A little fic spawned from listening to Pink Floyd's song "Mother", not quite sure why it spawned this but it did! Maybe just because the line about helping to build the wall. Pink Floyd always makes me think of Schu. Anyhow, Schuldich's ramblings are there as an attempt for him to distinguish himself from all the other voices out there, and within the rantings a little about Schu's past comes out. Enjoy! ;)
"So I was sitting there and just waiting you know? I mean there were so many other people there and I was getting so tired of waiting but I knew it would totally drain me if I altered everyone's minds cause I didn't know who was next and there were so many people there, and I was tired as it was, and all I wanted was to get out of there and go to sleep cause I was so tired. Tired, drained." Crawford waited for Schuldich to resume speaking, and when the telepath remained silent, he prodded for the conversation.
"So what happened then Schuldich? Did you get to see him?" Schuldich's eyes seemed to re-focus, as he took a deep breath before resuming his speech.
"It had reminded me of this one time when I was really young, one of my only memories of being a kid, and I mean truly being a kid, when my parents took me on a trip to Switzerland cause I had been begging for weeks about getting a real Swiss cuckoo clock, and it was during the summer so papa had time off from his job and they were taking me to Switzerland to buy me a clock, think Bradley my parents buying me a cuckoo clock! You know the ones that when they hit the new hour a little bird comes out and goes "cuckoo" at you? Have you ever seen a real cuckoo clock Bradley? I wish I still had it, it was really nice." Crawford stroked his German's hair, nodding that he was paying attention.
"No I haven't. It sounded like a beautiful clock Schu."
"It was! I picked it out too, just went right in and picked it out. Like the time we were down in the market, and papa wasn't there, so mama took me to the corner where all the people who sold sweets were, and she let me pick out anything I wanted, and I looked over it all, and it all looked so good and I wanted it all but then I saw it, and I wanted it so badly. You just don't understand Bradley, we had so little money and fruit was so expensive and we never had any around the house so the thought of getting fruit and candy together was so compelling so she bought me a candy-apple, they have those in America right? Of course they do, but anyways so she bought it for me and she looked so happy when I bit into it and I loved it and I let her have some and she hugged me and that's how my childhood should have been Bradley why did everything change so suddenly why couldn't it have just been me and mama why?" Tears began falling down the German's cheeks, and Crawford simply held
him tighter, not liking the tears but knowing they were a good sign. Schuldich was able to concentrate on his thoughts strongly enough to evoke emotion, and that sign was a welcome one, no matter how painful it was to watch.
"Schu, darling, don't cry. At least you had moments like that to cherish with her and hold in your memory. She cared about you."
"No she didn't Bradley, if she had she would have left him and taken me and we would have gone somewhere nice and my life would have been good and not bad but it was horrible and it was all his fault, his fault and her fault because she never left him and kept me there with her and he hated me for that because she loved me more than him, but she never truly loved me Bradley! She used me to keep him from beating her all the time because he didn't like beating me but he did anyway! He beat me and that was all her fault too, everything was her fault! My whole life her fault, everything about me..." Schuldich seemed to be struggling for air, his breath coming out in ragged gasps, his body convulsing as he shook his head.
"Schuldich, you never did describe that cuckoo clock to me. Why don't you do that now? Listen to me, I'm holding you in my arms, can you feel me? I'm holding your hand liebe; don't you feel me? Look at me Schu; don't you see me? Can't you hear me? Tell me about that clock." Crawford squeezed the German's hand, his other hand gripping Schuldich's chin, forcing the German to look at him. Schuldich's eyes focused on his again, tears forming yet a second time.
"It's so hard Bradley, I'm so tired."
"Keep fighting it liebe, it's almost over now." Bradley's fingers stroked the German's cheek, as he remained staring into the German's eyes. "Now tell me about that clock." Schuldich forced a smile to his lips, trying to focus his thoughts.
