"Ready to save the world once again, Harvelle?"

That wide grin of mine, the one that Dean has no trouble stealing (as he blows away once again), was made to match his own and it only took almost dying to figure it out.

(seeing that grin as he swooped in and saved a nobody like me)

"Always, Captain."

From the start he's held out his hand for me, 'holy chocolate starfish, miss, I can see your insides', ready to bring me along to every great adventure he ever plans and never once has left me alone.

"It kind of sucks being the new kid on the block, Xander."

Rather then being like all the hunters that once crowed my life, one I live without quite well, instead of closing us that big mushy heart of his that goofy smile of his never fails to come shining out.

(matching mine in every single damn way)

"Don't be worried, Harvelle, you fit in with this rag-tag group perfectly."

And with that he reaches out that hand, that always fills me with a warmth only he can give off, and all the troubles I ever had melt away.

Around the rest of them (Buffy could kick Dean's ass six ways to Sunday) I hear whispers of the boy he once was, even then his heart was bigger then most and the jokes weren't used to hide the pain, but now he's the same but with a couple of bad years weighing down on his shoulders.

(now no one can call him a boy)

Throughout the blood and guts, which he's been front row for so many goddamn years now, (even my own), he can still pull out that smile while he's saving the day and my life at the same time.

('honey, you have so much learn it's not even funny, but that's what I'm here for.')

"Xander, do you ever regret doing this, regret what you lost?"

(saying this causes one of those inviting hands to run over black fabric covering one of those wonderful eyes of his)

Regrets seem to be what I was made of these days, along with every one in the old familiar business, and finding him and his open arms was not one of them.

"Always, kiddo, but without all of those lives lost and apocalypses I would never have found you and I would have regret that so damn much."

That one sparkling eye of his smiles at me along with his teeth, showing that saying no to this man will be a very hard thing to do, reaching out his hand ready to engulf mine once again.

(covering every inch of it and never letting it go through the blood and flames of yet another day)