Mysterion Begins

It was a great night with me and the other boys in the town of South Park. Stan's Mom was having KFC for dinner and he asked us all if we would like to have some. For me it was like a new religious holiday. It was very rare that I get to taste the brilliant batter of 11 Herbs and Spices that only Colonel Sanders could provide. Why am I making a big deal about this? Well see, my family is poor. My father was a drinker, not a fiend though. However it's gotten so bad that he couldn't hold down a job. My mother washes dishes at the Olive Garden, it's not much, but it keeps us in a house. Funny story about that, our home used to be my father's old clubhouse, he and Kyle's dad used to be friends and built it. Anyway, because of my circumstances, we couldn't afford anything short of waffles, water and poptarts. So anything else I would have to ask my friends for. I got no problem asking, and they have no problem giving. Well almost all of them. One person that I hate the most: Eric Cartman. The fat fuck, he takes and takes and never gives back in return. Yet we still hang out with him, what the fuck? Cartman has done so much bad things that hell was afraid he may take over. Trust me, I've been there. But enough about that, on to the KFC. We were sitting at the kitchen table, waiting. Stan's mom just went to the grocery store, she was gonna pick up some Colonel on the way home. Everyone's patience was wearing thin and Stan was tapping his fingers out of boredom. "Dude where is she?" he said. Kyle on the otherhand was overjoyed. "God this is gonna be so yummy!" He said. I had nothing to say, but Cartman, he was the most agitated. Like a crack addict that was days without his fix."Stan, you said your mom was bringing Kentucky Fried Chicken home for dinner! Now is she or isn't she?!" He shouts in desperation. That bastard, all he had to say to his own mother is "But meeem, I want some colonel." and she is putty in his hands. Hell even I am not that desperate. The door opens and Sharon comes in. She has a small bag of groceries in one hand and in her other arm, is a bucket. There must be 10 to 12 pieces in there, I could taste it now. "Hi boys." She said getting our attention. "Mom!" "She's Here!" "She's got colonel!" They shout as we surround her like puppies begging for treats. She places the bucket on the table and before we even get a chance to open it, she says the words that will stop any kids in their tracks, whether they like it or nor: "Uh Uh Uh, not so fast, you boys can help bring in the other groceries, then you can have your chicken." To which we all respond "Aww." "But mom, we been waiting for hours." Stan said. He must have wanted that chicken badly to pull a Cartman, I don't blame him. "It won't take a minute." She said assuredly. To my surprise Cartman actually agreed. "Come on guys. If we all help out, we can do it super fast." He said. I was shocked, was this him or did the visitors abduct him again. We all agreed and went out into the garage. I waited hours for the sweet taste of Colonel, I could wait a few more minutes. To my suspicion Cartman was the last to go to the door. In fact he didn't follow us at all. We got the rest of the groceries, and set them on the ground near the counter. "This is everything mom." Stan said. While Kyle said "Let's eat Colonel." When we went to the table to my surprise, Cartman was already sitting down. We all sit down with him and that's when it happend. It took a moment for it to sync in for all of us, but it was Stan who said it first. "Cartman, you ate the skin off of every piece of, CHICKEN!" Cartman acted offended at that. "Well I saved you all the chicken part!" he shouted back. "The skin...is the best part." Kyle retorted But Cartman was already at the door. "Well I gotta go home guys." He said. "I'm gonna sit on the toilet and read comc books, see you at the bus stop tommorow." And like that he was gone, leaving us all with skinless chicken. We were all considerably upset and by that time, Sharon was already in the living room watching TV with Stan's dad Randy. The TV was loud enough that they wouldn't here the cry of anguish that I would soon bellow out. The others were understandibly too shocked to even comfort me. As they were also denied the sweet taste that was Kentucky Fried Chicken.

