Casting Stones
By walutahanga
Disclaimer: Definitely not mine. I just like to scribble in the margins.
Warnings: A few f-bombs. Canon twisted on its head and made to dance.
Summary: Based on my Zeo Rangers chapter in my other story Unique. A possible explanation for why the rangers were so quick to dump the Zeo Crystals for the Turbo Keys. One-shot only, sadly.
Jason finds Tommy by the lake. Tommy has left his jacket on the beach along with his shoes. The wavelets lap his toes as he skips stones across the water. He doesn't say anything when Jason joins him, and for a few minutes they cast stones across the lake in silence.
"You're leaving," Tommy says eventually. It's not a question.
"Yes," Jason says. He doesn't allow defensiveness to creep into his voice. He makes it simple, a statement of fact.
"I thought so." Tommy flings a stone in a sharp, hard motion. It slaps a wave and vanishes under the water. "Emily mentioned that you'd applied for college in Florida. She seemed surprised I didn't know."
Jason says nothing. He understands why Tommy's upset. Ranger teams, even disbanded ones, have a tight connection, and Tommy has always been more dependant on it than most. He has watched the old team step down, one by one, and with Jason leaving, he'll be the last, the only original member left.
"So what were you going to do?" Tommy asks when Jason doesn't speak up. "Disappear overnight? Were you going to leave a message? Or maybe write a letter?"
"Jesus, Tommy." Jason had been ready to accept recrimination, but he can't let that one go. "That was uncalled for."
Tommy looks at him properly for the first time, and there's an expression of vague surprise on his face, as if Jason's response wasn't quite what he was expecting.
"Sorry," he says. "I didn't mean– I'm sorry."
Jason bends down and picks up a stone, and puts some of his annoyance into the long throw that sends it skipping across the water.
"I was going to tell you," he says. "I only decided last week, and I'm not leaving for ages yet. I only told Emily because she saw the papers in my room."
When he looks at Tommy, his friend's anger has faded, replaced by embarrassment and something that might be shame. Tommy has never worn shame well. As the green ranger, it had been a perpetual cloud looming over his head. As the white ranger, he'd been discomfited and thrown off-balance by the feeling, as if surprised that the new uniform didn't repel it automatically. As the red ranger, he'd seemed to forget the emotion entirely, only remembering it when prompted. This is the most uncertain that Jason has seen him in months.
"I was just surprised," Tommy says at last. "Why would you want to leave?"
His tone is one of honest confusion, and Jason relents. Tommy has always confused his worth as a ranger with his worth as a friend. Of course he'd view Jason leaving as a rejection of him, not of the ranger world.
"It's time," Jason says simply. "I've lost my powers, and high school is almost over."
"But that doesn't mean you have to move."
"Tommy." Jason stops and rewords what he was going to say. "I don't want to hang around Angel Grove for the rest of my life, hoping for another power boost. Being a ranger was great, but it's a part of my life that's over now, and I have to accept that. Moving away is the first step."
"I can't change your mind then?"
"No."
"Not even if there was another reason we needed you to stay."
Tommy has picked up another stone and is turning it between his fingers, looking at it rather than Jason. Contrary to what he may think, Tommy's never been hard to read. Even as the evil green ranger, his hostility had been an open book they could have read if they'd bothered to pay any attention. The look on his face now sends chills down Jason's spine.
"What kind of reason?" He asks slowly.
Tommy doesn't immediately answer. He seems to be thinking something over, trying out one thing after another in his head, opening his mouth and closing it again. Finally he takes a deep breath and says;
"Did you notice that something was wrong with Billy before he left?"
"Tommy–"
"Did you?"
Jason forces himself to be patient. Obviously this is difficult for Tommy. Jason has to let him tell it his own way.
"I guess. He'd been acting weird ever since I got my powers. I thought it was maybe because I'd been the one to get the gold powers, but whenever I tried to talk to him about it, he just shut me out. I never thought in a million years it would be–"
"And Kim?" Tommy's gaze is boring into him. "Did you notice anything different about her letters?"
"Tommy, I don't think that's any of my–"
"Just answer the question."
