Who's Your Daddy?
A/N: ok, yeah, I know I should be updating my already existing stories, but this little plot bunny was just screaming 'WRITE ME RIGHT NOW DAMNIT!" and I cant get any of my other stories written until I get this one off my chest and at the very least started. So, here we go!
Lavi: Nella Chan is still upset about Santa... and how she'll never own DGM through him.
Allen: but she still has hopes for the Easter bunny!
Nella: damn straight! –Sparkles appear around me- the Easter bunny will not let me down!!
Oh and if any of you are interested in what I listen to when I write, check out some of my playlists on YouTube, my username is Nella3333, I even have a few slideshows that I did myself! Even if they kinda suck. The playlist I'm listening to now is labelled "even MORE DGM stuff?!"
Right, well, now on to the story!
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Chapter one: in a flash
Lavi glanced back and forth between his traveling companions. Allen was sleeping, face pressed against the window, neck bent at an angle that was going to hurt later, drool sliding down the once clean glass. Kanda, the ever stoic bastard was just sitting there, meditating, or day dreaming or whatever he did. Lavi sighed, and twiddled his thumbs in boredom. Sitting still and quiet sucked.
"Hey Yuu Chan... wanna prank Allen with me?" Lavi asked in a nasally whine, conveniently ignoring the icy glare the sword wielding teen sent at him.
"I have no need to get involved in your ridiculous antics." Lavi pouted at the cold reply but shrugged it off as he pulled out his favourite black marker.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Koumi had said that there was an innocence kicking around southern Ireland, Carlow the town was called if Lavi remembered correctly (which he did). A small port town, which they were to get to by boat after they got off the train that was speeding them towards the harbour their ship, was to depart from. Lavi checked his pocket watch, only half an hour more of this boring, silent, stuffy, and BORING train, before he could move around and annoy random people. Or Kanda. Kanda was always fun to annoy... Lavi was pulled out of his thoughts by the train jerking to a stop suddenly, and Allen was jerked out of his sleep, as he fell face fist into Lavi's lap.
"Whoa! Allen! I didn't know you felt that way!" Lavi grinned, amused to know end as the white haired boy looked up at him blearily, not yet comprehending the situation. Allen looked down, where he had landed, up at Lavi's still grinning face, down, up, down, up, before realisation spread across his face and his eyes widened to the size of plates.
"W-What!? I don't feel anything about you, in that way! I was sleeping and I fell!" Allen jumped up and staggered back, blushing furiously and sputtering out a steady stream of embarrassed denials. Lavi was loving this, Allen was oh so much fun to embarrass,
he always went so red. Allen, still struggling to get his balance back fell forward again when the train resumed its move forward, finding himself sprawled in a rather compromising position on Lavi's lap. Again. Sputtering and blushing an even darker shade of red, Allen tried to push himself off of Lavi. The train cart suddenly slid open, revealing a steward who was smiling.
"Sorry about that folks, the breaks went off kilter, but we have it fixed now..." the smiled slid off of the man's face and he gaped at the two exorcists for a moment. Kanda snorted in amusement.
"Its NOT what it looks like! Seriously! I was sleeping, then all of a sudden I was falling, then I get up and the train started moving again and I fell again and..." Allen's face was priceless. Lavi pushed the sputtering youth off of him, as he roared with laughter.
"Oh god Allen, the look on your face! You are really lucky I'm straight as a pole kid, otherwise I would jump yah." Allen stared at the redhead in horror, as his face drained of all its previous colour.
"Rabbit, bean sprout, shut the hell up and sit down." Kanda growled and the two complied more or less as the steward apologized and hastily made his retreat. Lavi was still giggling at the thoroughly embarrassed Allen and ignoring the eye daggers from the younger boy.
"I bet you drew on my face too." Allen sulked and Lavi just laughed harder.
"Yes he did." Kanda said in a dull monotone.
"Bastard." Allen glared at the redhead who was practically pissing himself laughing.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
After Allen washed the maker off his face (Which took a far amount of scrubbing to get off too) the rest of the train ride went by fairly uneventfully, if you consider a certain angered Japanese man chasing another certain red haired man around a train with a sword uneventful. When the trio finally arrived in the seaside town, they were all grouchy (Kanda), tired (Allen) and sore (Lavi) from the trip. The boat was to leave in an hour after their arrival in the town, and that suited Allen just fine, as he dragged his two comrades into the nearest cafe and proceeded to order everything off the menu.
Everything.
Off.
The menu.
Lavi and Kanda watched in mild horror as the skinny boy devoured the mountain of food that was placed in front of him.
'Where does it all go?' they both wondered silently, trying to eat what they could, ignoring the boy as he sucked back enough food to feed both of them for a few days.