It was no doubt we still ate the chicken, the pieces they didn't eat they gave to me. It was not to bad, but without the skin it was no different than any chicken. We had to smother it n gravy just to get the 11 herbs and spices taste back into it. While they were over it save the anger that a certain fat fuck gave them, I couldn't let it go. Time and again, Cartman has hurt one or all of us, making fun of Stan for his crush on Wendy Testaburger, ripping on Kyle because he was Jewish, and even making fun of me because of my status as the poor kid. Even the deaths I have experienced in my time, were nothing compared to that. However I have taken it with a grain of salt, but this time; oh boy did he push the wrong buttons. What my friends don't know for their own protection and what Cartman doesn't know, was that I anticipated the day that he would go to far. That night I went home, much like many excursions I saved what I didn't eat and gave it to Karen. Poor kid, why was she born into this family? Don't get me wrong I love my family very much, but someone as innocent as her should never have to suffer this lifestyle. While everyone was asleep, I went into my room and looked in my bottom drawer. Under my clothing was a jar full of money I have been saving for 2 years. Mostly in coins, food stamps, unexpired coupons and the occasional dollar bill. Most of it was leftover profits when we became managers for Wing as well as other get rich quick schemes. Others were from returning all of my dad's empties. While the Coupons were left over from stuff we didn't need such as free logos for clothing and guest passes to the local gym. I wanted to do something so special with it, that not only would it help me grant my revenge, but also help this town, but to do this would take time. One of the things I wanted to be was a superhero, fighting crime and making peace for my town. I could also use it for revenge. I put the jar back in the drawer and go to sleep dreaming my revenge:

It was a stormy night in the Cartman house, Liane wasn't at home as she was at her second job. It was perfect since Cartman would be all alone. That was the way I liked it. Cartman was in the living room watching Terrence and Phillip. He was of course either laughing his ass off, or arguing with his cat over food. The money I had left over from my perperation I used to buy something very special for him. I rang the door bell. Like the idiot he shouted "MEEEEM ANSWER THE DOOR! Oh wait she's at work.' He goes to answer it like planned but I was already left by the time he answered. I went into the window carrying a bag in with me. He goes back to the living room and watches TV more. It wasn't long until he could smell it. "Colonel?" He said. Cartman goes to the kitchen to search for it. Little did he know I was waiting for him, I knock him out from behind. When he comes to, Cartman finds himself sitting on a chair. There was nothing restraining him, but the rope around his arm. There was a bucket of KFC on a small table a few feet a way. Cartman was at first excited but he notices the rope. "I wouldn't move if I were you." I growled. hiding in the darkness. "Who's there?" He asks. "Why can't I move? GODDAMMIT I WANT COLONEL!" "Evem if it costs your life?" I say back. I enter the room. I was wearing purple clothes, with a Dark purple hooded cloak covering my face. Only my mouth, the green question mark on my head and the green M, were visible in the otherwise dark clothing. "Cartman, you were always a selfish asshole." I say "No matter how many times we try to be friends you always try to hurt those around you. Even Justifying yourself, well no more." "Oh very funny Kyle, you just sold yourself out." He said. "When my mom comes home I am gonna tell her what you did you heartless Jew." I laugh while still keeping my voice altered. "That's another problem." I said. "You think that Kyle is the only one that would go against you, that you are too 'Awesome' and 'Cool' When in reality you are a fat, insensitive racist sociopath, who cares about no one, but yourself. You know most of the reason why most of the school hates us is because we hang with you." "So what are you gonna do buttfucker! Talk me to death!?" He taunted. I laugh some more. "No I want you to have some colonel." I say. "Seriously? But I am tied up." He said. To which I reply "I only tied up your foot fatass, you coulda walked up and gotten it yourself." Cartman does just that and opens the bucket, to his surprise there is no skin on the chicken. "You asshole, you ate the skin off of every piece of chicken!?" He shouted I smile and say. "Not every piece" I hold up the last piece of skin. Cartman angrily lunges at me but misses and I give the piece to Mister Kitty. Desperate, Cartman chases him pulling the rope attached to his foot. A beeping sound is heard surprising him. he looks and sees that the rope was attached to a 30 second time bomb. I decide to leave, but Cartman grabs me. "Oh no asshole I am taking you with me!" He shouts. I don't even show fear. "Well." I said. "I guess you have a right to know your killer." I take my mask off and show my face. "Keeeny!?" He shouts in surprise. To which I boldly reply. "I am Mysterion!" The bomb goes off blowing us both up.

