Summary: Carmen's yearly gift and three of her henchmen choosing how to use it.
Author's note: This story is a birthday gift for Green Lion. Happy Birthday!
They looked like Christmas cards, at least on the outside. Each was made with gilt edged parchment paper and covered in idyllic images of various locales in winter, with personal specific holiday sentiments. From the front, there was nothing unusual about these at all. In fact, they were quite boring, if efficiently and accurately prepared.
However, commonplace packaging aside, these pieces of paper evoked a world of exhilaration and nerves. When Carmen Sandiego decided to give out a bonus, no one paid attention to the presentation.
Hannah stared at the form, uneasily wetting her lips. "What are you going to choose?" She asked the others who were queued around the company mailboxes.
Sara was smiling, with a definite erratic bent. "I'm not sure, but this is fantastic." Her hands rubbed urgently together.
"It… is?" The Hawaiian said.
"C'mon Hannah." Lars declared, "It's the bee's knees."
"But it's so…" She squirmed when she saw the way the others were looking at her. "Open ended." She finished sheepishly, twisting a corner of the gorgeous Hawaiian Christmas scene in her hand, and wondering how Carmen managed to find a card that looked exactly like her favorite beach.
Cora Net shook her head. "Only you could take the single most exciting thing possible and worry it into a problem." Even without instruments, the other woman's voice sounded dissonant to Hannah's ears. She flinched
Cora's sister added helpfully. "Carmen put safety features in you know. No interference, nothing to worry about." She spoke the works slowly and carefully, as if trying to reassure a toddler that of course broccoli tasted exactly like chocolate if one only goes into it with the right attitude.
"Then what are you choosing?" Hannah asked.
"I…" Cora hesitated. "Haven't decided." She declared airily and then buzzed her lips absentmindedly.
The noise level fell off sharply, as no one wanted to be the next asked. They sorted through the rest of their mail, paychecks and ordinary cards, while they waited. "We have until Friday, don't we?" Moe piped up, probably too loudly.
Everyone mutely nodded.
Hannah looked down at her form, where a single question accosted her.
Where do you want to go?
Carmen had outdone herself this year. Their bonus was one chronoskimmer sightseeing trip apiece, their choice of any time anywhere.
Hannah had never felt so excited in her life. However, she was also terrified, and the combination of emotions was making her feel seasick.
Looking to each side to ensure that none of her coworkers were watching, Hannah nervously wrote down her answer, folded the card back up, and shoved it into her bag. She wouldn't bother to turn it in. After all, Carmen was known to enjoy pocket-picking and Hannah would hate to deprive her of the sport.
Consisting of cheese and crackers, with some vegetables and dip on the side, the New Year's party spread was about as standard as it was possible to be. For those few, Moe for example, who were paying attention, it eventually became obvious that these dishes tasted better than they probably had a right to taste. However, few in the room noticed the food. Carmen could have put out nothing and the mood in the room would still have been radiating excitement.
"Where did you decide to go?" Lars asked Cora.
"Rolling Stones concert." She answered, already dressed the part. "My sister's going too. We're going to compare notes when we get back." The two musicians hive-fived, then looked at each other awkwardly.
"And Moe, yours probably involves food right?" The sleazily dressed man inferred, spreading his arms widely.
The heavy man answered while messily spooning dip into his mouth with assorted other foodstuff. "Yeah."
"Are you allowed to eat in the past?" Lars asked.
Moe nodded. "As long as the time machine's set to… what was it.. illiberal time?" He looked towards the scientist for clarification.
"Immutable time." Sara corrected, with a disdainful glance.
Instinctively feeling as though she was in class, Hannah raised her hand. "What does that even mean?"
The scientist recited. "Not subject or susceptible to change or variation in form, quality or nature. In this case, indicating a timeline robust against damage from time travel processes or paradoxes, probably achieved by making the time travelling incarnations causally weaker than those of the original."
Moe colored. "Huh?"
"The safety's on." Lars clarified. "So you can do whatever you like. No problem."
"Good evening." A voice said behind them… and also to the side of them, and on a diagonal, just about everywhere.
Moe jumped and threw his celery to the side. Hannah, with plenty of experience regarding day to day life in VILE, ducked with practiced ease, allowing the snack food to bounce off of Lar's snazzy shirt. "Hi boss." She said. "I mean um… bosses."
Moe's jaw was hanging slack. "There're… there're hundreds of you."
The Carmens sighed in unison. "Time travel." One of them clarified, in a tone that slightly resembled patience.
Sara stepped forward, with glittering and somewhat unsettling eyes. "I have a question."
The terrifying wall of women in red nodded.
"Are you doing this in parallel?"
One of the Carmens shrugged. "And in series."
"Both?"
A different one answered. "Series for me, parallel for everyone else."
Sara frowned for a moment and then nodded. "Long night."
Crimson lips smiled. "Great night." She countered.
"Ok then."
"So, everyone stand next to one of me." The first Carmen instructed. "And we can be on our way."
Moe's eyes were still darting around, between the various different incarnations of his employer, for some time. Finally he settled on the one closest to him. "Um boss?"