"It was handcrafted in the shop, I picked out the model of one that was already finished, and they let me go to the back and watch as they assembled a new one, just for me. Dark wood, maybe it was mahogany, I don't know, don't remember. I remember watching as they put together the bird, and put it in the clock and all I wanted to do was wind the clock around and hear it go cuckoo, I could have amused myself with that clock for days, days Bradley! No joke, it was so magnificent, I loved it. And every time the clock struck a new hour, every time it struck a new, it would, the bird, it-"
"What would happen Schu? What would the bird do? Look at me liebe and tell me what would happen." Crawford gripped the German's head in his hands, watching in fear as his beloved twisted and jerked about; listened as the German's lips moved and hushed whispers came through on his lips "Are you ready to ring in the new year? It's almost time look!! Hey have you seen Miko I don't wanna ring in the new year without her! Kiss me when the countdown's over! I'll kiss you all through the countdown! I wonder how the fireworks will look? I want a big explo-"
Crawford had no choice left, as his eyes quickly darted around the room, praying that no one would come around tonight. He closed his eyes, gripping Schuldich to him in a tight embrace, as he slowly opened his mind to the German, hearing the sudden blare of voices the redhead was hearing; once Schuldich's presence in his head was certain, Crawford focused on Schuldich's voice, as he put up his mental barriers again, this time housing a second mind inside his own. He was aware of Schuldich going limp in his arms, but knew enough to not be worried; this was natural. He waited at least ten minutes, and finally took down the barriers again. There was nothing but pure silence in the German's head, as he knew the redhead was asleep. Crawford himself felt absolutely exhausted, his mind not used to such extreme efforts at shielding someone else. As he held Schuldich in his arms, he immediately fell asleep, his mouth pressed softly to Schuldich's forehead.
Outside in the streets, crowds were buzzing about, the after-effects of the newest year's celebratory events still fresh in their minds. The fireworks had been spectacular, the night was cool and calm, and everyone was happily in someone's arms, sharing in the excitement of the New Year. There were people singing, people cheering, people screaming and yelling. But to the sleeping German, nestled in the arms of his American lover, there was but pure silence. The only New Year's gift worth celebrating.
"So I was sitting there and just waiting you know? I mean there were so many other people there and I was getting so tired of waiting but I knew it would totally drain me if I altered everyone's minds cause I didn't know who was next and there were so many people there, and I was tired as it was, and all I wanted was to get out of there and go to sleep cause I was so tired. Tired, drained." Crawford waited for Schuldich to resume speaking, and when the telepath remained silent, he prodded for the conversation.
"So what happened then Schuldich? Did you get to see him?" Schuldich's eyes seemed to re-focus, as he took a deep breath before resuming his speech.
"It had reminded me of this one time when I was really young, one of my only memories of being a kid, and I mean truly being a kid, when my parents took me on a trip to Switzerland cause I had been begging for weeks about getting a real Swiss cuckoo clock, and it was during the summer so papa had time off from his job and they were taking me to Switzerland to buy me a clock, think Bradley my parents buying me a cuckoo clock! You know the ones that when they hit the new hour a little bird comes out and goes "cuckoo" at you? Have you ever seen a real cuckoo clock Bradley? I wish I still had it, it was really nice." Crawford stroked his German's hair, nodding that he was paying attention.
"No I haven't. It sounded like a beautiful clock Schu."
"It was! I picked it out too, just went right in and picked it out. Like the time we were down in the market, and papa wasn't there, so mama took me to the corner where all the people who sold sweets were, and she let me pick out anything I wanted, and I looked over it all, and it all looked so good and I wanted it all but then I saw it, and I wanted it so badly. You just don't understand Bradley, we had so little money and fruit was so expensive and we never had any around the house so the thought of getting fruit and candy together was so compelling so she bought me a candy-apple, they have those in America right? Of course they do, but anyways so she bought it for me and she looked so happy when I bit into it and I loved it and I let her have some and she hugged me and that's how my childhood should have been Bradley why did everything change so suddenly why couldn't it have just been me and mama why?" Tears began falling down the German's cheeks, and Crawford simply held
him tighter, not liking the tears but knowing they were a good sign. Schuldich was able to concentrate on his thoughts strongly enough to evoke emotion, and that sign was a welcome one, no matter how painful it was to watch.
