Mild-ish Kalex. Don't want to go to hell; figured I could bury it in this Kara/multiple-pairings fic - by putting it RIGHT AT THE FRONT. Oh well.
Also, chapter one contains a brief reference to domestic violence within a particular context. Please note, this chapter was written prior to recent horrible real-life revelations and the timing is purely coincidental; but, the inclusion of this detail does serve a (minor) purpose within the narrative as a whole.
One: Boning William Shatner
They're curled up on the couch, only inches apart, still PJ-clad and barefoot at one o'clock in the afternoon. Eliza's gone for the day, teaching summer courses at the university, and an old episode of Star Trek keeps them amused while they pretend not to be wasting the time they have left together before Alex leaves for Stanford.
Kara tries not to think too much about Alex leaving.
Rolling her eyes at the unfolding side-plot, Alex tugs the chest of her pajama shirt into two points. "Oh, yes, teach me your Earth ways, Captain," she mimics in a high-pitched voice and Kara giggles. "I am but a simple alien female with huge alien boobs who does not understand … what is it called? Love?"
Kara's giggle escalates into a loud snorty sort of laugh and Alex rolls her eyes again, letting go of her shirt.
"Really? All those hot alien chicks want to bone William Shatner? I don't think so."
Kara peers through her glasses at the TV, half-nods, half-shakes her head in agreement. "Nope, would not bone," she confirms and, this time, it's Alex's turn to chuckle.
"Okay, first, you just called yourself 'hot'." Alex pokes Kara in the ribs and Kara squirms. "And, second, what do you know about boning?"
Kara glares back. "More about alien boning than you do."
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah, really … probably. 'Cause, you know … alien."
Alex's amused expression tightens into a slight grimace. "You haven't done any boning yet, have you?" she asks in a low voice.
Kara makes Alex wait, watches her eyes get darker and mouth start to crease further with unease. Then she laughs, shoves Alex - careful, always careful - and picks up her juice box from the coaster on the coffee table. "No, jeez …"
Alex exhales what sounds conspicuously like a short sigh of relief. "'Cause if you've got any questions …"
"That's what you said back when Eliza and Jeremiah gave me The Talk."
Alex chuckles. "And you said, No, but Eliza had a shit-ton of questions about Kryptonian reproduction."
Kara's pretty sure those weren't her exact words, but she lets the make-believe profanity slide and instead directs an obnoxiously smug grin at her sister. "Which brings us back to me knowing more about alien boning than you do."
"Touché," says Alex. She turns back to watch the TV again for a minute, before smirking and prodding Kara's thigh with her index finger. "Weird then that you turned out to be such a prude."
Kara scowls. "No, I'm not."
"Are too."
"Not."
"Okay, fine." Alex nods toward the TV again. "Pick three."
"What?"
"If you had to make out with three of them, who would you pick?"
Kara stares at the TV screen. "Three?"
"Did I stutter?"
Kara's brow furrows. "How's this going to prove that I'm … not what you said I am? And, anyway, it's not like I've never kissed anyone before. Okay, maybe that last time wasn't so great, but you try kissing a guy who says your 'man-shoulders' are a big turn o-"
"Kara," Alex groans. "I told you, they're not 'man-shoulders', they're your shoulders and that guy was a freak. Now, just pick three of them, will you?"
Kara nods, then glances at the TV, then squints at Alex. "Am I still an alien in this scenario?"
Alex sighs. "I don't know, it doesn't-yeah, sure, whatever, you're an alien."
Chewing her lip, Kara once again focuses on the TV, where the crew's now back on the Enterprise, listening to Kirk's oddly-rendered orders. Kara's not sure she's ever heard another human being talk with those kinds of pauses and inflections before.
"Am I allowed to make out with other aliens?" she checks and Alex sighs again.
"Yeah, Kara, aliens are allowed."
"Then Spock, I guess, 'cause … Leonard Nimoy?" She glances at Alex who nods her head in approval.
"And …?"
"And Sulu," says Kara, more confident now. "He's cute."
Another nod.
"And … um … Uhura."
Alex's eyebrow rises just a fraction.
"She's smart and pretty and she looks like she'd be a good kisser," Kara says with a shrug and takes a sip from her juice box. Under Alex's mildly curious - possibly slightly amused - gaze, she can feel her face start to warm a little and she doesn't know why.
Alex nudges Kara's thigh with her big toe. "You know people didn't do gay stuff back then, right?"
The straw pops out of Kara's mouth. "Really?"
"I don't mean literally, dummy. I mean, they wouldn't even have acknowledged it as a thing on TV."
"Oh," says Kara, and takes another long sip until she hears the juice run out with a slurpy, rattling sort of noise and she's sucking air.