I wake up the next morning, if revenge is gonna be as sweet as I dreamed about, I must get ready. I go to the bus stop where Stan and Kyle are waiting. They were just beginning to talk about that horrible night. "I can't believe that fat asshole!" Stan says. Kyle agitated says "You can't believe it? He does this shit all the time!" "Well this time he's gone to far!" Stan shouts. "Yeah fuck him!" I join in saying. "Why do we even hang out with him anyway?" Stan asks. Which agitates Kyle more and he says "Helloo!? I been saying this for years!" I don't blame Kyle for being upset, Cartman tried start the third reich again last year and he was almost a pawn in it. "We're not even nice to him." Stan continues. "I mean we rip on him all the time." "Yes." Kyle agreed. "But he thrives on that." It is true, no matter how much we make fun of him, or how much he get's what's coming to him, he'll always get worse. All the more reason why I think we should kill him. "All right." Stan said. Is he really thinking what I am thinking? "Then let's just ignore him. From now on, let's not talk to him, let's not even acknowledge him." While all I could think of inside was: Stan you are such a pussy, that is not gonna work. But all I could say was "Fuck yeah!" "That sounds great." Kyle says in agreement. And just in time too, because FatAss is coming to the bustop. We neither paid attention to what he said, nor did we cared. Even when Cartman was ripping on Kyle for asking Stan for milk money. We just ignored him as planned, but then he approached me. I think he said something about a girl that cut her titty off for 50 cents, but I didn't listen. The bus arrives and we all hop aboard, except Cartman, who looked confused to why we haven't acknowledged him. The days go by and it seemed that he has changed his ways, early on he tried apologizing and even gave us all fruit baskets. We weren't convinved, until on the news, we saw that he and Butters have stopped a hostage situation. Against my better judgment, Stan Kyle and some kids that were in on our plan decided to absolve him. He didn't take it well. It seems according to Butters, he thought that he was dead, and that the reason we couldn't "see" or "hear" him, was because he thought his spirit was invisible to us. He thought Butters was in on it too by claiming he was the only one that could see him and he vowed to get even. And he did. During a sting operation of our usual boys vs girls rivalry, we sent Butters undercover as a girl. To tie up loose ends, Cartman faked his death by dropping a pig off a tall building. This in turn caused so much grief on his parents. After the operation he went home. What we didn't know was they mistaken him for an undead monster and kept him locked up in a basement. When it turned out to be untrue he got grounded to top it off. Then I knew it was gonna happen again. Just a question of when? That question was answered when he was discriminating gingers. We got him though, we made him a ginger to teach him a lesson. However like the manipulative bastard that he was, he turned it around and rallied those misguided fools into trying to kill us all. Funny, we try to save them from discrimination and we nearly pay the price. That was strike 2. It was motivation enough to get me focused on revenge again. I was saving strike 3 for something really bad. In the mean time though I took the time to train. When I wasn't hanging out with them I used, the money and coupns to eat right and excercise at the gym. I made sure I ate outside of my house, so my family didn't bother me. I didn't want them to know what I was about to do. Then an opprutunity arose. The boys were going to a karate class. I couldn't go because I couldn't afford it, but I spied in the window and memorized their moves. I then copied them while I was at the gym. A lot of people were gone because they wanted to see the bleeding Mary statue. It took me 3 years, but I was fit enough to fight crime. I spent the rest buying materials for my costume, the one I dreamed about. There were delays due to our adventures, as well as my deaths, but I was finished. By that time Cartman had done many offensive and bad things, from Sock Bathing me, to mocking Wendy for her Breast Cancer awareness speech. But it wasn't enough for a strike 3, oh no. Besides, Wendy took care of that problem. Watching him get beat up by a girl was an