"So, mind filling me in on the mission specs? I haven't read them yet." Allen asked in between bites.
"Uhmm, sure Allen... there is a suspected innocence in Carlow, Ireland. There are an abnormal amount of akuma in the area, and none of the finders can get into a certain area, an old crypt, that apparently contains the innocence which local legend makes out
to be a child's toy of some sort." Lavi said as he shielded him self from the particles of flying food with one of the menus. Allen finished his meal with a pitcher of apple juice, gulping the amber liquid down quickly, straight from the pitcher.
"Bean sprout, your table manners are horrible." Kanda glared at the white haired boy as he put the pitcher down.
"At least I'm not a human iceberg BaKanda." Allen glared back as he wiped juice from his mouth.
"Oh, a human iceberg, very original." Kanda rolled his eyes before slapping the money for the meal down on the table and standing, "We have ten minutes until the ship departs. I'm going there. I don't care what you two idiots do until then, but miss the ship and I will decapitate you both." With a final glare the Japanese walked out of the cafe and stormed down the street, cursing loudly in both English and his native tongue at people who happened to bump into him. Allen and Lavi walked out of the cafe after him and watched as he made his loud way down the street.
"Who shoved a stick up his ass?" Allen asked looking up at Lavi with a raised eyebrow.
"Whoever did, they got it pretty far up there." Lavi grinned down at the younger before they both broke out into loud laughter.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Allen was leaning on the steel railings that encircled the main deck, staring out at the sparkling water. Sunset was his favourite time of day; sunrise was beautiful sure, but way too early in the morning for the British teen's taste. Allen loved to look out at the sky when it was painted many different colours, making everything else seem gentle and relaxed as things winded down in preparation of night.
"Don't lean like that bean sprout. You'll fall in." Kanda snapped as he walked up beside Allen, who was almost doubled over; chin resting on his arms as he gazed out.
"I'll do what I want iceberg, and if I fall in you can say I told you so." Allen gave a half hearted glare at the older boy who snorted before turning to walk away. Allen looked back out at the sky and listened to Kanda's footsteps as the paused a few steps behind him.
"Is there something else you want Kanda?" Allen asked, in a bored tone.
"Yeah... I wanted to tell you something." There was something sinister in Kanda's voice, and Allen was immediately in 'alert for danger mode'.
"Oh? What?" Allen asked cautiously.
"I told you so."
"Wha-AHHH!!" Allen screamed as Kanda kicked him soundly on the backside, sending him flying over the railing and into the water below. Kanda smirked victoriously as Allen resurfaced sputtering.
"Heh, idiot." Kanda scoffed as Allen cursed him to the seven depths of hell.
"Yuu Chan..." Kanda turned and scowled at the redhead who was giving him a disapproving look.
"What?" Kanda glared.
"HOW COULD YOU PULL SUCH AN AWESOME PRANK WITHOUT MEEEE!" Lavi cried in anguish as he tackled the anti social samurai in a bone crushing hug.
"SCREW YOU LAVI!" Allen screamed up from the water as Kanda pried the hyper active 18 year old off him.
"I LOVE YOU TOO ALLEN!" Lavi yelled back as he peered over the edge of the ship.
"GO TO HELL!" Allen shouted and Lavi chuckled.
"YOU SHOULDN'T SAY SUCH ROMANTIC THINGS IN PUBLIC ALLY, YOU'LL MAKE ME BLUSH!" Lavi laughed as Allen sputtered in the water, before he too was kicked over the edge of the ship by a pissed off Kanda. Lavi emerged gasping for breath as Allen laughed at him, treading water all the while.
"What the hell Yuu?!"
"DON'T CALL ME BY MY FIRST NAME DAMNED RABBIT!!" Kanda roared down before stalking away.
"Hey, Lavi, when we get back up, we should throw HIM overboard." Allen grinned evilly and Lavi knew 'dark Allen' had made an appearance.
"Nah, we can be more creative than that! But, first thing first..." Lavi pulled out Oozuchi Kozuchi and pointed the small mallet downwards.
"Allen, grab my hand." Allen shot the redhead a look but complied, clasping his hand around Lavi's hand on the handle of his hammer.
"Ok, go."
"Oozuchi Kozuchi! SHIN, SHIN, SHIN!" the handle of the little mallet shot downwards until it struck the sea floor (1) and having no more room to go down, shot the two exorcists up and out of the water. Carefully aiming the edge of the handle, Lavi extended the handle until he and Allen were suspended over the deck before they both dropped ungracefully to the hard wooden planks.
"Oww!" they groaned in unison.