Jason sighs, rubs the bridge of his nose.
"Alright, yes," he admits. "Her letters were getting shorter, and she didn't rattle on the way she used to. And when she called, she sounded guarded and secretive. But you didn't seem worried, so I figured everything was okay…"
Tommy's laughter cuts him off. It is a harsh, bitter sound that makes Jason's toes curl inside his shoes, and a sliver of ice travel down his spine. He had heard that particular laugh before; back when Tommy wore green and was about to take his head off.
"I didn't notice, Jason," Tommy says, his mouth curled into a grin completely devoid of real amusement. "I never noticed a thing. None of us did."
"Us?"
"The team." Tommy waves his hand vaguely. "Me, Kat, Rocky, Adam. We wouldn't have expected Tanya to notice what was going on with Kim – she never served with her – but we had, and we didn't. And Billy. We should have all seen Billy coming. There's no excuse for that."
"I'm not sure I follow," Jason says carefully. Tommy turns and Jason has the sudden urge to take a step back, to get out of arm's reach. It is an old impulse, a fight-or-flight instinct from years ago with no relevance to the present. And he can't make it go away.
"Doesn't that strike you as odd?" Tommy says. There's an almost cruel edge to his voice as he spells it out. "An entire team of rangers, one of whom who served alongside him almost his entire career… and none of us noticed something was wrong with Billy?"
Jason shrugs, trying to dissemble. But if he's going to be honest, it is odd.
Ranger teams are tuned into one another. It isn't conscious, but it works. If they are looking for one another, they always end up heading in the right direction. If one is hurt, the others grow tense or agitated, even when they can't explain why. Zordon called it their most powerful advantage in battle. It makes them able to synchronize their attacks with only the briefest of plans – sometimes without a plan.
Jason had always been aware when Billy was tiring, or Zack was about to launch a new attack, or when Kim was getting ready to switch places with Trini. It had been a niggling awareness in the back of his skull, some part of his brain keeping track of his teammates while the rest of him focused on the fight. Even after losing their powers, that sense lingered, making them hyper aware of one another's moods. It works over distance. It even works – to a degree – with rangers they've never been directly linked to. The others not noticing something wrong with Billy is more than odd.
It's wrong.
"I suppose it is unusual," Jason says slowly. "But you were rather preoccupied at the time…"
Tommy makes a small, scornful sound.
"Come on, Jason," he says quietly. 'Don't insult both of us' his tone says.
"Alright, it's strange. But switching to Zeo was always going to be different. Maybe Zeo is just naturally less attuned than other power sources. God knows we haven't been exactly…" He trails off.
"What?" Tommy says.
"Nothing."
"No. You thought of something just now. What was it?"
"I was just thinking it's been… I mean… since I came back, we haven't been exactly…" He gropes for words, for concepts that don't exist in the English language. "When we first became rangers, we were all tuned into each other perfectly. We were in sync."
"Yeah." Tommy looks away. "I remember."
"But when I came back to take on Trey's powers, you guys were muffled. Like you were out of focus. When I talked to Zordon about it, he said it might be because my powers came from the Staff, not a Zeo Crystal. Different origin, different frequency, like two different radio stations."
He and Zordon had hoped it would get better over time, but if anything, it got worse, the other rangers receding from his senses like the tide withdrawing steadily from the shore, shrinking further and further into the distance. But by then his gold powers were deteriorating and after Jason had lost them entirely there seemed no point in re-hashing what was done and gone.
"What does any of it matter?" He says. "It's not like anyone got hurt or went evil."
Maybe they weren't as intimately connected as they once were, but no one was in pain or distressed or dying or crazy. Power failure was potentially fatal, so whatever had gone wrong, they should just be grateful the effect had been so mild…
Tommy hasn't answered. His expression is carefully blank and he looks just to Jason's left, not quite looking him in the eye.
A cold blade twists inside Jason's chest.
"Tommy?" His voice holds a plea he can't quite voice. Please agree with me. Please don't tell me something happened on my watch and I didn't notice. Please tell me you're okay…
Tommy finally seems to remember the stone in his hand. He flings it across the water in one smooth, sharp motion. It skips once, then plunks, sending ripples out across the surface.