experience not even my tit seeking drug trips can top. What was I waiting for though? Only my heart could tell me. A year has passed and my deaths have been decreasing in numbers lately. My recent one was just yesterday when I died of syphilis. I didn't mind, for at the time I was dating Tammy at the time and well, one thing lead to another. Sure it was painful, but it was worth it. The only problem was I can't brag about it, because no one remembers, my deaths let alone the events leading to them. Even I can't explain it, every time I die I wake up wearing the same old clothes and everyone acts like nothing happens. It didn't matter, because tonight I was ready. I put on my costume for the first time. It was a bit uncomfortable, but it's a given, since I made it myself. I patrolled the streets at night looking for my first crime. There was a scream so I followed it. The sound lead me to a park where a man was covered in scratches. I approached the man careful to hide my voice. "Are you ok sir?" I ask in a Batmanesque voice. To which he responded "Oh no not another one, please I have enough stinging scratches for one night from that punk kid." I was confused, what did he mean by another one? "Sir." I asy "I assure you, I mean you no harm. What did that punk looked like." He calmed down and said "He was a short fat kid dressed in a raccoon suit. I thought it was a squirrel, but it was definitely a raccoon. The little bastard ruined my date." I wrote down everything he said on my notebook before walking away. "Who are you?" The man asked. To which I replied "I am Mysterion." before running. I assume the cops might know about him so I go to the station. I noticed the window was open on the top floor so I climbed up to it. Carefully standing on the window fream while Sergeant Yates was sorting out shirts for evidence. These shirts have the words "Who is the Coon." Printed on them. The Coon? Could that be the perpatrator's name? They seemed uninterested in the shirts as they moved them to the evidence locker. One of the cops notices me and says "Yates, we got another one." Yates comes forward with his gun drawn. "Who are you and what do you want?" he asks. "There was a person in a raccoon costume that stopped by here, I want to know who he is." I said. Yates puts his gun in his holster and approaches me. "Oh that kid." He says. "He is going around the place playing superhero and making wild accusations. We told him to buzz of. Why are you interested?" To which I replied "He assaulted a man at a park. I want to stop him from doing more damage. Where is he?" He chuckled a bit and said "We don't know or care, if you want to kick his ass, knock yourself out. What's your name kid?" "Mysterion." I responded. He went to the evidence locker and came back with a big box. He placed it near the window. "Take this with you." He said. "I was gonna throw them out, but since you may just get him off my back, I think you'll need them." Curious, I open the bos. tere must have been dozens of fireworks of all calibres. I didn't know what to say. "Thank you." I said before leaving with the box. Later that night I went home and tried to sneak into the house while my costume was on. I got past my parents and Kevin fine. When I tried to sneak past my sister I heard a soft voice. "What are you doing in our house?" It said. I turned to look and it was Karen. I was caught, but she didn't recognize me. I kept my voice the way it was and said "It's ok Karen, you are not really awake, you are just dreaming, go back to bed." Karen's eyes widened. "How did you know my name?" I had to think of a lie. "Uh." I began. "I am your gurdian angel. I know all about you. Like how you get scared when your parents are fighting." She became less hesitant and stepped closer to me. "It's true." She said. "I am worried that they might hurt each other." I couldn't blame her for that, after all I worry about that too sometimes. They get drunk and do a lot of drugs. They even home grow Meth every now and then. "Karen, listen to me." I said. "No matter what they do with each other, they will never do to you, they love you, and will always love you no matter what. If you need someone to talk to, I'll be here." Karen smiled and went back to her room. "Thank you gurdian angel." She whispered before going back to bed. I went back to my room and stashed the fireworks before I went to bed.

