the press?"

Jean nodded. "Yes, because I'm proud of my daughter's achievement." She turned to Dot. "Together with her best friend, of course."

Joan knew she was starting to whine. "But, Mom, if something goes wrong, the whole world will see me fail."

"There's no shame in trying something new and failing. Besides, what's the worst that could happen?"

"I dunno, I wouldn't come off the ground, I'm only able to hover barely over a yard, I crash because something goes wrong." She paused. "I get sucked through a wormhole."

"Hey, sometimes good things can come from that."

Joan and Dot whirled around, their mouths gaping.

Jean smiled. "Oh, I forgot. I have a surprise for both of you."

Joan turned to her mother. "Y-you invited Ben Browder?"

Jean shrugged. "Well, you two've been talking about him and that TV-show even more than about this experiment. A mutual friend owed me a favor and Mr. Browder accepted."

Ben was shaking Joan's hand, but said to Jean. "Please, call me Ben. Mr. Browder makes me feel old."

Dorothy was next to shake his hand, still slack-jawed. Joan gathered her wits more quickly. "Are the rumors true? There's gonna be a mini? I hope so, 'cause Bad Timing is the worst ending a TV-show could ever have. And a lot of fans have really done hard work to get it back. And...maybe I should shut up and let you answer."

Ben smiled. "Well, I can't really give an answer. So, magnetic propulsion, huh?"

Joan nodded. "Yeah, it's going to be the best way to explore our solar system. It's cheap and relatively fast. Still, it'd take at least three months to travel to the nearest star, but that's way shorter than it would take now."

Ben nodded. "And tomorrow's test is to see if it's viable?"

Dorothy jumped in. "More or less. Tomorrow we'll test basic maneuverability in an area of three square miles, just a hundred feet above the ground. If that works, we're going to test how high we can go. If those tests are completed, other tests will be scheduled to try to get into orbit, but we'll need to build a space-worthy vessel first."

"And a bigger engine, I suppose."

Dot shook her head. "No, that's not needed. The magnetic propulsion engine is unlimited in the mass it can propel. The biggest part of the engine on this puppy is the power generator. The actual engine part is hardly bigger than ten by ten inches."

Ben nodded, impressed and clearly interested. "And these two tests tomorrow are manned tests? Who's going to be the pilot?"

"I am. Hence my nervousness."

Ben laughed. "I see. So, you're a pilot?"

Joan nodded. "Yeah, got my license a few years back. Technically, I shouldn't be allowed to fly this thing, but I got special approval, since Dot and I designed it, and I know all there is to know about flying it."

Dorothy held out a piece of paper and a pen. "Can I get an autograph?"

Ben smiled. "Sure." He placed his autograph on the piece of paper and the one Joan had quickly grabbed from a nearby desk. "Well, ladies, I've gotta go." He turned to Joan. "And remember, just in case a wormhole sucks you through, the little toad will spit on you."

Joan and Dorothy giggled.

"Okay, Joan, everything is at optimum level; magnetic levels are stable, the oscillator has a steady frequency. You're good to go."

"Copy that. Powering up electro-magnets now. All indicators are green. Throttling up... Everything still in the greens. Reached testing altitude."

"Everything looks great so far, Joan. Alright, let's see if you can fly in a nice circular path."

"Understood, attempting circular flight path." Joan steered the vehicle around the testing area, making sure to stay well within the defined testing area. "How about that, Dot?"

Dorothy smiled. "Looked great, but then again, this thing almost flies itself."

Joan laughed. "I admit it's a good thing the computer takes care of balancing this thing, but I still need to steer it in the direction I need to go."

"Yeah, that really requires advanced piloting skills."

"Joan," Jean interrupted the banter, "how about you show what this bird can do?"

Joan nodded, already feeling very confident about the test. "Don't worry, Mom. My flying lessons will pay off in a minute."

The next half-hour was spent executing various maneuvers that many a helicopter pilot would be envious of, both in terms of speed as well as maneuverability.

"How about an altitude test?"

"Alright, Dot. We got clearance for this area at this time?"

"Yeah, this is a no-fly zone for the upcoming hour." Dorothy looked at the readings, a frown forming. "Joan, maybe you better set this thing down first."

"...di.. sa... Dot?"

"Joan, land this thing, now!"

Jean looked over at Dorothy. "What's wrong?"

Dorothy pointed at several monitors. "The irregularities are back, but many times higher than usual. It might be a solar flare, but we were informed none would occur. Anyway, it's messing with the magnetic propulsion unit."

