Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

Edward Cullen strode toward the huge castle on the other side of the lake. When he reached the edge of the lake, he didn't bother to get in a boat, or even swim. He simply ran across, so fast that his feet didn't even sink into the water. He zipped straight up to the castle door and caressed the wood of it's door like someone would fondle a much loved child. He broke the door easily. He ascended the curved staircase easily. This was easy, almost too easy. So much for wizards, if vampires could enter the castle with no trouble at all. He grinned. Wow, not only am I unbelievably sexy, I'm also amazingly clever and I can even read minds! He thought gleefully. Bella's gonna love me now!

However, unknown to Edward, he had yet to meet Hogwarts' most menacing defense. It flew towards him, cackling. When Edward saw it, he doubled over laughing hysterically. "This is Hogwarts' most menacing defense? This?" he exclaimed, pointing at Peeves, who was rather irritated. "Seriously? I'm way too smart, strong, hot..." Edward continued with a long list of adjectives to describe himself.

Meanwhile, Peeves unleashed his wrath on Edward. He pelted him with random debris, and managed to unscrew a pipe somewhere and dump all the sewage in Hogwarts on Edward's "sexy" hairdo. "Hey! I spent 2 hours arranging my hair into those perfectly windswept locks that make girls go wild this morning!"

Edward now attempted to read Peeves' mind to figure out how to defeat him. However, Peeves's mind proved to be exactly like himself, chaotic. There was no thought, just impulse. Edward swore.

Peeves shot up to Edward, invisible, and shoved soap down his throat. "Wash out your mouth!" he cackled.

Then Cedric Diggory came down the staircase. "Hey! You look familiar!"

"So do you!" Edward said.

So the two of them thought about how the other seemed familiar, which was pretty stupid, since Edward and Cedric both spent half their lives staring in the mirror. However, their tiny brains proved unfit for the task, so both of them went insane from confusion and brain overload.

Edward ran all the way back to Forks, crying for Esme. Needless to say, Bella dumped him. Finally.

THE END!

Author's Note: This was originally posted as an April Fool's Chapter in my completely unrelated fic, Mischief Managed. I decided to remove it from Mischief Managed and post it separately, because my poll results regarding this topic were too conflicting.

I wrote this in about two minutes on a whim, just for fun.

Sorry if you like Twilight, but I find it kind of pointless. Please respect my opinion, as I respect yours.

Review if you feel like, because this is FAR from a piece of literature XD. (But please no flaming.)

~VictoryNike