"Da Qiao, I just want to keep you safe."
I just want to keep you safe.
She did not look at him. "I understand that, my lord Sun Ce."
"So why do you keep following me to battle? If you understand that, why do you keep gathering troops and running off?" Sun Ce repeated, exasperated.
Da Qiao looked at him. "My lord. It is everyone's battle, and we are short of men as is. "
"Men? No, I'm not saying it's because you're a woman- I don't want you to get hurt!" Sun Ce pleaded. "Da Qiao, please…"
"My lord. Our country is in peril and everyone must pull his or her share. I have no excuse to sit quietly while the war rages about me. That is disgraceful dishonorable, that I should stay safe while no other does. Do not use your position as an excuse for my absence."
"I'm not!" Sun Ce spread his hands in front of himself. "Look, I'm just saying, that it would be a whole lot better if you stayed out of the way."
"And stay quietly while others shed blood all around?"
"Shed blood? Da Qiao, you don't need to fight for me. It's not something I should, that I could ask from you, to risk your life for me-"
"Did you think for one second that this is for you?" Da Qiao asked, slapping her hand with her closed fan.
"Huh?" Sun Ce looked at her questioningly.
She straightened up. It was startling how tall she actually was, when she wasn't being meek and sitting with her head bowed deferentially. "I'm not going to repeat myself. I'm asking you now- did you think that I'm fighting for you?"
Sun Ce stared, as if no alternative had ever occurred to him.
Da Qiao stood up and turned away. "Lord Sun Ce, in all my time fighting, I can say that absolutely none of it was for your sake."
Her husband stared, the side of his mouth opening.
But Da Qiao continued speaking. "I'm tired of people praising me and holding up my actions as out of love for my husband, as the ultimate duty and the finest wife, following her husband through hell and fire, just to be by his side and to aid his goals."
Sun Ce did not speak, but his expression clearly said that until a moment ago, those were his thoughts as well.
"I do not know how much longer I can stand being held up as an idol for fighting for my husband, for braving death and injury in war, just to be with him. Nothing is farther from the truth! Sun Ce, I have never in my life braved anything for your sake. In the midst of war, the thought of being by your side or together with you has never occurred to me. I do not see your face on my banner. Can you swallow that? None of my fighting is or has ever been for your sake."
Slowly, his face transformed into something not quite akin to hurt but certainly not positive- perhaps it was wounded pride. "Why are you telling me- what are you saying?" he asked slowly, unsurely.
"I'm saying that I do not fight for your sake. I fight for your because your success means a stable world and because I believe in your ministers' policies and ideas more than I believe in those of others'. But I do not fight out of any burning ardor for you. I go to battle because my heart is tired of seeing fields untended, widows farming, children crying through the night in the refugee trains. No one should have to fight, to war, but I will, so that no one else has to. I do not fight out of life and love with and for you, like your friend does." Da Qiao closed her dark eyes and felt the polished, worn wood of her weapons. They were familiar by now, close friends and companions, moreso than the man in front of her.
"Da…"
"This is my home. If you had not conquered it so early I would have raised my fans against you to protect it. My ancestors are buried in the cemetery lands near the estate. My mother, my aunts, and my grandmother all live in the same house there. They are not as skilled in the ways of fighting as I am- who will protect them?"
Sun Ce laughed without humor. "So… You're fighting just for them? Your natal family, your house-"
"My sister lives here, in your palace. She is far from a woman, and she is unwise and unrestrained. If you fall, where will she end up?" Da Qiao hissed. "We were lucky enough to stay together- but if the earth comes up beneath our feet again, I have doubt that we will be as fortunate twice. Sun Ce, if enemies encroached on this land, what would happen to her? If this kingdom should come to danger, what will happen to her? Will we be separated by a conquering force? I am sure of it. I will not let that happen though. This is the best way to keep my sister safe- keeping danger as far away from her as possible. Every invader I repel from the border is a force that will not threaten her! Here is one of the reasons. I love my sister and I fight to protect her."
"Da Qiao…"
"I wonder if you can even understand the rest of my reasons, even if I explained to you carefully. My lord Sun Ce, I request permission to retire now."
Sun Ce didn't answer, but his wife, the total stranger, turned around and left anyways.
In the darkness of the hall, the remaining flickers of light glanced off her eyes. Tomorrow would bring another fight, another day of mud and blood and the stink of death.
But perhaps this time it would bring something else.