Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing, Alexander Anderson... or the Vatican... hahaha

AN: This is a fic dedicated to Amber01 -one of the best horror writers I've ever known!

A Reverent Crush

Alexander Anderson paced the front of bed endlessly. Up and down. Up and down.

'Making a tactical retreat? Has the Organization turned into a bunch of snivelling cowards? ' he thought angrily, 'How could they order me to retreat when South America is so overrun by those impure filth! How can they make us wait while those protestant garbage is soiling the world in their attempt to regain peace!'. His footsteps instantly became heavier. Up and down. Up and down. It was like he was falling into a deep pit of dismay, and his own treacherous thoughts only succeeded in burying him with whatever was left of his pride.

"Reverend Father Anderson, please do me favour?" a young voice sounded outside his door.

The Priest stopped for a moment, debating on answering the door or just ignoring the voice. He knew he could never successfully carry through the second option, so he relinquished himself to answering the door. He was still the caretaker of all his charges, he could never turn his back on them. As he opened the door he had expected to be confronted by one of the younger Seminarian Brothers, but he was taken aback.

One of his favourite senior students, and recent friend, stood outside with a smug smirk, "Thank you. That was it!" she said.

Anderson frowned in confusion, "I'm sorry?" he asked. The young girl tilted her head a bit, raising her eyebrow in amusement, "Reverend Father, you were pacing" she said and managed to succeed in controlling the smile that was twitching at the edge of her soft pink lips. She was not in her usual black Sunday formal dressing robe. Instead she was dressed, as any normal teenager. She was clad in blue bootleg jeans, a beige lace-detail tank top with a pair of golden sandals. 'She must have the day off', he thought. Even her sandy hair was tied into a looser ponytail. For the first time he noticed, her usual formal black attire was not her colour.

"Are you going somewhere?" he asked, trying his best to look uninterested, but failing. Amber grinned, "I have a date with a vampire" she said sarcastically. Anderson, definitely not picking up on her sarcasm, instantly grew livid, "WHAT?" he –bordering on screaming- said. Amber laughed and patted him on the shoulder playfully, "I was kidding!" she said, loving his dazed expression.

Her sandy hair bounced as she snuck in a breath before looking him straight in the eye, "Reverend Father, would you like to come with me? I'm going for a late lunch… would you like to…?" she asked, her eyes dropping to the right the more she spoke. A blush was evident on her cheeks, but she didn't try to hide it. When he finally got over the shellshock of her….lack of dating a vampire? .. his attention was drawn more to her voice than her words' contents. He could tell she was worried about him, by the tone of her voice. Perhaps they were working together too long. He brushed the thoughts away. "Excuse me?" he finally said, as his thoughts drawn back to the present.

Amber just shook her head, smiling again. She decided against asking him again. She was more content to get him back to normal than anything else… For once she felt bitterness rising up at the thought. Always saving others at the expense of herself. When did a saviour's work ever end? Amber knew where his attention was, and she knew she couldn't expect anything else. Anything else and... this man in front of her... wouldn't be the man whom she loved.

The Paladin thought of asking the girl again what she had said, but he was rather sure of what he had heard. And what he heard is surely not what he wanted for her. He didn't want to lead her into thinking of possibilities of impossibilities. It was only after a few moments that it struck Anderson how strange it was that she had known what he was doing before…. The room was sealed. Carpeted floors and stone tiling underneath. Surely she wouldn't be able to hear him? How could she have known that he was pacing?

She must've known what he was thinking, since her next statement was spot-on, a perfect guess as to the answer to the pressing question residing somewhere in his thoughts. "You always pace when you're worried. You always do… Is there something bothering you, Reverend? Can I help?" Amber asked sincerely, trying not to sound too nosy.

Instantly Anderson's pride retaliated, "No, thank you, Amber… now, I trust that Iscariot has better assignments to which you should serve your loyalty" he said with such righteous diplomacy, it could make Maxwell shrivel up. He motioned for her to give him space so he could close the door and hopefully returned unperturbed to his paci- ...er... planning….

Everyone knew Amber could read the Paladin like a book and it showed every time they spoke. This was partly, because she was an amazingly observant and detail-orientated student, and partly because of her crush on him. The older priest even felt slightly flattered to have –by some unknown means- acquired her reverent notice. Amber never spoke of her feelings nor pushed the subject. It was only after Enrico had spoken to him about her during one of their casual meetings that Alexander had learnt of this development. Anderson thought it was sweet, but it was still just a normal teen-phase. She would eventually out-grow it and find a man deserving... well, that was what happens in most cases like this. But, for once he knew for sure that she would. Amber was attractive, sweet, charming and held such conviction to her independence... He shook his head to rid himself of his wandering thoughts.

The young girl eyed him for a moment before shrugging, "By definition, Iscariot is run by its faithful servants. The servants of God. If all of Iscariot's faithful followers were disposed of, there would be none left to do the work of God. So… my loyalty does not only lie with the Iscariot Organization, but with you as well... Alexander" Amber reasoned coolly.

Alexander looked down to the girl in front of him. For a girl, more than a good six inches shorter than him, she certainly held a commanding presence. He instantly felt childish over his actions, but also still couldn't help but feel a tinge competitiveness rising up in him. His emerald-coloured eyes met her own dark brown orbs, "You're speaking from no knowledge, child" he said challengingly.

The girl smiled. Oh, that smile. Every morning, for the past two years, had he seen that smile greeting him. Anderson wasn't sure how any human being could carry such an innocent expression in this vile world. How could its macabre silt not have woven into her demeanour like it had the rest of the Iscariot Brotherhood? He prayed every night though that it would still stay that way for long years to come. "Probably… " she said airily, waving her hand jokingly, "I'm not in the same situation as you". Her answer almost seemed too dismissive, as if she had been expecting it. But he wasn't going to dwell on this any longer.

Being somewhat satisfied, Anderson started closing his door. "But-," she paused, softly grabbed the door from his hold. It startled him how easily she could stop him, how easily her small hand could hold still a door being closed by someone whose strong hands could easily rip ghouls apart. "…patience is not something you learn by waiting in line with rush hour. You learn it by biding your time… you learn it when you're broken, with nothing to lose. You'll wait in the dark... alone… and you wait for the perfect time to strike" she finished.

The thought jarred his thought process with its stinging truth. He told her that she was a child. No child... no naive young girl knows wisdom like this... He instantly regretted what he had said before. Amber released her hold on the door. The Paladin wasn't sure how much force he was using to keep the door open, since, once she let go, it slammed shut with a startling bang. Unfortunately it pulled him forwards and he hit himself against the door on the nose. 'Oh perfect, another bruise' he thought miserably before gingerly opening the door –being very conscious of his, now throbbing, nose. He was was intending to apologize. He looked around. The long marble hallway was empty.

Wait, where'd she go?

A week later, and he still had not seen her again.

A month.

A year.

He wasn't sure if he would ever be able to tell her, but he knew that his original answer to her question would be different if he had the chance. Girls find themselves in love with a crush. A mere mirage of real love... But, women do not. A woman can choose. Amber was still a girl at the time. There was plenty of time for her to find someone else...

Maxwell said that Amber's 'official resignation letter' told him that she felt that she needed to get away. She felt like she had stagnated, and now needed to move on. The Iscariot Organization had agreed to null her contract. Alexander knew what she had really meant by that. She wasn't talking about her job at Iscariot... no...

But, it didn't change the fact that was true. Amber had left.

She wasn't coming back...

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