"Yes?" She responded nonchalantly, gesturing for him to follow her and striding towards one of the many time machines, or instances of the same time machine technically, that were scattered around the grounds. "Is your… hair damp?"
Carmen laughed. "I wasn't about to escort someone to some of the best surfing of all time and stand on the beach." With practiced step and gesture, Carmen guided Moe into the large metal apparatus.
"I…" He was trying not to picture Carmen surfing because he suspected he would end up in a lot of trouble. "I… boss, was my choice ok?"
"Of course," Carmen started pressing buttons on the time machine interface. "Why wouldn't it be?"
"Um… I don't know."
His boss put her shoulders back, which made her look moderately less threatening. "Did you think there was one right answer?" She asked gently.
"Well no but… boss you know those stories where a genie gives you three wishes and if you phrase it wrong you end up at the bottom of the ocean or something? I just get the feeling that you, well you could do that if you want to."
"I probably could." Carmen mused. "But right now, I'm having more fun being nice."
"Nice?" Moe echoed incredulously.
The doors of the time machine swung open. "Here we are." Carmen announced. "Wichita, Kansas, 1921. The original White Castle."
"Wow…" He whispered.
"What do you think?" His boss asked, barely bothering to disguise her amusement.
Moe didn't know how to phrase it, but he was a little overwhelmed by all the light, especially after the dark party and time machine interior. "It's very clean and very…" He hesitated. "Bright."
Carmen raised her eyebrows.
He wet his lips. "I mean, I know it wouldn't be, but for some reason I always picture the whole thing in faded out black and white, you know."
Carmen laughed.
"So the building looks about right, but the sky's real weird."
Glancing at the bright blue, the master thief remarked. "True enough. Now we're about a month after opening, so you're orientated in time and space. That outfit is close enough for these purposes, so you won't need to change. "
"Sure boss!" Moe announced enthusiastically. He went to exit the machine.
"Wait." Carmen said calmly.
He looked back.
She held out her hand, with some loose change. "You weren't really going to try and pay with a twenty dollar bill from the nineties, were you?"
Self-consciously touching his pocket, Moe muttered. "No… um… of course not."
"Then you'll want this." Carmen inferred. "That should be enough for however many you want, in the correct currency.
He colored. "Thanks. Um… boss, do you want any?"
Clara scrambled after her boss, as Carmen quickly made her way upstairs, towards one of the incarnations of the chronoskimmer.
Carmen glanced once over her shoulder. "Interesting attire." She noted neutrally.
"Um," Clara's nerves jumped. "About that. My sister thinks I'm going to a Rolling Stones concert."
The thief didn't respond, but curled her lips in a way that suggested the information wasn't new.
Clara's nerves increased. "Do you have something I could change into? Please?"
Evidently deciding to have mercy, Carmen gestured towards the nearest bathroom. "There's a change of dress in there for you." She suggested.
"Thanks." Clara dashed for the door. "Be right back."
"Now." Carmen said as she woke the machine a few minutes later. "We'll need to choose our route carefully."
"To be safe." Clara added absently, paying more attention to her own concerns about what her sister would think than the mechanics.
Carmen mused. "In a way. I want to avoid running into myself."
"Oh, um, come here often?"
"Seven times so far."
Clara could feel her pupils dilating. "Do you like Rite of Spring too?"
"I love discussing art." Carmen replied basically.
The untalented musician laughed. "Well this is more than a discussion. People threw punches."
"So few are willing to argue with me, anymore." Carmen complained. "When the pursuit is slow, I have to time travel just to match wits."
"They don't know what they're in for." Clara's curiosity was rising. "Which side do you support?"
"I alternate, for the mental exercise." Carmen grinned roguishly. "This should be fun. I love a good scandal."
Clara wet her lips.
"Of course." Carmen suggested. "I can behave myself this time if you'd rather. Though that will be out of fashion here tonight."
"Oh…" Clara colored. "No, you can go ahead."
Carmen offered. "Would you like to join in the debating too?"
"No thank you." Clara decided. "But it should be a great time to watch."
Carmen nodded. "It usually is."
Then, Clara added. "And you should get your money's worth out of this whole time travel exercise."
"The gifts are not intended to benefit me." Carmen pointed out.
"Yeah they are." Clara countered, feeling recklessly brave. "Because you hear our answers and then you know how we think."
"Oh Clara." Carmen said shaking her head. "I already know how you think."
Clara tried to come back with some sort of witty answer explaining why Carmen would need this elaborate game to work out her mental process but was forced to admit to herself within a few seconds that she had none.
"Ok fine." She demanded. "Tell me why I chose what I did."
With the air of someone who'd been required to read someone's mind as a parlor trick a few times too many, Carmen testily recited. "You're going to see Stravinsky because you you've loved his work ever since you stole a record of the firebird from your first music teacher. It's the first performance of the Rite of Spring because that première incited a riot and you have the same relationship with adrenaline that I do"
The musician squawked.
