It was a Saturday morning in Forks Washington I looked out my bedroom window only to be greeted by dark cloud cover and the promise of rain. I felt terrible today; even the promise of Edwards face didn't seem to calm the new hole ripping itself open inside of me. I didn't know what was wrong; I had to be crazy.

Edward was back! He loved me and I had my fairytale again.

I laid back on my bed feeling like taking a shower would be too much effort. Charlie was at work or out fishing or something I couldn't keep up and I really didn't care. All I know is that he mumbled something about Billy on his way out which in my head immediately screamed Jacob.

I hadn't seen him in weeks and I could not shake the pain thinking he may be going through anything similar to how I felt no, how I ceased to exist when Edward left me.

The word trust between Edward and I was just that, a word. I knew he loved me and I him but somewhere I was still broken and wary it would happen again. I felt like I didn't deserve him. His perfection was still intimidating and I sometimes wondered if that was healthy. He was gone for the day, off hunting. I'd finally come to a point where I could tolerate his absence.

But could Jacob tolerate mine, he was there for me and deserved better. I felt like I hadn't had a moment truly to myself in the weeks since I'd last seem him. My days were kept superficially busy, I tried not to let my mind wander. I kept my hands in something, anything not to think of him. At night I couldn't escape it, Jacob frequently showed up in my dreams.

It was always the same scene, Jacob and I reaching to each other and me being held back. I screamed to Jake and struggled against Edward. The strongest emotion in my dream was hatred for Edward for keeping me from Jacob. My attempts were futile, It felt like I was writhing against concrete. Jacob called my name but was frozen in place. I always woke up screaming.

If Edward was watching me sleep he had to know, one night he questioned me saying I screamed out "I hate you, let me go!" I lied and said it was about James. Edward knew I was lying.

I was going to go insane if I couldn't see Jacob I need just one fix to keep me going. The whole vampire and werewolf war still seemed unreal to me. After all I had been through and seen I just couldn't comprehend what I was in the center of. I refused to believe it at times. This was one of them.

I willed myself to get ready which once the promise of Jacob's smile shown in my head I found myself dressed and in the truck before I could grasp how I got there. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before backing out of the driveway.

La Push, probably the last place I should be, but Charlie he wants me to... I began in my head then choked a hard laugh. That doesn't justify this.

I was going directly against Edward. This was betrayal the word lingered in my mind.

My thoughts were clouded as I drove quickly as my truck would allow.

Then as in a time that felt so long ago I heard a voice, not velvet but harsh and angry telling me to go back. The delusion was strong enough to send me swerving to the side of the rode stomping the break almost too late. The truck came to a harsher stop than I would have liked and I started to hyperventilate as I saw trees and shrubs fill my windshield.

What was I doing? I should go back

No. I hushed the voices in my head

"NO!" I screamed at the top of my lungs though it came out almost as a harsh growl due to my ragged breathing.

"Bella! turn around now" Edwards irate voice boomed in my head and made me physically wince.

I took a deep breath and pressed my lips in a straight line. "Fuck it."

I owe Jacob this much I thought in defiance as I backed my truck out of the brush. The low growl in my head stopped when I reached the reservation.

I was suddenly aware of the volume my truck produced when I pulled into Jakes driveway.

From the outside the house looked dead, dark and still. I felt any icy breeze pass through me as I stepped out of the truck, it was a silent warning urging me to leave.

As stealthily as I could muster I slipped out of the truck and walked quickly up his drive way. The door was unlocked, typical a supernatural war was looming and they had the door open.

"Billy?" I whispered so low only I could hear throwing quick glances around the small house.

"Jacob?" my mouth moved but it made little sound. I walked down the narrow hallway and looked in Jacob's room the door was cracked, I pushed it open wider, it squeaked.

The sound shook me, I turned quicker than I thought possible on my heals ready to run.

Jacob turned in bed and woke with a start, "What?" he managed through hazy eyes.

I turned then to look at him, He lay in bed shirtless rubbing his eyes. I took in the sight, his brown skin highlighted by light peaking through the blinds, his even more toned and muscular body and his hair. That long black hair was starting to grow back.

