Snowflakes
This was originally going to be a short prompt fill, but turned into a full length angst fest. This is probably the longest fic I've written since starting college so I hope you guys enjoy it. Reviews and constructive criticism would be really appreciated :)
Beta'd by piiersnivans (tumblr)
It was snowing when they first kissed. It's snowing again now.
The cover of white took Artemis by surprise as she stepped out the zeta beam. She didn't know it would be snowing and now she wishes she'd brought a bigger coat. Still, she liked the snow. Always had. So she took her time walking down the short road between the zeta and Zatanna's place. She tried to concentrating on the snow instead of her doubts. Instead of college. Instead of Wally. Instead of the good life she'd made for herself. The life they'd made together. And they where happy, right? Then why was she doing this? Why couldn't she just turn back and forget this whole stupid idea?
Zatanna answered the door in her pyjamas (which wasn't surprising considering it was about one in the morning, but Artemis knew that Zee had had a late show last night and this was the only chance she's have to catch her).
"Artemis, is that you? It's one in the morning? Are you alright?" She tried not to concentrate on the concern on Zee's face. Or the way her brow furrowed when she was worried. Or her bed hair. Or warm blush on her neck-
"Okay I know this is weird, but...look, can I just come in?"
"This movie sucks. Isn't there anything better on?"
"Artie, you say that about every movie. And it's only ten minutes in!"
Artemis grabbed the remote from Zatanna's side and started flipping through the channels.
"Oh, oh! Stop I love this one!" The shorter girl yelled.
"What, Harry Potter? Really?" Artemis raised her eyebrow dubiously.
"What's wrong with Harry Potter?" Zatanna asked, snuggling into the blonde's shoulder. Artemis swore her heart jumped it up a notch.
"Well, you have- oh whatever never mind." They lay in silence for a moment. Artemis lay her head on top of Zatanna's, because it was comfortable and not for any other reason no none at all.
"So... what's this whole thing about anyway?" She asked.
"Um...this is the third one. The one with the werewolves?"
There was a short silence.
"Yeah, but...what's it about?" Artemis shifted a little in her spot.
"You've... never read Harry Potter?"
"Never even seen the movies"
Zatanna looked up at her with an unreadable expression. For a second Artemis was worried she'd ask why. But she should have known that Zee knew her better than that. It wasn't something that she liked talking about, even to her close friend. Instead she jumped up and reached for the pile of DVDs behind her bed.
"What are you doing?" Artemis lent over the bed, eyeing the younger girl suspiciously.
"Well, it doesn't look like that snowstorm outside is gonna die down any time soon so we might as well make the most of it." She dug out about seven DVDs from the pile and perched herself back on the bed. Artemis leant over the other girl's lap to peek at the pile.
"Zee? You're not gonna make me watch the entire season, are you?"
"Would you rather be in the lounge watching Megan and Conner suck face?" She put the first disk in and scootched back to the headboard , making herself comfy again. Artemis scrunched her face up in mock disgust and joined her. Zatanna nuzzled her head into her shoulder again. This time Artemis rested her head on Zee's with barely any hesitation. "Besides..." Zatanna grabbed the remote. "I've been wanting to watch these all day."
"You're seriously going through with this? I mean I trust Dick and all, you know I do, but this doesn't sound..." Zatanna didn't finish her sentence. She just stared at her old friend with deep thought and concern. "I mean, how long have you even had to think about this, Art?"
"A few weeks. I'm not an idiot. It thought it through."
"I thought you were trying to leave this life behind?"
There was a pregnant pause.
"What does Wally think about this?"
Artemis jumped up from her chair.
"Why does it matter? I'm the one whose doing the mission, not him!" Zatanna knew to keep her head when Artemis was upset, nothing would distress her more than being yelled at when she needed support. And she needed support now, Zee could tell.
"Artemis" She went to grab the older women's hand, but didn't. "He's kind of your boyfriend. He gets some say in this."
Artemis ran her hand over her hair and paced towards the kitchen unit.
"Ugh! I know! I know! But no one else can do this. No one else has the training. At least no one who wouldn't be noticed by the bad guys if they disappeared all of a sudden." She sat back down on the sofa and looked the younger woman in the eye. "It's killing me doing this to Wally and I wish he was cool with it but..." Her voice got lower, croakier. "SO much more depends on this than our relationship. People's lives depend on this. And I didn't dress up in a skin-tight green suit to let people die so I could do college." Her voice rose as she spoke. Zatanna stared deep into Artemis's eyes, trying desperately to see what was going on in her head. Artemis held her gaze, sighed and dropped it.
"I...I thought you wanted to leave this all behind. I thought you and Wally were happy-"
"I AM! WE ARE!" She yelled. "I just- this isn't about me and Wally it's about-"
"Why did you come here Artemis?" Her eyes never left Artemis's face. Calm, concerned, searching.
The blonde collapsed back onto the chair with her face in her hands. She groaned, frustrated.
"Zee, I... Look, I've went my whole life in the game. Since I was a little kid. I never had the choice. When I got away from my dad I went straight into the team and I love you guys, you know I do, but...I always felt like I was robbed of something. Of school and college and normal relationships where you didn't have to worry about them walking out the door and never coming back. I thought college, moving in with Wally, that would be my shot at a normal life, but..." She took her head out of her hands and looked her friend in the eye. "I realized I wasn't in the games because of my Dad any more. I wasn't in it because I had to be. I was in it because I wanted to be. Because I wanted to help people. That's who I am and if I ignore this mission, I don't think I'll be able to enjoy this life any more."
Pause.
"Art, we used to be close. We used to be best friends. How could I not know this?"
"Things changed."
