Okay. I was in the mood to write a little Addek. I miss them so much and I think it's a shame that after 11 years of marriage and knowing each other for half of their lives, they aren't even capable to have a normal conversation on the show. They barely interact with each other. Its weird cause the hospital isn't that big so they just have to bump into each other eventually.

Anyway. This Story is not set in season 3 after the divorce, no. It's set in season 2 at the end of the episode "Yesterday". I was watching it last night and I really thought about why Addison didn't end up going to Joes to meet Mark. After all Derek had been a Jerk for the past episodes…

Oy.. Let's start with the story, shall we?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Although I would love to own Kate Walsh. (A girl can have a girl crush, cant she?)

Tears and Rain

Addison Montgomery-Shepherd used to be perfect. She used to wear the perfect clothes, the perfect make up, perfect shoes and she used to live the perfect life. She had everything she ever wanted until her husband Derek found her in bed screwing his best friend Mark Sloan.

From that moment on, her life went downhill. Derek just went away the next morning and Addison was left with nothing but a broken heart.

She did regret hopping into bed with Mark, but he was there when Derek wasn't. He listened to her while Derek didn't. He looked at her even if Derek couldn't and he touched her, which Derek had stopped a long time ago.

Derek had been indifferent for more than 3 months. He worked late and sometimes he even stayed in the hospital, sleeping in the on-call room than coming home to share a bed with his wife.

Addison tried so hard to make him notice her, to make him see that she needed him, that the distance they had built up was destroying her. But he didn't care. Soon he also forgot her birthday, their anniversary, and after that she even had to make up excuses why he didn't have time to spend Christmas with her and his family.

That was the moment when she turned to Mark for support. He was their best friend and he was there for her. They spent a lot of time together, Mark always being there when Derek couldn't make it to dinner, or on her birthday when Addison sat alone in a dark living room crying her eyes out.

It felt good to actually have someone who cared about her and at first it really was just friendship between them. Then, after a while it eventually turned out to her lying in his lap during a movie, while he softly caressed her hair. Slowly she started to develop feelings for the man at her side and she knew that Mark shared those.

xoxoxox

One night, Derek was working late, missing again a special day in their life (it was the anniversary of the day they first met), Mark was once again by her side to pick up the pieces Derek left when he stood her up. And it just happened. They didn't intend to do it, they didn't plan on doing it, it just happened. Then Derek walked in and painfully it occurred to Addison what she had done.

A long time had passed since that night. And now Addison sat in a dark, dirty little trailer in the middle of nowhere, her arms around her legs and was about to cry.

She had reunited with Derek and was now living with him in Seattle but somehow it didn't feel right.

When she had left New York, she had not only left the city, she had also left Mark. He was there for her after Derek had left and she found herself falling in love with him shortly after that. She thought they could make it work, that she didn't throw her marriage away for a fling without future. And for a little while her life was back to being perfect. Until Mark cheated on her.

Addison now could exactly tell what Derek must have felt when he walked in on his wife having sex with his best friend, cause that's exactly what she felt when she walked in on Mark screwing that young blond nurse.

It was the same day Richard called her for a case to Seattle, also telling her that Derek had been working there for the past months and was now officially dating an intern. At this point Addison didn't think twice about it. She packed her suitcase and was leaving New York the same day.

All she wanted to do, was to hand the divorce papers she had drawn up months ago to Derek, let him sign them and move on with her life. Even if this would mean that she would be all alone from now on.

Addison wanted to let him go, let him be happy again, she didn't want to hurt him even more than she already did. She was truly sorry about what happened back in New York. It made her stomach squirm just to think about it. She had no idea how she was able to hurt Derek so much. Yes she was lonely and yes she did fall for Mark, but she was married so she should have tried harder to save their marriage.

When she walked through the doors of Seattle Grace Hospital she noticed him immediately. And when she saw him with… her… a jolt of jealousy ran through her entire body but that wasn't the only feeling that built up inside of her. She had missed him and she wanted nothing more than walk up to him and kiss him, tell him that she loved him, that she was sorry that she needed him…. but she couldn't do it.

He was cold towards her and she couldn't blame him, not at all. It was her fault, her fault that he was broken, her fault that he was hurt and her fault that he picked an intern to sleep with.

But Addison wasn't a person who was willing to give up so easily. The moment she saw him with Meredith, the fire in her started to come back and she wanted to fight for him, wanted to make him hers again, wanted him back.

She watched the couple closely as she stayed in the hospital and worked on the case Richard called her for, and whenever she saw Derek flirting with his dirty mistress as she put it, she felt bad.

She was sick of this feeling and her old plan to finally make a straight clean break and file a divorce came back to her mind.

So when she found the two of them standing in front of the elevator she passed the papers to him. Meredith had walked away as soon as she had approached them but Addison left the ball in his court now.

