TITLE: Calzona: The Directors Cut 1/1
AUTHOR: Neolithicdream
PAIRING: Callie & Arizona
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: A One shot sequel. Just a silly bit of nothing set about a month after the wedding. A sequel to "The April Chronicle" which in turn was part of "It's a nice day for a white wedding".
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Calzona or any of the characters mentioned in this fic. They are the property of Shonda Rhimes/ ABC etc... This fic is purely written for enjoyment and without intent or prospect of profit. No copyright infringement intended.
A/N This is not my promised sequel which is proving to be a bit of a chore, but it is a sequel!
"I just can't believe that we're not going to have proper photographs of our day" Callie said for the umpteenth time since they'd listened to the voice message on the phone "I swear I'm going to kill Yang"
"I know, babe" an uncharacteristically morose Arizona replied. "What the hell were we thinking letting Cristina organise any part of our wedding...seriously if it doesn't involve slicing through a heart she is totally incompetent"
"Yup, I mean she really sucked as a barmaid so..."
"How the hell can a professional photographer forget to load his camera with film, I mean seriously HOW? " Arizona whinged "Wait, Cristina was a barmaid?"
"Yeah, for one night only but she nearly bankrupted Joe, almost gave Bailey alcohol poisoning and got me and Mark so drunk we went home and had sorbet and..." Callie always knew when to shut up just occasionally the knowledge came a fraction too late.
"Cristina was there that night?" the tone of her voice was inscrutable.
"Um, ah, yeah...maybe it was all those horrible blue drinks...I don't really remember but...it's not really Cristina's fault...I asked for sorbet and the rest is a bit of a blur"
"Blue drinks? What blue drinks? You guys were drunk? When you made our baby? Drunk on blue drinks drunk? Really? I mean blue drink drunk is the worst kind of drunk"
"Early on-set Alzheimer's"
"Oh, no you don't get to blame it on having an incurable disease, you..."
"No that's what the blue drinks were called"
Arizona's look could have felled a whole forest of Californian redwoods. "Who makes drinks called that?"
"Yang"
"What was in them?" Arizona asked icily
"No-one really knew, least of all Cristina"
"So when Sofia is older and asks about how she was conceived your angle is going to be the evil Godmother Cristina, who was really a witch, brewed up a blue potion and bewitched you into having a Sloan Sorbet ... you're going to have to come up with a better story babe. Nope when our angel asks about that night you are going to lie...you will not be telling her about blue drinks named after incurable brain diseases" Arizona's smile was weak but it was there and it was genuine. Truth be told while she would never ever be okay with the visuals of Mark screwing her woman either before they met or during her infamous African adventure she had come to terms with it, almost. And it was impossible not to given that without that Sorbet she, they, would not have Sofia and that simply wasn't an option.
Still it had put Arizona off sorbets for life.
"I kind of like the idea of blaming it on Cristina, the wicked witch of the scalpel. Still Bailey was partly to blame for that whole thing." Calliope said, trying not to think of her little baby ever being that grown up never mind actually having that conversation.
"Bailey! As in Miranda Bailey? No way is she to blame for Sloan and you and your sorbet shenanigans!"
"She was, a bit to blame. She was the one who named it a sorbet...Mark simply suggested I needed a sexual palate cleanser and forced me to throw myself at the redhead and..."
"What? You propositioned Owen Hunt for a sorbet? Does Cristina know? God, Sofia would have ended up as the only Latina with red hair..."
"No, not Hunt...eew Arizona! Now I have visuals of...eew"
"Welcome to my world, Callie"
"And a Red Sofia? Our little angel would sound like a Russian spy!"
Callie had been briefly sidetracked from "Mission spread the blame" but she remembered in time "So the redhead who according to Mark had been checking me out all night was only interested in my hairdresser, she really loved my blue hair and so Bailey..."
"Your hair was blue?" Arizona shrieked just before letting her mouthful of wine go down the wrong way "blue..." Arizona spluttered as Callie clapped her on the back rather vigorously "...as in Marge Simpson blue?"
Callie gave her a look that made it quite clear that question was not deserving of an answer.
"But, babe, Blue? Why...blue?"
"Look I was feeling blue because my blue eyed girlfriend had left me out of the blue and so I had blue hair and lots of blue drinks and when Sofia was born she was blue too!"
It had been her favourite colour for as long as she could remember but Arizona was beginning to think she might be put off blue for life.
"So Bailey was the one who called it a Sorbet...though in fairness she was very very drunk and really it was Teddy's fault cause all she..."
"How is Teddy responsible for the Sorbet? She's my best friend and..."
"She was emailing you on her Blackberry and all she had to do was lie and say you mentioned me and..."
Arizona cut her wife off with a slow sloppy but emotion filled kiss "I never stopped thinking about you but if I spoke your name out loud or even typed it I knew I'd not be able to continue so..."
There was a brief silence as both were lost in their own memories until Arizona giggled "Teddy on her Blackberry, huh? Glad it's not called a Blueberry"
"No photographs of us on our wedding day...it's unbelievable?
Even though a few days had passed since the photographer had left his bombshell they still were reeling from the disappointment.
"I know. I mean what are the odds? Our photographer turns out to be an idiot and our friends, all intelligent respected surgeons, are all incapable, seemingly, of operating simple point and shoot cameras?"
"Yeah, all bar one of Teddy's were either out of focus or had one or other of our heads cut off"
"Avery and Lexie had cameras but they didn't use them... a little self obsessed those two!"