"Do..., ...sing pow... Eme... ...ing."

Jean looked out the window to see what her daughter was doing. "What the hell is that?!" She pointed to just below the vehicle her daughter was in.

Dorothy took a peek. "It can't be... No, J., don't go down now!" She pressed the button on her microphone again. "Joan! Pull up! There's what looks like a wormhole below you! Pull up, pull up!"

To everyone's dismay, Joan continued her descent back to the ground, until she finally vanished into the phenomenon.

A man was observing the experiment from afar. "I hope you learned from the show. Good luck, Joan. You're going to need it."
Joan realized something was seriously wrong as soon as she noticed she was surrounded by blue energy. She activated her microphone. "Dot! What's going on?" She paused shortly. "I'm not sure if you can hear me, but I seem to be surrounded by a blue-white wall of energy." She went over her instrumentation. "All readings are back in the greens, except for altitude. Air pressure is also dropping, but still within tolerance."

Joan looked back outside. "I can see an opening." She pushed the controls. "Flying towards it." She paused. "Well, whatever this is, the propulsion unit still functions properly. I'm almost out." She steered the vehicle a little to the side. "Here I am!"

Joan looked at her surroundings. "Question is, where is 'here'?" She noticed a group of air-borne vehicles she didn't recognize coming her way. She quickly maneuvered herself out of their flight path and tried to determine where they were going. "Damn, that's big."

Up ahead, a large structure was visible. It didn't resemble anything she'd ever seen, except that it was definitely the largest one. Maybe not in height, but in width and length it was bigger than anything she'd ever seen. It had no angular walls, just a smooth, rounded surface all around.

The building could easily harbor a dozen commercial airlines and that would only fill up the entire width of the structure. Joan estimated it would take twenty or thirty times that to completely fill up even one level, and there were probably two dozen levels.

All around her, Joan noticed more of the vehicles she'd spotted before. It took her a few moments to realize they had spotted her as well, and they didn't seem to have any friendly intentions toward her. A shot was fired at her, too close for comfort, and she quickly dropped her altitude, allowing the next shot to pass overhead, directly hitting one of the other ships which crashed down as a result.

Staying out in the open would surely get her killed and Joan took the only option available to her: head for that large building and hope for a way in. Once inside, she'd no longer be in the open and perhaps she could find a good hiding spot. She increased thrust to the maximum she dared use under these circumstances, piloting directly towards the structure that dominated her view.

As she approached it, she spotted an opening that appeared large enough for her to fly through. Once she was even closer, it became clear it was already closing. Still open wide enough for her, but her pursuers would be unlikely to follow, given the distance they still needed to fly and the speed at which the... doors?... were closing.

"Damn! Dead end!" Joan exclaimed once she got inside.

She decided she needed to get out of this experimental vehicle and hope to find a way further into the structure by foot. As she landed, she realized none of her pursuers had made it in and the entrance was closed. That meant she'd have some time before anyone would find a way in. At least, she hoped she would. She had no idea if a shot like she had managed to avoid earlier could actually penetrate that big door.

Not waiting to find out, she quickly made her way out of her ship in search of a way further in. She slowly made her way to one of the walls until she heard a sound coming from the other side of the room. She had barely turned in that direction when she heard several noises. One of them came from two little sea-green devices, looking a lot like an overgrown beetle. She frowned, thinking there was something else it reminded her of, but she didn't spend much time on it when she saw the source of the other noises.

These noises were a cross between animal grunts and humming and the source was a big... alien? What the frell is going on here? Joan thought to herself. The big alien kept talking, or maybe asking something. "Look, I have no clue what you are saying, but believe me when I say that I'm harmless to you."

The alien responded by saying something, looking up slightly. Immediately a response came and Joan was so focused on finding the source she didn't notice one of the two devices rolling over to her. She did feel the sting in her left ankle and once again her focus shifted to the device, her thought trying to place the familiarity of them.

Her thoughts were interrupted when the alien started talking again. "...on the ground!"

Joan looked down. "What's on the ground?" Then she looked up, even more confused. "Why did I understand the last part of what you said?"

"Throw your weapons on the ground!"

"Weapons? I don't have any weapons."

"A Peacekeeper without weapons? Highly unlikely."

Peacekeepers? This can't be true. I'm dreaming. Yeah, that's it. This is a dream. A really vivid, bad dream.

The alien apparently took her silence as not wanting to cooperate and she - the voice sounded female - walked in her direction.