"Schu, darling, don't cry. At least you had moments like that to cherish with her and hold in your memory. She cared about you."
"No she didn't Bradley, if she had she would have left him and taken me and we would have gone somewhere nice and my life would have been good and not bad but it was horrible and it was all his fault, his fault and her fault because she never left him and kept me there with her and he hated me for that because she loved me more than him, but she never truly loved me Bradley! She used me to keep him from beating her all the time because he didn't like beating me but he did anyway! He beat me and that was all her fault too, everything was her fault! My whole life her fault, everything about me..." Schuldich seemed to be struggling for air, his breath coming out in ragged gasps, his body convulsing as he shook his head.
"Schuldich, you never did describe that cuckoo clock to me. Why don't you do that now? Listen to me, I'm holding you in my arms, can you feel me? I'm holding your hand liebe; don't you feel me? Look at me Schu; don't you see me? Can't you hear me? Tell me about that clock." Crawford squeezed the German's hand, his other hand gripping Schuldich's chin, forcing the German to look at him. Schuldich's eyes focused on his again, tears forming yet a second time.
"It's so hard Bradley, I'm so tired."
"Keep fighting it liebe, it's almost over now." Bradley's fingers stroked the German's cheek, as he remained staring into the German's eyes. "Now tell me about that clock." Schuldich forced a smile to his lips, trying to focus his thoughts.
"It was handcrafted in the shop, I picked out the model of one that was already finished, and they let me go to the back and watch as they assembled a new one, just for me. Dark wood, maybe it was mahogany, I don't know, don't remember. I remember watching as they put together the bird, and put it in the clock and all I wanted to do was wind the clock around and hear it go cuckoo, I could have amused myself with that clock for days, days Bradley! No joke, it was so magnificent, I loved it. And every time the clock struck a new hour, every time it struck a new, it would, the bird, it-"
"What would happen Schu? What would the bird do? Look at me liebe and tell me what would happen." Crawford gripped the German's head in his hands, watching in fear as his beloved twisted and jerked about; listened as the German's lips moved and hushed whispers came through on his lips "Are you ready to ring in the new year? It's almost time look!! Hey have you seen Miko I don't wanna ring in the new year without her! Kiss me when the countdown's over! I'll kiss you all through the countdown! I wonder how the fireworks will look? I want a big explo-"
Crawford had no choice left, as his eyes quickly darted around the room, praying that no one would come around tonight. He closed his eyes, gripping Schuldich to him in a tight embrace, as he slowly opened his mind to the German, hearing the sudden blare of voices the redhead was hearing; once Schuldich's presence in his head was certain, Crawford focused on Schuldich's voice, as he put up his mental barriers again, this time housing a second mind inside his own. He was aware of Schuldich going limp in his arms, but knew enough to not be worried; this was natural. He waited at least ten minutes, and finally took down the barriers again. There was nothing but pure silence in the German's head, as he knew the redhead was asleep. Crawford himself felt absolutely exhausted, his mind not used to such extreme efforts at shielding someone else. As he held Schuldich in his arms, he immediately fell asleep, his mouth pressed softly to Schuldich's forehead.
Outside in the streets, crowds were buzzing about, the after-effects of the newest year's celebratory events still fresh in their minds. The fireworks had been spectacular, the night was cool and calm, and everyone was happily in someone's arms, sharing in the excitement of the New Year. There were people singing, people cheering, people screaming and yelling. But to the sleeping German, nestled in the arms of his American lover, there was but pure silence. The only New Year's gift worth celebrating.