"Mark said he'd taken a few, maybe..." Callie said in hope which faded rapidly on seeing the look of disgust on Arizona's face.
"I checked his camera- he took ten photos: one is of our cake which would be fine except it's a close up of the plastic figurines on the top; four are of Lexie Grey-two of her dancing with Avery; one is of the Colonel which would be lovely except that my father clearly saw him take it and scowled and one is of himself and my cousin Aisling which I really don't want to dwell on"
"So, the other three are..."
"Are close ups of us"
"Aww, that's nice"
"More accurately of our boobs- yours and mine" Arizona visibly shuddered.
"What about Bailey? She had a camera, didn't she?" Arizona asked hopefully as they continued to ride the elevator to the ground floor
Callie sneered as she replied "Apparently her camera was stolen by a squirrel while she and Eli went for a "walk" in the woods"
"A squirrel" Arizona squeaked "God, we're destined not to have any pictures... even Mother Nature was against us"
"Maybe the videographer will be able to get us a few stills?"
"Yeah, honey, he's our last hope"
As they departed the elevator the remaining passenger shook her head in disbelief. April Kepner was used to going about her business unnoticed. Her friends, her fellow residents didn't seem to notice that she was even in the race for Chief Resident but still she expected more from the Attendings especially these two. Did they not notice her there in the elevator? Did they not remember she was at their wedding? Taking Photographs? Did Torres not remember threatening her if she didn't stop with the Camcorder already? Had Robbins forgotten telling her that if she was so fond of taking pictures she should have been a Radiographer? What was wrong with them...Alzheimer's?
"Dr. Robbins? Arizona Robbins?" the rather grave voice belonged to a man in a sober black suit.
"Yes" Arizona had walked the short distance from their apartment building with Mark Sloan.
"F.B.I, Ma'am, we need to talk"
"Jeez, Blondie what did you do? Run over someone with your heelies? Blind someone with your super magic..."
A second man identically dressed interrupted "Ma'am are you acquainted with a Calliope Torres?"
"Intimately" chortled Mark before being silenced by an Arizona glare and an almost equally terrifying F.B.I one.
Later the couple were alone in the Board room. The two Men in Black had left them dazed and confused.
"Did they think we were porn stars, Callie" Arizona's authority induced tears had stopped eventually.
"Focus, babe, our wedding video has been seized by the Feds, what are we going to do?"
"I'm going to kill Teddy Altman, best friend or not I'm going to kill her. I can't believe she recommended a Porn Director to film our wedding! Oh God, when Sloan hears about this..."
"First no photos now no video" Callie was close to tears now.
"No, first no Mama Torres, then no Fr. Brookes and no church, now no photos and no video...do you think the universe is trying to tell us something?" a subdued Arizona asked timidly.
"You and me, babe, against the world"
"And the squirrel"
Strangely by the time they emerged from the safety of the Board room the hospital was abuzz with the news. And so, miffed as she was, April Kepner knew what she had to do. After all they were her aspirational couple too. And she had been working on her opus ever since the wedding any way- cutting and editing, adding graphics, improving the sound quality, adding the all important credits and eventually it was ready, her masterpiece was complete.
And she had saved all the best photos too, photo-shopped where necessary, onto a memory card. Seriously if her medical career didn't work out she'd rock the Wedding Photography world to its very core!
Two days later she approached the couple in the Attendings lounge.
"Ehm, ? Dr. Robbins? Can I have a minute?"
"Kepner?" Callie was a little curt, due to shift schedules she hadn't had much time alone with her wife since Porn Gate had broken.
"April, what can we do for you? A friendlier yet uneasy Arizona asked.
For reasons neither could remember they both felt nervous around Dr. April Kepner these days.
"Uhm, well I heard you've had some difficulties with your wedding photos and...Ehm, uh, your video and..."
All three Doctors were now staring red-faced at the floor.
"SO" April almost yelled as if suddenly overdosing on the Perk "I took some photos remember and I had my new Camcorder and... are you Okay?"
Callie had noticeably paled and Arizona began to tremble. They had successfully repressed the memories until now and they came flooding back- sudden onset Apriliphobia.
"Okay, so I'll just leave the memory card and the DVD here shall I? You sure you don't want me to get something, someone for you? No, okay, so I'll go now" April muttered as she nervously backed out the door, wondering, not for the first time what the hell was wrong with her fellow Doctors in this place.
Sofia was, by coincidence, with her father that night. After dinner they had stared at the small package Kepner had given them hours earlier - much as a bomb disposal expert might stare at a mysterious suspect package. Eventually they succumbed and were both amazed and awe struck.
The photographs were simply sublime - April was an Artist.
Their wedding video was a work of Cinematic genius- Scorsese, Spielberg be damned- this was Oscar worthy material.
And just like that they were cured of their Apriliphobia.
Still, however both were a little confused at first by its title - specifically the 'Calzona' part. Confused and later a little perturbed.
"They named us after a foodstuff its wrong, ughh"
Arizona laughed as she placed both hands on Callie's face drawing her into a long sloppy kiss "that's Calzone, we, on the other hand are Calzona!"
"Calzona, calzone, it's all the same" pouted Callie struggling not to laugh.
"Well we do like Pizza...a lot" Arizona muttered huskily as she nibbled on her wife's earlobe before trailing her tongue down to her pulse point before sucking hard, hard enough to bruise "especially when we have Pizza in bed – all that topping"
"Oh yeah, babe...what's your favourite topping then"
"You"