Disclaimer: I do not own Luigi, I don't own Snake, I don't own Super Smash Bros Brawl. I'm not David Hayter or Charles Martinet. I don't work for Nintendo and mean the company no harm with what I write. On with the crack fic.

What appeared to be a large, pink ball with eyes devoured Captain Falcon right before him. Spitting the pilot out, the ball appeared to adopt the familiar helmet and shuffled quickly towards a tall-ish, moustachioed man who seemed awfully reluctant to fight. Crouching on the ledge above, the soldier frowned. He hadn't gone unnoticed. Far from it; the fighters had all had a go at knocking him off the stage below after he had been so unceremoniously dropped into battle; the good captain was his favourite for this one as he threw Falcon punches and kicks and whatever else in his brash, shouting manner, all dodged too easily by all three of his opponents. Too slow, those attacks were. Having managed to get away from the others, however, Snake now looked down as they attempted to connect blows with one another, the Captain haphazardly kicking his way across the stage, the man with the moustache flailing wildly, and that peculiar pink thing sucking up the others whenever what he assumed was a copy ability wore off.

"Otacon, what is that thing?" he growled, leaping onto the opposite ledge as Captain Falcon seemed to notice him again and proceeded to join him above the others.

"That's Kirby," came the quick reply as the soldier barely managed to grab a hold of the ledge he'd jumped for. Pulling himself up quickly, he looked back at the Captain, who seemed determined to give chase. "He's from another planet, in other words, an extraterrestrial. He's got a powerful stomach that lets him swallow and digest anything."

"Huh. So that's why he's been eating the others," he mused, hurling a grenade at the Captain. Bouncing off the other competitor's head, it exploded, though somehow the man stayed perfectly intact. Despite his untouched appearance, Falcon yelled in pain and fell onto the stage below and was promptly swallowed up by the pink ball he now knew to be Kirby. Once ejected, he became the first target of a copied Falcon Punch, and though he knew he shouldn't, Snake couldn't help but let out a bemused chuckle at the high-pitched sound of the puff ball's 'Fal-cawn BAHNCH!'

"It gets better," Otacon continued as the soldier jumped back over to the platform he'd been crouching on. "He also has a copy ability - oh, but by the sounds of things you already know that, huh?" Snake smiled in spite of himself.

"Yeah; he keeps inhaling Captain Falcon," he murmured, watching the moustached one throw himself at the newly recovered pilot like a torpedo. That couldn't be safe… or practical. "I'm not sure he likes the captain too much."

A soft laugh could be heard only by the crouching soldier.

"Or maybe he likes the power of the Falcon Punch."

With a wry grin, Snake replied; "We should do that thing we always wanted to try."

There was a short pause as he seemed to confuse his friend, but before he had time to explain, the scientist's brain caught up with him.

"Oh yeah! That thing! Good idea! OK, ready?"

Jumping down behind the abused captain, he pulled his arm back, reay to carry out his little experiment on a man he so admired.

"Falcon Puuuuunch!" he yelled, thrusting his fist into the startled captain's face. A shining ball floated around within his eye line but he didn't understand its significance or why there was a hushed 'oooooooh!' sound as the other two chased frantically after it. "Falcon Kiiiiiick!" Otacon yelled, punctuating the soldier's next move as it took the pilot by surprise. Suddenly, there was a smashing sound and both the soldier and the captain looked over at the source of the noise. From his place writhing on the floor, Falcon whimpered 'Oh God, no!' as a glow enveloped the moustached man. Snake had no time to ask what in the hell that glow was. As soon as it had come over the stranger it seemed to expand out from him in a sphere, causing everything within his influence to become oddly-coloured. The other fighters fell soundly asleep. Unsure of what was going on, Snake stepped forward to apprehend the man, who was dancing in such a hypnotic fashion… and promptly fell flat on his face. That was odd (not to mention embarrassing) - he wasn't usually so clumsy. The pink puff ball was kicked off into the distance while the soldier tried to get back up, only to fall right back down again. The captain was the next to go, screaming as he was also launched into the sky. Finally, the moustached one approached him, smiling shyly as he came to stand over the tumbling mercenary.

"Welcome to Brawl," he spoke softly in a European - Italian? - accent. Before Snake could respond, the man scuffed him sheepishly with his foot, somehow launching him instantly upwards until the stage below was nothing but a dot.