The next day I was at the bus stop with Stan and Kyle. Cartman showed up in a surprisingly good mood. What was he up to this time. "Hey guys, Good morning." he said "You guys... hear that another rape victim got saved by a superhero last night?" I was stunned, what did he know about last night. While I looked as if I didn't care I was listening in as he continued talking."They say it was the Coon." The Coon, I wasn't sure if I heard it right, it has to be a coincidence. "Who is the Coon?" Stan asked. I knew I wasn't hearing things, that was the name I read off the shirt. The Racoon man that attacked the poor guy. Cartman enthusiastically responded. "I know, right? Who is the Coon? It's what everyone must be asking themselves. Somebody is dressing up at night and taking the law into their own hands. As for me, I certainly don't agree with the Coon's reckless ways. If you ask me, there's no room in this world for vigilantes. I believe the Coon is a menace." Why is he putting so much hype on The Coon. Unless, he is The Coon. There was only one way to find out. "Yeah, and dressing up and running around at night is faggy anyway." Kyle said. To which Cartman replied yelling. "You're a fag, Kyle! Fuck you!" To a surprised Kyle, which in turn surprised Stan as well. It didn't surprise me though, for I knew Cartman's ego wouldn't allow something like what Kyle said to go without retalliation. Even though a hero's persona is supposed to be a secret. "Dude what?" Kyle asks. To which Cartman says "He's not a fag!" "Why do you care?" Kyle retorts. Cartman realised then and there what he was risking and collected himself. " Oh. I uh... well I ah ah." He begins "I'm just... I'm just mad 'cause you should never use the term "fag," Kyle. That's a hate word. And it's insensitive to butt pirates." He then turns to us and asks "Anyway, what do you think about the Coon, Stan and Kenny? Do you think he's the savior this town needs or do you think he's a dangerous vigilante?" We don't bother to answer him. The Mysterion in me wants to say that the Coon is an egotistical, self centerd asshole that does more harm than good. "Kenny?" He asks again before we board the bus.