Joan raised her hand as she backed up, eventually bumping against her ship. She turned around, deciding that hiding in her ship was the way to go. She had barely taken a step when she felt something wet hit her neck. A second later her world went black.

Joan groaned when she awoke. "Definitely a hangover," she muttered. Opting to keep her eyes closed for the moment, she tried to determine what she had done the night before. She frowned as she realized she had had at most two glasses of wine. After all, this was to be the big day, and she didn't want to have to deal with a hangover in addition to all the other crap.

So, how come she had this massive headache? Come to think of it, why was she lying on a hard, cold floor? Her eyes flew open the moment she realized she was also very naked in a cold environment. Blinking against the sudden onslaught of light, she looked around to find her clothes.

She found them right next to her and quickly started to put them on. Once again confusion entered her brain when she noticed she was putting on her pilot's uniform. Accustomed to the light, she looked around and finally took note she wasn't in her own apartment.

"Oh, you're awake."

Joan turned towards the source of the sudden interruption. She walked toward the door. Well, it looked more like a grating of some sort. On the other side, a frog-like figure was hovering on a small chair. "God, the nightmare continues," she muttered. Louder, she addressed the lady frog. "Who the hell are you and what am I doing here?" Best defense still being an offense and all.

"I'm Domina Rohnn the Fifteenth, ruler of over seven billion loyal subjects. As to why you are here: the others decided to take you aboard to determine if you could help in our return to freedom. Since you were... uncooperative they had no choice but to knock you out. Don't worry; I'll protect you now and you can return the favor at a later time."

Joan snorted. "You're gonna protect me from that big-ass thing that knocked me out earlier? Riiight." The little toad will spit on you. Joan moved out of the way as the remembered message entered her mind, just in time to avoid the mucus being thrust in her direction. "Oh, this has got to be a nightmare. This just can not be real."

Joan looked around the cell to assure herself this was not similar to what she thought was going on. Unfortunately, she was proven wrong. At the other side of the cell, a figure was lying on the floor, seemingly unconscious.

"We can no more trust you than we can trust that!"

"...than we can trust that," Joan silently completed the sentence with Rohnn. Realizing that genders apparently were swapped in comparison to her favorite show, the person still on the floor was likely to be a male, despite the braid. He was facing the other direction, but he didn't have a helmet on.

"That Peacekeeper tech is our bargaining chip," Rohnn informed her.

A tech? Now, that could be good thing. At least he wasn't a seasoned soldier.

"His usefulness may be limited, though. He was recently demoted from his position as pilot and special commando."

Ooo-kay, maybe this could still be a problem. As the Peacekeeper got up, Joan decided it would be a bad idea to go introduce herself with a handshake. "You can stay where you are, tech."

Surprisingly, he did what she told him. "Off... Senior Tech Aeron Star, Deron regiment." He paused as he surveyed her. "Name, rank and regiment."

Joan shook her head slightly. "Some things never change," she muttered. "I'm not a Peacekeeper. I wasn't even born in this part of the galaxy."

"No, our scans revealed you are not even a Seforean, even though you look just like one. You have a number of unknown bacteria in your system."

Joan turned to glance at the newcomer; blue and bald, just as she expected. She responded at the same time as the plant-man continued. "Eat what?"

"It's time to eat."

Joan mentally kicked herself. She shouldn't show any sign of foreknowledge; at least not until they trusted her. Luckily, none of them seemed to have noticed the slip-up. Silently she followed the others, still trying to convince herself it was just a bad dream.

Numerous little facts were similar, but just as many were differing. The longer Joan spent time here, the more convinced she became that it wasn't a dream, if only for the weirdness she'd already seen or heard the others talk about.

But the escape with this 'Aaron Stare' - which, Joan was quite sure, would probably be spelled as Aeron Star – was more-or-less going the way she expected it would. Idly she wondered if the pilot on the ship that got destroyed when she dodged that first shot was somehow related to Aeron's captain; perhaps sisters?

Regardless of the similarities, it was clear genders were swapped. Well, except for this ship and the pilot. Surprisingly, even the names hadn't changed in this case. This was Moya, a Leviathan. She had too much mass for her propulsion units to lift her off, hence they were still stranded on the planet.

Joan debated whether she should just walk away, leaving Aeron to escape alone. It may prevent him from getting expelled from their ranks. Then again, chances were he would honestly tell his captain what had happened here, how much time he'd spent with her. No, she'd see this through, if only to find out to what degree she was living, or going to live, the life of a fictitious person.