She remembers almost a year ago, one of her teachers getting married during the summer; then, shortly after the new semester started, a classmate announcing to everyone within earshot after school one day that she liked their teacher okay, but, let's face it, it could never be a real marriage. Mindful of repeated instructions about not drawing attention to herself - even just to correct barefaced ignorance when she heard it - Kara had merely looked at Alex and rolled her eyes; but Alex was already turning to face the girl, doing that thing with her shoulders and with the way she stood that, despite her actual stature, somehow made her look bigger than everyone else, and said loudly: Yeah, I guess it's not as legit as giving your own cousin handjobs under the bleachers during prom, Belinda. Everyone had laughed and/or made ew-ing noises and Kara's horrified classmate never said anything about real or not real marriages again.
Kara tosses the empty juice box into the waste paper basket across the room and ignores Alex's muttered, "Show off."
"So, who would you …?" Kara nods at the TV.
"Make out with?" Alex shrugs. "Your picks were pretty cool," she says. The corner of her mouth curves up in a sly grin. "You know, for a repressed alien."
Within seconds, Kara's glasses are deposited on top of the coffee table and she's picking up a throw pillow and whacking Alex - careful, always - across the chest, letting the pillow drop onto her sister's lap. Clambering on top, despite the other girl's laughing groans of protest, she props her forearm against the arm of the couch beside Alex's head so's not to put all her weight on her. The fingers of her other hand dig lightly into her sister's side, ready for tickling to commence.
"So, show me your Earth ways, Alex Danvers," Kara says, while Alex presses her hands against her shoulders, trying to shove her away. Kara means the words to sound robotic and high, but, instead they come out low and oddly breathy.
"Jesus, Kara, quit it," Alex says, still laughing, still shoving. "You really need to grow up …"
Kara doesn't know why this moment is different - they roughhouse all the time - but, all of a sudden, everything starts to build up in a rush, a devastating mix of the ordinary and extraordinary: she can hear her sister's heartbeat, smell the shampoo in her hair from last night's shower and the fabric softener from her PJs, swears she can see her own reflection in the thin sheen of sweat below Alex's hairline. The sound from the television fills her ears, louder and louder, until it starts to sound like white noise - and Alex is looking up at her, eyes creased, her laughter turning into something shaky and tense, and-and-
It all feels like too much.
And Kara presses her lips against her sister's.
It's not like any of the other times she's kissed Alex - on the cheek, or close to her ear during a hug, or even that one time when Alex had turned her head unexpectedly and Kara's lips had brushed the corner of her mouth for just an instant. And it's not like on TV, not how she'd barely imagined what it would be like to kiss Spock or Sulu or even Uhura - neat and proficient and just at the right time.
Instead it's sloppy and artless and, caught off-guard, Alex's mouth is already open slightly and Kara's teeth bump against hers, and she can taste the sugar from Alex's soda as well as the flavorless lip balm she's wearing, and it lasts for maybe seven or eight seconds, long enough so that Kara can feel Alex start to breathe through her nose.
And for those last few seconds, Alex's hands stop pushing at her shoulders and everything quiets.
-and Kara hears the front door open.
"Girls! I'm back!"
Kara lunges backwards with a jolt so violent, she's certain she can feel the wooden frame crack underneath the upholstery as she grabs her glasses and shoves them back on her nose, retreating across the couch until she hits the armrest at the opposite end. Alex's eyes are wide and she's wiping the back of her hand across her mouth and scrambling for the remote control when the front door closes over again and Eliza appears at the threshold of the living room.
"They cancelled my afternoon classes," Eliza explains, dropping her keys into the bag slung across her shoulders. "So, I thought we could-oh, for goodness' sake, you two, pajamas?" She shakes her head, fondly exasperated. "Go get dressed and I'll take you out for ice-cream."
"You're taking us out for ice-cream?" Alex drawls, raising both eyebrows. She points the remote and Kara sees William Shatner disappear with a click, replaced by a shiny, black reflection of her and Alex and the space between them.
"Unless you think you're too old, Alex," Eliza sing-songs. She approaches the couch, ruffling Alex's hair with her fingers. "I just want to spend some time with both my girls before you abandon Kara and me." The broad smile she's wearing turns a little less expansive as her focus shifts to Kara. "What's wrong, sweetie? Shouldn't you be jumping up and down already, breaking my furniture?"
Too late, Kara thinks, swallowing hard; but, before she can formulate an actual response, one that might make it through the sandpaper dryness of her throat, Alex is on her feet.
"She's struck dumb with excitement," Alex says and reaches out, tugging at the sleeve of Kara's PJs. "C'mon, Kara - don't want your ten favorite flavors to run out before we get there."