"Damn that Kanda, when I get my hands on him..." Allen growled out before his evil musings dropped into inaudible mutters and grumbles, as a dark purple aura surrounded him.
"Don't you mean when we get our hands on him?" Lavi and Allen grinned evilly at each other, before bursting out into sinister laughter, causing some of the other passengers to stare oddly at the cackling pair, surrounded by an evil aura.
In his room, Kanda sneezed.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Kanda snapped out of his peaceful meditation to giggling outside his door. He had a good idea who it was, so he decided to throw open the door and point Mugen menacingly at the obnoxious idiot who he knew was outside his door. The bean being there was a possibility, but Kanda knew for a fact the rabbit was there.
Gripping the knob, Kanda let his other hand rest threateningly on Mugen, pulling out about a centimetre of the blade from the sheath. Kanda threw the door open and had about two seconds before he was hit in the face with something rather sticky.
"What the hell?" he sputtered.
"NOW ALLEN!" Kanda heard the redheaded idiot yell before something else was dumped over his head. As Kanda cleared his eyes of the first substance, he looked down at his hands, which were now covered in feathers. Kanda blinked and shook his hand experimentally. The feathers swayed, but remained fastened to his hands. Glue...
"I. Am. Going. To. KILL. You. Both." Kanda snarled as the two laughed at him.
"Hey this is just payback for throwing us overboard!" Allen laughed at the royally piss Kanda Yuu.
"Yeah Yuu Chan! Don't get your knickers in a twist!" Lavi giggled as he took a few pictures.
"Don't get my knickers in a twist? DON'T GET MY BLOODY KNICKERS IN A TWIST?! ILL SHOW YOU RETARDS 'KNICKERS IN A TWIST'!!" Kanda roared and the two younger exorcists took off in a dead sprint away from the murderous samurai.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
The trio finally arrived in Carlow (after Kanda had a shower and changed his clothes of course) Kanda still throwing eye daggers at the thoroughly beaten boys as he pulled yet another stray feather out of his long, dark hair.
"Awww come on Yuu Chan! Stop glaring at us like that! You already beat us black and blue after we got revenge that we DESERVED so take a chill pill!" Lavi huffed as they neared the place where they were supposed to meet the finder. Kanda glared as he found yet another stray feather and Allen giggled. Kanda sent him a particularly icy glare and Allen raised his hands in surrender, smiling nervously.
"Che." Kanda scoffed and looked around for the finder.
"Ah! Exorcist Sama! Exorcist Sama! Over here!" they all turned to see a rather short woman with short mousey brown hair and bright green eyes running towards them, wearing a finder's uniform. She reached the trio of exorcists and rested her hands on her knees, panting. Allen waited patiently for her to catch her breath. She suddenly snapped her head up, moss green eyes bright with excitement.
"Hi there! I'm Lehanne Symington, but you can just call me Hanne (2)! I'm your finder for this mission! I'm 21 years old, blood type AB, I'm actually a Carlow native, and my favourite colour is orange." Hanne smiled enthusiastically jabbering on in her strong Irish accent as Kanda snorted.
"And we would care why?"
"I don't care if you don't care, this is how I introduce myself, so get used to it bud." Her grin widened as Kanda glared at the cheerful young woman.
"Ah, you're Kanda Yuu correct? The anti social samurai? Pleasure to meet you! What's your favourite colour?" Allen and Lavi gaped at the finder; she had bigger balls than many men they knew, men who literally melted into a puddle of fear when Kanda glared at them like that. Well, they gaped at her utter lack of fear, and her utter randomness.
"Che, why the hell would I tell you?" Kanda's glare intensified as Hanne's grin widened to the point Allen wondered if it would literally split her face.
"Well, I told you mine." She said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"I didn't ask for that useless piece of information, now what I want to hear from your annoying mouth is information about the mission, not god damned colours." Kanda spat. The short haired girl pouted slightly before sobering at an almost alarming rate.
"Very well, follow me, we can talk as we walk to the site, it's not far from here." The trio exchanged confused expressions at Hanne's sudden change in mood before following the exuberant girl.