And then there was the fact that Aeron looked familiar. She was sure she had seen his face before, but she couldn't place it.

Eventually they walked out of Moya, right into a group of Peacekeepers.

"Officer Star," one of the Peacekeepers said, nodding curtly. The expression on his face changed to a more menacing one. "Oh, sorry, you're just a tech now." He turned to Joan. "And who is this lovely lady?"

"That doesn't matter," a female voice interrupted. "Seize them both!"

Aeron snapped to attention. "Captain Brim, ma'am, though the aliens have escaped their prison cells, they are still contained inside. They have not yet procured any weapons and..."

"Silence!" Brim held up a hand and then turned her gaze toward Joan. "You have caused the death of my sister."

I knew it! Joan thought to herself.

"For that you will be sentenced to the Living Death."

"Ma'am," Aeron ventured, "I feel compelled to point out..."

Brim turned a furiously toward Aeron. "Tech Star, I specifically told you to be silent. You have already been demoted for insubordination under my command. Do not make me demote you any further."

Brim turned back to Joan. Before she could say anything, Aeron interrupted again. "But ma'am, this is important. You should..."

Brim turned back. "You keep repeating the same mistakes." She paused a bit. "Tech Star, how long have you been alone in the presence of those aliens?"

"Ma'am, I was knocked out by the gasses that were released immediately after they broke out. I've regained consciousness less than two arns ago."

"Two arns in the presence of aliens? That is certainly a long time. Long enough to deem you Irreversibly Contaminated."

"But ma'am, I was imprisoned..."

"Silence!"

Right at that moment, the alarm on Joan's wrist-watch went off.

Brim and the Peacekeepers turned to her, the latter all aiming their weapons at her. "What is that?" Brim asked.

Joan decided to use their ignorance of Earth devices to her advantage. "Impressive how small fission bombs can be in this day and age, don't you think?" Joan barely hid the smirk when the Peacekeepers and the good captain became quite a bit nervous. "Now, you can kill me, but how on Earth will you then prevent this thing from going off, taking all of you with it?"

Brim looked at the watch and then back at Joan. "Who the frell are you?"

"Dr. Joan Robyn Crandon, just like my mom, but you can call me Joan. In case you haven't caught on yet, I'm not a..." She turned to Aeron, "a Seforean?" She turned back at his confirming nod. "I'm a Human from the planet Earth. I got here by accident, and I was just minding my own business when someone shot at me."

Joan took a quick look at her watch. It'd stop its incessant beeping in less than thirty seconds. "I'm really sorry your sister got hit when I dodged that second shot, but I wasn't willing to get killed."

Joan looked at her watch again. "Now, if you'll excuse us, Aeron and I'll just go back inside Moya here. I'll end the countdown once we're safely inside." Without waiting for a reply she grabbed Aeron and tugged him back in the direction of the big ship.

Aeron halted her, looking back and forth between his captain and Joan.

Joan turned him toward her and looked him in the eyes. "If you stay here, you'll die. You know this. If you come with me, you'll live long and prosper. But choose now."

Aeron looked back over his shoulder one more time and then nodded at Joan and followed her back inside. The alarm stopped its beeping as the hatch was closing. Aeron gave a shocked look at Joan when the beeping stopped.

Joan looked back. "What?" When she saw him point at her watch she smiled. "This isn't a bomb. Earth is a backwater planet compared to what you guys have. This thing just tells time. The beeping is a warning to tell me it's a certain time. In this case it's a wake-up call." She grabbed his hand. "Come on, we got to get Moya off this damn planet and get the hell away from your pals outside."

Aeron followed. "But Moya's engines are not powerful enough to lift her off the ground."

"That, I can help with."

"That's preposterous!" V'Enda, the female counterpart of D'Argo, as Joan kept referring her as, exclaimed. "How can such a small, archaic... thing help lift Moya into space?"

"Magnetics," Joan replied, shrugging slightly. "What other options are there? Stay here on the ground? Those Peacekeepers will certainly find a way in, probably hurting Moya in the process."

Bohr, the plant-man looked at Joan. "What do you need?"

"For starters, the exact gravitational center of Moya, or as close to it as I can get my state-of-the-art magnetically-propelled ship. The area will need a solid ceiling and it must be able to take the full force of Moya's mass."

"Moya says that she knows the exact location you will need. One of the DRDs will show you the way."

"Great. The second thing I need is a good pilot." She looked at Aeron. "You'll need to manually control Moya and keep her balanced." She looked back at the actual clamshell-shaped display currently showing Pilot. "Moya does have manual control capability, right?"