He never shuts up about the Coon. Even in class he won't stop talking about it. Not that anyone cares to pay attention. "And of course the most common question asked is, just who is he? [he's wearing a "Who is the Coon?" shirt] Is he a hero or a menace?" He asks"While we can all admit that the Coon is obviously really cool, we should also be asking each other... Why does he care so much for the people of this town? Why does he sacrifice himself every night to rid our streets of crime? And does he really have the right?' What we all need now-" At this point most of us were either not looking or playing with our stuff. Clyde on the other hand was asleep and Cartman noticed it. "Clyde?" He says. "Clyde, could you wake up please? This is important." Clyde wakes up not caring as Cartman continues. How long is he gonna go on like this? "What we all need now is PROOF... that the Coon exists." He says "I believe that tonight from approximately 5 to 5:45 the Coon is going to be on the roof of Walgreen's. I know I'll be there with my camera. And I'm sure... many of you will, too." Wallgreens? Perfect, if he is gonna be there then so will I. Eric Cartman, The Coon you just made Strike 3.

As I prepared to meet him that night I had plenty of time to do some work. I spotted some grafitti on the wall, and caught the usher harassing mexicans at a movie theater. It was now 5:43 and I hid on the roof of Wallgreens waiting for him. Like clockwork he came. Standing over the roof, presumably looking for potential fans. I decided to play it cool and approach the roof ledge standing only 4 feet beside him not paying attention. Just waiting for him to notice. He approaches me and asks "Who are you?." To which I reply. "Im an angel keeping watch over the city at night. As violence and darkness take over the streets, I work to rid this city of crime. I'm the symbol this town needs." It seemed egotistical but I knew it would set him off. He started to get irritated saying "Aw nonononono, I am the symbol this town needs! Dude, seriously, you can't do that! Go home! I was, I was doing this first!" I simply ignore him saying "Nuh Uh." "Ya huh." He yelled. "You heard of the Coon and now you're being a copycat. Is that your name? Copycat?" I decided then and there to tell him who I am. "I am Mysterion." I said. Unlike the others whom accepted it, his response was usual for Cartman. He says "Mysterion? That's fucking retarded! You just gave yourself away, Craig! Only you would think of a name that dumb!" Wow, he think's I'm Craig? He really is stupid. I decide to mess with him stating. "I might be Craig, and then again I might not be. My identity must remain a secret. You cannot know." To which he replies "Yeah? Well you cannot know my true identity either" That is where I decide to get him. "I assume you must be Cartman, because you're fat." I spat. To my surprise he didn't even respond in his usual "I'm not fat i'm big boned." way. He actually takes the time to think it. "Well you're wrong! I'm not Eric Cartman and he's not fat! Care to guess again?!" He says. "I don't care who you are." I say back. This only makes him more persistant. "Oh all right Kyle!" He said "Yeah, took me real long to figure it out! Only you, Kyle, would be a buzzkill, and try to steal my thunder! You don't care about stopping crime, you're just doing this... 'cause you hate me, Kyle!" I wanted to laugh then and there, but I just said. "Kyle hates Eric Cartman. Are you saying you're Eric Cartman?" This jist makes him madder he even reduces himsefl to his normal vocie. "No, I'm no- I" He says as he comes back to his fake voice. " I'm sayin' that... Goddammit Stan is that you? It is you, isn't it? Clyde? Clyde, you're not a superhero, I am!" I had enough fun so I say "I cannot stand here and make idle conversation any longer. The city needs my help. There are innocents to protect." Before jumping off the roof. I didn't hear what he said while I was falling, but I didn't care. I got him so riled up that he'll risk his own identity to find out who I am. A couple days later I am at my house, my phone rings and I answer it. "Hello?" I said. The person on the other end was Stan. "Hey Kenny." He said "Apparently this Coon guy is having a convention." I was not surprised. "Tell me your not gonna go to that thing are you?" I ask. To which he replies "No way dude, everyone knows it's just Cartman being an asshole again. Unlike that mystery guy." I was a little stunned from hearing that. I have only been active for a few nights. "Mystery guy?" I asked. "Ya." He said. "Apparently he was jumping off the roof of Walgreens. Some homeless guy saw him land in an alley." "It sounds fucking awesome." I say with fake enthusiasm. "Well later dude." Stan says before hanging up. I hang up to and smile. I only been active a few nights and word about Mysterion spreads fast. It was even on the news tonight. As I was headed to the police station I seen an artist rendering of me on one of the papers. It was all exagaratted, but it was me none the less. I do admit, whoever did it should work in comics more. I arrive at the window like last time, only this time I was greeted proper. "Mysterion thank God." Yates said. "What news do you have?" To which I responded. "There's some graffiti on the bridge again. I think those sixth grade kids are doing it. And the guy at the movie theater is harassing Mexicans again." Another officer wrote down what I said stating "We'll get right on it, Mysterion. Thank you. Thank you for all your , Mysterion!" I leave out the window. It was much easier for me this time becuase they built a fire escape. As I climbed down I ran into non other than The Coon. It seemed his convention didn't go to well for him last night. "Dude, seriously?" He said. "I'm gonna kick the shit out of you if you don't stop!" I just stand there and say. "This city needs my help. It cries for protection and I will-" "Answer the call to save her." He cut me off. I was impressed, I didn't think he knew that one. "That's what I'm supposed to say! I know it's you, Kyle. Just stop!" He shouts. "I don't have time for this." I said as I reached into my pocket. I pulled out a lighter and some squibs. I light the fuse and throw it at him, the explosion distracting him as I run off. It wasn't bullshit, I did need to go home. I decided to stay in costume and check on Karen. So far she is sleeping peacefully. I tuck her in and go to my room so I could get changed for school tomorrow.

At school the next day someone is handing out pictures of me. I wasn't worried, I only change at home so no one could catch me doing that in an alley like most. I took one and stored it in my locker just as Cartman showed up. He was pissed. "So, guys! Any of you do anything interesting last night?!" He asked. "Not really." Stan said. Cartman turned to him suspiciously and said ."Really?! Nobody was playing with any fireworks?!" Grabbing his hand to try to sniff the after burn he'd thought he'd find. Stan was justifibly shocked. "Dude what the hell!?" He then noticed the picture in my locker. "Aha!" he shouted. "Keeenny! I should have known. Why do you have a picture of Mysterion hy do you have a picture of Mysterion in your locker, Kenny?! Unless you are Mysterion!" I was sorta boned there, because he was that close. That is until Stan said. "Dude, I have a picture of Mysterion in my locker too." While opening his locker. "Ya so do I." Clyde said. Cartman was surprised that at least three people were fans of Mysterion. "What!? WHY!?" He asked, to which Clyde replied "I don't know, it's just a cool costume." Cartman approached the picture angrily pointing while saying. "It's not a cool costume! He just wears his underwear over his buttfucking pants! Now, come on, which one of you guys is it?!" I wanted to mess with him some more but Wendy convienantly passed by asking. "How are you so sure Mysterion is a boy?" This further confused and angered Cartman. "Fuckin' bitch" He said under his breath.