"I've been losing something," Tommy says into the ensuing silence. "I've talked to the others, and they all feel the same way. It's like part of me is changing. Like it's been changing for a while, and I can't tell how much damage has been done, because I can't remember what it was like before. No." He stops, reconsiders, and says more definitively; "Like I can't trust how I remember it was before."
Jason's mouth is dry. He has to swallow twice before he can ask:
"Like the green ranger?"
"No." Tommy shakes his head once, dismissing the notion irritably. "That was like I was feeling all the wrong things, like these feelings were being forced into my head that didn't really belong there. This feels like…"
"Like…?"
"Nothing." Tommy turns his face away. His mouth is tight in dissatisfaction or distaste, his upper lip nearly pulled back. "It feels like nothing at all."
It should be a relief, but isn't. At least with the green ranger, Jason would have known what to do. Been there, done that. This is new and unfamiliar and he has no idea what he is dealing with.
"When did it start?" He asks. Tommy doesn't answer immediately and Jason represses the urge to shake the answer out of him. "Tommy. When did it start?"
"I thought you figured it out, when you mentioned the crystals."
Tommy pulls out the red zeo crystal out of his pocket. Strange it's never seemed threatening until now, light pulsing across Tommy's hands. His is empty of expression, the light of the crystal reflected in his eyes. His thumb strokes the smooth surface in an erratic motion.
"It never judges me, Jason. It never asks for anything in return. It just gives me power. And this is only the start."
"Did it tell you that?"
Tommy looks up.
"We've been fighting for four years, Jason," he says. "Four fucking years of a war that never ends, that won't end in our lifetime. Don't you get so tired of it sometimes? Don't you just want to make it stop?"
The obscenity is almost as frightening as the emptiness of his expression. Jason can feel the danger here, tingling in the tips of his fingers, the skin between his shoulder blades. He doesn't dare move or look away, afraid of what he might trigger.
Then Tommy seems to come back to himself. He looks at the zeo crystal as if just noticing it, and puts it away.
"It's getting worse," he says, and his voice is close to normal. "I have to watch myself, and the others too. I have to be on my guard." It would be almost reassuring, except for the little pat he gives his pocket, to reassure himself the crystal is still there.
"You never thought to tell anyone about this?" Jason can't help the little frisson of rage that grips his gut. Of all of them, Tommy should know better than to keep his silence.
"You have to understand, Jase; I didn't notice at first. None of us did. I stopped feeling bad about the green ranger thing; it was a relief, like I'd finally gotten over it. Kat said she felt the same way about Katastrophe. It all became so much easier, like I didn't have to worry about guilt or the past and I could just do my job. But then I stopped feeling bad about other things too. It became harder to tell when I was doing the right thing. I'd catch myself doing things that… I wouldn't have done, back when I was in white. Or even when I was in green. I'd cross lines and not even know they were there."
"What kind of lines?"
Tommy ignores the question.
"I couldn't even rely on the others to stop me. They needed me to stop them, and I tried, but I couldn't. That was why I chose you for the gold powers, Jason. Because if anyone would know the difference between right and wrong, it's you." His eyes are intent as he clasps Jason's shoulder in a gesture that's probably meant to be comradely and actually comes across as possessive. "That's why you have to stay."
Jason shrugs his hand off – or tries to. Tommy's fingers squeeze, his thumb digging into Jason's collarbone. Jason tells himself Tommy's just forgotten that Jason's no longer a ranger, that they're no longer equals in terms of power. An easy mistake to make. It doesn't stop him from remaining perfectly still, like an animal with a predator poised over it.
"You need to tell Zordon," he says, keeping his voice level. Tommy shakes his head again, even before Jason has finished speaking.
"No."
"Tommy, listen. Zordon will know what's causing this. He'll know what to do–"
"I said no." Tommy's fingers dig in, then relax, rubbing across skin, trying to soothe away the hurt. He leans in closer, resting his forehead against Jason's. Jason allows it, just as you'd allow a tiger to press itself against your legs – simply because there's no way in the world you're going to tell it 'no'. "I can't tell him, Jase." There's a world of desperation in the words, breathed in Jason's ear like a confession. "I can't tell him that I'm slipping. I can't do that to him."