"Yes, she has." At the same time they all saw the flight controls emerge from the floor.

"Right, I'll get to my ship. Pilot, have the DRD stand by there to guide me." Joan snatched up one of the comms badges and sprinted out of Command, only to skid to a halt just outside and turn back. "Uh, which way to my ship?"

Joan palmed the comms badge. "Alright, guys, I'm in place. Pilot, I'll lift Moya just a fraction, to see if it will work and it won't hurt Moya too much. Tell me the moment Moya no longer touches the ground, okay?"

"Very well, doctor."

Joan carefully piloted her ship toward the ceiling until she touched it. Slowly, she increased the force she put against it.

"It's working! Moya is now only touching the ground at her lowest point of the outer hull!"

"How's Moya doing, Pilot?"

"She can feel the stress at the point your ship is pushing her, but she thinks she can take it long enough for us to leave the atmosphere."

"Great! Let me know when the stress becomes too much, alright? Aeron, I'll be increasing the force and lift off completely. You'll need to balance Moya as best as you can. A slight tilt won't be a problem though."

"I think I can manage, Crandon."

Ooh, testy little fellow, aren't you? Joan increased force again, in much greater increments, increasing the lift-off speed with it. Silently she thanked Dot's suggestion to use the strongest alloy for the entire ship and not just for the magnetic unit.

"Moya is already detecting the decrease of the planet's gravitational pull."

"How far are we, Pilot?"

"We'll be free of the atmosphere in five microts."

Joan counted down in her head, intent on giving Moya as much speed as possible, while making sure they wouldn't suddenly fly away completely out of control once they did leave the atmosphere. She decreased the force less than half a second before Pilot told them all the great news.

"We are free of the atmosphere. Moya is initiating starburst now."

Joan sat on her bed, writing in one of the logbooks she found on her ship. It should've been removed before she started the experiment, as it was only used to keep track of who had been doing what and when, but now she was relieved to have found it, along with a bunch of pens.

Well, Dot, Mom was right. It was a big success. And, even better, the magnetic propulsion unit can indeed propel any mass, anywhere. I think I'll go looking into making this puppy air-tight so I can actually go outside of Moya in it. I think it'll be plenty fast with the current unit, but perhaps I need to get some of the local stuff in it.

Because, as much oompf as the magnets put out, they are seriously slow in altering direction and speed. The top-speed of this baby, yeah, that's good enough for these parts (I think; haven't really been able to test it yet), but braking, accelerating and turning, that's not good enough.

Hey, have I mentioned yet the ships' name is Moya? Or that she's in fact a living creature (and if you must know, she's of the Leviathan species)? Wanna guess at who's on this boat with me? You're very close. I got myself a little toad-lady (well, she spits – thank you Ben, for warning me – so lady might be overstating the case), a blue plant man, female warrior with tentacles and a human-looking alien guy.

By now, you're probably wondering if just maybe Farscape wasn't entirely fiction. Well, I got to meet a Peacekeeper captain and she's mad at me 'cause I dodged a shot and her sister got hit instead. And she was about to kill me and the human-looking guy when my wristwatch went off. I made them believe it was a fission bomb, so they let us go.

But, yeah, I think Farscape isn't fiction. Names of people and species have changed and genders are swapped (all with the exception of ship and pilot), but other than that, it's pretty much identical. Right down to the point where we ended up in some unknown part of the universe.

I haven't even have time to rest yet, because some PK equipment was broadcasting a signal and, you guessed it, we landed in a swamp on a planet. And I screwed it up, because I'm not sure how to tell the others that I know what's going to happen. I kinda hoped I could make it without any of the locals detecting me, but that darn kid of the astronomer (a male, of course, but I didn't kiss him goodbye) saw me and called her father.

Well, we got out, but tomorrow I think I'll go talk to the plant-guy (he's the most sane one of them, and least likely to attack me mid-sentence). I wish that going to sleep will have me wake up in my own bed, back on Earth. But I know better, I've been here long enough to know that

Talk to you later and I love ya.

Joan closed the book and put it under her pillow, along with the pen. As she went to sleep, she wondered just how much of John Crichton's life she was going to live, but most of all, how she could avoid all the trouble he had run into. A certain species with wormhole knowledge was high on that list. No need to attract the attention of the equivalent of Scorpius in this region of space. She'd rather be stuck here than getting that guy, or probably girl, after her ass. It was bad enough that Aeron's former captain would keep following them.