My new fanfiction! :D

About the most classic and dumb ass situations the Cullen's have found themselves in! Enjoy.

Alice's POV

We were all sat in the front room. Carlisle and Esme on the loveseat. Rose and Emmett on the other couch. Jasper, Bella, Edward and I on the bean bags on the floor.

"So, what's the plan today?" Emmett shouted.

"Emmett there's no need to shout. We can hear you perfectly fine." Carlisle shouted back.

"You just shouted though!"

"To get you to stop shouting!"

"But....... Never mind. What's the plan today?"

Carlisle sighed.

"ZOOOOOOOO!!!" Jasper shouted.

"Jasper, no shouting allowed. Carlisle will get angry again!"

Carlisle sighed.

"I want to go to the zoo." I decided I would go along with my husband.

"Me too." Esme piped in.

Soon everybody had agreed to go to the zoo.

When we arrived Emmett wanted to look at the hamsters.

"Emmett, we could have gone to a pet store to look at hamsters. I want to see the penguins!" What? Penguins are cute. Emmett looked at me.

"Fine! But we'll see the hamsters next!" We all sighed.

We all started walking towards the penguins. Jasper walked next to me and whispered in my ear.

"Want me to get one for you? Nobody would know."

I laughed and nodded. Suddenly he was out of sight. A couple of seconds later he came back. With a penguin in his arms.

I squeaked.

"It's so cute! I'm calling it Colin!"

Emmett turned round and jumped back.

"You know I'm scared of penguins!"

"We're going to see the penguins Emmett."

"I know, but they're behind bars!"

"This is Colin, he wont hurt you."

Suddenly Emmett lunged at Colin and grabbed him. I screamed.

Emmett had Colin!

He started running. I followed.

I don't really understand what happened next.

One moment I saw Emmett beginning to fall. I went to stop but skidded into him and knocked him flat on his back. With me under him. And Colin right next to me. I couldn't move. Emmett was too big to budge. I was stuck.

Then Emmett and Colin were gone. And Jasper had picked me up.

The rest of our family was stood behind Jasper. They were all laughing.

"Right, thank you Emmett. You have ruined another perfectly good day out! I'm going home!" I cried. I ran off with Jasper hot on my heels.

When we got home we went to our bedroom.

"Do you want me to do a strip tease for you love?"

I nodded, he always knew how to cheer me up. (Thank you Hannah for this idea. You genius!)

He put some tunes on. I sat on the bed ready. It's so funny when he does this. He looks like a moron. He thinks I really enjoy it though. Poor Jasper.

Rosalie's POV

The next few moments were the worst of my life.

I followed Alice and Jasper home. I didn't want to stay at the zoo. The most dumb ass idea I've ever heard. Vampire's at the zoo? Pathetic.

So I went to see if she was OK. Big mistake.

There was Jasper in his little shorty shorts and Alice in hysterics watching him.

I coughed just as he was taking these little shorty shorts off.

He screamed like a baby when he saw me and when bright red. I smirked and threw his pants back. This made Alice laugh even more.

"I didn't know you were a stripped Jasper. Wait til Emmett hears this!"

Jasper went to run after me. Big mistake number two.

He hadn't put his pants back on.

Everybody else had followed me home. They walked through the door just as Jasper ran through the hall way with no clothes on.

Esme screamed. Carlisle choked. Emmett and Edward burst out laughing.

"My eyes! My beautiful eyes!" I had to agree with Bella about that. It was not a pretty sight.

Jasper screamed like a girl. Again. And ran up the stairs.

Emmett nearly died he was laughing so hard. We all went and collapsed on the couch.

"Guess what?" Edward said.

Everybody shook there heads.

"Alice knew this was going to happen. She told me to film it. And I did!"

This started Emmett off again.

"Put it on youtube!" He choked out inbetween chuckles.

And so that is how the most viewed video on youtube, Jasper doing a striptease, became.

I hope you liked it. And I hope it made you laugh. It made me laugh aswell.

If you review Emmett will give you homemade burnt hot chocolates!

Fay

xx