Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist's original story, characters and the anime are properties of the respective author, animators, etc. Only the what-ifs are mine.
PEN AND PISTOL
Being the bodyguard of Roy Mustang is a tough job, and there are so many things that Riza Hawkeye cannot protect the man from.
She cannot, or rather will not protect him from paperwork.
She's got to admit, it never ends. Whenever the Colonel finished one stack of paperwork, two stacks will replace it immediately. The man complains that Riza gives him the paperwork just a few minutes before the deadline, she never dignified the complaint any answers for both of them know that he usually spend his time taking a nap or looking through the window than signing his name on the growing stacks of paper.
She cannot protect him from women.
Colonel Roy Mustang didn't need to chase after women; they're the ones who follow him. For the life of her. Riza couldn't understand why. He's not bad-looking, but he's lazy when they're not in the battlefield. Riza had been a witness to almost every pickup line women used on him. The colonel almost never refused an invitation from any kind of woman. Thus, his womanizing ways become famous, along with his laziness.
Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye has been thinking of these things on her way back to work, after lunchtime, walking with Black Hayate on her heels.
She remembered that the colonel didn't say anything when she decided to take the dog home. He didn't even make a fuss when she brought it to work the first time. Riza assumed that it was okay, since the day she saw him feeding the dog some jerky, trying to tell it to sit down, then roll over.
She opened the office door, walked in, and was surprised to see the man already in the office.
He was looking at something through the window, his profile silhouetted by the early morning sun.
"You finished the paperwork I left last night?" Riza asked as she was sitting down on her work station, ruffling through papers – messages, appointments, things that the Colonel needed to be reminded of.
He didn't say anything, just continued looking through the window.
She sighed, stood up, then quickly made her way to his table.
She was looking at the papers on his table when he suddenly spoke up. "You work far too hard."
She smiled to herself, still looking at the papers. "One of us has to." Then quickly added, "Sir."
"Any incentive would you like to receive? A bonus? Would you like to take a break for a while? Or would you like a couple of rings to go with your double earrings?"
"I'm ok sir, "she looked at him closely. "Any problems sir?"
He face her then, "Not really, no. I was just thinking of my plans."
She didn't answer, but he continued anyway, still looking at her intently.
"The distant future when I will be the Fuehrer."
She placed the papers on the table. "We all support you, sir. Until you become the Fuehrer."
"And if that happens, what then?" he faced her with his whole body now, his arms crossed over his chest.
She was confused. "Sir?'
"You know, there will be a lot more people trying to kill me when I become Fuehrer. You would need to stay close to me when that happens, and not just during work hours. Maybe we have to live in the same house so you can guard me 24/7."
She didn't answer. It didn't sound like a question to her ears.
He continued. "In return, I'll feed your dog, what do you say?" he laughed a little.
"I can feed my own dog, sir" she said in a small voice.
He took a deep breath. "I would finish my paperwork everyday. I'll even be your driver if you want to go somewhere. I'll answer my own phone whenever it rings."
She couldn't help when a snicker came out. "And?"
"I'll try not to sleep so much during work hours. I will promise you all that, ok?"
"You have to do better than that, sir." She turned away, going back to her table. Black Hayate was on the floor, asking her in a small bark to pet her.
She did so, and was hoping that he would drop this kind of talk.
But she heard his footsteps behind her, stopping just a few inches behind her.
"Or if you want, you can talk to me when you can't sleep at night. You can tell me if you're tired of being in the military."
She remembered when she found him, dazed, unable to talk, after the murder of the two doctors.
"You can blame me for the massacre of Ishbal if you want."
Yes, that's right, it was a massacre. If at the end of all this, when they meet God, what will they say? I'm sorry God, that we killed those people, we were just following orders? That they were doing their job? That yes, until now, the colonel might stop killing but she is still ready to kill if anyone even tried to hurt him? The people of Ishbal were right: Even in pain, you can sleep. But if you inflict pain, you can never sleep.
"You can yell at me in frustration because you couldn't do anything when your best friend died."
That was probably her worst failure as a bodyguard. When Hughes died, she couldn't even say the right things. She is a bodyguard and feelings were not her area of expertise. If there is something that needed to be shot at, she is the man for it. She couldn't protect him from the mixed feelings of fear and hatred of the people of Ishbal; and she couldn't protect him now from this despair, this helplessness.
He said softly, "Just stay by my side, and don't shoot me out of spite, ok? Try talking to me first."
"You know, you can do all this without being Fuehrer?" she said, still with her back to him.
"Yes, I know. But I can't do that right now; not when I'm worrying about other things. Just stick with me a while longer, ok?"
At least his voice held a trace of laughter in it. "So, I'll stay and then you'll be my willing slave in the future? "
He laughed for real. "Yeah, that's about it."
"Deal."
She thought his wistfulness was over. Her mind was already on other things when he saw his shadow on her desk. She looked up, a question on her face.
"Besides, when I finally become Fuehrer, I can do anything that I want, right? Do you know what will be the first thing I will do when I become Fuehrer?"
She continued to look at him and he placed his hands on her table.
"I will abolish the fraternization laws."
Riza laughed, "And here I thought your first act as a Fuehrer will be to require women military personnel to wear miniskirts."
"Yup, that too. Except you."
She was about to reply when the door suddenly opened and Havoc, Falman and Furey walked in. Roy straightened and started going back to his table.
"Sir? Can I request for a one day leave?" Havoc asked.
Roy replied while he was sitting down on his chair. "Why would you need that?"
Havoc's eyes were dreamy. "I just met this amazingly cute girl from the flower shop and we will be seeing this play in the new theatre in town…."
Roy's thoughts drifted off and his eyes wandered behind Havoc, to Riza Hawkeye's back.
As if she felt it, Riza stood up, carrying another stack of those annoying paperwork.
Havoc continued to blabber on, and Riza sidestepped him to go to Roy's table, then put the offending pile of papers on her commanding officer's table.
"What's this? I just finished the one you gave me." Roy was sure he was already done for the day.
"Finish this too. This is due this morning. You need to become Fuehrer, right? You better learn to work fast."
Yes, hopefully, after the mountains of paperwork, and preferably, less blood spilled, he would become Fuehrer
Before that, life will be a vicious cycle. Killing then paperwork like what happened in Ishbal; or what the Fuehrer does now, paperwork first, giving them license to kill,
Colonel Roy Mustang wondered if the Devil did any of his own paperwork. Probably that was the Devil's Hell. Paperwork equals punishment.
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Some Notes: I still miss Hughes. I like him to forever annoy the hell out of everyone. I like awake most nights thinking how I could get him back. I already have the transmutation circle made. Who will be the best one to trade?