Son of the Flash, Mate of the Fox: The Un-touchable Naruto Uzumaki

Son of the Flash, Mate of the Fox: The Un-touchable Naruto Uzumaki!

"blah"- normal speech

'bah' normal thinking

"Jutsu"

"Kyuubi talking/ demonic Naruto"

'Kyuubithinking'

"Naruto and Kyuubi at the same time/ lyrics"

Ch 1 Consequences: You interrupted my sex, now die!

Naruto sighed as he tried to disentangle himself from his mate, and the sheets, without waking him, but, try as he might, he wasn't so lucky.

The deep yet alluring voice of his mate stopped him in his tracks, "Ne, Naru-chan, where are you going?"

"I need to go Kyuu, my team."

"Who cares about them, I was going to try something new."

Naruto raised an eyebrow, "Ooh, what?"

Kyuu sat up and whispered something into Naruto's ear, "Now can they wait?"

Naruto gave his patented fox-grin, which was met by Kyuubi's vulpine grin, "I guess I can put the team on hold, if Kyuubi-sama desires it."

Kyuubi chuckled, "That gives me another idea…"

Naruto leaned in to kiss Kyuubi but was stopped dead by a loud banging sound echoing through his mind, "Naru, don't."

"But if I don't they'll burst in, than we'll have to limit our time together more."

Kyuubi turned away and gave a childish pout, "Fine, be that way."

"Kyuu."

"What?" Kyuu turned his head towards Naruto, only for Naruto to steal a quick kiss.

"Love you."

As Naruto started fading away Kyuubi said, "Love you too, and Nice ass!"

As Naruto woke up in his apartment, in an extremely bad mood, he quickly rushed to find some clean clothes and a pair of boxers too. Fortunately, all the jumpsuits were dirty, so he threw on a pair of black ANBU pants along with a tight tank-top that clung to his upper body, revealing his muscular chest and his six pack, finally he threw on his sandals and rushed to the door and opened the door before Sakura could knock it down.

"Yes?"

"Be careful sexy, you can't hide frustration easily."

'I'll try.'

"Hi, ready to go?"

Sakura looked at him in amazement, "N-naruto?"

Naruto raised an eyebrow, "Yes Sakura?"

This made everybody double take and think 'Whoa, did he just drop the –chan off of Sakura's name?!'

Naruto's fuse was quickly running out as he stepped out the door and closed it, "Let's go people, I've got things to see and a person to fuck."

"I'm flattered."

The rest of team seven was dumbstruck, was this their Naruto? They followed him to the training grounds.

Team seven sat on the bridge, waiting for Kakashi to explain what they were doing today.

"Alright team, there were no missions --"

Naruto scoffed, "More like you were too lazy to arrive on time to get one."

"-- So I'll be helping Sakura build her reserves while Naruto and Sasuke spar."

Naruto was tuning Kakashi out by singing in his head with Kyuubi.

"You bet I'll hold on tight…"

"'Cause I'm gonna love you nice…"

"I'm gonna do it right…'

"Let me light a fire in you tonight!"

"My eyes have never seen someone who looks like you."

'I wonder if you dream of my hands loving you…'

"Because I know I do, everyday and every night"

'And I know I'll lose control, if I can't crush this appetite.."

"This dream is eating me alive…"

'This dream is eating me alive…'

"Can't you see I'm burning up inside..."

'Can't you see I'm burning up inside…'

"I pray I will not be denied!"

"NARUTO!"

Naruto snapped out of his trance, "Yes Kakashi?"

"Did you hear a single word I said?"

Naruto grinned, "Nope."

Kakashi sighed, "What am I going to do with you?"

"But from Sasuke's insistent twitching, I can assume that we're sparring while you help pinky over there."

Inside of Naruto's mind however was a different story there was a Chibi-naru running around Kyuu's cage screaming about the injustices being served to him today, while Kyuu laughed in amusement.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!!"

"My lord and master," "Yes?" "Not you, well not right now, that was last week. I haven't heard someone scream that loud since your first time around."

Naruto winced, and laughed inwardly at Kyuubi's comment, as Sakura screamed into his ear than proceeded to scream back, "I CALLED YOU PINKY YOU BANSHEE OF A BITCH! NOW GO FUCK OFF WHILE I PROCEED TO PURPOSELY LOSE TO THE POMPOUS UCHIHA OT KEEP HIS FUCKING EGO GLOATED!"

Everybody seemed to shrink at the amount of killing intent rolling off Naruto and the sheer volume of his voice.

As Naruto calmed down, he glared at Kakashi, "Screw the councils orders, I'm going all out and kicking his ass."

Kakashi was shocked, but not surprised, "Fine, but try to at least keep him alive, no Rakari."

"Fine. Let's go bitch, I don't have all day!" Naruto stomped off towards the clearing.

Sasuke gave Kakashi a glare, but he only smiled and said in a hyper voice, "Finally, I'll get to see Naruto hand your ass to you! This is sooooo going on youtube!"

