Summary: When Spike has finally had enough of Buffy's games, an important force in Spike's past shows up in Sunnydale determined to show Buffy a few home truths.
Timeline: post – 'As You Were' (anything up to there is game for spoilers)
Pairing: Spike/Buffy.
Disclaimer: Buffy, Spike and Sunnydale, et al, are property of Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox Film Corporation. Joss is All Powerful. I merely use his creations to entertain myself and hopefully others. Author's Note: This is my first fiction, so if it sucks, sorry. Please, I beg you, R&R. Tell me how to make this better!
Chapter One - Tired
Buffy walked between the gravestones with heavy steps. She didn't want to be out tonight. She wanted to be curled up in her bed with Mr.Gordo clutched tightly in her arms and Sarah McLaughlin playing quietly as she tried to sleep. She didn't want to be wandering in a cemetery looking for the fresh grave of yet another soon to be vampire. She didn't care about it all anymore. She didn't see the point for her to hall ass to go kill yet another vampire after yet another eight hour shift at Double Meat Palace while she reeked of imitation meat and barely made enough money to pay the bills to do a job she never wanted and was never thanked for. But this was her calling and at least she'd get to hit something. And at least she wasn't in his cemetery. Clutching her stake tighter, she walked on, looking forward to killing anything that got in her way.
Stopping and listening, Buffy turned around slowly. Shaking her head and smiling she turned back around and was about to continue when the one thing she didn't want to see tonight was standing there frozen ten gravestones down staring at her with a pained but angry look on his face. Instantly she was beside him, her fist smashing into his face and sending him flying backwards into a nearby tree.
"What are you doing here Spike? Stalking me again? Trying to get me to change my mind? Because I'm serious this time. It's over." Buffy stalked towards Spike angrily as he stood up and rubbed his jaw.
"Oh, for fuck's sake Slayer. Get over yourself. I wasn't bloody well stalking you."
"Really? And why would a believe that?"
"Because if I was would I have let myself get caught by you like a deer in headlights? No. I was walking across the bleeding grave yard minding my own business."
"Not your graveyard." Buffy crossed her arms across her chest and waited for his explanation. She knew he was doing it again, trying to weasel back into her life. It hadn't even been twelve hours since she had told him it was over and he was already at it again. She didn't know if she could handle him anymore.
A Spike took a long, unneeded breath and smiled faintly. "No, it's not. But funny thing is, something happened to my crypt and now I'm having to shop for a new home. Thought I'd check out the crypts on this side of town for a change of scenery."
She stared at him angrily but thought about what he said. It actually made sense. If he weren't Spike, Buffy would have believed him. But he was Spike. And Spike always had ulterior motives. Usually involving her death or getting into bed with her. Buffy was about to speak when he pushed by her and headed in the direction he had been walking in before. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to keep on looking for a place to live before the sun makes my home an urn. I'd love to stay and chat, but – oh wait, I really don't."
Spike's stride got larger as he stalked away. If Spike had one wish that night, it would be to not see her. Since she walked out of the rubble of his home that afternoon, he had thought about a lot. Actually, he had thought the same thing over and over again, once the gut-wrenching pain that her words caused subsided: tired of it. This game with Buffy was not what he wanted. The cycle they kept repeating was getting more and more frustrating and more and more ugly. He was sick of it. For the first time since he had laid eyes on Buffy, all he wanted to do was get away from her. For this first time since he had first smelt her and heard her heart beat, he wanted to be as far away from her as possible so that his heightened senses would stop torturing him.
"Spike, the day I cross your path and your main goal isn't to harass me is the day hell freezes over. At least you're being an adult for once and walking away in defeat without more embarrassment." Buffy spat before she even had time to think. Never had his voice had such a cold tone to it. It wasn't a cold because it was full of hatred or pain though. It was cold because for the first time since Buffy had met Spike, his voice held no emotion. And for the first time since he had walked into her life, Buffy didn't have any clue to what he was feeling. This scared her more than anything she had ever faced. So Buffy did what she knew best when it came to Spike – she started a verbal war. But Spike just stopped walking. He didn't turn around and he didn't reply with his usual cutting retort. He just stood there. He stood there completely still and all Buffy could manage to do was to stare at his figure in the shadows. After what seemed like hours, although it was only a few minutes Buffy heard him take another unneeded breath.
"I'm tired Buffy. For the first time since I came to this bloody town you have made me tired. You know this game we've been playing? I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the stupid bloody dance and the fucking circles we dance in." As Spike spoke, his accent started to take on its original upper class affectation. "I'm not frustrated by it, or laughing at it, or angered or enjoying it. I am, for the first time in a hundred and twenty-six years tired of it all. So I'm going to walk away now. I'm not going to give you a retort, hell, I'm not even going to turn around and look at you."
As Spike started to walk away again, Buffy felt a familiar feeling wash over her. That panicked feeling she felt the moment before yet another person in her life left her. And before Buffy realized what she was doing she found herself running after Spike. Grabbing him by the arm, she spun him around. "So that's it? You're just leaving? What about – "
"I'm not bloody well leaving, Slayer! I promised the Nibblet I would never leave her and I promised you I'd protect her. I don't break promises. I thought at the least you would have learned that by now." Spike spat the words, never looking at Buffy face. Turning away he stalked off, pausing and turning his head he looked Buffy directly in the eyes, his crystal blue ones penetrating her so deeply Buffy almost shrank away from him. "I'm tired of loving someone who hates me in return," he whispered, as he turned away and disappeared into the night.
Buffy just stood there, mouth open staring at the spot where he stood. She didn't know what to do or how to react to what Spike had said, so her brain did the only thing it could, shut itself down for a moment while it processed all the information and meaning that single sentence provided.
After a few minutes, Buffy slowly turned around and walked to the nearest gravestone and leaned against it. What have I done? Her brain kept on repeating that one thought over and over. She didn't know why, but that was the one thought her brain could manage.
What have I done?
Buffy began to try and figure out the mixture of feeling that were gnawing at her stomach, none that she thought she was meant to feel in regards to the bleached demon, when a loud crash came from the other side of a small mausoleum near where she first saw Spike.