They ascend the stairs in silence, Alex marching ahead, fingers now curled around Kara's wrist - tight, pulling roughly, Kara thinks, her brain automatically gauging the pressure, even through the fog of mortification and dread and thoughts of inappropriate contact with family that makes her want to be sick.
She's ruined everything between them.
Alex won't ever want to even look at her again. No more exhaustive TV marathons or hours spent studying together and quizzing each other before exams. No more long, hot days spent at the beach or cool, late nights on the roof, staring at the stars. No more whispered conversations about everything under the yellow sun and beyond while they wait to fall asleep at night. No more holding hands and comforting hugs and just knowing that Alex is there.
Watching over her, looking out for her, keeping her safe.
Kara's ruined everything with one stupid mistake.
The bedroom door shuts behind them and Alex finally lets go of her wrist.
Eyes screwed shut, Kara holds her breath, waiting for the world - once again - to explode and cast her far away from the people she loves.
"Okay, maybe not so repressed," says Alex from what sounds like the other side of the room. "A little weird, sure …"
Kara's eyes snap open. Alex's pajama pants are already tossed on top of the laundry basket, the shirt's half-unbuttoned, and she's tugging a pair of jeans up over her hips. She's grinning and shaking her head and giving Kara that look, the one that had long ago replaced the sheer embarrassment that would color her face whenever Kara did something strange, something alien.
The rush of awe and relief lasts only a second. Because Kara might not have destroyed anything, but all the no mores are real, regardless. Alex is leaving and things are going to be different and Kara loves Eliza so much, but Eliza isn't Alex.
Kara doesn't know how to exist in the world without Alex.
When Kara doesn't move, doesn't say anything - struck wordless after all - Alex's grin relaxes into a warm, crooked smile, and the spark in her eyes softens.
"It's fine, Kara," she says, then starts rummaging through the nearby chest of drawers, throwing tee-shirts onto the bed behind her.
Kara can feel her shoulders tense and she knows she's being selfish and she knows she shouldn't let the petulance she can feel build up inside of her take hold. But, of course, there's stupid, dumb, brilliant Alex, trying to make everything better again.
"Yeah, 'cause, what I did back there was fine," Kara mutters, stepping further into the room. "Everything's fine. Don't you feel just fine, Alex …"
Alex sighs, rolling her eyes. "Kara, if you're having a breakdown, can you maybe wait 'till after we-"
"You stopped pushing!"
Alex freezes, her hand curled around a faded band shirt, the one with a picture on it like the record where the four of them are crossing the street. The one with that song Alex likes.
("It's kind of a pun, their name," Alex explains, as Kara gazes at Eliza's scratchy black LP moving round and round on the dusty turntable. "They were from England," she adds with a shrug when Kara frowns, still confused.)
Alex looks at her, head tilted. "What's that?"
"You stopped pushing," Kara repeats, quieter this time, less accusatory. It almost sounds like a question.
Alex glances away for a long moment, squeezing her eyes shut, before focusing on Kara once again. "Yeah, I did, didn't I?" she says, her voice quiet, cracking a little, eyes taking on a glossy, wet shimmer. She sniffs loudly and coughs out a short laugh. "You think you're the only one who panics over imminent separation? I'm gonna miss you too, Kara. But, it's not like I'll be gone forever - there's winter break and spring break, and … what happened back there, no one died."
Moving aside the magazine opened up to an article about domestic violence in Hollywood, Kara plops down onto the end of her own bed, feet landing on the floor with a thud. "How are you so calm about this?"
Alex shrugs, a small grin pulling at the corner of her mouth. "'Cause at least there was no tongue? Even if I did get to boldly go where-"
"Oh my god!" Kara covers her face with her hands, peeking through her fingers, but, despite the lingering humiliation, she can feel herself start to smile.
Alex is openly laughing now, the pending tears from only moments ago already blinked away. She shrugs again, comically exaggerated this time. "I mean, I know it probably wasn't Uhura-good, but-"
Kara's hands drop to her knees. "Okay, this is actually helping, because now I hate you."
"No, you don't. You're my sister and you love me." Alex swaps the pajama top for the tee-shirt, slipping it over her head and pulling it down until it reaches her jeans. She keeps her arms open. "We're gonna be fine, Kara. I promise. Now, come here and gimme a hug."
Kara gets up off the bed and shuffles over, wrapping her arms around Alex - careful - resting her cheek against her shoulder. It's soothing, reassuring, easy - like everything Alex. She can feel the tension start to lift and-
"Kara! Alex! What's taking you so long? Honestly …"
She lifts her head, hears her sister's heavy sigh.
"God, her timing really does suck," Alex groans.
Kara smiles.
Like almost everything.