Carmen was getting through the information with all the speed of the announcer reading off the legal disclaimer at the end of a commercial. "You haven't told your sister because you're worried that she thinks actually liking classical music, let alone ballet, is prissy and boring. You're worried she will be angry at you. However this is unnecessary,"
Clara's jaw dropped, and she involuntarily nodded. It was true that Cora had hated classical music ever since they had first tried to practice it, and Clara had never quite mustered the never to be a dissenting opinion.
"Because one," Carmen counted on her fingers. "Your sister is not like that. You're lucky in that respect, by the way. Not everyone is."
Clara tried to say a word but only found an F#.
"Two," Carmen added. "Stravinsky is far too interesting."
"I…" Well at least she was up to monosyllabic words.
"And three," The thief pronounced with an air of finality. "You should not have to hide."
Clara tried to look out the windows but, being in a time machine, found that not very useful. "Please don't tell her." She said quietly.
"Of course I won't." Carmen replied gently. "You can attend all of the classical concerts you like. Cora won't hear about it from me."
Clara swallowed.
"Why if I went around declaring every secret I found out." Carmen mused. "The world would be chaos." She sounded quite pleased with herself. "But for now." She hit a button to open the door. "We have a riot to get to."
Hannah really had to hand it to Carmen. Her boss was being very patient with all of her hand wringing and glances around.
"Boss?" Hannah said as she gingerly climbed the steps. "What exactly did you expect us to do with the gift?"
Carmen frowned. "Whatever you want."
"I just feel like it might be a trick question."
"I seem to be hearing a lot of that tonight." Carmen noted wryly.
"Well it's just…" Hannah wrung her hands. "I think about what you've done when you're bored and how everything you do is so over the top and amazing, and then I started thinking that this is what you do when you're feeling generous." She emphasized the last word like a superlative.
The master thief shrugged.
"And then I wonder if I might be in over my head."
"It's not a trick." Carmen said earnestly. "I know I'm," She chuckled. "Not that credible, but this really is what it sounds like."
"Ok… cause what it sounds like is you're role playing some very strange version of the ghost of Christmas past."
Carmen chuckled. "I was aiming for Santa Clause." She bantered.
"Um…" That image was very distracting. "Well you got the color right."
This time Carmen laughed deeply, with her entire breath.
The Hawaiian swallowed.
Carmen looked down at the controls, and then shrewdly back. "Do you want to change your answer?"
"I…" Hannah's heart was racing. "Kind of. But it doesn't even have anything to do with Hawaii."
The master thief made a placating gesture with her shoulders. "I don't care if you don't."
"It's... It's Poland." Hannah blurted out. "In 1569."
About half of Carmen's left hand jumped slightly, making Hannah wonder if she had actually managed to surprise her employer.
"It's just that Sara was trying to explain to me something about her parents and espionage and… and nationalism and stuff and I wasn't really getting it so I tried looking it up and I've been reading about how Poland and Lithuania used to be a single something… something like a country but not quite," She gulped. "I couldn't figure out from the book whether this was supposed to be a good thing or not and… I…I thought I'd like to see that." Hannah trailed off, not sure from Carmen's expression whether she was being laughed at or not. "I mean… I probably just want to go there because it's the last book I've read, and one of the only books on history I've read." She said to the floor.
"You're thinking of the Union of Lublin then?" Carmen asked, promptly entering values into the interface, as if she had expected this all along and had the entire thing perfectly choreographed.
"Yes," She muttered. "Sorry, I don't really know myself why I want to visit this place."
"Why are you sorry for that?" Carmen prompted gently.
"Um…" Hannah thought it was obvious. "Because you offered me anywhere in the entirety of space/time and I picked someplace without having a good reason for it?" She couldn't keep her thoughts organized.
"Hannah." Carmen said, and the henchwoman was certain that her boss was enjoying herself now. "I would be a hypocrite to judge you for being impulsive. In fact, I think you could stand to try it a bit more often."
Hannah stared at a reading on the machine interface that was languidly tracing out a hyperbolic secant. "I don't want you to think I'm stupid."
"You gave an answer that I didn't expect." Carmen countered. "It made my night."
Hannah turned flushed fuchsia.
"Now." The master thief announced. "We are going to go to Poland, in 1569 for no other reason than that you feel like it." Hannah had never seen her grin so joyfully. "We are going to have a marvelous time."
This had to be the most interesting thing Hannah had ever done.
Many hours (or minutes, centuries, or years) later, finally finished with her rounds. Carmen slowly lowered herself into the comfiest chair in her rooms. Though she had eaten and exercised an absurd amount since she had last sat down in this recliner, it had been several days, from her perspective, since she'd had more than a harried nap. It was time for her employees to go on their holiday vacations and for Carmen to have a nice long rest.
As she settled down, to unwind for a few minutes before walking to the next room to sleep off the time travel for a few weeks, Carmen remembered the many trips with smiles, some wry, some clever, and most kind.
Abruptly, with a light meow, Carmine jumped from the floor onto Carmen's lap, and the master thief rolled her eyes lightheartedly as the feline settled down. This ruled out moving. Since she wasn't about to disturb the cat, she'd probably doze off here before she had time. None of that mattered though. Carmen was warm and content, because this had been the best sort of day and would lead to the deepest most restful kind of sleep.