Gardner's Gourmet Grill

by beanfics

The untold story of ME's greatest hero. He cooks a mean hanar stew. He held the (bathroom) line when nobody else would. His huevos con chili are even better than Vega's. The best MSG since monosodium glutamate. Rupert Gardner himself. (non-serious af) MSG ISN'T EVEN AN OPTION TO ADD AS A CHARACTER WHAT IS THIS HERESY

Gardner's Gourmet Grill

Entree - Prologue Pie
Ingredients: 1 handsome handyman (baked, not fried), a lack of personal hygiene, approx. 2 heaped tablespoons of MSG.

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This is the tale of humanity's greatest hero. He was a man of action – highly respected (and sometimes feared) by his companions on the Normandy. He stood proudly against the might of the Collectors, Reapers, and Geth, survived the deadliest suicide mission in history, and even while flying under Cerberus colors, he was a true icon, an inspiration to us all. When the galaxy dropped a big, runny, stinky shit, he was the one who cleaned it up – looking damn fine while doing it, too.

I am speaking, of course, of the illustrious Mess Sgt. (2nd Class) Rupert J Gardner – a cook, a janitor, and a true gentleman.

We all know where the old Normandy crew ended up after the fight against the collectors. Ken and Gabby were imprisoned and subsequently released, Kelly Chambers was busy being pansexual before it was cool, but still had time to keep Shep's fish safe. Joker, Garrus, and all the rest… well, you get the picture. But what happened to Gardner? The elegant, well spoken culinary genius? That, my friends, is a long story – we, however, have all the time in the galaxy.

So, sit back, relax and tuck into a bit of Asari- I mean, Calamari Gumbo. Hand-washing is optional.

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This is just an appetizer - stay hungry!