He really was kinda beautiful I smiled crookedly as I appraised.

"Bella?"

The voice was shocked but joyful.

I smiled widely now and approached his bedside, "Jacob!"

"Bella!" He said again this time almost with contempt.

Before I knew it he had spun me around and trapped against the wall with his long hard arms.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded fiercely

My mind wasn't quick enough to react with him looming over me. I was confused at Jacob's sudden change and shaking under his cold stare.

"Answer me!"

"Does this have anything to do with that bloodsucker? Is he here because…"

Jacob took one arm off of the wall and swung his head around harshly as if searching for something.

I could feel water threatening to wet my eyes. "No Jacob I…"

"You?" he pressed still harshly returning his arm to hold me in.

He stared at me again but his eyes were softer searching mine, wide and curious I could see the cute boy I met on the beach so many moons ago.

I raised my hand and touched his arm, so warm. He put it down.

"Jacob I just needed to see you, the separation was killing me and…"

His face changed to sadness and he took an apologetic step backwards.

"Bells" he sighed, "You made your choice" he said turning away.

"But Jake I missed you so much"

"I missed you too Bells" he said returning to take my hands "More than you'll ever know" sincerity burned in his brown eyes.

"Jake" I sighed and reached up to touch that beautiful hair which now reached his ear.

"Is there really No way we can be friends?"

I suddenly felt like a little girl in way over her head as Jake took my hand gently and placed it at my side "No"

"No Bella" he said again with remorse. "You really shouldn't even be here now"

"You should go"

The three words floated in the air, which now tasted stale. Jake was sitting on his bed one elbow on his knee holding his head up. His fingers rested gently over his mouth and his eyes were closed tightly.

I walked to the door slowly I winced as I heard the familiar creek. I turned to see Jacob for what may be the last time, if I wanted to maintain peace.

Jacob met my gaze looking defeated but as if he was trying to burn the image into his mind. I started to walk away saying goodbye would make it too final.

Halfway to the front door I faintly heard words that weren't meant for my ears

"Dammit Bella. I loved you."

I stopped cold, had he ever said those words in that order to me? In the silence they held so much power.

I quickened my pace, I had to get out it was too much. I looked straight ahead as I left as if the world was ending behind and survival depended on it.

"Bella!" I heard a desperate call and heavy footsteps "Wait!"

I turned. God, the end of the world was beautiful.

Jacob placed a long lean arm on my shoulder, "Jacob" I started levelheaded.

"I understand… really and I don't want you to get hurt because of me." My words started to run together as I tried avoiding his gaze.

"Please don't make this harder than it is!" I begged glancing upward.

His eyes were wild, I couldn't read them, "Bella no, I mean nothing has changed… "

"Jake" I said defiant "Really I should…" I said edging my way to the door.

He grabbed my hands and captured my eyes the warmth gave me shivers. "There is just something, one thing I need to know?"

"Yes Jacob?" Level head was gone I was hopelessly lost again. He had such powers over me, more than he knew.

"That day, the one so long ago when you kissed me on the shoulder, it felt like…"

Those few words hit me like a brick; I remembered that day vividly. But I had to set Jacob straight.

"Jake you know my choice… I'm Sorry." My voice was tiny.

Jacob turned his head and let out a low snarl.

"I hate this too" I looked down

He turned back to me with big eyes "Please Bella just let me finish."

I submitted.

"Bella that day it felt like" he let my hands go to push hair from my face.

"It felt like you loved me almost like you had decided to, I don't know give yourself to me. You had been so guarded. When you kissed me it, well it felt like a new start"

He laid his hand on my cheek, "I would have accepted Bella. I love you and I would do anything for you."

"Anything" he repeated.

I laid my hand on top of his. And looked up into his eyes. "I love you too Jacob." We stood like that for a while; the moment had an unplanned intensity.

The excitement I saw flash through his eyes was frightening. I paused planning my next words, how to break the beautiful silence with something that would undoubtedly shatter his heart and spirit.

He beat me to it "But only as a friend."