At some point during the second movie, Artemis found herself getting really into it. It wasn't the movies so much, but they way Zatanna reacted to them, giving a passionate running commentary of her favourite scenes. She found herself becoming engrossed by the young magician's passion.
"Wow, Zee. I didn't know you where so into this. You never mentioned it before." Zatanna smiled sombrely. She almost looked uncertain whether she should reply or not.
"Actually my dad got me into it." Artemis's brain did a mental jolt when she realized. Oh, that wasn't today was it? She thought. "I think it might have been as a joke or something at first, I was too young to remember, but I used to really enjoy sharing this with him you know? It sounds crazy when I can do really magic, but it was one of the things I really...really..." Her voice broke, tears breaking down her face.
"Zee..." Artemis wrapped her arms around her shaking shoulders. "Come on, it's alright..."
"It's his birthday today. I really miss him." She buried her face into Artemis's neck.
"I know...I know..."
"Art, what if I'm disappointing him? What if he doesn't like what I... who I am. Who I'm growing into? I wanna think he'd love me whoever I become, but I can never know. I can never know that he wouldn't hate me for...for this. For me." She had no idea how to reply to this. She put her hands on Zatanna's cheek, lifting her face so she could look her in the eyes.
"What are you talking about? I may not have known your dad that well, but I know that he'd love you whatever you did. Why are you so worried all of a- Mmf!"
Her lips were wetter than she imagine. But just as warm. She didn't know how it happened, but all of a sudden she felt their bodies pressed together. Their hands wrapped around each other. Too tight, too desperate. She didn't question it. She let her instincts push her forward, every red hot fantasy she'd ever had about the younger girl playing out behind her eyelids as she felt her body pressed against the bed.
"Why did you really come here tonight?" Zatanna questioned, not used to seeing Artemis so vulnerable.
"I needed someone to talk to about this, okay?"
"That isn't it. I know it's not. If you wanted to talk to someone you could have talked to M'Gann. Or Raquel."
"They're on the team..."
"And I'm on the Justice League! Besides, I know you better than tha-"
"ZEE, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!" Artemis leapt up. Zatanna jumped, taken surprise by the sudden outburst. "It feels like so many people need me to do all these things! Dick needs me to help him. Wally needs me to come home safe. Well, I can't promise either of those things. And right now I don't need either of them. I need you!"
"Art-"
"Please, Zee, just listen" She dropped down to her knees in front of Zatanna's seat. "I'm sick and fucking tired of trying to do the right thing. I know this is wrong. I know this isn't fair on you or Wally or anyone, but I... I still love you. I always did and I wish I could change that, trust me I've tried, but I can't."
Zatanna opened her mouth to reply, but Artemis covered it before she could get her words out.
"I'm not asking you for forever, Zee." She removed her hand from her mouth and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "Just for tonight."
Zatanna slapped Artemis's hand away. Her eyes were hot, tears threatening to fall.
"How can you ask that of me?!" She got up from her chair. "I've wanted this for so long, Artemis. For so long I've wanted you to come here and say you loved me. I had to give up on that a long long time ago. And now you think I can just except it. Knowing full well that once this mission's over you'll either go back to Wally or not at all. It's not fair!"
"I know it's not, I know! I'm an idiot. I pushed you away for so long, because I was scared. Because I thought I was happy. But I can't walk out of here not knowing what it's like to kiss you again!"
Their lips crashed together. Neither of them knew who initiated it, just that it was infinitely more passionate than their last. Infinitely more desperate, because this time there was no promise of tomorrow.
"HEY! You two coming to training or what!?" Roy called, banging on the door.
They broke apart with a jolt. Reality hitting them hard. Along with the sudden realization that they had just...what exactly?
Zatanna looked down at Artemis, her eyes hot and heavy but filled with panic. Artemis imagined her eyes looked something the same.
"We should...get down to training..."
They didn't talk for a week. Neither of them knew quite what had happened in that room or what they had been thinking. Every time they tried to act act normal (and oh god did they try) they could feel the strained tension between them. The elephant in the room that no one else could see. Some part of them knew deep down that they had both pined for each other for a long long time. They also knew that they'd both been denying their love for equally as long.
So, when Zatanna saw Artemis kiss Wally on New Year's day, she tried desperately to ignore her aching heart. She knew that she just wanted to move on and pretend they'd never shared that kiss. She tried to understand.
But when she tried to move on herself it didn't work out quite as well.
Neither of them had ever been with a women before. So, their lovemaking was sloppy, inexperienced.
Neither of them would have had it any other way.
They panted and moaned and grabbed for flesh. They wanted desperately to remember every inch of each other.
Zatanna made it her mission to kiss every bit of Artemis's tender flesh. From the scar across her thigh to the beauty mark just below her breast and every inch of her beautiful full lips. Committing every little thing to memory.
Artemis yearned desperately for her lover's warmth. Seeking out the red hot burning of her flesh. Her breathless cry in the night.
It was so much more than either of them expected. More passionate and loving than either of them had experienced.
Five long years of pent up lust and longing spilling out into one night.
A haze of skin on skin.
…
…
…
When she finally opened her eyes the bed beside her was cold. There was no sight of the blonde who had shared it the night before. She pulled on her dressing gown and searched the apartment only to find that empty as well. She would not let herself cry. She knew that this would happen when she choice a long-dead fantasy over common sense. She knew that if she'd stayed to say goodbye it would only hurt both of them more. None of this information helped to numb her aching heart.
Not two hours later, Nightwing would show up at her apartment accompanied by a strange request, which she would no doubt grant. She'd let him believe it was his boyish charm that earned her trust, never daring to let on her true reasons:
A broken heart and a last ditch effort to save the woman she loved.
Outside, the snow had melted.