That night I decided to pay Kyle a visit, not as Kenny Mccormick, but as Mysterion. I snuck into his room while he was sitting at his desk. He didn't see or hear me come in. I stood on his bed crouched down and made my prescence known. "Hello Kyle." I said. He jumped, startled at seeing me. "Do not be afraid." I said. "I mean you no harm." Kyle regained his startled senses and said. "Hey you're that Mysterion kid." "Yes." I replied. "But now I believe someone is trying to learn my true identity." Kyle did not seem surprised at all. He said. "Dude, everyone's trying to figure out who you are." I turned away mostly to hide the shock I was feeling. "I cannot be unmasked..." I say" ... for then I would stop being a symbol. I need help. Somebody who can do background checks for me, do some investigating." To which he replied. "Who? Me? Why?" I looked over my shoulder showing an honest look in my eye. "Because I think, you are the smartest kid in class." A smile came over Kyle's face and he sat back down on his desk. "What do you want me to do?" He asks. Before I could answer a news report comes on the TV:

The clock is ticking and the citizens of South Park are gripped in fear. Two days ago an evil unknown terrorist threatened major consequences if Mysterion does not reveal his identity.

Professor Chaos then appeared on TV. "Mark my words, South Park!" He began. "Your precious hero is now, uh, your undoing! If Mysterion does not unmask himself publicly by Wednesday night, I am going to blow up... a hospital. Blow up a hospital? I'm not gonna blow up any hospital. Are you nuts? What? Uh, the choice is yours, Mysterion! Unmask yourself or hundreds will die! Hahaha. Jesus Christ." I turned off the TV "Something doesn't seem right." I say. To which Kyle agreed saying "Ya, Butters is pretty fucked with his Professor Chaos act, but he would never stoop that low. We gotta do something." "What shall we do?" I asked. Kyle did some thinking. "Say..." He said. "Do you have a spare costume around?" I was puzzled. Why would he need one?

Later that night I was out of my costume and in my usual clothes. I watched from the darkness while "Mysterion." Did battle with battle with Chaos. Then the Coon was "Helping." By hitting Butters despite the fact he was already defeated. I couldn't over hear what he said to "Mysterion" But I knew where this was going. "Mysterion" held a press conference where he unmasked himself to reveal Kyle. It was a very stupid move on my opinion as the police had no choice, but to arrest him. I could see Cartman riding away on his bigwheeld, decked out in Coon decor. But he wasn't gonna get away with this. I suited up and dropped down in front of him. "You!" He shouted. "It can't be, you went to jail." "It's over Coon." I say. "The cops have been alerted to your frame up operation." The Coon laughed. "Frame up?" He said. "You need proof asshole." I grinned and took out a tape recorder. And pressed play. It sounded like 3 people talking to each other. One was Chaos, the other was General Dissaray and the other was the Coon:

"Hey Coon w-we aren't actually gonna blo- blow up anything, are we?"

"If you don't make good on your threats, Chaos, then what good are your threats?"

"But you really wanna blow up a hospital? I mean, a-aren't you a good guy?"

"Sometimes blowing up hospitals is for the greater good, Chaos."

"You know, I've been thinking: if we're really evil villains, then we should betray him, and blow him up with the hospital."

"You know, you're a little scrotum-licker dude! Why don't you shut the fuck up?! Alright Chaos, I'm gonna get the triggers for these things at ACE Hardware. Keep an eye on this stuff!"

