It's been awhile, if I must say, that I've been on my own. I've been completely blocked out. By myself. I never made contact with Anakin, Lux, or even Padme. And its funny, because you'd think that after all this time, after what we've been through together, we'd have this special type of friendship where we'd keep in touch, no matter the distance. But we don't, and that's unfortunate. But I have been in contact with Obi-wan every now and than. Being the good friend he is, he wanted to make sure I was okay. Not that I was, but I'd tell him otherwise. I've found it a lot easier to say I'm fine than explain all the reasons why I'm not.
Obi-wan has been telling me how Anakin's been holding up. He's okay. At least thats what he tells me, but its not what I'm sense from him. Anakin has been shutting everyone out a lot lately. Not that anyone blames him. The council hasn't been sending him onto missions yet. They're worried his feelings will distract him. But staying back at the temple hasn't exactly helped him either. It just reminds him that he won't be having a sparring session every morning, or make plans to meet in the mess hall, or even go on missions and go to briefings with his padawan. I guess it's hard for me just as its hard for him. It's not easy losing someone you're so close to.
I think the only reason Lux and I don't speak is because he doesn't really quite know. I haven't really gotten around to telling anybody, let alone actually speaking. Maybe he's too busy with his career. Not that it really matters, but maybe we will meet again one day. Like we always do, always unplanned. I smiled, because thats how it exactly is going to be like.
I don't really have an excuse for Padme. If she wanted to talk to me, she would. Or, maybe, its just that she's waiting for me to open up first. To be ready when I am. Or not. Maybe its best not to even think about paying her a visit.
The last time I've spoken to Obi-wan was a few days ago. Like, 2. He had suggested I pay Anakin a visit. I want to, but he said I should wait first. Until I'm really ready. But I don't think thats the reason, I think the real reason is that Anakin isn't exactly ready. He's not fine. Not that Obi-wan would tell me that, but its the truth. Anakin has been sending messages through our shared bond. But I don't say anything. And if I do, I don't see that solving anything. But I will see him, talk to him again. Some day, maybe soon.
I'm not really sure what my intentions are. Well, I have been providing well for myself. I get by, live alone, and train more and more each day. Just because I walked away from the order, doesn't mean I want to forget about who I am. Being a Jedi... is a part of me. Even if it may not live through me now, its still me.
(A/N Okay, so we've had this idea to write something new, and we've already made our minds up about the first few chapters. Like always, we're updating each chapter one-by-one. So please stay tuned. Thanks)