And he didn't sign the papers. He took her back. He wanted to work things out. And NOW he was punishing her every day for what she had done. He was making her feel every day what he felt when she cheated on him and she was hurting. A LOT.

Today had been the worst day so far. Well there was a reason for that and again Addison couldn't blame Derek.

Mark showed up at SGH, he wanted her back, he said he missed her, he said he loved her and the most important thing was, he made her realize that her marriage was over. That there was no point on holding on to someone who doesn't want you.

She saw the hurt in Derek eyes when Mark showed up. She saw him clenching his jaw and turning into the opposite direction, she even saw him hitting Mark. But the thing that made her realize that her marriage was more than over, was the reason why he hit Mark. He had been talking to Meredith and that pissed him off.

xoxoxox

Addison rolled her eyes and sank even further down the chair. She couldn't hold the tears back any longer. She couldn't pretend that everything was going to be all right, cause it was not. She loved her husband, more than everything else but maybe that was not enough.

The pain in her heart wouldn't fade, and Derek's feelings for Meredith wouldn't either.

Suddenly she remembered Marks words. He wanted her to come home. He wanted her to admit that her marriage failed, he wanted to meet her at Joe;s Bar, and suddenly it dawned on her.

What was the point sitting in this stupid trailer, 5 feet away from a man who couldn't care less if she would drop dead the next minute? Wouldn't she rather be with a man who told her that he loved her, that he cared about her, that he missed her?

Addison swallowed the lump in her throat and stood up.

xoxoxox

Derek Shepherd was lying on the bed in his trailer and was facing the ceiling. The events of this day were playing over and over in his mind.

He hated Mark Sloan for showing up at SGH and rubbing the affair with his wife right into his face. He hated Mark Sloan for being an unemotional jackass and he hated him for reminding him of the worst night of his life.

This night just couldn't be erased from his mind. It was impossible .. even if he tried not to think about it during the day, busying himself with work, he knew that the dreams would hunt him at night.

He couldn't forgive Addison and Mark for what they had done, he just couldn't. He knew he told Addison by not signing the divorce papers, that he wanted to try to make things right but things with Addison were just.. complicated.. and things with Meredith were so … easy. He didn't want complicated right now, he wanted easy.

The truth was, he loved Addison from the bottom of his heart, he still loved her, it just was… complicated. He also knew that he treated her bad, really bad, even worse than he did back in New York. He wasn't just indifferent, he was being mean, sarcastic and a total idiot, but that was the way he was coping. He couldn't change it. Not yet anyway.

He heard her sob and his heart sank. It hurt him to see or hear her in pain, but somehow it was what he thought was the right thing to do. He wanted her to feel the pain he was feeling. But even with all of that he still loved her.

Deep in his heart he wanted to make it work with her. He knew that she was the only one he wanted to be with, but he needed time, time to vent, time to proceed, time to forgive.

Suddenly he heard her stand up and seconds later she stood in the doorway of the bedroom. Her eyes were red and swollen and he wanted nothing more than to jump up and ask her what was wrong… but he didn't.

Instead he looked another way and ignored her. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw her walking out to the closet getting out a huge suitcase throwing it on the bed and starting to fill it with clothes.

Curiosity and angst got the best of him so he turned back around his eyes wide open.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" he asked a little harsher than he had intended

"Packing." she replied in a whisper.

"Why?"

"Well... you made it pretty clear that you don't want me, that you don't love me, that you don't even care for me, but there is someone who does all those things... so I'm going.. you won.. you are free. go and be with your intern."

"What?... Addison…"

"Don't …. You punished me long enough Derek.. I got it … our marriage is over… fine… I tried to make it work again.. I moved to Seattle and left everything behind.. I live with you in this goddamn trailer and you know how hard that is for me… I wanted to be with you.. I would have done everything for you to forgive me… but you cant… that's okay… but I'm not a masochist .. I cant take it any longer.. if you wanted to hurt me.. then congrats you did a pretty good job at it.. but its enough.. I'm done."

"Addison wait.." Derek had jumped up from the bed looking at his wife. His heart started to pound in his chest faster and faster. "I …. I…"

"What Derek? What?????"

Derek couldn't form the sentence … he couldn't get a word out…

Addison sighed, closed the suitcase and stormed out of the room. "I'll get the rest of my stuff later." She called over her shoulder .. and then.. she left.

Derek stood in the middle of the room and was still looking into the direction she disappeared minutes ago. He couldn't believe what just happened. He couldn't believe she left and he couldn't believe that he did nothing to make her stay. Finally the words came out of his mouth.

"I don't want you to go Addison, I'm sorry….. I love you. I'm Sorry"

TBC

A/N: yeah I know it probably looks not really like Addek right now.. but I think it was about time for Derek to get his ass up and fight for the woman he loves. We will also see a bit of Maddison in this fic but I think it will end up Addek... if you have suggestions .. wishes for this fanfic ..tell me ..seriously I mean it .. if you have any you want me to write into the story.. tell me

take care,

Suz