No one noticed the silent man with the shaggy hair who leaned against the wall in a baggy hoodie. No one noticed him slip into the building, past all the security guards. No one noticed him slip out again hours later, disappearing into the city like a ghost. No one except the Black Widow.
Natasha joined Bucky in leaning against the wall of the hospital. Following his line of sight to the tightly closed doors of the operating room, she sighed. Knowing better than to touch him, she settled for moving a little bit closer so he would know she was there.
"Steve will be fine, you know. He's strong and tough. A born fighter."
Bucky didn't move. "That's what the doctors always said. 'He'll be fine.' They spent years telling us that. Telling us that one day he would stop showing up in the hospital with some illness or another."
"They were right, weren't they?"
"He still ends up in the hospital too much. And I still worry every time."
"That's why you left, isn't it? When you were training me?"
"I … I don't remember."
"I don't remember exactly when, but towards the end of my Red Room training, I was injured in a training exercise."
"It was a knife wound to the shoulder. They had to stitch it up."
Natasha hesitated, but decided not to test how much Bucky truly remembered. "They had me sitting back on one of those hospital beds, stitching it up. I think you were standing in the corner." She paused for a moment. "When they started stitching me up, you yelled 'Steve' and started coming for the doctor. After that, they injected me with something that knocked me out. When I woke up you were gone, no explanation."
"It's possible."
"I think I reminded you of Steve there, and your conditioning cracked."
As she said this, Bucky turned to Natasha. "I don't have a heart, Natalia. It's been frozen in ice for years. I've always been a soldier of winter with no memories and a frozen heart. So why does it hurt to see a man I barely know lying in there?"
Natasha's hand unconsciously moved towards the silver arrow that was always around her neck.
For several minutes, she was silent, staring at the doors. Finally, she turned to face Bucky again. "It's because he's your heart."
Bucky stared at her in shock. "My … heart?"
"Steve is yours, Clint's mine. All us children of the Red Room have them. We were taught not to feel, to be frozen and emotionless, the perfect soldiers. So once we are on our own, we start feeling again. And we can't handle it. So we find someone to share it with. It takes some longer than others, but eventually we all find someone.
Otherwise we'd go insane."
"I barely know him."
"You don't remember knowing him. I've read your file, and his. You two were best friends for years. He was inside your walls and you were inside his."
"Our walls?"
"Everyone had walls they put up to keep people out. To keep themselves from getting hurt. Occasionally, though, you find someone who can crack those walls just enough to slip inside and help you build the walls back stronger than ever. Steve was -and still is- your best friend. He's been inside those wall for a long time. Your subconscious knows it, even if you don't."
Bucky was silent for a while, processing what Natasha had said.
"Don't tell Steve I was here." Bucky said eventually, something akin to pleading in his eyes.
"It's not my place to tell him."
"I'll be gone as soon as he wakes up."
"You always are." When Bucky looked at her, shocked, she continued. "I'm not blind Bucky. I know you've been lurking around every time Steve has to get patched up. Maybe it's not my place to say, but you should tell him."
"Your right. It's not your place." Bucky growled.
"Well someone has to tell you. And I guarantee you that you would prefer me to Stark."
"You don't understand Natalia. I can't face him." Bucky hung his head, letting his long hair cover his face. "I'm ashamed of what I've done. I can't face someone like him, someone so… good after what I've done."
"He'll accept you. It doesn't matter what you've done in your past, just what you are doing now."
"You don't know what I've done."
"And you don't know what I've done," Natasha countered. "Steve had full access to my file. He knew everything I'd done, but after New York, he trusted me to watch his back."
Bucky didn't say anything. Sensing he was done talking, Natasha stood up.
"Stark will be here in ten or fifteen minutes."
"Thanks for the warning, Natalia."
Natasha smiled somewhat sadly. "It's actually Natasha. I haven't gone by Natalia since I left the Red Room."
She left, heading toward the cafeteria to find Clint and a cup of coffee. Bucky turned back to the doors and resumed his silent vigil.
This kinda just started out as a desire to write a fic involving Bucky and went from there. I love the idea that Natasha and Bucky become friends of sorts, since she is the only one who can really understand what he went through at the hands of Hydra.
Please review. It always makes my day to hear what people think of my stories.