Unlimited boxes. That was a strange thing to be reassured that you had. After being made to stand staring at the moustached winner of the brawl (announced as Luigi), the soldier had been led away by two small robots and shown to a suite despite repeatedly telling them that he did not belong in this weird place. All they seemed to be able to say was that he would have all the boxes he desired and that his next brawl took place on the Shadow Moses Island stage. He wondered if they had understood his protests at all. He'd have broken free if he could have figure out how; they were surprisingly strong and had been so very determined to drag him to this… very nice suite.

Now as he sat in the corner of the bathroom where it was cool, he found that all he could think about was that hypnotic dance he had been treated to. He Didn't want to be thinking about it. A man that overweight shouldn't have been so… flexible. The thought just kept distracting him. Over and over again he played the dance in his head; it was so odd, so exotic, so sensual. But he knew he shouldn't be thinking that way, not about this man he knew nothing about. Yet, anyway. He had asked Otacon before the robots accosted him to find out about that fighter. When asked why him specifically, he didn't say. Rather, he didn't want to say, not to Otacon. It would mean admitting it to himself first, something he knew he couldn't do. Rather than pushing the issue, however, the scientist had promised him some information within the hour. Two hours later and he was still replaying that damned dance in his mind…

"Snake? what's going on? Snake? SNAAAAAAAAAKKKKKEEEEEE!"

Snapped back to reality, the soldier jumped as he realised that he was being spoken to. Loudly. In his ear.

"Wha- Hey! Alright, alright! I'm here; no need to yell," he growled, rubbing his forehead in frustration. "Did you find anything out?"

The scientist sounded less than impressed, making a couple of spluttering sounds before apparently thinking better of whatever it was he was going to say and clearing his throat.

"Yeah, I did… The man you fought was Luigi, better known as the green-wearing twin of the brothers Mario."

For a moment, Snake was silent. Mario, now that did ring a bell. In fact… wasn't that a… game?

"Wait," he said, scratching the back of his head. "You mean.. Like 'Super Mario'?"

"Yes, Snake. He's pretty powerful in this place; he even has his own stage which…"

He was torn between amusement and bewilderment. So he had the chance to meet Mario, huh? He shouldn't have been quite so accepting of the concept, but then he'd already performed a pretty impressive Falcon Punch on the famous Captain Falcon. A punch he'd been quite proud of, actually. If only he'd had a camera; that would have been epic. Since he'd already met the pilot, any other gaming icons involved in this world shouldn't come as too much of a shock to the system. And he had already met the lesser-known brother Luigi, who had always been his favourite anyway. Mario hadn't much of a personality when it came down to it but Luigi was something special… Wait, why did he think that? It was true… but he didn't need to think about it that way. He didn't need to qualify his liking of the guy as 'something special'. No, he was thinking too hard on that; he wasn't all that special. Just a plumber who happened to do some extraordinary things. Just a recolour of his older brother. Nothing remarkable. He shouldn't think too deeply about him - it. Especially when he was probably going to be pitted against him again anyway. He could go easy on him, show him that he cared - no, not cared, respected. He had a respect for Luigi, that was all. Nothing more than that…

"Snake?" The soldier looked up as though expecting Otacon to be standing over him, looking concerned. Discovering himself to still be in the cool, dark bathroom, he grunted softly.

"Sorry; I got… distracted," he offered lamely.

"That's not like you, Snake. You must have been affected pretty badly by Luigi, huh?"

With a low, aggravated 'ugh', the soldier gritted his teeth.

"Yeah, I guess that's one way to put it," he admitted, the image of the dancing plumber returning to him, teasing him. Mocking him. Otacon gave a heavy, tired sounding sigh.

"Well, rest up. You might be there for a while," the man yawned, though Snake was only half listening. "Keep us posted, Snake."

Long after Otacon had given up waiting for a response, the mercenary murmured 'uh, yeah, sure' before finally giving in to the hypnotic dancing, repeating over and over in his mind and seeping into his dreams as he reluctantly found himself drifting off to sleep on the clean tiled floor where he sat. He would later chalk his tiredness up to the likelihood that he was kidnapped from whatever he'd been doing prior to being dumped into that battle. He'd have to remember to talk to someone about that. Though, if he had anything to do with it, there wouldn't be much talking involved.

Note: Subsequent chapters will hopefully be longer... Cross-posted to LJ, as there's a little comm in need of fic