Sasuke stormed off to the clearing while Kakashi pulled out a video camera, 'I never did like that ass, Asuma-kun's is much better!'

Sasuke slid into his families Interceptor stance, "C'mon dobe, let's go."

Sasuke tensed as Naruto reached into his pocket and pulled out a scroll, only to lose his composure when Naruto unsealed a stereo, "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Shut up, the world doesn't revolve around you!" Naruto said as he put a CD in and put it on track 2 and pressed play.

Naruto grinned as the song started, "Choose your destiny. Flawless victory. Choose your destiny. Flawless victory. MORTAL KOMBAT! FIGHT!"

With the word 'Fight' Naruto disappeared in a blur only to appear in Sasuke's face and punch him in the stomach, causing him to double over, than grabbed him by the hair and repeatedly bashed his face into his knee. As Naruto lifted Sasuke's head up, revealing the Uchiha's bloody face from the broken nose he received, "Whose the dobe now?"

Naruto let go of the Sasuke's head and Sasuke to tried to punch him, only Naruto caught the fist and simply broke his wrist than sent him flying by giving him a punishing kick to the ribs.

Sasuke stood up on shaky legs, his nose, right wrist and six or seven of his ribs were broken. 'What the hell!' "Screw playing around Sharingan!"

Naruto sighed as he heard Sasuke activate his blood line, 'Kyuu, why did you give the Uchiha's a blood line?'

Naruto felt, and saw, Kyuu give a sheepish smile, "The few I met had nice asses and weren't power crazy, like Itachi for example, I believe that part of the clan lives on an island in wave country."

Naruto dodged a punch from Sasuke, 'Nice asses? Are you that easy?'

"No! I was bored and it was great sex."

Naruto sighed than grabbed Sasuke's foot and elbowed it at the knee causing the cartilage to tear and his knee to bend in a way it wasn't supposed to, "Ya know, I'm tired of playing."

Naruto kicked Sasuke in the chin, sending him flying about a good twenty feet in the air with the Shadow leaf dance. Naruto appeared behind him and threw a left at his head, than a right, than he threw a three pronged kunai pass Sasuke and reappeared in front of Sasuke's eyes in a yellow flash, "Remember this, I'm the next Yellow Flash!" Than Sasuke noticed the chakra ball in Naruto's right hand, as the Kunai was in his left, and thought 'ah shit!'

Naruto grinned and shoved the sphere into Naruto's stomach, "Rasengan: Cataclysm!"

Sasuke was sent crashing into the ground, creating a shower of dust and debris. When the debris settled, it revealed a huge crater with the broken and bloodied Uchiha laying there, barley alive.

Naruto landed in a yellow flash, startling Kakashi, "Damn, all that effort, and he's still alive!"

Kakashi sighed and turned off the camera, "What put you in a foul mood today?"

Naruto turned towards Kakashi with fierce red eyes and said, "You assholes interrupted what was going to be really good sex!"

With that said, Naruto walked over to Sakura, who was crying over her broken Uchiha, and kicked her into the crater, after attaching an explosive tag to her back, "That was for all the damn times you hit me! I can't believe I faked liking you for so long, I don't even like girls!"

That statement made Kakashi let loose a perverted giggle, which attracted Naruto's attention, "I'd burn your books," Kakashi gulped nervously, "But I know what kind of fun you and Asuma have with them, if the sticky pages and the smell are any indication. So be glad, you get off easy!"

Kakashi let out a relived sigh and hugged his book tightly, "Thank you Naruto! Thank you!"
Naruto grinned and walked off towards town, looking extremely cool while doing so since the explosive tag went off, to continue his rampage. Kakashi, being the good teacher he was, summoned some med-nins and disappeared before they arrived. When the med-nins arrived, they were horrified at the sight before them.

One senior nin, lets call him Rai, sighed, "Put the hospital on full alert, I want a medical staff ready for any and every type of injury."

"Yes sir" One medic said than disappeared.

"Sir, who or what could have done this?"

Rai sighed, "Last time something like this happened is when Obito Uchiha died and Kakashi Hatake, his boyfriend and bed partner, proceeded to injure all of Konoha's Shinobi force."

"Wait, one person did this?"

Rai nodded, "Yep, and there will be more to come. Now get to work! I want those two ready to be moved ASAP!"

"YES SIR!"

As the medics worked Rai let loose a whimper, "Only thing is, Yondamine-sama was the one who stopped Kakashi, but the wounds on the Uchiha suggest a Rasengan strike, so was it Uzumaki who did this? And if so, who can stop him?"

There, this Fic was a completely random thought I had to put down. If Naruto is too powerful, who care, it's for comedic purposes. If it's not very funny, I'll try to work on that. For those who are aginst slash an look at me funny for writing it, here's what I say, "A author should be well rounded and well versed in all types of writing. Besides, who doesn't, at some point in time, Picture Naruto and Kyuubi together, honestly!"

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, nor do i own the songs "Lets Light A Fire Tonight" by Aiden and the Mortal Kombat song "Techno Syndrome" by KMFDM.