Jason closes his eyes. The green ranger hadn't hurt nearly this much. Because now it's not Tommy the new kid, the occasional sparring partner. It's Tommy, his best friend, and the man who's taken a dozen hits for him, and vice versa. It's the leader he'd die for, and the brother he'd die a hundred times for. It's Tommy asking for help, and it tears Jason's heart out that he can't give it. Doesn't have the first clue as to what Tommy and the others need.
When he lifts his arms and wraps them about Tommy's shoulders, it's with all the caution of picking up a snake. Slowly, carefully, half expecting it to strike. But a shudder runs through Tommy, almost a sob, and he relaxes against Jason, head resting on his shoulder, one hand fisted into the material of his collar. Jason shifts his stance to support the extra weight and holds tight.
"Zordon would rather hear it now than later," he says over Tommy's head. When Tommy doesn't respond, negatively or otherwise, Jason continues. "Tommy, you say you guys are getting worse. Tell him now, while you're still in control. Don't wait until something happens to let him know that you need help. You said you trusted my judgment when you couldn't trust your own. Well, trust me now. Tell Zordon."
Tommy lifts his head to look him in the eye and a shudder of relief passes through Jason, because the Tommy he knows is still in there. Frightened and frustrated and torn, but he's there.
"Will you come with me?" Tommy asks. "When I tell him."
"Of course."
"Good. Good." Tommy steps back and presses the heels of his hands into his eyelids. "Jesus, I'm so scared, Jason. I'm so fucking scared. And sometimes I'm not, and that scares me more anything else."
"I know." Jason reaches out, squeezes Tommy's shoulder. "Lets go talk to Zordon."
Tommy lets his hands fall away from his face. He looks at Jason quizzically.
"Now?"
"Yeah, now. The sooner the better."
"What about tomorrow? We can get the others and…"
"Now, Tommy." Jason keeps his voice gentle and firm.
Tommy thinks about it and nods.
"Yeah, that's probably… yeah." He bends down to pick up his jacket.
If Jason hadn't insisted, would he have actually gone? Jason wonders and doesn't like where his thoughts lead. He has no doubt Tommy would have intended to go, would have meant every word, but would have found a reason to put it off until later. And keep putting it off.
Jason wonders if he'll have as hard a time convincing the others to come to the Power Chamber. He tries to remember where everyone is today. Kat and Tanya are at the library. Adam is doing something with his family. Rocky is… doing whatever Rocky does these days. With a chill, Jason realizes he has no idea. That isn't acceptable, not for a ranger team. He'd accepted the distance from the team, thinking he was respecting his position as a sixth ranger, and in doing so, he'd failed them. He hadn't been close enough to see that they were in trouble.
Why does he have to realize all this now, when he is no longer a ranger?
"It's going to be okay," he tells Tommy, aware that this is only what people say when they're trying to reassure themselves. "I'm going to make it okay."
Tommy gives him an ironic smile that says very clearly he can hear the uncertainty in Jason's voice. He hits the button on his communicator.
"Zordon, come in."
There's a few seconds of silence, then Zordon's deep voice comes over the line.
"Tommy, are you in need of assistance?"
"No, everything's –" Tommy looks at Jason and stops. Closes his eyes briefly and starts again. "Yes. There is something wrong. I need your help."
"What is the matter?" Zordon's voice is difficult to read, but there's a clear note of concern in there.
"Jason and I will be teleporting to the Chamber," Tommy says. "I… I have something to tell you and it's going to take a while."
"As you wish."
Tommy cuts off the transmission and looks at Jason.
"I don't know if I can do this," he says helplessly.
"You can. You're the strongest person I know." Jason's voice is matter-of-fact. He gives Tommy a few moments longer to gather himself, but not long enough to let his doubts take hold. "Come on. Lets go."
He steps closer to Tommy and lays a hand on his shoulder. He holds on as they dissolve into red and gold light. This time he doesn't let go.