What If
Chaper 1
To most people, darkness was frightening and cold. But to Caitherine Angel, it wrapped her up warmly in its grasp and familiarity. It was a dank and lonely place in the light. And No one seemed to understand that. So as she walked into the Bronze, she tried to put these thoughts out of her head. But as she seen the couples dancing, people playing pool, she felt more alone than ever and the frigid feeling clawed once more at her heart, telling her that she sis not belong here. She would never belong here, no matter how hard she tried to convince herself that she did. That her parents were here, her friends, people that she loved. It was her life. But still, now and then this feeling would get to her. That little voice in the back of her mind, saying the words she had heard all her life. The saddest words in any language and even in no language at all. What If?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Connor?" A masculine voice came through the door, pulling him out of his thoughts. The recognition shone but a moment in his bright blue eyes, as he muttered a guttural sound then said his father could enter. His Father. That would take some getting used to. But maybe it would fill that empty space in his heart he had always felt. That feeling that there was something missing. Perhaps it would. He hoped so.
"Hey pal." Angel entered his sons' room and sat down on the bed. Connor was lying on the bed, his knees brought up to his chin and arms around his legs. He looked so tiny and fragile, like the baby he was less than a month ago. But he knew to Connor, or Steven he had insisted on being called when he first arrived but had recently abandoned, it had been fifteen years. He looked into his blue eyes and unexpectedly seen the boys mother in there. Just a little, not much, but enough. The way she looked the night he was born. Inside, he felt a stab of pain to the thought she never got to see him just once, or hold him close. She never would. "You hungry?" he asked quietly.
"No," he replied, nonchalantly.
He was trying hard to build bridges, but it wasn't easy. He hardly knew him, but really Connor wished he would just talk of him, cry it out, anything that would indicate he seen him as a parent. Indicate he had some feeling towards him other than more than clarified hatred. But it didn't look like that was going to happen any time soon. So he took what he got. So for now, he just tried to get the child to talk to him.
"You haven't eaten all day. How can't you be hungry?"
"Don't know."
He was too thin for someone his age, he had noticed. But pushing would not get him anywhere.
"Would you like to do something tonight?"
"Don't mind,"
Angel sighed. This was getting him nowhere. Maybe hit the problem on the head then.
"Your very quiet." He told him, running a finger down his cheek, feeling the warmth in his skin.
"Am I?" he rested his head on his knees.
"Is something wrong?"
"No, I was just thinking, that's all."
Angel just smiled. "You shouldn't do that too much."
Connor lifted an eyebrow. "Think?"
Angel grinned. "Yeah! Too much thinking leads to brooding, and that thing spreads like epidemic, I can tell you."
"What do you suggest I do, then?" he asked quietly.
"Well, we could do something. If you want."
Connor shrugged. "Okay."
"What about…going for Chinese?"
"Chinese?" he asked, an inquisitive look in his eyes.
"Some of the nicest food ever! Come on."
"But I'm not…"
But it was too late; he was being dragged to the elevator.
Chaper 1
To most people, darkness was frightening and cold. But to Caitherine Angel, it wrapped her up warmly in its grasp and familiarity. It was a dank and lonely place in the light. And No one seemed to understand that. So as she walked into the Bronze, she tried to put these thoughts out of her head. But as she seen the couples dancing, people playing pool, she felt more alone than ever and the frigid feeling clawed once more at her heart, telling her that she sis not belong here. She would never belong here, no matter how hard she tried to convince herself that she did. That her parents were here, her friends, people that she loved. It was her life. But still, now and then this feeling would get to her. That little voice in the back of her mind, saying the words she had heard all her life. The saddest words in any language and even in no language at all. What If?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Connor?" A masculine voice came through the door, pulling him out of his thoughts. The recognition shone but a moment in his bright blue eyes, as he muttered a guttural sound then said his father could enter. His Father. That would take some getting used to. But maybe it would fill that empty space in his heart he had always felt. That feeling that there was something missing. Perhaps it would. He hoped so.
"Hey pal." Angel entered his sons' room and sat down on the bed. Connor was lying on the bed, his knees brought up to his chin and arms around his legs. He looked so tiny and fragile, like the baby he was less than a month ago. But he knew to Connor, or Steven he had insisted on being called when he first arrived but had recently abandoned, it had been fifteen years. He looked into his blue eyes and unexpectedly seen the boys mother in there. Just a little, not much, but enough. The way she looked the night he was born. Inside, he felt a stab of pain to the thought she never got to see him just once, or hold him close. She never would. "You hungry?" he asked quietly.
"No," he replied, nonchalantly.
He was trying hard to build bridges, but it wasn't easy. He hardly knew him, but really Connor wished he would just talk of him, cry it out, anything that would indicate he seen him as a parent. Indicate he had some feeling towards him other than more than clarified hatred. But it didn't look like that was going to happen any time soon. So he took what he got. So for now, he just tried to get the child to talk to him.
"You haven't eaten all day. How can't you be hungry?"
"Don't know."
He was too thin for someone his age, he had noticed. But pushing would not get him anywhere.
"Would you like to do something tonight?"
"Don't mind,"
Angel sighed. This was getting him nowhere. Maybe hit the problem on the head then.
"Your very quiet." He told him, running a finger down his cheek, feeling the warmth in his skin.
"Am I?" he rested his head on his knees.
"Is something wrong?"
"No, I was just thinking, that's all."
Angel just smiled. "You shouldn't do that too much."
Connor lifted an eyebrow. "Think?"
Angel grinned. "Yeah! Too much thinking leads to brooding, and that thing spreads like epidemic, I can tell you."
"What do you suggest I do, then?" he asked quietly.
"Well, we could do something. If you want."
Connor shrugged. "Okay."
"What about…going for Chinese?"
"Chinese?" he asked, an inquisitive look in his eyes.
"Some of the nicest food ever! Come on."
"But I'm not…"
But it was too late; he was being dragged to the elevator.