"There is a legend here in Carlow I cant believe it didn't make me think of it sooner, my mama used to tell me the story herself when I was a kid, anyway, it goes something like this;" the woman paused and cleared her throat before speaking in a clear voice,
"There once was a boy, born right here in Carlow, but long, long before this place was know as Carlow. He was a good little boy, though no one remembers his name anymore. He was happy, he had kind parents who loved and treasured him, and they always had enough food on the table. They lived very close to their family tomb, but it wasn't a bad thing, they were able to pay respect and visit their lost relatives often, and that made his mother very happy. The boy's grandmother was in that tomb and his mother had been very sad when she died. One day, the boy's mother made to go out into the woods with his father like they did everyday to hunt and collect herbs for their supper, but she suddenly stopped. The boy and his father asked what was wrong but the mother wouldn't answer. Suddenly a strange demon sprang forth, killing the mother and father. The boy, frightened, ran into the tomb and barricaded the door shut, still holding his teddy bear. The demon could not enter the holy place and sank back into the earth. The boy sat in the tomb for a long time, speaking to his teddy, telling it that everything would be ok, comforting it they way he wished to be comforted. Suddenly the bear spoke back to him. It said 'child, stay here and watch over everyone with me for all of time, and you won't ever be scared or lonely.' The boy agreed and ever since they have stayed in the tomb together, watching over Carlow, and keeping the demon at bay." Hanne finished the legend with a thoughtful look, before looking Allen in the eyes and saying with a perfectly straight face,
"I always thought it was a crock of bullsh--." The three younger boys stopped and stared at her, even Kanda was blinking dumbly.
"Really?" Lavi recovered first.
"Yeah!" Hanne nodded enthusiastically "I mean, who ever heard of a talking bear? Well, it was probably innocence, if its real." She shrugged before her eyes darted forward.
"Ah! Here we are! The tomb of Carlow!" (3) She gestured grandly at an old marble tomb. "I can't get in there, and trust me I tried, so, you guys see what you can do, I have another mission in Peru! I'm really excited about it! Well I'll see you guys later! I left some other reports in a folder at the bed and breakfast on the east side of town called 'Moons Escape' so if you need any information its there! Bye guys! Nice meeting you all!" with that, Hanne ran down the street and disappeared around a corner.
"She was... interesting." Allen said slowly.
"She was insane." Kanda said blankly before walking over to the door of the tomb. Allen and Lavi followed, still slightly in shock from Hanne's interesting nature. Kanda pushed on the door and nearly fell over as it easily gave way under his weight. Allen and Lavi looked at each other in surprise before the three of them entered the tomb. The door slid shut with a bang and Allen sighed.
"Should have seen that coming." Lavi nodded and Kanda 'che'd '. The three incredibly hot exorcists made their was through the dark corridor, lead by the small light Timcampy gave off. They reached the end of the hall and it widened into good sized room.
"There!" Lavi pointed to a small teddy that was sitting innocently on a pedestal in the centre of the room.
"Yes, baka we can see." Kanda snapped and Allen rolled his eyes as they both moved forward to examine the doll.
"Guys, are you sure you should be getting so close to it? It is a possible innocence, it could cause a reactio-," Lavi was cut off by a bright flash of light, covering his eye, Lavi yelled for his friends, but didn't get an answer. After a moment the light faded and Lavi looked around, ignoring the dark spots he was seeing from looking at a bright light.
"Yuu Chan! Allen! Where are you guys?" there was a groan and Lavi started to move in its direction. Tim popped up beside him and the redhead grabbed the golden golem, using it as a flashlight. There was another groan and Lavi pointed the light in that direction, moving until he found a shape lying on the floor, white hair sticking out of the collar.
"Allen!" Lavi rushed over and went to shake the boy, "Huh?" Lavi blinked in shock for a second before he whipped around at the sound of another groan, not far off. Pointing Tim in the direction Lavi pin pointed another figure and dragged the sleeping Allen over to it.
"Y-Yuu Chan?" Lavi asked and tried to shake the Japanese awake, only to find him in the same state as Allen.
"What the hell is this? Tim, can you shine brighter?" Tim turned up the brightness until he was basically a flying lamp. 'Why the heck didn't he just do that in the first place?' Lavi wondered before turning his attention to his friends. The redhead gaped for a second, before he realised what exactly he was seeing.
Both Allen and Kanda had been turned into six year old boys.
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CHAPTER END!
Whew, glad I got that out of the way. Damn my hand hurts. Stupid brother, kicking my hand like that, he knocked everything around and holy crapola it hurts like nothing else, seriously, my hand is burning, its hurting just to type, yet I'm doing it for you the readers. SO ENJOY!
(1) I have no idea weather they have to cross an ocean to get from England to Ireland, I didn't do ANY research for this, I just pulled everything out of my ass to be honest.
(2) Ok, Hanne's name is pronounced (ha-Anne) also she is loosely based off of a friend of mines personality. Hehe you know who you are –stares at my friend evilly-
(3) I have no idea if there are even any tombs in Ireland, like I said I pulled this all out of my ass, so, just imagine with me yes? Oh and, that 'legend' is fiction, as is the city of Carlow to my knowledge. So yeah.
Right well, hope you enjoy this crack, that I am using to relieve writers block! TTTT PEACE!