AN: Here's chapter one redo. Almost nothing has changed. A few phrases here and there, and some grammer corrections, but nothing notable or important to the story. Anyway if you're re-reading thank you. If you're a new reader, then read and review. I like CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.
Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, or form own Naruto. Nor do I take credit for the play "Taming the Shrew" or the movie "Ten Things I Hate about You".
Chapter One
"Are you gay?"
"Are you?"
"What the hell type of question is that!"
Shikamaru Nara sighed his signature heavy, haven't slept in months sigh. The seventeen year old boy looked at his female companion. He couldn't understand her. Why are women so obnoxious? Whatever, I'm going back to sleep.
Smack!
Or not.
"Why the hell did you ask me if I'm gay!" The blond girl's face grew redder by the moment, demanding his answer post haste. He didn't like getting hit.
"Temari, you asked first, so what's the issue?"
Temari Sabaku breathed her own sigh. She liked Shikamaru, really she did, but at times, she barely contained the urge to wring his neck.
"OK number one, you know I'm not a lez. I just don't appreciate hormonal, drooling boys grabbing my ass. Number two, you haven't answered my question. Number three, I'm justified in asking because I've never once seen you show interest in a girl, or even a woman."
"Phtt you woke me up for that. Relationships are bothersome. Happy. I'm going back to sleep."
"God you're annoying, and don't bother. Class is starting in five."
Yeah, like Shikamaru Nara, the laziest of the lazy, was going to let a silly class keep him from sleep. Right now he was sitting in his 7:25 AM history class, the first period of the eight hour high school day...did he mention it was 7:25 AM? Why the on earth the school system thought teenagers learned at 7:25 AM was a mystery to him. Whatever. Nap time.
"Sabaku smack Nara and wake him up. I want to start."
Smack.
Bitch.
The black-haired teen lifted his head into his hand. Apparently sleep was not an option. He would have glared at the smiling bitch of a blond friend if it didn't take energy. Instead, he tuned into his surroundings.
Not a single change was apparent in the room since last Friday. Brightly colored posters of famous leaders and special days in history that he could care less about littered the walls. Because dwelling on how much he hated history was entirely pointless (he couldn't get out of the class), Shikamaru dwelt on how much he hated those posters (also pointless, but less depressing); their only purpose was to give the room some personality, because nobody actually read them. Fail: it's physically impossible to give a high school classroom character. Small, overly crowded rooms with bland, chipped paint have no aesthetic potential, and meaningless pictures only intensify the dreariness.
Shikamaru switched his focus to his classmates before his face fell apart in a sick impersonation of the walls. Thirty or so students occupied the room. Definitely no change. Jocks, pot heads, Goths, nerds, etc. were crammed together in a group of people never meant to mix. In fact, he didn't remember a single one of their names, even though they'd been in the same class for four months.
He hated school.
"Nara! I asked you a question. Nara! When I'm talking I expect you to pay attention. Now answer me!"
Why did teachers waste their breath? They know he never listened and could care less if they lectured him. Hell, they could send him to the principle for all he cared. Still, Mr. Oshiro, a fat, old man with a mouth too big for his rampant stupidity, refused to give up.
"Don't know. Didn't hear the question."
"Of course not. Detention. Can anyone else enlighten us with an answer?"
God, Shikamaru hated Mondays. As predicted, some brown-noser raised her hand and gave a text book answer she had no doubt spent all weekend memorizing in the off chance this particular subject came up. He put his head back on his desk. Oshiro could yell till he was blue in the face for all he cared. Finally the bell rang, dismissing them. How exciting, just six more classes…man what a drag.
"Are you going to answer my question," Temari asked.
"What're you talking about?" How many questions do these people have!
"Are you gay?"
Shutting his eyes and praying for Temari to disappear was obviously ineffective, so he figured he might as well humor her. Troublesome. "I already told you. Relationships are too much work."
"I heard that, but that doesn't tell me if you're gay. What I want to know is are you attracted to males? You know, the Homo sapiens with dicks."
"Unnecessary. I don't plan on getting into a relationship, so I don't think about it."
"You don't know! You're insane! Fine you don't want a relationship, but a hand only lasts for so long. Wait, I bet you don't even jack off! 'Too troublesome' right?"
"What is with you? Are you trying to proposition me? Tired of your hand already?"
Temari blushed scarlet and stormed off, muttering about assholes and wishful thinking. Shikamaru smirked. I should've thought of that sooner. Temari was a great friend, reliable to a fault, but when she decided she wanted to know something, she was damn persistent. Whatever. Time for 2nd period…math? Yeah math.
Shikamaru would have enjoyed math if it wasn't at 8:15 AM. He liked the simple logic of numbers; they were quieter than people too. He initially cursed his uncharacteristic enthusiasm for the subject, because it landed him in the advanced class, but then he met Kakashi Hatake. The genius mathematician was like him: lazy as hell. Kakashi rarely did anything; usually he handed them a worksheet or assigned them a page in their textbook, and let them have at it. Even better though, was the chronic tardiness. Sometimes class was half over before he showed. The more sleep the better- not that Kakashi cared if he slept. He assumed his pose at his desk and drifted off.
He didn't wake until the next bell. Blinking bleary eyes, he saw his fellow classmates picking up their things. Kakashi was at his desk, feet perched comfortably on the hard wood, and reading what appeared to be a porn book.
"Have a nice nap Nara?"
To his left, Sasuke Uchiha impatiently waited. The two weren't slumber party close, but they were still friends. Both were exceedingly smart and rather distant; they understood each other, err go Sasuke not bothering to wake him. And of course, Sasuke was preparing for next class.
See, Sasuke was a quiet guy, always calm and composed… unless Naruto Uzamaki was around. Naruto and Shikamaru were on good terms- actually he liked Naruto's enthusiasm at lower volumes- but Sasuke and Naruto were complete opposites, right down to their looks. Naruto was a sunny, go-lucky kinda guy, while Sasuke was more of the dark, brooding type. It was surprising how often they ran into each other considering Naruto was a senior and Sasuke a junior. Well, almost surprising. If Temari wanted to take interest in someone's sexuality, she should start with those two. Numerous times Shikamaru found himself escorting one or the other, or both, to the infirmary after one of their sexually charged brawls. Anyway, Sasuke, normally the ever so diligent student, had been using their advanced math class to mentally steady himself for his third period debate class, in which he was enclosed into a small space with none other than Naruto Uzamaki. Shikamaru preferred to mind his own business, but seriously, which FUCKING moron approved that class roster: everyone in the entire school knew about them.
"Kakashi assigned page 274, problems 12-47 for homework, in case you're interested," said Sasuke, as they strolled down the hall.
"Thanks. Not that it matters. He never checks."
"Yes, but some of us need practice to stay on tract. Not everyone is a…" Sasuke suddenly trailed off. Only one thing caused that reaction. Mother Fucker. It's way too early for this.
"Shikamaru! Hey did you finish the Biology homework?" Yep, there was Naruto in the flesh, all smiles and sunshine.
"Idiot can't you see Nara and I are talking. Find someone else to cheat off," grated out Sasuke. Salivating teenagers were already gathering in the narrow school corridor, swarming to a prospective fight like bees swarm to honey. How pathetic.
"Bastard!" Naruto's blue eyes narrowed dangerously. "What the hell's your problem? I was just asking a fucking question. No need to get your panties in a twist." Sasuke snarled viciously. Yeah who ever put those two in a debate class together was fucked in the head.
Shikamaru wisely double back, escaping before he could be further dragged into the escalating conflict. He'd rather take the long way to his next class. It's going to be a long day.