I sighed and nodded.

Bella I know even the thought is dangerous but this may be the last time I see you and I just need to know.

I knew what was coming. But I couldn't let it. I was admittedly curious but faithful to Edward. Yet in that moment the name seemed so foreign.

There we stood awkwardly bodies so close looking into each other's eyes. The gentle giant and the defiant child.

He closed his eyes as he moved downward closing the space between us. I closed mine in anticipation and fear, at the last moment I turned my head and felt his lips softly graze my cheek, my heart skipped a beat.

For a moment I forgot my protest.

Then messily mumbled "I can't...Edward."

My eyes shot open and my breath caught in my throat. Jacob stayed calm.

He cupped my face in his hands and looked to me with nothing but love.

"Bella, it's just a kiss." The blatant ness of his statement sent an electric shock down my spine.

"I know you want to try Bells, your heart is beating out of your chest and your trembling." There was a sly smile in the corner of his lips at those words, obviously enjoying how easily he excited me.

And he was right my body was betraying me I had all the signs of addiction; dilated pupils, quickened pulse, ragged breath. Only my drug was Jacob.

"It can mean nothing if you like, I just have to know what we could have been." He moved closer at that.

I felt his hot breath on my face, his cheek gently touched mine as his lips lingered at my ear. My eyes fluttered closed.

"I also want to know what you taste like" he said in a husky voice taking a light nip at my lobe.

As his words traveled through me, my knees nearly buckled.

Before I could even dream of protesting he had pressed his lips ever so gently to mine.

All rational thought was gone. He stayed there for a moment waiting for permission. I granted parting my lips slightly.

It was delicious, his lips were thicker than mine but so soft they commanded mine with a gentle fervor. I was standing awkwardly arms at my sides, I wrapped them around his waist and pulled myself in wanting to deepen the kiss and feel his body against mine. The heat radiating from his body immediately encompassed my whole being, I felt flush.

I breathed into his mouth and felt him smiling against me. In that moment I felt uninhibited like I hadn't in a long time maybe ever. I thrust my tongue into his mouth, something I could never do with Edward.

Jake reciprocated swirling his tongue around my own but still gently savoring the moment. I needed more I reached up and grabbed at his hair pulling him farther still into me my other hand rubbing searching wildly on his naked torso. His hands were resting gently on the small of my back.

I could feel him growing hard against my leg as the kiss became harder more needy and breathless. He started to tremble at my touch it was perfect nothing had ever felt so right. I pulled away slightly eyes still closed dizzy from the rush to take a breath, Jake continued to tremble against my body breathing heavily the feeling was amazing. I pressed my lips to his again, hard not wanting it to end but his mouth was still.

"Jake?" I breathed into his mouth stroking his hair.

When I received no reply I opened my eyes, "Jacob, what is it?" I pressed

He was still trembling against me, almost violently now but his head was still and eyes were fixed across the room.

I turned my head reluctantly still holding onto him.

A porcelain statue greeted me, standing in the open door. Even under the cloudy skies of Forks he glowed with a beauty too great for mortal eyes.

Edward.

I froze, one second felt like and hour.

I turned back to Jacob he was changing, in my arms. I desperately pulled his head to mine. I felt his body expanding the fur growing and pushing through my fingers.

"Jacob, look at me! Don't do this, control!" I was hysterical now.

As he grew his head slipped out of my hands, I looked up in fear as his face changed and the sounds of bones cracking and clothing ripping filled the room. I beheld the sight no longer human a monstrous hybrid, a demon foaming at the mouth not aware of my presence.

"Please!" was the last thing I could manage through tears.

Jacob now fully a wolf leaped knocking me over as he rose gently in the air. The world seemed to stop for a minute as I took in the sight his claws passed inches from my face. As I fell I craned my neck to look behind, Edward was in midair teeth bared. Only at that moment did horror strike me like a knife in the chest.

It all happened so fast that I couldn't see. I heard them collide then a terrible cry and felt warm liquid, blood splatter across my face and chest as I hit the wood floor with a crack.

"What have I done" was my last thought before it went black.