The cops surround the Big Wheel and Yates arrives to arrest, The Coon. Yates comes out and slaps the cuffs on him. "NOOO GODDAMMIT!" Coon Shouts. "I'M THE HERO, HE IS THE WANNABE! AYE!"

About an hour later I am in the station with Yates. "He'll spend a few weeks in Juvie for his stunt." He says. I smile a little knowing justice had been served. But there were a few loose ends. "What about Kyle?" I ask. To which Yates replied. "Well he still has to do some time, but it's reduced to a day for his part of the sting. You can visit him if you like. Is there anything else you want?" I looked around and noticed the bucket of Colonel forming a devilish smile.

An hour goes by and Kyle is in the jail cell. The guard just left and the lights were off. I just arrived. "Why did you do that Kyle?" I asked. To which he replied. "Well you did ask for my help." I retorted "I didn't mean you should dress up and pretend to be me to take the fall!" Kyle sighed and said. "Ah, it's alright I'll be out in a few days." I was just about to leave when he said. "Wait, wait. I'm sorry, but I can't take it anymore, I really want to know who you are." I turned around and said. "I guess I owe you that much.' I lifted up my hood to show him my true face. This caused him to step back in shock. "I...I don't believe it." He says. To which I reply. "Now you know." I toss him something that he caught. He looked to see what it is, and it was a piece of KFC chicken with skin on it. I continued to walk further down adjusting my mask again. I reached Cartman's cell. His coon outfit had been snatched away in favor of his old Juvie clothes. He was not to happy to see me. "I just want you to know there are no hard feelings between us anymore." I say as I hand him the bucket of colonel before walking off. I walk and walk and when I go far enough I count down the seconds it takes him to realise the last of the chicken had no skin. I smile as I leave the prison cell block hearing his anguished scream, while I make my way home.

I sneak into the window of my parents this time. It was the perfect time, because they had gotten drunk and high. They looked in my direction screaming at first in fear. "What are you?" My dad said.. I stand there and say. "There is gonna be a few changes around here. If you do not wish to see me again, you shall stop hurting yourselves or your kids, and stop getting drunk and high all the time." I walk to their door. Before I open it I say. "Oh and you have to increase your kid's allowences." I leave there room and try to sneak once more, but I hear the sound of Karen crying. I go to her room and find her awake. "What's wrong Karen?" I ask. She tuned to me and said. "Oh, it's you again. Kenny's been gone all night I am real worried about him. I can't find him anywhere." While I remained serious I chuckled a bit on the inside. "It's ok." I said. "I'll go find him." I get out of her room and into mine where I change back to my casual clothes. I then walk into Karen's room. "Karen." I said. "Something weird just happend, I ran into some weird guy with a hood." Karen smiled knowing who I meant. "My gurdian angel." She said. "I knew he'd find you." she then rushed over and hugged me. I secretly smiled while I hugged her back.

The next day I was at school when I seen Kyle talking to Stan. When I came up to them they looked at me funny. I knew then and there Kyle told Stan about me. I didn't mind though, they're best friends they can't keep secrets from each other. Everyone else was in class so the hallways were all to ourselves. "Listen Kenny." Stan said. "I don't know what your goal is with this superhero business is, but we want in." I chuckled a bit from it Asking "Are you sure? It's pretty dangerous." They nodded. "Ok." I said. "But get your own damn costumes. I can't afford to lose another in the evidence locker."

Weeks went by and the three of us went around looking for crimes to report. Sooner or later The Coon got out of Juvie and sought us out. "I'm sorry guys." He said. "I want to join your team." We didn't buy it though. "What makes us think you won't fuck us over? Fatass." Kyle says. At first it seemed The Coon was going to retort, instead he said. "We can use my basment, it's bigger." Of course Stan and Kyle signed on right a way. I came along too against my better judgement. Sooner or later, Clyde, Token, Timmy, and Bradley Biggle joined our group and Coon and Friends was born. Why we couldn't call ourselves the Extreme Avengers League, because Fatass owns the basement. That Colonel bait explosive is looking pretty tempting now.